Continued: The Story of Betrayal and Love

The Return from the Hajj

 

Thus I came to understand why when I returned from the Hajj and Iblis attacked me on day one, what I had done wrong that the attack had lasted 5 days. After the once in a lifetime experience, for me at least, which is meant to be a rebirth, quite literally.

 

In the days following, rain poured down on Lahore every day. To shake the gloominess I felt, I walked in it day after day. I hoped it would cleanse me. Wash the heaviness away.

 

The waswasa had been almost ridiculous but of course the nafs had leapt into that fire willingly. I had even tried to rationalize with it but it wouldn’t listen. Then I did not know, I was its partner in crime.

 

Finally on day three I met Qari Sahib who had been stuck indoors, the roads near his home flooded with the rain. I told him what was happening.

 

He focused on the the whispering. In the while before speaking to him, I realized something significant. Iblis’ tactic to trick a human being was to use fact. What he whispered before he ran away sneakily was always true. That was why we, the ordinary, fell into the trap of indulging it and reacting with justification. It was impossible not to. The difference between one who was seeking change and one who was not interested in reform was the time in which they might realize their error.

 

That was in fact the Hajj, said Sheikh Noor Mohammad Kabbani (ra).

 

“How do you know your Hajj was haqeeqi, the true Hajj?” He asked his followers in a lecture. “You will know when you stop yourself before you do something wrong. Even if you go ahead and do it.”

 

Before! It was the tallest order. It was what a giant in Spiritual Masters had described and I had quoted endless times in countless pieces.

 

Then a man says: “First God wrote the sins in my fate then He wishes to punish me for them.”

 

Sheikh ul Akbar (Hazrat Ibn e Arabi (ra)) replies: “When did you know that the sins were destined for you, after you committed them or before? For if it was after then the matter mirrors that of Iblis (Satan) when he was asked to bow down and he refused;

 

‘So Iblis said to God Almighty, “Oh my Lord, you wrote in my destiny that I not prostrate and now you order me to do so.”

 

And he was told, “When did you know that I didn’t want you to bow down, after I ordered it or before? For if it was before My Command then even your refusal will not harm you but if it was after, then you and an animal are one and the same.”

 

…The whole span of the soul’s spiritual itinerary is contained within this exchange...’

 

Qari Sahib gave me a verse to recite. The verse would help but the misery would return.

 

Then came the weekend and my teacher left for his village. I moved in the pendulum between my desolation and refuge from it. Finally on day 5, I couldn’t take it anymore. The torment was becoming unbearably exhausting. Plus its timing was driving me insane and so I did an istakhara.

 

I decided to ask the Quran to tell me what I was doing wrong. I knew how. I had done it before but almost always in the presence of Qari Sahib so the verse that appeared could be interpreted correctly. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

 

I read the duas for it, then cracked the Book open. The Surah was Yaseen. My heart reacted to that. It was one of a few I had memorized. The verse was this, a verse that strangely enough, I intended to understand every time I heard the Surah at Fajr.

 

وَلَقَدْ أَضَلَّ مِنكُمْ جِبِلًّۭا كَثِيرًا ۖ

أَفَلَمْ تَكُونُوا۟ تَعْقِلُونَ ٦٢

هَـٰذِهِۦ جَهَنَّمُ ٱلَّتِى كُنتُمْ تُوعَدُونَ ٦٣

 

And indeed, he led astray a great many of you.

Then did not you use reason?

This (is) (the) Hell which you were promised.

 

Surah Yaseen, Verse 62-63

 

The ayat was a direct reference to Iblis.

 

I called Qari Sahib and apologized for disturbing him on his holiday.

 

“I need the tafseer Sir,” I requested. “From Ghaus Pak (ra).”

 

He sent it almost immediately. I spent the rest of the afternoon looking up word after word and their translation. From what I put together I saw what was happening to me.

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Wa: And why did you all worship Satan, and follow in his footsteps and comply with obedience to his order, Ayyohal Uqula, O you who use your reason, who have been created upon the nature of guidance and instruction because…

 

Laqad adalla: indeed he led astray and deceived, this al ghawi al maghwi, enticer who is himself astray…

 

Minkum: from amongst you all, Ya Bani Adam, O Children of Adam…

 

Jibillan katheera: a large group and many nations from your kind so they turned away because of his deception from the right path and they broke, due to his seduction and his bait, the pacts and promises (with Allah Subhanahu) so they were forbidden because of this, the heaven promised to them so they become deserving of the hell, distant (from His Essence) and the fires of abandonment.

 

And then the question to me.

 

A’: Did you worship Satan and follow his influence…

 

Fa lam takunu ta’qiloon: so then did you not use your powers to reflect i.e. you did not use your aql, your ability to reason, in being outraged by his command and the intensity of his enemity and the severity of the punishment of obeying him and what is in it following, after his deception, from extreme suffering and feeling gloominess that lasts forever and an endless retribution and then will you still choose following him and accept from him his misguidance? And you leave the way of Tauheed, Allah’s One-ness, do you not use your ability to reflect, Ayyohal Musrifoona, O ones who transgress boundaries, who have been excessive?

 

The words left me dumbstruck.

 

The tafseer continued:

 

And it was said for them in this moment, pointing it out, towards their reversing and their abode…

 

Hadihi jahannam allati kuntum: this is the same hell you were, Ayyohad Daaloon, O ones who left the right path, Al Ghaawoona, the ones seduced, Al Maghroroona, the ones deceived…

 

Tu’adoon: promised in this world through the tongue of the Messengers and the books.

 

Hell was the word the Quran had used. For feelings that existed in this world, not the Hereafter. I was in Hell and following Iblis was the cause of it.

 

Since the Hajj I had continued uttering words of dikr from my lips but in my reactions and belief, I was following in the footsteps of Satan and obeying him. In that obedience, I had instantly broken all my promises with Subhanahu, The Only One who cared about me and I had withdrawn from my allegiance to His Beloved (salutations and greetings upon him), the only one who wept for me.

 

Except he didn’t just weep for me. He caused himself so much distress from my breaking promises and harming myself that Subhanahu had to step in and tell him to stop, using words like “halaak” – will you kill yourself over them? Over me...

 

فَلَعَلَّكَ بَـٰخِعٌۭ نَّفْسَكَ عَلَىٰٓ ءَاثَـٰرِهِمْ إِن لَّمْ يُؤْمِنُوا۟ بِهَـٰذَا ٱلْحَدِيثِ أَسَفًا ٦

 

Then perhaps you would (be) the one who kills yourself over their footsteps, if they don’t believe in this [the] narration, (in) grief.

 

Surah Al Kahf, Verse 6

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

After their states in deception and disputing upon this course of action and the intensity of their anger and their enemity with Allah like this:

 

Falallaka: So perhaps you, Ya Akmal Ar Rusul (your Lord sends greetings and salutations upon you lovingly), O Messenger who completes Messenger-hood, with your love, unconditional, for their imaan, faith and their compliance and your hopes and your sympathy towards their pledge and their following…

 

Bakhi’un nafsaka: will kill yourself and devastate yourself…

 

Ala aasaarihim: because of them when they turn away from you and go…

 

Il-lam yu’minu: if they don’t believe and they don’t affirm…

 

Bi hadal hadith: in this Word of Allah i.e. the Quran…

 

Asafa: (you will kill yourself) with traumatic grief i.e. destroy yourself by excessive sadness and grief upon their leaving and their turning away from you and the absence of faith and obedience to you.

