To mark the blessed month of Rajab with a book - The Beginning of Surrender - Part I

أَعُوْذُ بِاللّٰهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطٰانِ الرَّجِيْمِ

 

I seek refuge in Allah from Shaitaan, Al Mudill, the one who misleads with his whispers, Al Maghwi, who seduces with his deception.

 

بِسۡمِ ٱللَّهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِیمِ

 

In the Name of Allah,

The First without a first before Him, The Last without a last behind Him,

The Entirely Merciful, The Especiall Merciful

 

ٱلۡحَمۡدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ ٱلۡعَـٰلَمِینَ

 

all kinds of praise and appreciation,

encompassing all types of the characteristics of all kinds of those utterings of praise in words, in deeds, in states and dialogues,

are only and only for Allah Worthy in His Own Essence and His Attributes,

who is The Lord of all the worlds,

 

ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ

 

The One whose Essence is All Encompassing of all things in existence with Grace Ever- Expansive and according to the Vastness of His Mercy and the Abundance of His Lutf, Affection and His Ra’fat, Gentleness.

 

ٱلرَّحِیمِ

 

The One who raises compassionately,

who nourishes according to the expansiveness of His Limitless Mercy based on the nature of Tauheed

and makes one reach towards the Abode of the One-ness of His Essence

after one lifts the preoccupations (and concerns) that created hurdles from the focus on His One-ness

and after one rejects the connections that prevent steadfastness in His One-ness and absorbing the adornment in it.

 

مَـٰلِكِ یَوۡمِ ٱلدِّینِ

 

The Master of the Day of Resurrection which is prepared for reward or punishment,

 

إِیَّاكَ نَعۡبُدُ

 

You Alone we worship without the idols of hopes and expectations of others in our hearts

 

وَإِیَّاكَ نَسۡتَعِینُ

 

and You Alone we ask for help without which there is no power to endure.

 

ٱهۡدِنَا ٱلصِّرَٰطَ ٱلۡمُسۡتَقِیمَ

 

Guide us to the Straight Path which brings us to Your One-ness,

 

صِرَٰطَ ٱلَّذِینَ أَنۡعَمۡتَ عَلَیۡهِمۡ

 

the path of those You have bestowed (Your) Favors upon

from the Prophets and the truthful one and the martyrs and the ones who rise to battle with their desires and the ones who ready their nafs, selves, to reform and make up for the deficiencies of their previous state,

 

غَیۡرِ ٱلۡمَغۡضُوبِ عَلَیۡهِمۡ

 

not of those who earned Your Wrath upon themselves

 

وَلَا ٱلضَّاۤلِّینَ

 

and not of those who refuse to accept guidance.

 

آمين

 

May Allah make us of those whose burdens are light and whose wishes are few by His Special Favour and His Special Bounty, Ameen!

 

 

‏وَلَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا ٱلْإِنسَنَ وَنَعْلَمُ مَا تُوَسْوِسُ بِهِۦ نَفْسُهُۥ ۖ

 

And certainly We created man and We know what his self whispers to him

Surah Qaf, Verse 16

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Wa: And overall…

 

Laqad khalaqna al insaana: indeed we created Man and We made him appear from the hidden-ness of nothingness.

 

Wa: And We…

 

Na’alamu: We know him from that point…

 

Ma tuwaswisu: (as to) what whispers and makes up a rambling story…

 

Bihi nafsohu: from his own self and sways his heart (from that point) until now from those kinds of delusions and false imaginings and those things that descend upon him as animalistic desires and those thoughts that are imprisoned by the chains of rituals and shackles of inherent habits that are inherited as a result of useless ponderings which are mixed with unthinking paranoia.

 

Contents

 

Preface 13 Begin! 17 The Push and the Pull 19 Shaitaan and Me 23 The Nafs Mutma’inna 27 The Ones who know their Lord 33 The First Jolt 37 The Diseases of the Heart 41 The Nature of Blessings and Trials 47 Shaan 53 The Belly of the Whale 65 The Façade of my Obedience 69 The Shirrk in my Heart 75 The Fire of Possibilities 81 My Master’s Wrath and Mercy 89 The Necessity of Fear 103 Patience is Beautiful 121 What is a Dua 131 They Feel no Fear or Grief 143 The Layering of Generosity 151 Akhlaq and Imam Ghazali 161 The Seed of Tauba 169 Forgiveness 183

 

يَقُولُ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى:

ابْنَ آدَمَ،

اطْلُبْنِي تَجدني، فَإِنْ وَجَدْتَنِي وجَدْتَ كُلَّ شَيْءٍ،

وَإِنْ فُتُّكَ فَاتَكَ كُلُّ شَيْءٍ،

وَأَنَا أَحَبُّ إِلَيْكَ مِنْ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ

 

Says Allah Ta’ala:

“O Children of Adam (as)!

