the beautiful birthday of Imam Hussain (as)

The Ashra of Forgiveness

 

Preface

 

The first Ashra, ten days, of Ramadan is Rahma. That Mercy of Ar Rahman, Ar Rahim, overwhelms every other manifestation of His Essence, says the Quran:

 

وَرَحْمَتِى وَسِعَتْ كُلَّ شَىْءٍۢ ۚ

 

My Mercy encompasses everything.

Surah Al Araaf, Verse 156

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Wa rahmati wasi’at kulli shayan: My Mercy encompasses every single thing from the Al Muta’een, the obedient ones and the Al A’sieen, the sinners and others from amongst them.

 

Hence it is poured like rain upon everyone, the obedient, the sinners, alike!

 

The second Ashra is Maghfira. Until yesterday, I had nothing to write about it. In the piece I wrote on the blessed Imam’s (as) duas just a few days ago, I ended on the third Ashra, Nija’t, deliverance from hell, skipping the second entirely.

 

Then I was reminded, it is the bridge connecting the two. If missed, the deliverance cannot be reached!

 

These are two elements of forgiveness. The equation, I have come to understand, in spirituality linking Man to The Divine is set like this:

 

1.It has to be asked for. In the principle of Sufism where relationships with humans mirror one’s relationship with God, the one able to ask it of Subhanahu is the one who can ask it of another human being. Or in the deeper sense of how the Quran explains it, the one granted ability to ask it of Allah is the one granted ability to ask it of another person.

 

2.Forgiveness has to be given. The one who will be granted it by Khair ul Ghaifreen, The Best of Forgivers, has to grant it to others first.

 

The First Hadith taught to Would-be Scholars is the marker of that reality:

 

الرَّاحِمُونَ يَرْحَمُهُمُ الرَّحْمَنُ،

‏‏‏‏‏‏ارْحَمُوا أَهْلَ الْأَرْضِ يَرْحَمْكُمْ مَنْ فِي السَّمَاءِ

‏

The Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم said:

Allah, The Compassionate One has mercy on those who are merciful.

Show mercy to those who are on the Earth, He Who is in the Heaven will show mercy to you.

 

On that note let a story begin!

 

On the dawn of the 12th fast in that Ashra of Forgiveness I sent a message out to a few chosen ones of my own. I was reading the prayer on “Confessing and Seeking Repentance” by the blessed Imam (as) and I knew they would be up. I wanted them to read it too.

 

One of them, a gentleman who is 76, who was my mother’s friend and then became mine, sent me a message back.

 

This is what he said:

 

“Since the second Ashra of forgiveness has begun so to start it I must ask for forgiveness. If at any point of our few meetings, if I said or behaved in any manner which made you feel hurt or upset, please do forgive me as I had no intention of doing so. So I ask forgiveness from Allah since He knows all so please forgive me.”

 

I re-read the note. He had asked for my forgiveness three times in five lines. His personality was so the opposite of the gesture, I couldn’t go back to sleep again. I wrote him something sweet back. Then I looked out the window at the trees blowing in the wind in light which was only yet shades of gray and thought, Am I supposed to ask forgiveness of others?

 

I intend to do the Hajj this year, may Subhanahu grant me the ability to do that. I know I have to do this exercise then. Qari Sahib had made me do it with those who were beastly to me when I went for my first Umra. Was I supposed to do it again?

Now?

 

I left my bed and went downstairs to write. I thought of the people I was estranged from. There were three in particular my heart went to where I had suddenly, without warning, cut off ties. I had just had enough. It was a reaction to the way they were behaving with me but nevertheless, it was harsh and it was unkind.

 

Yet not one of them had objected. I hadn’t received a single call or note asking about what I had done, why had I done it. Could we talk about it and try to reverse it. Not one person we knew in common intervened that the fact had transpired. Nothing. So, I figured when the shock would lapse, they would resume their life like before, forgetting I was ever a part of it.

 

I went to the park per my routine. For the first time I didn’t read a single word at the shrine. I just sat there dazed. Was I going to have to ask forgiveness of those whose behaviour has basically been at worst, a brutal indifference to my happiness and at best, a mindless one of it?

 

I went for my walk up and down hills, retracing my steps exactly from the previous day. That was how I was. A cycle of repetition! Then I couldn’t wonder any longer. I called Qari Sahib and told him everything. Starting with the message I had received response to my sending him “His Prayer for Confessing and Seeking Repentance” at dawn.

 

“I never see him. We don’t speak. Why is asking for my forgiveness?” I asked.

 

“Sometimes,” he said, “We do things not in qaul, words and fael, actions, but in our thoughts. Perhaps he is in a phase where he seeks clarity in all three. This is residue for him. He just doesn’t want to carry it.”

