Kappa Catches a Fish
One of the "Big Three" of famous Yokai (oni and tengu are the other two), the kappa is easily more prevalent and popular in Japan than Bigfoot is in America. Seriously. Here, let me put it in perspective:
In America, "Danger! No Swimming" signs show a little sillhouette of somebody drowning.
In Japan, "Danger! No Swimming" signs show a kappa devouring a child's butt.
See what I mean?
Kappas are kind of an odd mixture of turtle, monkey, and man. They are aquatic, and quite mischievous - some are nice, some are tricky, but many are mean, desiring nothing less than some human rump roast. You know, I think there's something else I have to explain here.
Kappas eat meat from the human anus. They like big butts and cannot lie.
Wow.
*ahem* ANYWAY, kappas also love cucumbers - in fact, you can sometimes get one to stop chasing your ass by feeding him a cucumber! (And yes, this is the reason why cucumber rolls are called kappamaki. Wow.) Of course, there are other ways to deal with marauding kappas if you lack a cucumber. You can also bow to one - you see, every kappa has a little indentation on top of its head that can hold water. If th water spills, it becomes powerless, so a pretty common tactic is to bow to a kappa. If he returns the gesture, he just might spill his water! And then he'll really be embarrassed. I mean, that's like getting Superman to eat kryptonite because "I double dog dare you!" And the other way to escape a kappa is to fart really hard in his face. Really, really hard. So hard that, according to traditional artwork, the very force of your flatulence blows him away.
You know, I totally didn't intend this to become so scatological. It's just that Japan is Japan. But anyway, another way to escape a kappa is to tear off its arms, and make it apologize to you before returning them. I guess it has to apologize for being armless, or something. But a properly disarmed (ha ha) kappa will then repay you, either by feeding you fish every day (but fish don't have butts!), or teaching you some of its vast medicinal lore. So that's how proctologists earn their degrees.
Kappa Catches a Fish
One of the "Big Three" of famous Yokai (oni and tengu are the other two), the kappa is easily more prevalent and popular in Japan than Bigfoot is in America. Seriously. Here, let me put it in perspective:
In America, "Danger! No Swimming" signs show a little sillhouette of somebody drowning.
In Japan, "Danger! No Swimming" signs show a kappa devouring a child's butt.
See what I mean?
Kappas are kind of an odd mixture of turtle, monkey, and man. They are aquatic, and quite mischievous - some are nice, some are tricky, but many are mean, desiring nothing less than some human rump roast. You know, I think there's something else I have to explain here.
Kappas eat meat from the human anus. They like big butts and cannot lie.
Wow.
*ahem* ANYWAY, kappas also love cucumbers - in fact, you can sometimes get one to stop chasing your ass by feeding him a cucumber! (And yes, this is the reason why cucumber rolls are called kappamaki. Wow.) Of course, there are other ways to deal with marauding kappas if you lack a cucumber. You can also bow to one - you see, every kappa has a little indentation on top of its head that can hold water. If th water spills, it becomes powerless, so a pretty common tactic is to bow to a kappa. If he returns the gesture, he just might spill his water! And then he'll really be embarrassed. I mean, that's like getting Superman to eat kryptonite because "I double dog dare you!" And the other way to escape a kappa is to fart really hard in his face. Really, really hard. So hard that, according to traditional artwork, the very force of your flatulence blows him away.
You know, I totally didn't intend this to become so scatological. It's just that Japan is Japan. But anyway, another way to escape a kappa is to tear off its arms, and make it apologize to you before returning them. I guess it has to apologize for being armless, or something. But a properly disarmed (ha ha) kappa will then repay you, either by feeding you fish every day (but fish don't have butts!), or teaching you some of its vast medicinal lore. So that's how proctologists earn their degrees.