Seek me and you will find me.

So if you find Me, you will find everything.

And if you miss this seeking, you will lose everything.

And I should be most beloved to you of all things.”

 

Preface

 

فَإِذَا قَرَأۡتَ ٱلۡقُرۡءَانَ فَٱسۡتَعِذۡ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّیۡطَـٰنِ ٱلرَّجِیمِ

 

So when you recite the Quran, seek refuge in Allah from the Shaitaan, the accursed.

Surah An Nahl, Verse 98

 

Exegesis of all verses from the Tafseer e Jilani by the Master of all Masters, Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jilani (ra):

 

And overall good deeds give fruit to a life beautiful and meaningful. In fact the most superb of these deeds is the recitation of the Quran, full of of Ma’arif, Divine Recognitions and Haqaiq, Divine Realities and Mukashafaat, Divine Unveilings and Mushahadaat, Divine Witnessing, resulting from the traveling on the Path of Tauheed, the One-ness of Allah and Irfaan, knowing His Essence.

 

Fa ida qara’at al Quran: So when you read the Quran i.e. you made the intention of reading it, O Qari, O reciter, seeker of the unveiling of the depth of its secrets and its ambiguous signs…

 

Fasta’id: then seek refuge and invoke, first of all…

 

Billahi: Allah, Al Mutajalli, The One who unveils, by the attribute of speech, which makes others helpless before it, Al Hafeed, The Protector of His Sincere Servants from everything in useless sins and disobedience…

 

Min: (which occur) due to doubts and paranoia…

 

Ash Shaitaan ar rajeem: from Shaitaan the accursed one, Al Matrood, the one expelled and the one made distant from the court of the Presence of Allah Azzo Jal with the stoning of the effects of the attributes of Allah’s Wrath and (seek refuge) from his misconceptions and rationalizations which are the armies of desire and forgetfulness and false imaginings and hallucinations thrilling which persuade different kinds of hopes and lust.

 

A Question of Truth

 

I’ve been thinking about this piece in starts and stops for months. To escape the coldest month in Lahore I headed to Karachi to give it readable form at the end of December. I was writing it to mark the month of Rajab in which Maula Ali (as) is born, which would begin on the 23rd of January if the new moon appeared.

 

I included this section, a preface, for the first time to make a single suggestion to my reader. To answer a question that Ghaus Pak (ra) continually asks his readers in his magnificent exegesis of the Quran, the Tafseer e Jilani. Although most scholars yield that it is but a translation.

 

For an exegesis by him, if it were to include all Divine Secrets that have been unveiled for him, might take up all the pages of all the trees only in describing what just the first Surah, Al Fateha, contains, which, incidentally, is also a preface. For the Quran.

 

The question being; Where do you lie in this? For truth is not on a spectrum, he says. It is absolute. We, however, as infallible beings exist in shades of darkness and pendulum between it and falsehood. Whether a single line or thought or image is retained or everything is entirely forgotten, the intention of the read must be singular, fulfilled with a simple question: Where do I lie in this?

 

For the time, the Quran attests, in this world that seems so absolute is not only short. It isn’t even an hour!

 

فَٱصۡبِرۡ كَمَا صَبَرَ أُو۟لُوا۟ ٱلۡعَزۡمِ مِنَ ٱلرُّسُلِ وَلَا تَسۡتَعۡجِل لَّهُمۡۚ

كَأَنَّهُمۡ یَوۡمَ یَرَوۡنَ مَا یُوعَدُونَ لَمۡ یَلۡبَثُوۤا۟ إِلَّا سَاعَةࣰ مِّن نَّهَارِۭۚ

 

So be patient, as had patience those of determination of the Messengers, and (do) not seek to hasten for them punishment.