 

My agitation didn’t subside. I could see what was looming ahead and it was making my heart sink. My nafs spoke first, “I thought we had been ordered to stay clear of them.”

 

The sympathy if I imagined it as such was fake. I already knew, at that fork I felt like I was approaching where I had to choose something between what would please Subhanahu or displease Him, it was going to say, let’s take that left of Displeasure. We’ve been there before! It also cycles of repetition.

 

I had just quoted the words in “a thing of beauty” without context. Now it wasn’t so much a coincidence that they appeared in the His Prayer when yearning for forgiveness.

www.duas.org/mobile/sahifasajjadia-dua9-yearning-forgiven...

 

وَإذَا هَمَمْنَا بِهَمَّيْنِ يُرْضِيكَ أَحَدُهُمَا عَنَّا

wa id'aa hamam-naa biham-may-ni yur-z''eeka ah'aduhumaa annaa

7.When we set out after two concerns, one of which makes You pleased with us

 

وَيُسْخِطُكَ الآخَرُ عَلَيْنَا ،

wayuskhit'ukal-aaakharu a'lay-naa

8.and the other of which displeases You,

 

فَمِلْ بِنَا إلَى مَا يُرْضِيْكَ عَنَّا ،

famil binaaa ilaa maa yur-z''eeka a'n-naa

9.incline us toward that which makes You pleased

 

وَأَوْهِنْ قُوَّتَنَا عَمَّا يُسْخِطُكَ عَلَيْنَا ،

wa aw-hin qoo-watanaa a'm-maa yus-khit'uka a'lay-naa

10.and weaken our strength in that which displeases You!

 

وَلاَ تُخَلِّ فِي ذلِكَ بَيْنَ نُفُوسِنَا وَاخْتِيَارِهَا

wa laa tukhal-li fee d'alika bay-na nufoosinaa wa akh-teeaarihaa

11.Leave not our nafs, selves, alone to choose in that,

 

فَإنَّهَا مُخْتَارَةٌ لِلْبَاطِلِ إلاَّ مَا وَفَّقْتَ أَمَّارَةٌ بالسُّوءِ إلاّ مَا رَحِمْتَ

fa in-nahaa mukh-taaratul-lil-baat'ili il-laa maa waf-faq-t am-maaratum-bis-sooo il-laa maa rah'im-t

12.for they choose falsehood except inasmuch as You givest success, and they command to evil except inasmuch as You hast mercy!

 

My heart was so enwrapped in fear it entirely, I ignored my nafs totally.

 

It was true. I had cut off the connection because I was ordered to do so. However, I know the way I did it was wrong. It was too sudden. But I had been right also. Their pride had prevented them from reaching out to me so I didn’t feel so bad about it. We were all better off without a relationship that was feeling only difficult.

 

Plus enduring a state of pain for them was second nature. It was part of their pride. Our interactions were taking a toll on me while they seemed entirely unaffected. That is why I had cut things off without an explanation. Whenever I had tried to speak about the issue previously, it had been met with irritation. I was done.

 

I went home and prepared for my class, all the time distracted. The class ended. I didn’t bring it up again. After Duhr, I called the first person.

 

It was a video call. I explained the situation. She had visited me a couple of weeks ago. The trip started off amazingly. She had adopted a baby girl who was one. I had never seen a child like her so I was besotted.

 

Within a week, our interaction though had become a nightmare. I couldn’t take the stress and stopped sleeping at night. We went to my village. I thought the change of scene would make things better. Then the child became sick and she returned to Lahore. Except this time, I asked if she would stay at a club instead of my home.

 

The act was horrendous I realize. At the time I felt like I had no choice. We saw each other when I returned though. Hung out. It was fine. We have known each other for 20 some years. Been through worse.

 

At first she kept smiling.

 

“Yes, I definitely want to hear this. Go ahead,” she gestured.

I smiled back. I deserved it.

 

I said the words, looking up at her, then lowering my eyes.

 

She listened intently.

 

Then she said, “I forgive you.”

 

I beamed.

 

“Thank you,” I said. We moved on to talking about other things.

 

Check! I thought.

 

I prayed and then called the second person. There was no answer. I left a message. I never heard back.

 

Then I moved on to person number three. This was the newer friendship. We didn’t know each for long but I had thought of it as a happiness when it appeared.

 

She didn’t pick but called me soon after. The conversation started off well. She seemed happy to hear from me. Surprised but happy. I started to explain why I was calling. The Uncle, the Ashra, my seeking forgiveness. I had gone only so far when she lost it.

 

Then there was lot of yelling for a long time. I was a little taken aback but I let it go on to hear the words. But it all things that had nothing to do with us. Wild generalizations that were mostly projections as far as I was concerned. I let her finish and then I let her have it. Sadly on my part as well, everything I yelled out had nothing to do with why I was calling or even our relationship. It was just anger.