 

Even though Subhanahu urges you (to love) their faith and their obedience and their richness and their kingdom and their elevation and their ranking and their wealth and their leadership among the people. So know that indeed, they don’t have any preparation nor do they have any certainty upon what is happening to them (as a result of your preaching).

 

I went back to An Naas, incidentally the first Surah I had translated from the Tafseer e Jilani in 2020 for the closing chapter of The Softest Heart.

 

Verse 6: “The explanation of the waswasa, the whisperings that trigger doubt and paranoia, of the one who makes the whispers i.e. who puts the whisperings in their breasts from the side of Jinn or people, telling them that they both, Jinn and Man, have the ability to give benefit or harm with impressions and permanence, so (in turn) they, both people and Jinn, place their demands and hopes with those two (instead of Allah) so they fall into a state of eternal regret and an abyss of being astray.”

 

That is how I understood; it was my hypocrisy that was creating my misery.

 

I looked up another verse remembering it had the word “footsteps” in it:

 

‏ يَٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا تَتَّبِعُوا۟ خُطُوَتِ ٱلشَّيْطَنِ ۚ

وَمَن يَتَّبِعْ خُطُوَتِ ٱلشَّيْطَنِ فَإِنَّهُۥ يَأْمُرُ بِٱلْفَحشَآءِ وَٱلْمُنكَرِ ۚ

وَلَوْلَا فَضْلُ ٱللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَتُهُۥ مَا زَكَىٰ مِنكُم مِّنْ أَحَدٍ أَبَدًۭا وَلَكِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُزَكِّى مَن يَشَآءُ ۗ

وَٱللَّهُ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌۭ

 

O you who believe!

Do not follow in the footsteps of Shaitaan,

and whoever follows in the footsteps of the Shaitaan then indeed, he commands the immorality and wrongdoing.

And if it were not for the Grace of Allah upon you and His Mercy, not one of you would have been pure,

but Allah purifies whom He wills.

And Allah is The Hearer of all things, The Knower of all things.

 

Surah An-Noor, Verse 21

 

Tafseer e Jilani:

 

And so it was such sins and disobedience happening due to the following of Shaitaan, Satan, al mudill, the one who leads astray, al maghwiyy, the one who tempts, Allah called out to all his ordinary believers and forbade them from obeying him and following him and tracing his footsteps, so He commanded:

 

Ya ayyohalladina aamano: O ye who believed in the One-ness of the Maker and His Attributes and in Prophet-hood and Messenger-hood and in Jurisprudence, the Shari’a which is for everyone and beneficial for all in terms of creating moderation in manners and rituals among all His Servants, the reason behind you having faith, imaan, is that you go against your nafs, the base self, and your desires, both of which are from the forces of Satan, the one who misleads and the one who takes away from the Path of Truth…

 

La tattibi’u khutowaat e Shaitaan: don’t follow in the footsteps of Satan and don’t follow his lead in the distribution of vulgarity and the loving of sinfulness…

 

Wa mayattabi: and who so ever amongst you, O believers, follows…

 

Khutuwaat e Shaitaan: in the footsteps of Satan, the one who leads astray and is the entrapper, he becomes astray and trapped…

 

Fa innahu: so indeed he, Satan…

 

Ya’mur: commands the one who follows him and considers him his leader…

 

Bil fahsha: towards vulgarity and immorality in ways that go against nature and the laws of the faith, the Shari’a…

 

Wal munkar: and (he also commands the one who follows him and considers him his leader) towards that which is rejected in traditions and in customs…

 

Wa lau la fadlullahi alaykum: and were it not for the Bounty of Allah upon you, Allah Al Muttakaffil, The Protector for the correction of your states…

 

Wa Rahmatuhu: And His Mercy, which is in abundance and encompasses all His Servants…

 

Ma zakaa: there would be no one cleansed, purified…

 

Minkum min ahadin: from amongst any of you from following Satan…

 

Abadan: ever, for as long as you live, because following him has been placed in your nature (just as goodness has been placed in it) and following him appears beautified for you and readily accepted by your nafs, self…

 

Wa lakinn Allaha: but Allah Al Mudabbir, The One who manages the affairs of His Servants…

 

Yuzzaki: inserts sincerity and purifies from the traps of Satan and his evil promptings…

 

Mayyasha: whom so ever He wills by virtue of His Wisdom and out of regard for His Being a Well-Wisher which is why He formed the human being…

 

Wallahu: and Allah Al Muttali’u is The One Fully Aware of what appears and what is the hidden…

 

Sami’un: He the Only Hearer of their words…

 

Aleem: and He is the Only Knower of their backgrounds and their intentions.

 

I did my wuzu and went to Daata Sahib (ra). I had been planning on it since I returned but in my daze kept putting it off. That too was Shaitaan of course. Now that the light had appeared I wanted to run to express my gratitude to the one who was the beacon of that light in my city. I knew it had come to me by way of him.

 

After saying my salam, I prayed then found a place to sit. It was then that my eyes turned upwards and I read the lines that echoed the verse:

 

و من نظر الاخلق هلك

The one who glanced at Creation was destroyed

 

Again halaka!

 

و من نظر الالحق ملك

The one who gazed upon Allah Al Haqq…became a king

 

I kept staring at them. The significance of the first line would be made to come to me later again and again.

 

The immediate effect was that I was free of the gloom. It left me and it never returned. I hadn’t even done anything. I had just been made aware of the cause through the Quran. In the seeking alone, I had been saved.

 

Wafea' al Qauli is how Imam Zain ul Abedin (as) addresses his Rabb, Who loves him like He loves no one else. The One faithful to His Word! It wasn’t the first time I had experienced it but the intensity of the moment, precisely because it was after the Hajj, was something else.

 

‏ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَتَطْمَىِٕنُّ قُلُوبُهُم بِذِكْرِ ٱللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا بِذِكْرِ ٱللَّهِ تَطْمَىِٕنُّ ٱلْقُلُوبُ ‎

 

Those who believed and find satisfaction their hearts in the remembrance (of) Allah. No doubt, in the remembrance (of) Allah find satisfaction the hearts."

 

Surah Ar’Rad, Verse 28

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Alladina amano: Those who believe in Tauheed, One-ness…

 

Wa tatma’innu qulubuhum: the heart finds peace and stability from the pangs of following lies and their colours, disappearing and vanishing…

 

Bi dikr illah: with dikr, the Remembrance of Allah, Al Wahid, Al Ahad, Permanent in His Presence without fluctuation and enumeration and doubt. So indeed (this remembrance), causes to leave and disappear from the tablets of their hearts, the engravings of relying (on others) and thinking (of others), in totality.