On the Day when they see what they are promised, it will seem they remained not except an hour of a day (in the world).

Surah Ahqaf, Verse 35

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

And after that you heard O Akmal Ar Rusul, O Messenger who perfects Messenger-hood (salutations and greetings upon you who is entrusted with The Revelation by your Lord and Master), the outcome of the state of denial of truth by the ones who are insistent upon their insolence and stubborn-ness…

 

Fasbir: then be patient, O Akmal Ar Rusul (salutations and greetings upon you and your family by your Lord who makes you His Nur), upon bearing the charge of the message and the exhaustion of preaching and the sufferings from the people, strayed and the misguided…

 

Kama sabara: the way they were patient upon these types of hurdles…

 

Ulol azmi mir Rasool: the Messengers, with unwavering determination, Al Azimeena, the ones resolute upon these things and upon the preaching of the Message with steadfastness, sincere and with solid firmness, so that they make clear for the people the Path of Tauheed, Allah’s One-ness and instruct towards the way of steadfastness and guidance.

 

Wa la tasta’jil lahum: And do not hasten to seek the torment for these deniers i.e. the stubborn ones from the Quresh, with the coming of punishment which is promised to them. For indeed, it will come upon them certainly in its own time…

 

Ka annahum youma yarouna ma yu’adoona: on the Day they will see in the Hereafter which they are being promised of, this punishment from the heights of intensity and scariness and the extreme-ness of its duration so they will recall…

Lab yalbathu: they didn’t stay in the world…

 

Illa sa’atan: for more than an hour…

 

Min naharin: of a day meaning that they will think of the time they stayed in this world as less and they will imagine that compared to the length of the Day of Judgement, it was only an hour or even less than that.

 

The question I ask now is not if I am a Mo’min, a believer or a Kafir, a denier of truth or ungrateful but when?

 

When do I remember my Lord and His Beloved (salutations and greetings upon him who is distinguished among creatures by His Lord) and become a zakir and when am I ghafil, the one who forgets them completely? And most importantly, why?

 

 

Begin!

 

‏قَالَا رَبَّنَا ظَلَمْنَآ أَنفُسَنَا وَإِن لَّمْ تَغْفِرْ لَنَا وَتَرْحَمْنَا لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ ٱلْخَسِرِينَ ‎

 

Both of them, Hazrat Adam (as) and Amma Hawwa (as)) said,

"Our Lord we have wronged ourselves, and if not You forgive [for] us and have mercy (on) us, surely, we will be among the losers."

Surah Al Araaf, Verse 23

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Qalaa: They both invoked, beseeching in humility, admitting that lapse from them…

 

Rabbana: O One who raised us upon grace according to Your Fazl, Bounty and Jood, Generosity…

 

Dallamnaa anfusana: we transgressed upon our own selves by following the enemy (Shaitaan)…

 

Wa illam taghfir lana: and if You do not forgive us and the excesses from us…

 

Wa: and do not…

 

Tarhamna: have mercy upon us by Your Fazl, Favour…

 

Lanaku nanna min al khasireen: we will become amongst the losers, the ones in the greatest loss.

 

Woe upon you!

 

You claim to have knowledge and (yet) find happiness the way the ignorant find happiness and are angry like they are angry.

Your happiness with the world and your inclination towards Creation will make you forget wisdom and harden your heart.

The Mo’min is only happy with Allah and nobody except Him.

 

Ghaus Pak (ra) in Al Fath Ar Rabbani

 

Al Mulhim – The Only One who inspires!

 

Recently in my reading of the Tafseer e Jilani I came across new Asma al Husna, the Beautiful Names of Allah Subhanahu from Ghaus Pak (ra). I was swayed by the effect of the sound itself. Mulhim.

 

Allah Al Haqq, The Only Truth, inspires and His Beloved (O my Lord who raises only kindly, send blessings and salutations upon him and his family) is the Mulham, the one upon whose heart came the inspiration of the Quran. Then as Al Qasim, he distributed them and he distributes them even today.

 

 

The Push and the Pull

 

أَنِّي مَسَّنِيَ الضُّرُّ وَأَنتَ أَرْحَمُ الرَّاحِمِينَ

 

Prayed the Prophet Ayub (as);

“Indeed, adversity has touched me, and you are the Most Merciful of the merciful.”