 

To cut that part short and describe it in a single sentence; it was a disaster.

 

There was only one thing that was good about it. Only through a miracle, at some point she accidently acknowledged how upset she was at how I had ended the interaction. At that point, I said, “And this is the reason I am calling. Because I know it was unkind and I am sorry about that.”

 

It didn’t matter. The ugliness had been too much to recover. We both hung up. I did not receive the forgiveness I had sought.

 

A day before I had been so excited about sharing the meaning of taqwa to the world through the heart of the blessed Imam (as) that I hadn’t paid attention to it the way I needed to. I was just taken with the enumeration of the manner and qualities one needed to possess it.

 

In preparing for the lecture though I had read them over and over. I had written them on a board. I went back to them. And I I began to see how in the sequence was what a person required to be if they wanted to seek forgiveness or offer it:

 

اللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ عَلى مُحَمَّدٍ وَّآلِهِ

allahumma sal-li a'la muhammadiw-wa a-lih

O Allah, bless Muhammad and his Household,

 

وَحَلِّنِي بِحِلْيَةِ الصَّاِلحِينَ

wa hal-lini bihil-yatis-salihin

adorn me with the adornment of the Saliheen, the ones who reform themselves,

 

وَأَلْبِسْنِي زِينَةَ المُتَّقِينَ فِي

wa al-bis-ni zinatal-mut-taqina fi

And clothe me in the ornaments of the Muttaqeen through:

 

بَسْطِ الْعَدْلِ

bas-til-a'd-l

spreading justice,

 

وَكَظْمِ الْغَيْظِ

wa kazmil-ghayz

restraining rage,

 

وَإِطْفَاءِ النَّائِرَةِ

wa it-fa-in-na-irah

quenching the flame of hate,

 

وَضَمِّ أَهْلِ الْفُرْقَةِ

wa zammi ah-lil-fur-qah

bringing together the people of separation,

 

وَإِصْلاَحِ ذَاتِ الْبَيْنِ

wa is-lahi dhatil-bayn

correcting discord,

 

وَإِفْشِاءِ الْعَارِفَةِ

wa if-shia-il-a'arifah

spreading about good behavior,

 

وَسَتْرِ الْعَائِبَةِ

wa sat-ril-a'a-ibah

covering faults,

 

وَلِينِ الْعَرِيكَةِ

wa linil-a'rikah

mildness of temper,

 

وَخَفْضِ الْجَنَاحِ

wa khaf-zil-janah

lowering the wing,

 

وَحُسْنِ السِّيرَةِ

wa hus-nis-sirah

beauty of conduct,

 

وَسُكُونِ الرِّيحِ

wa sukunir-rih

gravity of bearing,

 

وَطِيبِ الْمُخَالَفَةِ

wa tibil-mukhalafah

courteousness in conflict,

 

وَالسَّبْقِ إِلَى الْفَضِيلَةِ

was-sib-qi ilal-fazilah

precedence in reaching excellence,

 

وَإِيثَارِ التَّفَضُّلِ

wa itharit-tafaz-zul

preferring/choosing to behave graciously,

 

وَتَرْكِ التَّعْيِيرِ

wa tar-kit-ta'-yir

refraining from condemnation,

 

وَالإِفْضَاِل عَلَى غَيْرِ الْمُسْتَحِقِّ

wal-if-zali a'la ghayril-mus-tahiq-q

bestowing bounty on the undeserving,

 

وَالْقَوْلِ بِالْحَقِّ وَإِنْ عَزَّ

wal-qaw-li bil-haq-qi wa in a'z-z

speaking the truth, though it be painful,

 

وَاسْتِقْلاَلِ الْخَيْرِ وَإِن كَثُرَ مِن قَوْلِي وَفِعْلِي

was-tiq-lalil-khayri wa in kathura min qaw-li wa fia'-li

making little of the good in my words and deeds, though it be much,

 

وَاسْتِكْثَارِ الْشَّرِ وَإِن قلَّ مِن قَوْلِي وَفِعْلِي

was-tik-tharish-shari wa in ql-la min qaw-li wa fia'-li

 

I was batting a big fat zero on that too. Out of 19!

 

I spent the next 24 hours asking for forgiveness for the both of us.

 

In her rage as she accused me of not know anything about anything, she said something that occurred to me later. I also had to forgive myself. Had I done that?

 

I went back to read the honoured Imam’s (as) prayer on confessing again. That forgiveness I needed for myself, was it in his Dua? I noticed how it didn’t mention another person from start to end. The “confession” was of my state alone; I was of the “lowly”, the “surrendered”, the “destitute”, the “pitiful.”

 

In the asking of the forgiveness through him, I was in fact also forgiving myself!