 

Alaa: Beware, O Taliboon, the ones who are eager to seek the rank of Kashf, unveiling and Shahood, witnessing…

 

Bi dikr illahe: dikr, the remembrance of Allah Al Musqit, The One who Omits what is extra (other than Him)…

 

Tatma’inno ul qulub: gives tranquility and calmness to the hearts and keeps it firm in the Maqam Al Huzoor, the Realm of His Presence, and gives it restfulness from the agitation of misconceptions.

 

The beauty of the words left me amazed. It felt exactly like that sometimes. Pangs of following lies and their colours, disappearing and vanishing…memories etched that caused return to them again and again.

 

Dikr – “causes to leave and disappear from the tablets of their hearts, the engravings of relying (on others) and thinking (of others), in totality.

 

Dikr - “gives the heart restfulness from the agitation of misconceptions.”

 

If it was sincere!

 

The best part of the experience was a dua, a prayer, that entered my life. I came upon it also by way of the most precious Imam Zain ul Abedin (as), for whom my love and connection was indescribable, may his mercy upon me only intensify and send me into that Divine Embrace in which he dwells…

 

أللَّهُمَّ فَكَمَا كَـرَّهْتَ إلَيَّ أَنْ أَظْلِمَ فَقِنِي مِنْ أَنْ أُظْلَمَ.

 

al-laahum-ma fakamaa kar-rah-ta ilay-ya an uz'-lama faqinee min an az'-lim

 

O God, just as You hast made me detest being wronged, so also protect me from doing wrong!

 

اللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ عَلَى مُحَمَّدٍ وَّآلِهِ

 

allahumma sal-li a'la muhammadiw-wa a-lih

 

O Allah, bless Muhammad and his Household,

 

وَلا أُظْلَمَنَّ وَأَنتَ مُطِيقٌ لِّلدَّفْعِ عَنِّي

 

wa-la uzlaman-na wa anta mutiqul-lid-daf-i' a'n-ni

 

let me not be wronged, while You can repel it from me,

 

وَلا أَظْلِمَنَّ وَأَنتَ الْقَادِرُ عَلى الْقَبْضِ مِنِّي

 

wa-la azliman-na wa antal-qadiru a'lil-qab-zi min-ni

 

let me not do wrong, while You are powerful over holding me back,

 

وَلا أَضِلَّنَّ وَقَدْ أَمْكَنَتْكَ هِدَايَتِي

 

wa-la azil-lan-na wa qad am-kanat-ka hidayati

 

let me not be misguided, while You are able to guide me,

 

More and more I began to see how dikr didn’t work when my reaction to a situation was not what it should be. When it was driven by my nafs which preferred Iblis. Over my own soul every time. When I saw how each time I was in exact opposition to Nabi Kareem’s sunnah, his practice (salutations and greetings upon the tenderness of his heart and that of his family), I felt a deep regret.

 

Whenever I spoke harshly, when I felt anger always out of a false sense of dignity, when I lost patience, when I exacted revenge. I was a follower of Iblis, not an emulator of Subhanahu’s Beloved. So why would dikr create in me the traits attributed to him which was what the Quran promised? Why would it bring peace to my heart?

 

This was how I started to seek forgiveness in different ways than I done before. When it was a tasbeeh in my hand and an utterance mindless. Now I was aware of a crime. I sought reprieve from it. I would find myself sometimes pleading, sometimes crying. Always ashamed.

 

Strangely it was Nabi Kareem (salutations and greetings upon him being Rauf and Rahim, Allah’s Names) that I was more ashamed in front of. As in more than Subhanahu. Because I always invoked An Nisa, 64 and to avail that Divine Promise of being granted His Mercy, I had to go through him. Not for an instant could I forget that it was only his asking for forgiveness for me that granted me instant absolution.

 

وَلَوْ أَنَّهُمْ إِذ ظَّلَمُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَهُمْ جَآءُوكَ فَٱسْتَغْفَرُُ

وا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱسْتَغْفَرَ لَهُمُ ٱلرَّسُولُ لَوَجَدُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ تَوَّابًۭا رَّحِيمًۭا ٦٤

 

And if they, when they wronged themselves, come to you and asked forgiveness of Allah, and the Messenger (peace be upon him) asked forgiveness for them, surely, they would have found Allah Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

 

Surah An Nisa, Verse 64

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Wa lau annahum: And if they, without doubt, due to the intensity of their ignorance and hypocrisy…

 

Id zalamu anfusahum: that which befalls them of affliction, (which is) harmful, from not submitting to you…

 

Jaa’uka: they must come to you as the ones, Tai’eena, those who repent, Mu’tadireena, the ones who are apologetic because of that which happened from them…

 

Fastaghfarullah: then they ask for forgiveness from Allah (being) Mukhliseena, sincere and Nadimeena, regretful…

Wastaghfara lahum Ar Rasoolu: and the Messenger (salutations and greetings upon the one who is the saviour and his family) also asks for forgiveness for them through intercession and praying before Allah, asking for the acceptance (of the person by Him) after they have come as the ones who are apologetic…

 

Lawajadullaha: surely, they will find Allah (to be) and they will testify to Him being the One who grants Bounty and Mercy…

 

Tawwaban: (and find Allah to be) The One who accepts their repentance…

 

Raheem: The One who is Merciful to them and grants them ability to do this (go the The Messenger (salutations and greetings upon the one who is the asker of forgiveness for the Universe and his family).

 

Many people ask me when I tell them this “But isn’t he no longer in the world? So how can you ask a person not alive anything?”

 

I knew that sentence came from some listening to some scholar whose ideology rejected tasawwuff - spirituality. Who equated it to shirrk, association with Allah. I didn’t get into a discussion with them.

 

I didn’t possess enough knowledge to do so. I cited the verse, I said the Quran was for all times. It worked for me that’s why I shared it with others.

 

And sometimes I asked them if they had parents who were alive. Often they said yes. Sometimes no. But few had experienced the death of a parent at a young age.

 

“When you have one who dies when you are young, then there are many times in your life, you ask them to pray for you when you are in a bind. And they aren’t alive for sure. The Prophet (salutations and greetings upon his soul and the souls of his family) is alive. So are the Auliya. But you believe what you want. This is just if you want an out.”

 

For undoubtedly, I found Subhanahu to be Tawwaban Rahim each time. And along with that, it felt like I never did anything wrong at all. For all exits from Hell for me began with verses I had learnt starting with the word, "Qul - you, O Beloved, you say this..."

 

وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱغۡفِرۡ وَٱرۡحَمۡ وَأَنتَ خَیۡرُ ٱلرَّٰحِمِینَ ١١٨

 

And say, "My Lord! Forgive and have mercy, and You (are the) Best (of) those who show mercy."

