151/365. back for good.

So i was thinking and i guess i figured it out. i wasn’t sure if my friend’s words were from God. something i didn’t know. but i asked Him and i got to talk with someone – with not knowing at all, that she’s been through the similar thing few days ago. wow, God knows whom to put my way to talk to, it always amazes me.

and so, i am not going to change anything. about myself, about my pictures. i will not share it on facebook anymore so that friends wouldn’t have to worry about me. but I will not change the only thing that reminds me I am alive and remember what’s important at times. He is. and I am not shying away from it. photography is the only thing that allows me to be absolutely honest with my feelings, with myself alone. and I know if I was about to change, I would only start pretending in the one thing I learnt to be truly honest in.

most importantly. I feel like my pictures are prayers. my confessions to Him. and pretending something in photography, would be kind of like pretending in front of Him. Which is unthinkable.

so I will stay the same and if that means being sad, well… that’s how I feel, and God doesn’t want me to pretend anything else. I can hear him saying

 

“I want you the way you are. I love you deeply for who you are. if you are sad right now, that’s fine. I love you just the same when you are sad. I love you no matter what. just don’t pretend. bring it to me, and be as you are. come as you are.”

 

this is what I was told. isn’t it incredible? hard to believe it’s true. Oh, how He loves us.

 

I am not running away from who I am or how I feel – as well as I am not sinking into suffering, but will look for joy in everything as I used to. but I can’t put joy and pretend happiness in things I don’t feel it in, see it. until God shows it to me even in these things.

 

so this is happy picture for you, because i am happy. kind of.

Done