 

فَهَلْ يَنْفَعُنِي يَا إلهِي إقْرَارِي عِنْدَكَ بِسُوءِ مَا اكْتَسَبْتُ؟

fahal yanfau'nee yaaa ilaaheee iq-raaree i'ndaka bisooo-i mak-tasab-tu ?

6- Will it profit me, my God, to admit to Thee the evil of what I have earned?

 

وَهَلْ يُنْجِيْنِي مِنْكَ اعْتِرَافِي لَكَ بِقَبِيْحِ مَا ارْتَكَبْتُ؟

wahal yunjeenee minka aa'-tiraafee laka biqabeehee mar-takab-tu?

Will it save me from Thee to confess the ugliness of what I have done?

 

Because Subhanahu would open the door of repentance Himself:

 

سُبْحَانَكَ! لاَ أَيْأَسُ مِنْكَ وَقَدْ فَتَحْتَ لِيَ بَابَ التَّوْبَةِ إلَيْكَ،

sub-h'aanaka laaa ay-asu minka waqad fatah'-ta lee baabat-taw-bati ilay-k

Glory be to Thee! I do not despair of Thee, for Thou hast opened the door of repentance toward Thyself.

 

So He would make me say the words my nafs would never allow. Of how I had wronged myself.

 

بَلْ أَقُولُ مَقَالَ الْعَبْدِ الذَّلِيلِ الظَّالِمِ لِنَفْسِهِ

bal aqoolu maqaalal-a'b-did'-d'aleeli az'-z'aalimi linaf-sih

Rather, I say, the words of a lowly servant, having wronged himself

 

All day and night I prayed for her as I did for myself. After my namaz, after the Duas. I wanted us to be forgiven together for that brief moment we shared only to separate again and walk our different paths, wherever they lead. For I had caused that moment for her, just like she had caused it for me.

 

My focus was singular. I wanted deliverance from hell that was promised in 4 days.

 

مَا سَلَكَكُمْ فِى سَقَرَ ٤٢

What led you into Hell?

 

قَالُوا۟ لَمْ نَكُ مِنَ ٱلْمُصَلِّينَ ٤٣

They will say, “We were of those who did not pray.”

 

وَلَمْ نَكُ نُطْعِمُ ٱلْمِسْكِينَ ٤٤

And we did not feed the poor.

 

وَكُنَّا نَخُوضُ مَعَ ٱلْخَآئِضِينَ ٤٥

And we indulged in vain discussion along with others who did the same.

 

Surah Al Mudathir, Verse 42-45

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

And they were asked:

 

Anal Mujrimeen: the wicked ones, (by the ones in Paradise who were) in a state of bewilderment and in disbelief…

 

Ma salakakum: what led you and made you enter…

 

Fi saqara: the Hell of possibilities and the fire of exclusion and abandonment?

 

It was an absence of love. From Subhanahu and human beings both!

 

قُلِ ٱللَّهُمَّ مَـٰلِكَ ٱلۡمُلۡكِ تُؤۡتِی ٱلۡمُلۡكَ مَن تَشَاۤءُ وَتَنزِعُ ٱلۡمُلۡكَ مِمَّن تَشَاۤءُ وَتُعِزُّ مَن تَشَاۤءُ وَتُذِلُّ مَن تَشَاۤءُۖ بِیَدِكَ ٱلۡخَیۡرُۖ إِنَّكَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَیۡءࣲ قَدِی

 

Say "O Allah! Owner (of) the Dominion,

You give the dominion (to) whom You will and You take away the dominion from whom You will,

and You honor whom You will, and You humiliate whom You will.

In Your hand (is all) goodness.

Indeed, You (are) All Powerful upon every thing.

Surah Aal e Imran, Verse 26

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Qul: Say, Ayyha Al Muttahaqqiq, the one made steadfast upon the Maqam Ash-shahood Az-zaati, the Station of the Witnessing of My Essence, Al Mukhashif bi Wahdat il Haqq, the one who unveils the One-ness of Allah Al Haqq, invoke and pray, uttering by a tongue of your rank, inclusive and consisting of all the ranks…

 

Allahuma: Dear Lord…

 

Malik il Mulk: O Al Mutasarrif, The Only One who governs , Al Mustaqil, The Only One Permanent in the appearance of Your Essence…

 

Tu’ti: grant and give and unveil by Your Lutf, Affection…

 

Al Mulk-a: the kingdom i.e. Tauheed e Zaati, the Essence of Your One-ness…

 

Man Tasha’a: to whom you will from the chosen ones for the Manifestation of Your Attributes and Names…

 

Wa tanz’iu: and withold and prevent and conceal due to Your Qahr, Wrath…

 

Al Mulka: the Essence of Your One-ness…

 

Mimman tasha’u: from whom you want from the ordinary, (thus) completing the requisites of the Attributes of Your Jamal, Beauty and Your Jalal, Awe.

