get back to where you once belonged

winding down my 365.

a time of reflection.

sparkle plenty.

my father's nickname for me.

he said my smile "could light up a room".

but when he died when I was 8, I lost that part of me.

I wasn't sparkle plenty anymore.

I was scared, angry, lost and sad.

and I learned to be shy.

and I learned to second guess myself.

and I learned I was different.

and I learned that life could be cruel.

 

I once heard someone talk about how as adults, if we could go back in time, and find that hurt child we once were, that it would be possible to make peace with our pain. that we could walk alongside that child, take their hand, and offer them comfort.

 

and I wished I could do that.

take that little girl by the hand, and hold her, and tell her that someday she would be ok.

that she would find love, and happiness, and acceptance, that she would have a good life, and be a mother, and have beautiful children to love.

and when I chose my screen name, I started that process, I started to heal.

 

but what I couldn't have foreseen, was what she would say to me.

she said she was waiting for me. that she'd been here all along, just hoping that I would find her.

she took me by the hand.

she comforted me.

she said you are brave, you are funny, you are happy, you are strong.

 

she came back to me.

 

and I am again, and for always will be, Sparkle Plenty.

Done