 

Surah Al Mo’minoon, Verse 118

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Wa: And after that Subhanahu made it certain, the success for the Mo’mineen, the believers, Al Muwwahideen, who are certain in Tauheed, the One-ness of Allah, in the beginning of this Surah and He deprived the Kafireen, the deniers of truth, Al Mushrikeen, the ones who associate others with Allah in the end (of the Surah)…

 

Qul: Say Ya Akmal Ar Rusul, O Messenger who completes Messenger-hood (greetings and salutations upon him and his family by His Allah who loves you deeply), educating everyone who considers you his leader and follows in your footsteps and warning them as well of this and reminding them…

 

Rabbi: O my Lord who raised me by your Kunf, Protection and Jawar, Safe Guarding…

 

Ighfir: Forgive me and hide for me my egoistic self from my inner eyes…

 

Warham: and have mercy upon me by the negation of the essence of my nature and dissolve it in Your Essence…

 

Wa anta: and You with Your Essence and Your Names and Your Attributes…

 

Khair ur Raheemeen: are the Best of the Merciful, who are also demands of Your Attributes and reflections of Your Names and everything is with You and from You and there is no one who is Merciful except You and there is no Lord for me other than You.

 

Like everything else, the concept of seeking forgiveness varies for each human being. In a lecture, I came across what the words ‘Astaghfirullah’ meant when Abdi-hi, Subhanahu’s Most Favoured Worshipper (salutations and greetings upon his worship) uttered them:

 

The talk was, again, by Sheikh Noor Mohammad Kabbani (www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPJPYVIdLGY). From it I learnt why Nabi Kareem would say Istaghfaar 70 to a 100 times a day. It was for us, his Ummah. So that we would be forgiven because his seeking forgiveness from Allah Subhanahu, the weight of it on the scales, was more than that of entire Creation. From its beginning till its end. And he continued it to this day, asking for that forgiveness.

 

That was exactly why I was forgiven almost every day!

 

The other jewel the Sheikh unveiled was even more remarkable:

 

Sheikh Kabbani (ra): “I heard this from Maulana Sheikh Nazim (ra). Rasool Allah (saw) has been promised by Allah that He will increase his rank non-stop. Endlessly. His ascension in each level is doubled. From the first level, if its 2, then it becomes 4, then 8, then 16. Until when? Until it cannot be counted anymore.

 

When he is elevating in these level, his Ma’rifa, his Recognition of the Divine, is increasing in the same fold. His honour is increasing. His might and closeness to Allah Subhanahu is increasing.

 

And on top of that for Rasool Allah (saw) are opened new forms of praising, new forms of glorification of Allah. New means that did not previously exist in the level below. The Beauty of the Lights of Allah Subhanahu Ta’ala disclosed to him are higher. The Secrets being looked into by him are higher. The Realities he is observing are higher. Of Noor, Knowledge, of Jamal, Beauty, of Mercy, Rahma…

 

So in his complete obedience which was perfect on each level, when Nabi Kareem (saw) notices the difference of Subhanahu’s Ever Increasing Realities, he says ‘Astaghfirullah’ for the worship he did on the level before. He says, ‘Ya Rabbi, my praising of You could have been much more exalted, in a higher form, in a better way. But I didn’t know. Astaghfirullah…I seek your forgiveness.’”

 

The words left me in a daze...

 

As I typed the words of the lecture, all I did was sigh. From the unveiling of a new layer of intensity of love of the relationship between them and that if it wasn’t for him, my Prophet (salutations and greetings upon him and his family who the only ones who taught me anything that mattered), I would have never known there could be regret so deep that if one did not praise Allah the way He was worthy of it, that the heart would express it in the words – I seek forgiveness from Allah!

 

The romantic in me could only imagine what it might be like to seek forgiveness from a human being in the same way. A person one loved but every time something new about them was unveiled, previously unknown, that revealed a new aspect of them that intensified love, it would be said to them, “I am sorry for the way I have loved you thus far…for you deserved a deeper love.”

 

Lecture continued: “And so on was his istighfaar. As his journey was without an end for his elevation is without end and Subhanahu’s Tajilliyaat are never ending. And on each level, he says to us, his Ummah, ‘Come look with me. Come watch with me.’ But who listens.

 

There is a story of Hazrat Bayazid Bastami (ra). He took the way towards the ocean of Muhammad (saw). Who can even know that if he is being continuously elevated in every moment. But the Auliya wanted to know his reality. And let us not forget that Bayazid Bastami (ra) is not an ordinary saint. He is the Sultan ul Arifeen, the king of the ones who possess Divine Recognition.

 

So what did he find? That between him and the reality of the Prophet (saw) were 10,000 seas of noor, light. He didn’t even reach the first sea but only saw the seas between them. When he intended to come towards the first, he was told to not approach for he will burn. Just like the angel Gibrael (as) said that if he went a step after Sidrat al Muntaha, the Lote Tree, he would burn.

 

For Rasool Allah (saw) is the barzakh, the divider and partition, between us and Allah Subhanahu Ta’ala. He is how everything from Allah Subhanahu is brought down to Creation, through his being. He is the means. And if the Sultan ul Arifeen is being told that, who are we?

 

So the reality of Muhammadia (saw) cannot be approached. The Reality of Subhanahu cannot be approached. You cannot handle it. So what can be approached.? The Auliya Allah. Because their love can be taken. So what is the route? You will find the love of Rasool Allah (saw) in the Auliya Allah. And in the love of Rasool Allah (saw) you will find the love of Subhanahu Ta’ala.”

 

The concept was not alien to me. I had heard it from many in a single sentence.

 

Fana fi Sheikh, Fana fi Rasool (saw), Fana fillah!

 

Dissolution (of the identity) in the Spiritual Master, Dissolution in Rasool Allah (saw), Dissolution in Allah Subhanahu!

 

“So if you love the Auliya, you are on the right track. Otherwise you have missed the way to the ocean of Rasool Allah (saw). So go back and find a Master.”

 

I thought about what was it that made me completely wrong about my fellow human beings? Wrongly painting them all with the broad stroke of being betrayers? It was remembering them only as who they were in their lowest moments that perhaps perpetuated for so long, my nafs thought they had always been in that state. Forgetting their origin. That was what Iblis wanted, suspicious and mistrust between human beings, encouraging them to cling to false opinions.

 

Hence the verse that every Muslim ignores in totality even though it assigns them to the status of being a cannibal:

 

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱجْتَنِبُوا۟ كَثِيرًۭا مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثْمٌۭ ۖ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا۟ وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا ۚ أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًۭا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ تَوَّابٌۭ رَّحِيمٌۭ ١٢

 

O you who believe! Avoid much of the assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin.

And do not spy and do not backbite some of you to others.

Would like one of you to eat the flesh of his brother, dead? Nay, you would hate it.

And be mindful of Allah, indeed, Allah (is) Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.