Wa tu’izzu man tasha’a: And You bestow honor upon whom You will by union with the realm of Fana’, dissolution in You…

 

Wa tudillu man tasha’a: and You humiliate whom you want (by placing them) behind the veil of the canopy of Your Jalal, Majesty (thus never reaching Him).

 

And overall:

 

Bi yadika: in Your Hand and Your Power and Your Control and Your Will and Your Desire…

 

Al Khair: is All Goodness i.e. everything in presence and everything in appearance in different forms and places.

 

Innaka: Indeed You and Only Your Essence…

 

Ala kulli shay’an: is upon every thing in appearance from Your Presence…

 

Qadeer: are All Powerful, (a Power) which has no end whatsoever.

 

The one thing I was realizing all of this Ramadan was that if I stare at my nafs all day and can’t change anything about it, why would someone else who doesn’t even see it as an enemy. Who thinks indulging it is their path. Who sits gagged and bound and thinks life is good.

 

I also came to realize why wealth is as much a blessing as a curse. It’s not the effect it has on one as much as the possession of it has on those around. Beauty is a burden, I have heard often. But beauty comes with a trauma sooner or later. That is from the nisbat of the beautiful one with the Prophet Yusuf (as).

 

But money. It’s sheer effect on others who stare at the one with envy and admiration for the possession of it boomerangs back with such vile intensity, it becomes a nightmare. For the bowing of others causes one to become Pharonic!

 

Hence the verses in the Quran when Subhanahu says, you thought it was good for you but it wasn’t!

 

Happy when it was bestowed…

 

فَأَمَّا ٱلۡإِنسَـٰنُ إِذَا مَا ٱبۡتَلَىٰهُ رَبُّهُۥ فَأَكۡرَمَهُۥ وَنَعَّمَهُۥ فَیَقُولُ رَبِّیۤ أَكۡرَمَنِ

 

And as for Man, when does try him his Lord and is generous to him and favors him, he says, "My Lord has honored me."

Surah Al Fajr, Verse 15

 

Tafseer e Jilani

Fa ammal insaanu: But as for the state of Man, Al Muzabzib, swaying between ehsan, goodness and kufran, ingratitude…

 

Ida mabtalaahu: when He places him in a trial, to test him and try him out…

 

Rabbuhu: His Lord, with richness and ease…

 

Fa akramahu: and honours him with rank and prosperity…

 

Wa na’amahu: and bestows him blessings in the form of wealth and children…

 

Fa yaqoolu: so he says, in gratitude because he receives some of the blessings, responding to the Generosity of Allah….

 

Rabbi akramani: my Lord honoured me and bestowed His Favour upon me by what he gave me from wealth and goodness.

 

… and feeling humiliated when it was restricted!

 

وَأَمَّاۤ إِذَا مَا ٱبۡتَلَىٰهُ فَقَدَرَ عَلَیۡهِ رِزۡقَهُۥ فَیَقُولُ رَبِّیۤ أَهَـٰنَنِ

 

But when does He try him and restricts for him his provision, then he says, "My Lord (has) humiliated me."

Surah Al Fajr, Verse 16

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Wa amma mabtalaahu: But when He tries him with affliction (of pain and discomfort), His Lord, with poverty and hardship after ease…

 

Fa qadra alayhi rizqahu: and limits his means of sustenance and reduces it and gives him only what is sufficient for him and what fulfills his need and what is his daily sustenance, (bihaysu) such that it does not increase beyond what he needs for his basic living…

 

Fa yaqoolu: so he says, complaining to Him with complaints before Subhanahu…

 

Rabbi ahaanani: my Lord degraded me and humiliated me so much so that He did not give me what He gave so and so even though faqr, a state of being without, is better than wealth because poverty, if it is joined with tasleem, surrender and raza, contentment, it will take its doer towards Jannat al Ma’awa and towards a kingdom that will never perish.

 

And riches, if they are not joined with gratitude and spending and going the extra mile, it will take its doer to the depths of fire and valleys of blazing flames.

 

For it only created greed!

 

وَتُحِبُّونَ ٱلۡمَالَ حُبࣰّا جَمࣰّا

 

And you love wealth with boundless love.

Surah Al Fajr, Verse 17-20

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Then said Subhanahu:

 

Wa: And this is because you all…

 

Tuhibboona al maala hubban: love money with boundless love, a lot, with a greed intense and a hope extreme and you do not feed the needy and the destitute, fearful that it (your wealth) will decrease.