Surah Al Anbiya, Verse 83

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Anni massani ad durru: Indeed adversity has touched me, O Lord, far away have gone those close to me and my relatives and all the ones who were affectionate with me…

 

Wa anta: and You are The One remaining who is still for me Merciful and Affectionate for indeed You are…

 

Arham ar Rahimeen: the Most Merciful of the merciful so come to me suddenly with Your Lutf, Kindness because I have no strength and no patience after this and surely his suffering had reached its heights.

 

In my most recent trip to Damascus I had not been reading any of my books on Tasawuff, Islamic Spirituality. Only New Yorkers. That was a first. Whenever I had gone to Medina Sharif or Iraq or India for ziaraat, I had taken books with me specifically to read there in particular places. Here my state was swoon-like. I had brought the books but I never opened them. In the first few days of my being in Sham an experience began to stand out.

 

Each day I would have breakfast on the balcony outside my room. It was quiet and after I ate, I went to the roof-top terrace to lie or sit on a couch that was also a swing. Mostly I would listen to music and stare at the sky. The colours had captivated my heart the first time and it clearly remained besotted.

 

One thing was always the same; the shade would be darkest above me, the blues in their range from powder to midnight, getting lighter and lighter, until my eyes came upon Qasiyoun. It was like only one mountain existed in the world. The one where 123,000 Prophets were buried. I would climb to no-go areas of the hotel to capture it from new vantage points. In the end I just started closing my eyes mid-stare, making them my camera. Everything about Damascus felt intense for me.

 

After the third day, I had started doing something that initially seemed like it was inadvertent. A specific memory would pop into my head and then I would replay it. It was recent, not remarkable but not insignificant either. Like a Youtube or Tiktok video, I would watch the memory in my head at almost exactly the same time.

 

Then for the rest of the day I forgot it along with my entire existence, becoming only a visitor in Paradise. Damascus has been titled such originally by Nabi Kareem (salutations and greetings upon his every utterance that comes only through His Lord God). Therefore it does not allow for lost moments. It’s Paradise! There was no before or after. I was only present.

On the 6th or 7th day I was made to realize something. It was as if someone asked me, “Why do you think this exact same thing every morning?”

 

I thought about it. The replay didn’t evoke any emotion in me. There was no sadness which normally the past carries. There was no joy attached to it in the future. Certainly no anxiety. I had just created a habit for no reason. In a matter of a week that habit was like a shackle in that the new found ritual had its grip on me.

 

At first I thought the awareness of my act came to me because for no reason I was losing the moment. Albeit willingly. But it turned out to be more than that.

 

A month later in Lahore, I would read a paragraph and Ghaus Pak (ra) would explain to me what was happening in Sham. The push and the pull that a human being creates:

 

“The Sahib e Imaan, the person of faith, and iqaan, certainty, and ma’rifat, recognition of the Divine, is in unity with people in their qalb, the station of that Divine Recognition in the heart and in their batin, the inner being, Allah’s Secret within Man.

He reaches a state (through that unity) such that he cannot push away any harm from his being and he cannot pull any benefit towards it. He lies before Allah such that he is powerless with no strength. When this state is made correct for him, then everything becomes goodness as it comes towards Him (no matter what it is).”

 

The words were not applicable to me and perhaps never would be in that I was the furthest thing away from being a Sahib e Imaan. Still, they shed light for me on what I had been doing in Damascus. I was pulling in a memory myself. The only reason I had even able to come to that conclusion was that no emotion had been attached to it.

 

If there were, the emotion would have formed the usual trap of justification for the thought to exist, for my being allowed it. For me to dwell in it, repeat it. I would have felt entitled to think about it. But there wasn’t a feeling that it evoked. There wasn’t a feeling that was its root. Or its consequence for that matter. It was simply a pull into my present from my world. My own pull!

 

Obviously then I was forced to consider the inverse. I must also be pushing out what naturally was in my present. If I didn’t like it, if it made me feel badly, then I pushed emotions and people attached to those emotions attached to my heart away. It was always and only at the insistence of the nafs, the base self, the ego, which in its haste for fulfillment of desire never knew what the correct desire for it was.