 

Surah Hujuraat, Verse 12

 

Ya ayyohalladina aamano: O ye who attained to faith! The demand of your imaan, faith, is: the permanent possession of certainty in your general states and ranks and the leaving of opinions and ignorance in all of your conditions, except for a perception of goodness with Allah and with His Chosen Servants from the Prophets and the Auliya, Friends of God, Al Mustaba’deen, the ones very distant from tuhmat, false accusations and taghreer, delusions…

 

Ijtanibu katheeran min ad danni: avoid most assumptions which cause to inherit for you showing-off and arguments with Allah and His Messenger (salutations and greetings upon him and his family by the one who keeps His Gaze of Love on them) and the ordinary Mo’mineen, the believers, and overall:

 

Inna ba’ada ad danni: Indeed some assumptions, which are inspired to you from Satan, the one who creates falsehood, the deceiver…

 

Ithmun: (those assumptions) they are a sin liable for punishment in the Hereafter, a transgression and a rebellion againt Allah’s Boundaries…

 

Wa la tajassassu: and do not spy (on someone’s unknown matters and secrets) i.e. overall in your excellent manners (akhlaq) is totally avoiding the spying and scrutiny of the weakness of people like you. It is (a duty) upon you, especially that which involves exposing the things of their dignity from different kinds of false, disgusting, accusations…

 

Wa la yaghtab ba’dukum ba’dan: and do not backbite, some of you of others i.e. so overall in your manners and the most important of them, Ayyohal Mo’minoon, O Believers, Al Qasidoon, who are determined, upon the traveling on the Way of Tauheed, Allah’s One-ness, is leaving gheeba, backbiting and it is mentioning someone’s personal thing in his absence, such that if the person was present with you, certainly it would be painful and he would hate it.

 

And when the Prophet (salutations and greetings upon his makaram al akhlaq, excellence of manners and that of his family) was asked about backbiting he said:

 

أن تذكر أخاك بما يكرهه،

اِنْ کَانَ فِیْہِ مَا تَقُوْلُ: فقَدِ اغْتَبْتَہُ، وَاِنْ لَّمْ یَکُنْ فِیْہِ فَقَدْ بَھَتَّہُ۔

 

If you mention your brother with what he dislikes (being said about him),

so indeed if it is in him, then certainly you did backbiting of him

and if it is not in him, indeed it is slander.

 

And both of them are far from the balance (in behaviour) of the people of imaan, faith.

 

Then Subhanahu confirmed this forbidden act (backbiting) upon an extreme level of condemnation and scolding, so He said:

 

A’ yuhibbu ahdukum: Will any one of you like and be pleased with (this)…

 

Ayyakula lahama akhi: that he eats his brother’s flesh, especially in the condition…

 

Maytan: of (him) being dead if it was presented to you…

 

Fakarhitumuhu: then you would hate it for sure because it is not possible for you to deny its hatred and the backbiting of a brother who is a believer is worse than this and uglier (than eating his flesh)…

 

Wa: and overall…

 

Ittaqullaha: be mindful of Allah Al Muntaqim, The Only One who takes Vengeance, Al Ghayyoor, The Only One Uncompromising about the act of backbiting which is forbidden and repent before Him about it and things like it.

 

Inallaha: Indeed, Allah Al Muttali’u, The Only One Informed of what is hidden in your nafs, selves from regret and sincerity is…

 

Tawwabun: The Only Acceptor of Repentance, He accepts from you your remorse…

 

Raheem: All Merciful, He erases for you your wrongdoings after you repented and returned as the regretful ones about what you did.

 

Thus ends this story of love and betrayal. With a lesson I learnt from Mehek Saba, the scent of the morning breeze. Everyone is a reflection of Subhanahu’s Divine Names and Attributes, say the Masters. When we are merciful, we receive the Tajalli, His Manifestation of Jamal, Beauty and when we are unjust, upon ourselves and therefore others, comes down upon us the Unveiling of Jalal, His Awe.

 

No one wants to betray anyone. Especially in relationships that start with the sowing of a seed of love. It is felt uncontrollably, helplessly, for that reason alone. It is inserted by Allah Al Wahhab as a hiba, gift, the most extraordinary gift of all.

 

For it is the gift Subhanahu gave Himself when He made the noor, the light of His Beloved, then sending salutations and greetings upon him endlessly and commanding everyone in existence to do the same. Then making everything else in Creation with that light.

 

كُنتُ كنزاً مَخفياً فأحببتُ أن أُعْرَف فخَلَقتُ الخَلْقَ لكي أُعرف

 

I, Allah, was a treasure hidden so I loved to be known

Therefore I created Creation so that I will be known.

 

Ahbabtu: I loved…to be known. Not willed or desired or determined or planned…but loved!

 

This past month the focus of my learning was children because of my niece and the namesake of my mother, Sameena. She was turning 13 and I wanted her to learn what Mehek had taught me. A sole and mindful reliance upon her Creator who she loved deeply when she was little and was now moving away from because of indifference, selfishness and a deterioration of manners that technology brings. Satan’s most powerful tool in these days that eve the end of times.

 

“Hasbi Allah Lou,” I said to her when she was experiencing difficulty with the rage of others who she loved. “Just say these two words when you feel bad, or when you are in a situation that makes you feel distress. ‘Allah is Enough for me.’ That’s what it means. Then you will detach from the situation and the person but you won’t be mad at them. That’s the best part Chukie, Allah will teach you not be affected kindly. You will still be soft with them instead of being angry or rude.”

 

That was what Pathani was gifted with from Subhanahu’s Attributes Lutf, Kindness and Gentleness and His Hilm, Leniency and Mercy. That’s what has been the most elusive for me throughout my spiritual journey. Detachment with kindness and leniency!

 

She listened intently as one does when they are assured the person loves them deeply. She listened as one who sought a solution.

 

I asked her father, my brother, if she was doing it.

 

“She is,” he said. “I ask her about it and tell her she should.”

 

Never was my heart happier than when I heard that. At 53, the effect of dikr upon my life was so altering, it was difficult to describe in totality. For a 12 year old turning 13, how it would map the trajectory of her life was unimaginable for me. My worship at her age had been purely out of obedience. So it was not worship because worship was obedience with love. Hers would have that second element in it because it would be mindful. Of love felt in the world and love felt from the realms unseen.

 

She would become of the Aaqiloon, those who reflect, choosing the verse according to the cause of the darkness of the heart. In sha Allah!

 

Then perhaps she would be, super early in life, one of the ones without fear and grief… attaining faith in the beginning of her spiritual journey…conscious of Subhanahu…safeguarding herself from His Jalali Attributes…understanding the effects of being occupied with the attraction of their desires…conscious of her engagements with the bonds with the selection of her choices.

 

Sigh!

 

أَلَآ إِنَّ أَوْلِيَآءَ ٱللَّهِ لَا خَوْفٌ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلَا هُمْ يَحْزَنُونَ ٦٢

 

Verily, the Friends of Allah, there will be no fear upon them and not they will grieve.

 

Surah Yunus, Verse 62

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Ala Inna auliya Allah e: Indeed, the Auliya, the Friends of Allah, Al Munkhalaeena, the ones who are detached from the demands of being human in total, Al Munsalekheena, the one who are far from the requirements of desires of their selves in totality...

 

La khauf-un alayhim wa la hum yahzanoon: there is no fear upon them nor do they feel grief because fear and sadness, they only come from the effects of the tabyat, (the secondary nature that is acquired from outside), and the pursuit of that which fulfills it.