 

Tangibles or intangibles, giving and withholding was explained to me from two angles. One, only Subhanahu decides it;

 

فَأَفْتَتِنَ بِحَمْدِ مَنْ أَعْطَانِي،

fa-af-tatina biham-di man a'-tani

And Then I would be tried by praising him who gave to me

 

وَأُبْتَلي بِذَمِّ مَن مَّنَعَنِي

wa ub-tala bidhammi mam-mana'ni

afflicted with blaming him who held back from me,

 

وَأَنتَ مِن دُونِهِمْ وَلِيُّ الإِعْطَاءِ وَالْمَنْعِ

wa anta min dunihim wali-yul-ia'-ta-i wal-man-i'

While You— not they— art patron of giving and holding back

 

اللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ عَلَى مُحَمَّدٍ وَّآلِهِ

allahumma sal-li a'la muhammadiw-wa a-lih

O Allah, bless Muhammad and his Household

 

So if one friend forgave me with a smile and another didn’t, she couldn’t. She was denied that ability.

 

Because that ability and capacity and capability is granted. That granting it seems from the exegesis of the verses that I have studied through Ghaus Pak (ra) comes from a person’s israar, insistence, that what they are doing is right.

 

Thus I remembered the verse, forgive them but stay away from them:

 

‏خُذِ ٱلْعَفْوَ وَأْمُرْ بِٱلْعُرْفِ وَأَعْرِضْ عَنِ ٱلْجَهِلِينَ ‎

 

Keep to forgiveness (O Beloved (peace be upon you) and enjoin the good,

and turn away from the ignorant.

Surah Al Araaf, Verse 199

 

Tafseer e Jilani:

 

And when their state is such and their insistence upon this purpose (of denial and being wayward);

 

Khud il afwa: Choose always (and make your habit), O Messenger who completes the Message (peace be upon you), the path of forgiveness and softness. And turn away from anger (of the type of being upset with someone when you can exercise ability to do something about it) and becoming hard, because this is in line with the affection of the status of Prophet-hood.

 

Wa’mur bil urf: And enjoin them with good deeds, calling them to the Way of Allah, with wisdom and softness of words, that nation in which you see the possibility of being guided, with the light of Prophet-hood and Closeness (with Allah).

 

Wa aa’rid ana jahileen: And avoid the ignorant who are stubborn. And if they argue with you, argue with them in the best way. Indeed your Lord knows well which of them is astray from His Path and He knows well also who is guided among them.

 

For it is the persistence that is the biggest barrier.

 

أللَّهُمَّ صَلِّ عَلَى مُحَمَّد وَآلِهِ

al-laahum-ma s'al-li a'laa muh'am-madiw-wa aaalih

1.O God, bless Muhammad and his Household,

 

وَصَيِّرْنَـا إلَى مَحْبُوبِكَ مِنَ التَّوْبَةِ

wa s'ay-yir-naaa ilaa mah'-boobika minat-taw-bati

2.make us go to the repentance that You lovest

 

وَأَزِلْنَا عَنْ مَكْرُوهِكَ مِنَ الإصْرَارِ.

wa azil-naa a'm-mak-roohika minal-is'-raar

3.and make us leave the persistence that You hatest!

 

In the end I had said one thing to my once friend.

“I was a goodness for you,” I said honestly without being boastful about it. “Like I thought you were a goodness for me. If you don’t believe that was the case, then there was never going to be a resumption after the rupture anyway.”

 

One’s own forgiveness lies not just in forgiving another which is what I previously thought. It lies in the seeking of it as well. They were both equally important. Perhaps that is why maghfira is the bridge that leads to the way out of hell.

Ramadan is the time for me to receive the harvest of those seeds I had given to Ghaus Pak (ra) in Rajab. I couldn’t even remember what those seeds were anymore. What were they? I kept asking myself drawing blanks.

 

I guess it doesn’t matter. What I will sow is what I earned for difficulty that came upon me from my self.

 

وَمَآ أَصَـٰبَكُم مِّن مُّصِيبَةٍۢ فَبِمَا كَسَبَتْ أَيْدِيكُمْ وَيَعْفُوا۟ عَن كَثِيرٍۢ ٣٠

 

And whatever befalls you of (the) misfortune, (is because) of what have earned your hands. But He pardons [from] much.

 

Surah Shoora, Verse 30

 

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Wa: And know Ayyoha al adlaal al haalika, O ones who are shadows that are vanishing in themselves…

 

Ma asaabakum mim museebat-in: that which befalls you of misfortune, harmful, painful…

 

Fabima kasabat aydeekum: so it is because it is the outcome of your own hands i.e. because of your perpetrating disobedience and sinful deeds…

 

Wa: and while (He knows it)…

 

Ya’fu: He forgives, Subhanahu…

 

An katheer: most of it. He does not punish you because of those sins with misfortune, showing you kindness and giving you ease.

 

But still He would forgive me, my Rabb!