 

‏وَيَدْعُ ٱلْإِنسَنُ بِٱلشَّرِّ دُعَآءَهُۥ بِٱلْخَيْرِ ۖ

وَكَانَ ٱلْإِنسَنُ عَجُولًۭا ‎

 

And human beings pray for things that are wrong (as often) as they pray for things that (they think) are good. And human beings are ever hasty.

Surah Al Isra’a, Verse 17

 

Tafseer e Jilani:

 

Wa: And overall, amongst the behaviour that is disliked, worldly and ugly…

 

Yad ul insaana: Man prays, being hasty (in his inner and outer being)…

 

Bi sharre: for that which is not good for him, so comes along, with that (prayer), that which he does not know about its evilness and its harmful consequences.

 

Dua’ahu bilkhair: (while he is) liking that which he is asking for as if it is good for him, due to his hastiness.

 

Wa kanal insaano: In Man’s nature is created haste (for himself) and he demands haste from others about that which he is inclined towards, even though it is detrimental for him.

What I did do in Damascus every time I went to the hallowed shrines of Bibi Ruqayya (as) or Sheikh ul Akbar (ra) or to the section in the Ommayyad Mosque where the Ras Mubarik of Imam Hassan (as) was placed, was to open the Quran to a random page and read the two that faced me, side by side. I don’t know when I starting doing that. I had never done it anywhere else before. Translating the Tafseer e Jilani for two years now had created a nisbat, an association, for me with the Divine Book. If I didn’t read it I missed it.

 

I would take a picture of the pages for safe-keeping. Before I opened the Quran, I would also recite a prayer. It was the prayer I had learnt for when one did an istakhara, asking a question from the Quran for guidance in a state of confusion. The prayer was the same but I didn’t move to the 7th page and the 7th verse to seek any answer. Still each time it felt like I was being told something. When nine times out of 10, one similarity started to appear in the text I was taken aback.

 

 

Shaitaan and Me

 

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ

الدُّنْيَا سِجْنُ الْمُؤْمِنِ

 

Said the Messenger of Allah (salutations and greetings upon made the Imam of mercy by His Lord),

“The world is a prison for the believer.”

 

Al Fath Ar Rabbani: “The world is a prison for the Mo’min. Thus when he will forget that prison, only then will he gain freedom for it.”

 

The common denominator had become a reference to Shaitaan. To him not bowing, to him refusing Allah’s Command, to him being the only one going against His Order to prostrate before the Prophet Adam (as) when all the angels submitted to it. I had heard in a lecture once that Hazrat Gibrael (as) who was chosen as the Arch Angel and the one who brought the revelations to all the Messengers, that was his jaza, reward, for having been the first one to fulfill that Divine Command.

 

The text reappearing was along these lines and therefore naturally disturbing:

 

قَالَ مَا مَنَعَكَ أَلَّا تَسۡجُدَ إِذۡ أَمَرۡتُكَۖ

قَالَ أَنَا۠ خَیۡرࣱ مِّنۡهُ خَلَقۡتَنِی مِن نَّارࣲ وَخَلَقۡتَهُۥ مِن طِینࣲ

 

Allah said, "What prevented you that you didn’t prostrate when I commanded you?"

 

Shaitaan said, "I am better than him.

You created me from fire and You created him from clay."

Surah Al Araaf, Verse 12

 

I ended up calling Qari Sahib from there. He sent me the tafseer of Ghaus Pak (ra) and we read it. On my return to Lahore, it was the first verse we translated.

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Qala: Allah Subhanahu said, revealing what was always true in His Knowledge and which was being hidden by Iblis, his wicked nature…

 

Ma mana’ka: what prevented you O Iblis…

 

Alla tasjuda: that you didn’t prostrate before My Khalifa, Vice-Regent…

 

Id amartuka: when I commanded you with your companions (the angels)?

 

Qala: Iblis replied in his answer in accordance with his false essence and corrupt desires…

 

Ana khairun minhu: I am better than him and superior.

Khalaqtani min naar: You created me from fire, lit…

 

Wa khalaqtahu min teen: and you created him from clay, dark, dirty. And it is not good to humiliate the superior before the one made worthy (just a little while ago).

 

The same notion had appeared in another verse as well. The meaning, as I discovered, had an entirely different implication. Hence it made me realize something I had never thought as a possibility for myself. Even though it’s the trap that most of us, supposedly seeking to better ourselves, fall in.