 

And after that they detached from its fulfillment and freedom from its demands and they annihilated themselves in Allah’s Essence and they became what they became thereafter. There was nothing remaining in them which was the generator of (the feelings of) fear and unhappiness and peace and tranquility. That person then is not characterized by the example of these opposites and they are…

 

ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَكَانُوا۟ يَتَّقُونَ ٦٣

 

Those who believe and are conscious (of Allah),

 

Surah Yunus, Verse 63

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Alladina aamano: the ones who attained to faith in the beginning of their spiritual journey i.e. they were steadfast in the place of the Knowledge of Certainty.

 

Wa: And after they established their abode and were steadfast upon it…

 

Kanu yattaqoon: they were mindful of Allah and safeguarded themselves from the Power of the Kingdom of Allah’s Jalali Attributes which create awe in the times of their occupation with the attraction of their desires and (they were mindful of Allah) in the time their engagements with the bonds of the selection of their routine (choices).

 

لَهُمُ ٱلْبُشْرَىٰ فِى ٱلْحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنْيَا وَفِى ٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ ۚ لَا تَبْدِيلَ لِكَلِمَـٰتِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ هُوَ ٱلْفَوْزُ ٱلْعَظِيمُ ٦٤

 

For them (are) the glad tidings in the life (of) the world and in the Hereafter. no (There can be) change in the Words (of) Allah That is the success great.

 

Surah Yunus, Verse 64

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Then when they extracted themselves from these things with sincerity and a true humbleness…

 

Lahum ul bushra: then for them are the glad tidings from Allah of the great success…

 

Fil hayatid duniya wal aakhira: in the life of this world and the Hereafter because they were steady on the station of worship and stable in the seat of Tauheed, Allah’s One-ness, and they reached towards what Allah Al Haqq made appear for His Essence and that is Ma’rifa, His Recognition and Shahood, Divine Witnessing.

 

La tabdeela li kalimaatillahi: There can be no change in Allah’s Words, perfected, spoken with honour and good news…

 

Dalika: that is a glad tiding, encompassing both the worlds…

 

Huwal fauzul adeem: it is the greatest success and it is His Immense Kindness for the Ahl ul Anaya, the people bestowed gifts from amongst the Arbaab il Maqbool, those who were accepted (by Him).

 

Then the words of others would finally not create pain.  

 

وَلَا يَحْزُنكَ قَوْلُهُمْ ۘ إِنَّ ٱلْعِزَّةَ لِلَّهِ جَمِيعًا ۚ هُوَ ٱلسَّمِيعُ ٱلْعَلِيمُ

٦٥

 

And (let) not their speech grieve you. Indeed, the honor (belongs) to Allah all. He (is) the All-Hearer, the All-Knower.

 

Surah Yunus, Verse 65

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

And after you were steadfast, Ya Akmal Ar Rusul, O Messenger who completes Messenger-hood (salutations and greetings upon you and your family) in the Friendship of Allah and you were attributed by His Friendship and you achieved what you were made to achieve…

 

La yahzunka qauluhum: don’t be grieved by their words, false, with the denial of truth and false associations with Allah and the denying of His Book and what was sent upon them from it and don’t be saddened by their threats towards you and don’t care about their bragging and their pride of money and importance in rank over you.

 

Innal izza: Certainly, all honour, and the greatest value…

 

Lillahi: is for Allah Al Muttazziz, The Only One with Honour with the mantle of His Exaltedness and Jalal, Majesty, Al Muttawaahid, The Only One with the attribute of Kamal, Perfection and Jamal, Beauty…

 

Jami’an: all of it. There is no counting of honour of those who are alluring others and sinful and soon Allah will humiliate them with Qahr, Wrath and Intiqaam, Revenge and He will help you to gain prevalence and control over them because…

 

Huwas Sami’u: He is the The Only One All Hearing of their words, untruthful, false…

 

Al Aleem: He is The Only One All Knowing of their corrupt intentions, He will recompense them according to His Ilm, Perfect Knowledge and avenge them according to His Information All Encompassing.

 

 

أَلَآ إِنَّ لِلَّهِ مَن فِى ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَمَن فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ ۗ وَمَا يَتَّبِعُ ٱلَّذِينَ يَدْعُونَ مِن دُونِ ٱللَّهِ شُرَكَآءَ ۚ إِن يَتَّبِعُونَ إِلَّا ٱلظَّنَّ وَإِنْ هُمْ إِلَّا يَخْرُصُونَ ٦٦

 

No doubt! Indeed, to Allah (belongs) whoever (is) in the heavens and whoever (is) in the earth. And not follow those who invoke from other than Allah partners. Not they follow but the assumption and not they but guess.

 

Surah Yunus, Verse 66

 

Say, Ayyohan Nabi, O Prophet (salutations and greetings upon you), Al Haadi, the guide, for the one who claims to be god (being) from vanishing shadows and being god from false statues, as a warning for them and awakening them from their ghaflat, forgetfulness: How can you claim, Ayyohal Humqa, O ones without reason, the association of that which is created, valueless with that who is The Creator, Ancient and Wise?

 

Alaa innalillahi: Doubtlessly, indeed belong to Allah i.e. take warning, Ayyohal Musrifoona, O ones who transgress boundaries, Al Jahiloona, O ones who are ignorant about the Power of Allah, Al Muttawahid, The Only One, Al Muttafarrid, The One Unique by His Essence, Al Muttajalli, The Only One Unveiling in the horizons with His Names and Attributes, (indeed belong to Him) the appearances…

 

Man fis samawaati: those from the heavens from angels…

 

Wa man fil ard: and those from the Earth, the two carrying burdens, although, they are by the blessings upon them and their honour and the height of their reverence important, they don’t deserve to be lord and god (and they didn’t claim it)…

 

Wa: and how can that which is inanimate deserve worship, low by any level of consideration (and also didn’t claim being lord), so for this reason…

 

Ma yattabi’u: they don’t follow, Al Mushrikoona, the ones who associate partners with Allah…

 

Alladina yadaouna min doonillahi shurukaa’a: those who they worship other than Allah as partners in His Lordship, (considering them) deserving of worship like the worship of Allah, (they don’t follow) except by the power of falsehood and trade and perishing and instead…

 

Ien yattabi’ouna: they never follow (their conjecture) i.e. they don’t follow, Ad Daalona, the ones astray, Al Mushrikoona, the ones associating partners with Allah…

 

Illad danna: except because of speculation and estimations arising from their ignorance and their inattentiveness towards the Secret of the Essence of Al Haqq in all of appearance. So for this reason, they proved in that which was manifested without proof…

 

Wa in hum illa yakhrusoon: and they were only wrongly guessing with opinions i.e. there is nothing in their claims and their confinement (in their assertions) except that they are Kaadiboon, liars, Aafikoona, slanderers doing a slandering great. Allah is High above what the Daalimoona, the unjust, say, He is Most Exalted.

 

Thus I intend to continue my Rabbul Awwal with a wird, a continuous dikr, of two words that came my way unexpectedly at the end of a verse:

 

وَمَا خَلَقْنَا ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضَ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَآ إِلَّا بِٱلْحَقِّ ۗ وَإِنَّ ٱلسَّاعَةَ لَـَٔاتِيَةٌۭ ۖ فَٱصْفَحِ ٱلصَّفْحَ ٱلْجَمِيلَ ٨٥

 

And We did not create the heavens and the Earth and whatever (is) between them except in truth. And indeed, the Hour (is) surely coming. So overlook (with) a forgiveness gracious.