 

That was what the Imam (as) invoked again and again and again in his prayers; those promises of forgiveness invoking His Exalted Names and Attributes in endless expression; Ya Arham Ar Rahimeen, The Most Merciful of Merciful, Al Lateef, The Most Gentle, Al Afuw, The Most Forgiving, At Tawwab, The Only Acceptor of Repentance,

 

يَدْعُوكَ بِيَا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ وَيَا أَرْحَمَ مَنِ انْتَابَهُ الْمُسْتَرْحِمُونَ،

yad-u'wka beeaaa ar-h'amar-raah'imeen wa yaaa ar-h'ama mani antaabahul-mus-tar-h'imoon

He supplicates Thee: O Most Merciful of the merciful!O Most Merciful of those toward whom seekers of mercy keep on turning

 

وَيَا أَعْطَفَ مَنْ أَطَافَ بِهِ الْمُسْتَغْفِرُونَ ،

wa yaaa aa'-t'afa man at'aafa bihil-mus-tagh-firoon

O Tenderest of those around whom run seekers of forgiveness!

 

وَيَا مَنْ عَفْوُهُ أكْثَرُ مِنْ نِقْمَتِهِ،

wa yaa man a'f-wuhooo ak-tharu min-naqimatih

O He whose pardon is greater than His vengeance!

 

وَيَا مَنْ رِضَاهُ أَوْفَرُ مِنْ سَخَطِهِ،

wa yaa mar-riz''aahooo aw-faru min sakhat'ih

O He whose good pleasure is more abundant than His anger

 

وَيَا مَنْ تَحَمَّدَ إلَى خَلْقِهِ بِحُسْنِ التَّجاوُزِ ،

wa yaa man tah'am-mada ilaa khal-qihee bih'us-nit-tajaawuz

O He who seeks His creatures' praise with excellent forbearance!

 

وَيَا مَنْ عَوَّدَ عِبادَهُ قَبُولَ الإنَابَةِ ،

wa yaa man a'w-wada i'baadahoo qaboolal-inaabah

O He who has accustomed His servants to the acceptance of their repeated turning!

 

وَيَا مَنِ اسْتَصْلَحَ فَاسِدَهُمْ بِالتَّوْبَةِ

wa yaa mani as-tas'-lah'a faasidahum bit-taw-bah

O He who seeks to heal their corruption through repentance!

 

وَيَا مَنْ رَضِيَ مِنْ فِعْلِهِمْ بِالْيَسيرِ،

wa yaa mar-raz''eea min fia'-lihim bil-yaseer

O He who is pleased with the easy of their acts!

 

وَيَا مَنْ كَافى قَلِيْلَهُمْ بِالْكَثِيرِ،

wa yaa man kaafaa qaleelahum bil-katheer

O He who recompenses with the much their little!

 

وَيَا مَنْ ضَمِنَ لَهُمْ إجَابَةَ الدُّعاءِ،

wa yaa man z''amina lahum ijaabatad-dua'aa-i

O He who has made himself accountable to them to respond to supplication!

 

وَيَا مَنْ وَعَدَهُمْ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ بِتَفَضُّلِهِ حُسْنَ الْجَزاءِ،

wa yaa maw-waa'dahum a'laa naf-sihee bitafaz''-z''ulihee h'us-nal-jazaaa-i

O He who pledged Himself by His gratuitous bounty to give them excellent repayment!

 

For the Imam (as) evokes His Love by beseeching that he is not the worst of them all.

 

مَا أَنَا بِأَعْصَى مَنْ عَصَاكَ فَغَفَرْتَ لَهُ،

maaa ana bia'-s'aa man a's'aaka faghafar-ta lah

I am not the most disobedient of those who have disobeyed Thee

 

وَمَا أَنَا بِأَلْوَمِ مَنِ اعْتَذَرَ إلَيْكَ فَقَبِلْتَ مِنْهُ،

wa maaa ana bil-wami mani aa'-tad'ara ilay-ka faqabil-ta min-h

and whom Thou hast forgiven, nor am I the most blameworthy to offer excuses which Thou hast accepted,

 

وَمَا أَنَا بِأَظْلَمِ مَنْ تَابَ إلَيْكَ فَعُدْتَ عَلَيْهِ ،

wa maaa ana biz'-lami man taaba ilay-ka fau't-ta a'lay-h

nor am I the most wrongdoing of those who have repented to Thee, and to whom Thou hast returned

 

Just one who wants to return, pulling back from that insistence.

 

أَتُوبُ إلَيْكَ فِي مَقَامِي هَذَا تَوْبَةَ نَادِم عَلَى مَا فَرَطَ مِنْهُ

atoobu ilay-ka fee maqaamee had'aa taw-bata naadimin a'laa maa farat'a min-h

I repent to Thee in this my station, the repentance of one remorseful over what preceded from him

 

مُشْفِق مِمَّا اجْتَمَعَ عَلَيْهِ خَالِصِ الْحَيَاءِ مِمَّا وَقَعَ فِيْهِ ،

mush-fiqim-mim-maj-tamaa' a'lay-h khaalis'il-h'ayaaa-i mim-maa waqaa' feeh

hastily, apprehensive of what has gathered around him, pure in shame for that into which he has fallen,

 

عَالِم بِأَنَّ الْعَفْوَ عَنِ الذَّنْبِ الْعَظِيمِ لاَ يَتَعـاظَمُكَ،

a'alimin bian-nal-a'f-wa a'nid'-d'ambil-a'z'eemi laa yataa'az'amuk

knowing that pardoning great sins is nothing great for Thee.