 

A trap entered precisely because of “goodness.”

 

قَالَ یَـٰۤإِبۡلِیسُ مَا مَنَعَكَ أَن تَسۡجُدَ لِمَا خَلَقۡتُ بِیَدَیَّۖ

أَسۡتَكۡبَرۡتَ أَمۡ كُنتَ مِنَ ٱلۡعَالِی

 

He said, "O Iblis! What prevented you from prostrating before the one whom I created with My Hands?

Are you too arrogant or are you of the exalted ones?"

He said, "I am better than him. You created me from fire and You created him from clay."

Surah Sad, Verse 76

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Then when at the time Iblis refused his, the Prophet Adam’s (as) obedience and his honouring, even though the Command came from Allah and was compulsory…

 

Qala: He, Subhanahu, said, with anger at him, calling out to him, asking him the reason for his refusal…

 

Ya Iblis: O Iblis, Al Mustakbir, the one whose desire for pride overcame the Command, the one who turned away from Our Order…

 

Ma manaka an tasjud: what prevented you for prostrating i.e. what was the thing that stopped you from the prostration of honouring…

 

Lama khalaqtu bi yadihi: the one who I created by My Hand and to whom I gave form by My Authority in accordance with My Form and with the perfection of My Strength and Control so he could be My Mirror and be able for My Friendship and My Vice-regency?

 

Astakbarta: Did you desire to become arrogant against the obedience of Our Command and following Our Order…

 

Am kunta: or you considered yourself…

 

Min A’lieen: of the exalted ones, Al Mutafawwaqeena, the ones made higher than you, so much so that your nafs, egoistic self, has made you such that you cannot surrender before Allah and be obedient to Him?

 

Here Qari Sahib paused to point out two things. One, understanding the verb astakbara. Form 7. It wasn’t just pride. It was a false sense of pride that didn’t even exist in reality. It was a farce and a façade. It was in fact a delusion of pride. The arrogant person thought they were better than others and it was a false belief. For indeed in every case, they weren’t better.

 

Two, the question was being posed in multiple choice. Are you in an assumed state of arrogance? Or do you think you belong to the ones that I, Subhanahu, have chosen as the exalted? The difference was tremendous and I feared Iblis’ answer.

 

قَالَ أَنَا۠ خَیۡرࣱ مِّنۡهُ خَلَقۡتَنِی مِن نَّارࣲ وَخَلَقۡتَهُۥ مِن طِینࣲ

 

He said, "I am better than him. You created me from fire and You created him from clay."

Surah Sad, Verse 76

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

And after the accursed one heard this from Subhanahu, such an address, consisting of all kinds of wrath…

 

Qala: he said, the accursed one, after choosing the second option for the refusal…

 

Ana khairun minhu: I am better than him in form and physical element because…

 

Khalaqtani: You created me by the Perfection of Your Authority…

 

Min naar: from fire and it is the better particle and it is higher in value and place…

 

Wa khalaqtahu min teen: and You created him from clay and it is the lower particle and it is not valuable and it is of a lower place. And the command of prostration for the higher and better before the lower and worthless is not suitable and not according to Your Solid Wisdom.

 

In Damascus I couldn’t wholly ignore the repeat appearances of the mention of Shaitaan but I did forget about them. Once back home I was forced to consider the nightmarish possibility; Could Iblis and I have something in common? I always thought he was the misguider, I the misguided. He was the perpetrator, I was the victim. How could we be the same?

The answer started to come slowly. In Sham I was all alone.

 

Life was blissful. When I reached Lahore, I had to start meeting others. The humans! This time though I became acutely aware of the push and the pull and what was governing them. Feelings of affection for them caused me to reach out and search for them. The pull. If I found them to be absent, my disappointment turned into heartache leaving me wishing I would never see them again. The push!

 

In neither scenario did I even say or do anything outright in terms of expressing myself to the other. The whole thing was happening in my head but unlike Damascus, the feelings invoked were not neutral. They were undeniably sharp.

I had started re-reading Ghaus Pak’s (ra) sermons. He explained where my hypocrisy lay thus bringing the matter away from the “other” and squarely back upon my own self.