 

Surah Al Hijr, Verse 85

 

Tafseer e Jilani:

 

Then said Subhanahu speaking, giving proof of the Perfection of His Qudra, Power and His Masheeya, Will and His Luft, Gentleness, and His Qahr, Wrath and His Inaam, Blessings and His Intiqaam, Revenge, as a warning for the Du’l al Basa’ir wal Ae’tabaar, the people of (inner) seeing and consideration, Al Mutafakkireen, the ones who ponder the Creation of Allah and His I’jaad, Inventions and His Ae’daam, what He makes disappear and His Istaqlaal Tasarrifaat, Independence upon His Control over His Mulk, Kingdom and His Malakoot, Sovereignty, (then said Subhanahu)…

 

Wa ma khalaqna: and We did not create and We did not authorize…

 

As samawaati: the heavens and what is in them from signs and abilities, high above…

 

Wal arda: and the Earth and what is in it which gain abilities and are lower…

 

Wa ma baynahuma: and what lies between them from creation and deterioration happening in the cosmos, (We did not create them to be) false or useless which have no purpose in them and no value in their appearance and their manifestation and instead We did not create what We created…

 

Illa: except along with…

 

Bil haqqi: truth, proven for the Ashaab ad Dalaail wal Burhaan, the people of understanding proof and evidence and the Tauheed Al Haqq As Saabit Al Muhaqqiq, The True, Proven, Executed One-ness for the Arbaab al Kashf wal Yaqeen, the people of unveiling and certainty…

 

Wa: and know Ayyohal Uqula, O those who reflect and Al Mukallifoon, the ones assigned, Al Mu’tabiroon, the ones who consider…

 

Innas sa’ata: indeed the Hour, promised for the vanquishing of the tangible (in appearance) and the disappearance of imagination (which is hidden)…

 

L’aatiyatun: is surely coming, certainly, without fluctuation and doubt so it will recompense in it all according to the requisites of what was done in the realm of creation and evolution and while everyone is rewarded and when all have been compensated according to their deeds, (and) they have been questioned about the Hour…

 

Fasfahi: then (for now) forgive them, Ya Akmal Ar Rusul, O Messenger who completes the Messenger-hood (salutations and greetings upon you and your blessed family) and turn away from revenge from the pain they give you and their wanting to isolate you…

 

Assafhal jameela: an overlooking beautiful i.e. a turning away (with a) graciousness that the disposition (of people) appreciates and be the most gentle with them and be the most kind with them.

 

Fasfahi Assafhal Jameela!

 

On another’s birthday, this is the present I will ask for myself.

For Fasfahi Assafhal Jameela to be imbued in me…

 

On the Day of Judgement, as we return to our origin, noor, light, ranks will be raised based on that light. In return for giving generously to others will be given a Rizq Eternal.

 

أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْمُؤْمِنُونَ حَقًّۭا ۚ لَّهُمْ دَرَجَـٰتٌ عِندَ رَبِّهِمْ وَمَغْفِرَةٌۭ وَرِزْقٌۭ كَرِيمٌۭ ٤

 

Those - they are the believers (in) truth. For them (are) ranks with their Lord and forgiveness and a provision noble.

 

Surah Al Anfal, Verse 4

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Ulaika: They, the fortunate ones, Al Maqbuloona, the ones accepted by Allah…

 

Hum ul Mo’minoon: they are the believers, Al Muttahaqqiqoona, the ones steadfast on the rank of idaan, obedience and iqaan, certainty…

 

Haqqan: true, Saabitan, firm, Mustaqirran, stable, without restlessness and shaking…

 

Lahum darajaat: for them are ranks, great…

 

Iynda Rabbihim: near their Lord from the ranks of al ilm, the knowledge of certainty, al ayn, the witnessing of certainty and al haqq, the truth of certainty…

 

Wa Maghfiratun: and (for them is) forgiveness, which is a veiling of their ego and selfishness and identity…

 

Wa Rizqun Kareem: and (for them is) a sustenance noble, meaningful, the best of all rewards. They will be given provisions with these (ranks, forgiveness and nourishment), they will be happy with these gifts from Allah for they are for the one who focuses upon Allah Al Haqq, The Only Truth and for the one who inclines towards His Essence with an inclining, quashing entirely his focus upon anyone else and he leaves the requisites of imkaan, possibilities, so much so that he spends and he expends all of what is associated with him from the possessions of the world, turning away from them, driving away their love from his heart. Subhanahu gives him, (that person), in exchange for his sincerity, a meaningful sustenance which no eye has seen, no ear has heard and no heart of a human being has imagined.

 

I was amazed to discover that noor will be the envy of those who won’t have it, driving them to the point of asking to borrow from it.

 

يَوْمَ يَقُولُ ٱلْمُنَـٰفِقُونَ وَٱلْمُنَـٰفِقَـٰتُ لِلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱنظُرُونَا نَقْتَبِسْ مِن نُّورِكُمْ قِيلَ ٱرْجِعُوا۟ وَرَآءَكُمْ فَٱلْتَمِسُوا۟ نُورًۭا فَضُرِبَ بَيْنَهُم بِسُورٍۢ لَّهُۥ بَابٌۢ بَاطِنُهُۥ فِيهِ ٱلرَّحْمَةُ وَظَـٰهِرُهُۥ مِن قِبَلِهِ ٱلْعَذَابُ ١٣

 

(On the) Day will say the hypocrite men and the hypocrite women to those who believed, "Wait for us, we may acquire of your light." It will be said, "Go back behind you and seek light." Then will be put up between them a wall, for it a gate its interior, in it (is) mercy but its exterior, from facing towards [it] the punishment.

 

Surah Al Hadeed, Verse 13

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Then after Subhanahu promised the Mo’mineen, He followed it by the scolding of the Munafiqeen, the hypocrites so he said also upon the manner of warning:

 

Yauma yaqoolul Munafiqeen: on that Day the hypocrites, Al Mubtiloona, those who are on the false path, Al Mustamirroona, the ones continuous upon hypocrisy with the Ahl ul Haq, the people of truth…

 

Wal Munafiqaat: and hypocrite women (who were) in the same way (continuous upon hypocrisy)…

 

Lilladina aamano: with the ones who attained to faith when they see…

 

Yasaa nooruhum bayna aydeehim wa bi aemaanihim: the light from their front and their right side…

 

Unduroona: look at us, Ayyohas Su’ada, O fortunate ones, Al Muhaqqoona, the ones truthful, and turn towards us…

 

Naqtabis min noorikum: so we may acquire from your light because we are in intense darkness.

