#19 'E'd a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle

Challenge #19

Choose your favourite poem and try to represent a line of it visually.

— Marcus Bleasdale

 

THE LION AND ALBERT

by

Marriott Edgar

 

 

 

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,

That's noted for fresh-air and fun,

And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom

Went there with young Albert, their son.

 

A grand little lad was their Albert

All dressed in his best; quite a swell

'E'd a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle

The finest that Woolworth's could sell.

 

They didn't think much to the ocean

The waves, they was fiddlin' and small

There was no wrecks... nobody drownded

'Fact, nothing to laugh at, at all.

 

So, seeking for further amusement

They paid and went into the zoo

Where they'd lions and tigers and cam-els

And old ale and sandwiches too.

 

There were one great big lion called Wallace

His nose were all covered with scars

He lay in a som-no-lent posture

With the side of his face to the bars.

 

Now Albert had heard about lions

How they were ferocious and wild

And to see Wallace lying so peaceful

Well... it didn't seem right to the child.

 

So straight 'way the brave little feller

Not showing a morsel of fear

Took 'is stick with the'orse's 'ead 'andle

And pushed it in Wallace's ear!

 

You could see that the lion didn't like it

For giving a kind of a roll

He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im

And swallowed the little lad... whole!

 

Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence

And didn't know what to do next

Said, "Mother! Yon lions 'et Albert"

And Mother said "Eeh, I am vexed!"

 

So Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom

Quite rightly, when all's said and done

Complained to the Animal Keeper

That the lion had eaten their son.

 

The keeper was quite nice about it

He said, "What a nasty mishap

Are you sure that it's your lad he's eaten?"

Pa said, "Am I sure? There's his cap!"

 

So the manager had to be sent for

He came and he said, "What's to do?"

Pa said, "Yon lion's 'eaten our Albert

And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too."

 

Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller

I think it's a shame and a sin

For a lion to go and eat Albert

And after we've paid to come in!"

 

The manager wanted no trouble

He took out his purse right away

And said, "How much to settle the matter?"

And Pa said "What do you usually pay?"

 

But Mother had turned a bit awkward

When she thought where her Albert had gone

She said, "No! someone's got to be summonsed"

So that were decided upon.

 

Round they went to the Police Station

In front of a Magistrate chap

They told 'im what happened to Albert

And proved it by showing his cap.

 

The Magistrate gave his o-pinion

That no-one was really to blame

He said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms

Would have further sons to their name.

 

At that Mother got proper blazing

"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she

"What waste all our lives raising children

To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"

Done