A winner is a dreamer who never gives up Nelson Mandela
Sometimes I have those moments when i stop dreaming & life becomes so empty . . . life becomes stagnant . . . and then it starts again . . . & . . . I stumble over something again & it starts over . . . when you dream & try it never stops . . . it never stops regardless of age . . . Walt Whitman, Allen Ginsberg, Nelson Mandela . . . do you feel sometimes those men have no age . . . well, that’s because they never stopped dreaming . . .
When i look back today at June of 2000 & in this chaos ask myself would I want it to be that year. Don’t know . . . Something that really became memorable was the performance at the graduation in Brooklyn College when I was plotting to wear a red dress when everyone else was in black / white ... in the end my outfit was black&white but was so inappropriate that my poor show chorus teacher had to take off white curtain and have me perform in that. To be honest I was very happy that my red dress idea failed because it would just break her heart. After that day never again probably till 8 years ago I went back to that kind of style. My style became so conservative that mom had to force to get into dresses again. I love that style on me now in photos. I look at it & think it’s cute. Back then I always wished to have that “Russian girl” look (long skinny legs, straight perfect hair, certain facial characteristics, certain personality) and I could never be that. I always felt as a young teenager I could never be pretty enough for Russian boys in my community. Strange thoughts for guys who were never really my type. Silly things that go through our young heads. And beneath that not so conservative look what people probably would never guess about I’m from very conservative family (especially grandma) and before July of 2000 was not even allowed to hang out with friends after 9:30pm. I spent most of my days as a teenager till senior year in high school at home reading. My mom had to beg my friend to drag me out of the house. Growing up never had any desire to do anything but read. Everything else bored me. Because I rarely separated from my books (even when we did family trips to the park on LI) my mom always called me difficult & eccentric. My extensive knowledge of English & Russian literature goes back to teenage years ... except Walt Whitman & Beat Generation, that something that really hit me in my twenties.
Everything i did as a teenager or young adult is nothing (and I did many things) comparing to messing up in school . . . It started slowly in High School & then continued to almost being kicked out of college after sophomore year. Some of my professors were shocked that at the end of the college career I got scores higher than 4.0 students & could solve patient problems no one else could. My mom keeps saying to this day how someone like that could end being a college drop out. Advice I would give any teenager . . . Whatever happens in life goes except education. Education stays ! This year was not easy (with its ups & downs), but I managed to end it with four A’s. And this like nothing else shows I got out of my “teenage” stage & moved on past my own flaws.
Now I can log off 💛
A winner is a dreamer who never gives up Nelson Mandela
Sometimes I have those moments when i stop dreaming & life becomes so empty . . . life becomes stagnant . . . and then it starts again . . . & . . . I stumble over something again & it starts over . . . when you dream & try it never stops . . . it never stops regardless of age . . . Walt Whitman, Allen Ginsberg, Nelson Mandela . . . do you feel sometimes those men have no age . . . well, that’s because they never stopped dreaming . . .
When i look back today at June of 2000 & in this chaos ask myself would I want it to be that year. Don’t know . . . Something that really became memorable was the performance at the graduation in Brooklyn College when I was plotting to wear a red dress when everyone else was in black / white ... in the end my outfit was black&white but was so inappropriate that my poor show chorus teacher had to take off white curtain and have me perform in that. To be honest I was very happy that my red dress idea failed because it would just break her heart. After that day never again probably till 8 years ago I went back to that kind of style. My style became so conservative that mom had to force to get into dresses again. I love that style on me now in photos. I look at it & think it’s cute. Back then I always wished to have that “Russian girl” look (long skinny legs, straight perfect hair, certain facial characteristics, certain personality) and I could never be that. I always felt as a young teenager I could never be pretty enough for Russian boys in my community. Strange thoughts for guys who were never really my type. Silly things that go through our young heads. And beneath that not so conservative look what people probably would never guess about I’m from very conservative family (especially grandma) and before July of 2000 was not even allowed to hang out with friends after 9:30pm. I spent most of my days as a teenager till senior year in high school at home reading. My mom had to beg my friend to drag me out of the house. Growing up never had any desire to do anything but read. Everything else bored me. Because I rarely separated from my books (even when we did family trips to the park on LI) my mom always called me difficult & eccentric. My extensive knowledge of English & Russian literature goes back to teenage years ... except Walt Whitman & Beat Generation, that something that really hit me in my twenties.
Everything i did as a teenager or young adult is nothing (and I did many things) comparing to messing up in school . . . It started slowly in High School & then continued to almost being kicked out of college after sophomore year. Some of my professors were shocked that at the end of the college career I got scores higher than 4.0 students & could solve patient problems no one else could. My mom keeps saying to this day how someone like that could end being a college drop out. Advice I would give any teenager . . . Whatever happens in life goes except education. Education stays ! This year was not easy (with its ups & downs), but I managed to end it with four A’s. And this like nothing else shows I got out of my “teenage” stage & moved on past my own flaws.
Now I can log off 💛