 

Qeela: It will be said to them in that moment from Allah Al Haqq, The Only Truth, in the way of reprimand and scolding…

 

Irja’u wara’akum: go back i.e. return to the abode of gaining warning and choice (the world)…

 

Faltamisu noora: then look for light (there) and acquire from the lamp of Nabuwa, Prophet-hood and Wilaya, Friendship (of Allah) with the obedience of what was ordered and what was forbidden, sent from Him, Subhanahu, upon His Messengers and with Wisdom and Secrets coming from the tongues the Ulil Azaim As Sahiha, the people who are of true rank, and the Al Munjazibeena, the ones who are drawn towards Al Haqq from the way of dissolution in Him by the death of the will and know that they could have attended to the light and gained from it. Indeed this could have happened in the abode of warning and deception (the world), not in the abode of presence (before Subhanahu) and tranquility.

 

The tafseer made me think about what is scarcely mentioned in Islam except by a few chosen ones. That those who will not believe, deny and refuse Subhanahu and His Messengers and His Books will have to return to the world. Over and over like the Hindus and Buddhists, not insignificant faiths in terms of numbers or existence in time, believe in their ideology of multiple lives.

 

Will they have to return again and again till they gain the light?

 

“I am sitting with the one who remembers Me,” says Subhanahu. Ana Jalisu. Not the one remembering me is sitting with Me but that I am sitting with them. The difference is distinct and always highlighted by scholars. The approach towards the Servant by their Lord, not the other way around. Through the utterance of a word by the tongue or the heart or both.

 

In the reward of that dikr, which is uncountable, is one reward specifically named: the absence of shaqa, wretchedness, misery, sad, miserable, distressed, misfortunate.

 

عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ

إِنَّ لِلَّهِ تَبَارَكَ وَتَعَالَى مَلَائِكَةً سَيَّارَةً فُضُلًا، يَتَتَبَّعُونَ مَجَالِسَ الذِّكْرِ، فَإِذَا وَجَدُوا مَجْلِسًا فِيهِ ذِكْرٌ، قَعَدُوا مَعَهُمْ، وَحَفَّ بَعْضُهُمْ بَعْضًا بِأَجْنِحَتِهِمْ، حَتَّى يَمْلَأُوا مَا بَيْنَهُمْ وَبَيْنَ السَّمَاءِ الدُّنْيَا، فَإِذَااْنْصَرَفُوا عَرَجُوا وَصَعِدُوا إِلَى السَّمَاءِ،

قَالَ: فَيَسْأَلُهُمْ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِهِمْ: مِنْ أَيْنَ جِئْتُمْ؟

فَيَقُولُونَ: جِئْنَا مِنْ عِنْدِ عِبَادٍ لَكَ فِي الْأَرْضِ، يُسَبِّحُونَكَ وَيُكَبِّرُونَكَ وَيُهَلِّلُونَكَ وَيَحْمَدُونَكَ وَيَسْأَلُونَكَ،

قَالَ: وَمَا يَسْأَلُونِي؟

قَالُوا يَسْأَلُونَكَ جَنَّتَكَ،

قَالَ: وَهَلْ رَأَوْا جَنَّتِي؟

قَالُوا: لَا أَيْ رَبِّ، قَالَ: فَكَيْفَ لَوْ رَأَوْا جَنَّتِي!

قَالُوا: وَيَسْتَجِيرُونَكَ،

قَالَ: وَمِمَّ يَسْتَجِيرُونَي؟

قَالُوا: مِنْ نَارِكَ يَا رَبِّ،

قَالَ: وَهَلْ رَأَوْا نَارِي؟

قَالُوا: لَا،

قَالَ: فَكَيْفَ لَوْ رَأَوْا نَارِي!

قَالُوا: وَيَسْتَغْفِرُونَكَ،

قَالَ فَيَقُولُ: قَدْ غَفَرْتُ لَهُمْ، وأَعْطَيْتُهُمْ مَا سَأَلُوا، وَأَجَرْتُهُمْ مِمَّا اسْتَجَارُوا، قَالَ يَقُولُونَ: رَبِّ فِيهِمْ فُلَانٌ، عَبْدٌ خَطَّاءٌ إِنَّمَا مَرَّ فَجَلَسَ مَعَهُمْ، قَالَ: فَيَقُولُ: وَلَهُ غَفَرْتُ؛ هُمْ الْقَوْمُ، لَا يَشْقَى بِهِمْ جَلِيسُهُمْ"

رواه مسلم وكذلك البخاري والترمذي والنسائي

 

The Prophet (ﷺ) said:

Allah (glorified and exalted be He) has supernumerary angels who rove about seeking out gatherings in which Allah's name is being invoked. They sit with them and fold their wings round each other, filling that which is between them and between the lowest Heaven.

 

When [the people in the gathering] depart, [the angels] ascend and rise up to heaven.

 

He (the Prophet (ﷺ)) said: Then Allah (mighty and sublime be He) asks them - [though] He is most knowing about them: From where have you come?

 

And they say: We have come from some servants of Yours on Earth: they were glorifying You (Subhana llah), exalting you (Allahu akbar), witnessing that there is no god but You (La ilaha illa llah), praising You (Al-Hamdu lillah), and asking [favours] of You.

 

He says: And what do they ask of Me?

 

They say: They ask of You Your Paradise.

 

He says: And have they seen My Paradise?

 

They say: No, O Lord.

 

He says: And how would it be were they to have seen My Paradise!

 

They say: And they ask protection of You.

 

He says: From what do they ask protection of Me?

 

They say: From Your Hell-fire, O Lord.

 

He says: And have they seen My Hell-fire?

 

They say: No.

 

He says: And how would it be were they to have seen My Hell-fire:

 

They say: And they ask for Your forgiveness.

 

He (the Prophet (ﷺ)) said: Then He says: I have forgiven them and I have bestowed upon them what they have asked for, and I have granted them sanctuary from that from which they asked protection.

 

He (the Prophet p.b.u.h) said: They say: O Lord, among them is So-and-so, a much sinning servant, who was merely passing by and sat down with them.

 

He (the Prophet p.b.u.h) said: And He says: And to him [too] I have given forgiveness: he who sits with such people shall not suffer.

 

It was related by Muslim (also by al-Bukhari, at-Tirmidhi, and an-Nasa'i).

 

I think since I heard it first in a lecture by Sheikh Hisham Kabbani (ra), it became my favourite Hadith Qudsi. The layering in the hadith was of course endless but the part that moved me first was the angels pointing out that someone had wandered into the dikr. A sinner, who just happened to be walking by and sat down. And Subhanahu, when asked what should happen to him, said, “To him too I have given forgiveness” for with such people no one can suffer.

 

All I want is for Sameena to not suffer. Not for an instant, a moment, a second. That is all I want. And nothing else. Luckily for me I escaped the angst around that wish by placing her as a child at the feet of Nabi Kareem (salutations and greetings upon his softest heart and that of his family) and I placed her at the feet of his beloved daughter, Bibi Fatima (as) who is always with him.

 

I know that when I did that they might have looked upon her. In that gaze of theirs, she became theirs and no longer mine. I wrote 50 pages in two days trying to understand and communicate love and betrayal to others, mostly strangers. To mark a first Friday like no other Friday. With the certainty that if another benefits from a single word in them, the reward of that will reach her here and her namesake in another realm.

 

And for myself, perhaps I will learn to overlook betrayal with grace and only see why any of us were created; to be a manifestation of love.

 

Done