 

وَأَنَّ التَّجَـاوُزَ عَنِ الإثْمِ الْجَلِيْلِ لا يَسْتَصْعِبُكَ ،

wa an-nat-tajaawuza a'nil-ith-mil-jaleeli laa yas-tas'-i'buk

overlooking enormous misdeeds is not difficult for thee

 

وَأَنَّ احْتِمَالَ الْجنَايَاتِ الْفَـاحِشَةِ لا يَتَكَأَّدُكَ،

wa an-na ah'-timaalal-jinaayaatil-faah'ishati laa yatakaa-aduk

putting up with indecent crimes does not trouble Thee,

 

وَأَنَّ أَحَبَّ عِبَادِكَ إلَيْكَ مَنْ تَرَكَ الاسْتِكْبَارَ عَلَيْكَ،

wa an-na ah'ab-ba i'baadika ilay-ka man tarakalis-tik-baara a'lay-k

and the most beloved of Thy servants to Thee is he who refrains from arrogance before thee

 

وَجَانَبَ الإِصْرَارَ، وَلَزِمَ الاسْتِغْفَارَ.

wa jaanabal-is'-raar wa lazimalis-tigh-faar

pulls aside from persistence, and holds fast to praying forgiveness!

 

It is no coincidence that two of the most important births of the Universe lie in these 10 days; the exalted Imam Hussain (as) today at sunset and the kindness of my life, Bibi Zainab (as) on Saturday at sunset. If there were moments when the Earths and the skies and the seven heavens have celebrated joy, without doubt these have been two of them.

 

My recent debacle in seeking someone's forgiveness just reconfirmed the inability of my nafs to change, to flare up and explode in anger. But it also showed me when I prayed the dua of the blessed Imam (ra) for the person exactly as I prayed it for myself, that whether there can be resumption after a rupture or not, on some plane of the Universe, we remain aligned. There is a happiness in that for me just as much as there is a peace. I just hope the other person can also sense that somehow.

 

One might then ask, if the nafs cannot change, and the capacity and capability is pre-assigned by Allah in His Infinite Knowledge as a function of one’s own insistence and persistence to only be stubborn and selfish, what’s the point?

 

The answer then is the dua. For it is the jewel of being His Banda, Servant, and when the words ring in the echo of the Imam’s (as), they carry within them not just his sound but also his emotion.

 

That emotion is being expressed by the blood of the exalted Imam Hussain (as). After what he endured at Karbala and then following it is harrowing in ways infinite and indescribable. The Imam (as) is the reason the faith survived. He is the reason I can call myself a Muslim today.

 

Otherwise if the Christians could abandon their faith because of the scandals of sexual abuse by their clergy, why wouldn't the Muslims reject theirs when the spiritual leaders would be the likes of Yazeed. The way the Imam Zain ul Abedin (as) addressed his Lord is with a love that is endlessly deep and intensely vulnerable. He cannot be denied and therefore, for the one who invokes his words, absolutely anything can happen.

 

Lines that did not exist in fate can appear and words in the tablets of decree ordained erased. Destinies can change and fires of hell finally be extinguished. Talk about a long time coming!

 

In 12 years of walking a path I have learnt that charity creates gratitude. Given the rule that peace of mind is only and only a consequence of gratitude, in the greatest of fortunes it became a practice per the command of my Spiritual Master.

 

Sadqa, attests the Quran, is also the only possibility of giving a loan to Subhanahu, qardan hasana. It is the means to receive the prayer of The Beloved (salutations and greetings upon him and his family as many as there are footsteps on the Earth from the beginning of time till the end of it).

 

In this Ashra, through the seeking of forgiveness, when I realized that I was given capacity another was denied, that gratitude emerged again. In an entirely different way that was deeply emotional and almost overwhelming. For it caused an outpouring of softness that was completely new for an other who was the "enemy."

 

Because of Maghfira, the bridge that connects the Mercy of the Divine with His Ni'jat.

 

In five days, that bridge will disappear. Of course its promise remains for anyone at anytime as is Subhanahu's Will but today it is promised. So even if the forgiveness cannot be sought of another because the ego cannot fathom it, even that's fine. But to not ask it of Khair ul Ghaifreen, The Best of Forgivers, why would anyone want to miss that moment.

 

Done