 

 

The Nafs Mutma’inna

 

رَبَّنَآ أَتْمِمْ لَنَا نُورَنَا وَٱغْفِرْ لَنَآ ۖ

إِنَّكَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَىْءٍۢ قَدِيرٌۭ

 

"Our Lord Perfect for us our light and grant forgiveness to us.

Indeed, You are over every thing All-Powerful."

Surah At Tahreem , Verse 8

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Then when the people of faith who have different kind of noor, light, according to what is clear and what is hidden depending upon their deeds and their natural capabilities…

 

Yaquloona: they say, calling out in prayer…

 

Rabbana: O Our Lord who raised us upon guidance and consciousness!

 

Atmim lana noorana: Perfect for us our light by gracing us and by bestowing additional favour upon us…

 

Waghfir lana: and forgive us our sins i.e. hide our selves from the flaws that our eyes will see (of our own selves so we don’t see them).

 

Innaka: Indeed, you, according to Your Generosity…

 

Ala kulle shay’an Qadeer: over everything, which enters in the encompassing of Your Great Knowledge and Your Will…

 

The words in Al Fath Ar Rabbani applied to me in the context of my living life alone, cut off from the world in a mainstream sense. Hours of each day passed with two teachers. One for study, the other for play. I went to see my Aunt in the afternoon. My day started around 8am and ended close to 4pm. That was it. I hardly saw anyone else.

 

Hence I was under the illusion that my hermit-like life was rendering me zuhd, spiritual detachment, from the world. I was about to find out that it was not.

 

Al Fath Ar Rabbani:

 

“Your seclusion is not correct because seclusion has to be empty of everything as far as the qalb, the heart within the heart, is concerned. The batin, the inner self, Allah’s Secret within you, has to be empty so that it can be free, without the world and the Hereafter and nothing except Allah Al Haqq Azzo Jal.

 

And this has been the only way for the Prophets and Messengers and the Auliya, the Friends of God and the Saliheen, the ones who try to reform themselves, from before. Persuading towards good deeds and stopping people from what is forbidden is better than a thousand worshippers in seclusion.

 

Lower the gaze of the eyes of your nafs, the base self, control it and make it return so this eye does not become the reason for its destruction. Until the time that the nafs becomes obedient to the qalb, the station of Divine Recognition and the batin, surrendering in unity to the two, not disobeying their instructions and agreeing with them and there should not be any difference between it and them.

 

The nafs should command what they command and forbid what they both forbid and choose what they chose. So at that point then, the nafs becomes Mutmainna, contented, and in agreement upon a single requirement and a single goal. When the nafs reaches this state, then it becomes deserving of some relief from its striving.

 

So don’t find fault with Allah about what He decides…”

 

I read each word carefully and I read the paragraphs again and again. My self-proclaimed zuhd was a lie. I got that. But it was another line that captivated me. My Master had revealed what would allow for “relief in the striving” for the nafs. It would come from an alignment with the qalb and the batin. The cherry on the cake that he had thrown on so casually was in fact an extraordinary revelation:

 

An ordinary person, could in moments, in this world, and not just in the Hereafter or on the Day of Judgement, but in this world, feel what it is like for the nafs to be Mutma’inna. The third and most exalted state of the nafs, one that I had learnt only the Prophets and the Friends of God were in. My revolting nafs could also be Mutma’inna!

 

That is when I realized why Damascus was in reality Paradise. Why I felt a state of elation there that never subsided. Not for a split second. I never felt tired, there was no exhaustion. In that land called Sham, my nafs would naturally and effortlessly become perfectly aligned with my qalb and batin. Hence, I didn’t read. There was no need. The reading was a seeking. I had already arrived! I barely prayed. There is no sala’t in Paradise. I just walked in streets all day long, listening to house pounding in my head, feeding the hungry.

 

At the shrines I would just look at people and stare at the walls and ceilings, reading the ahadith and verses written on them. I gave money to whoever I could. It was the exact opposite experience of ritualistic worship that occupied me in any other place I visited. No wonder I couldn’t get enough of it. Barely would I be checking out of the hotel that I would be planning my return.

 

It was no coincidence that dome after venerate dome had the verse inscribed in them that attested to my state.

 

یَـٰۤأَیَّتُهَا ٱلنَّفۡسُ ٱلۡمُطۡمَىِٕنَّةُ

 

"O soul! who is satisfied,

 

ٱرۡجِعِیۤ إِلَىٰ رَبِّكِ رَاضِیَةࣰ مَّرۡضِیَّةࣰ

 

Return to your Lord well pleased, and pleasing.

