New Collegiate Bowl Championship Announced

By Ross Smith

Liberty Daily Staff Writer

January 1, 2005

 

In the myriad of bowl games featuring college football teams on television,

the University is going to host yet another bowl, debuting next year. The

700 Club(TM) Toilet Bowl will feature the two teams that ranked last among

Division I-A college football teams.

 

"It will be exciting to see which team does the worst," snickered Howard

Johnson, a NCAA official, "And what better play to see the showdown than in

Lynchburg, Virginia."

 

Most Bowl games and championships have sponsors, but Pat Robertson's "700

Club" may not seem like the obvious choice. "However, this is not about

football, or who wins," remarked Pat Robertson, "But rather, how much we

believe in God." Robertson notes that 50% of proceeds from the game and

advertising will go into his pocket or be funnelled to support Republicans

and Marxists.

 

And what happens with the team who wins the game? "Absolutely nothing,"

noted Johnson, "But the team that loses gets a miniature silver toilet with

their team's name and coach engraved on the rim of the toilet seat." The

silver toilet will feature Waterford crystal gems in the bowl, as well.

 

However, some people feel that there are too many Bowl games already.

"There's the Rose Bowl, the Cotton Bowl, the Orange Bowl, the Aloha Bowl,

the Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl, and the Levitra Erectile Dysfunction

Bowl. I don't think we need any more bowls," stated Kay Opectate, a senior.

Other students disagreed. "I think this would be fine and prime way to show

off the town of Lynchburg to the world," said Metam Ucil, an exchange

student from India, "I wish the town in India I came from had running water

and real buildings like this!"

 

However, Rev. Jerry hopes more than anything, this will put his University

on the football map, "I hope we get a change to win the first Silver Toilet!

Go Flames!" exclaimed the Reverend.

Done