Surah Al Fajr, Verse 89-90

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Then pointed Subhanahu towards the beautiful states of the people of bestowing and blessings on the Day i.e. the Mo’mineen, the believers who are the Mu’qineen, those who possess inner certainty, who collect the provisions from this world for the Hereafter and are attributed with taqwa, the mindfulness of Allah.

 

And they did not go against the Command of their Lord their whole lives and did not follow their desires and they remained steadfast and they purified their nafs, selves, by what happened to them from the Commands of the Divine.

And overall they were never restless in happiness or in adversity and they did not care about difficulty or ease so then on that Day it will be said to them:

 

Ya ayyatuhan nafsu mutmainna: O contented self, which is set upon, steadfast on the station of Raza, the Pleasure of Allah and tasleem, surrender to Him…

 

Irja’i ila Rabbik: return to your Lord and ascend upon the way which you came down from…

 

Radiyatan: contented, being characterized by pleasure the way you were pleased upon Allah’s Commands in the life in this world…

 

Mardiyatan: well pleased, accepted, most honoured in the sight of Allah.

 

And after that you returned to this mentioned way…

 

Fadkhuli fi: then enter in the group…

 

I’badi: of My Servants who reached towards the Kunf Jawari, My Enclosure and Protection and were able to attain the Maqad Sidqin, the Seat of Special Nearness to the Sovereign Lord of Truth. And overall:

 

Udkhuli Jannati: Enter My Heaven i.e. the Paradise of My One-ness and rest in the seclusion of the Lahoot, the Realm of Nur, Divine Light.

 

Prayer by Ghaus Pak (ra): May Allah make us of the ones addressed by this address, this address which is pure. Indeed, He is Al Mulhim, the One who is the Only Inspirer, towards good and He has the Best Abode.

 

Al Mulhim!

 

A month later, the Quran itself attested to Damascus being the place where the possibility of that nafs existed and was promised. For it was where Allah Subhanahu sent His Khaleel, the Prophet Ibrahim (as) when he was exiled from his family, his clan, his country. When he was all alone, the only believer on Earth.

 

The verse was a personal favourite. I had loved reciting it in Mecca when I walked from the hotel to the haram. I looked it up recently only because I was curious about what the tafseer of yahdeeni, My Lord, He will guide me, was. The last thing I expected was what it revealed.

 

وَقَالَ إِنِّی ذَاهِبٌ إِلَىٰ رَبِّی سَیَهۡدِینِ

 

And he said, "Indeed, I am going to my Lord, He will guide me.

Surah As Saffat, Verse 99

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

And after he left, His Close Friend, the Prophet Ibrahim (as) (the blessings of Ar Rahman upon him and His Salam), when he chose exile and exit from them by the Inspiration and Revelation of Allah upon him…

 

Wa: so that is why…

 

Qala: he declared when he left…

 

Inni dahibun illa Rabbi: indeed, I am going to my Lord and towards His Kunf, Guardianship, His Protection and His Jawar, Safeguarding and his Expansive Mercy…

 

Sayahdini: so He guides me by His Lutf, Kindness, towards the place that makes it possible for me to focus on Him in it and where my heart will feel contentment so he went to Sham by the inspiration of Allah to him and he made his home in that place Al Muqadissa, pure.

 

When I was translating the tafseer of the verse and the word Sham appeared, I had looked up at Qari Sahib with astonishment unprecedented. Then I had gotten up from my chair and gone down in sajda on the floor. Damascus was where the heart felt contentment and where Allah Subhanahu inspired His Beloved Servant to go and that is where he was promised focus on Him. Effortlessly!

 

Subhan Allah times a billion doesn’t cut it in terms of how the verse makes me feel in terms of boundless joy!

 

It is what made me start paying close attention to what my nafs was doing in Lahore. I discovered that it listened to the qalb and batin at least, thank Heavens. Probably just staring at them. Previously it would sprint in the other direction before they could get a word out. Maybe it was deaf and didn’t even hear their call. Maybe it was blind so it didn’t even see them.

 

For eons before that, I’m certain it forgot they even existed.

But I knew one thing with certainty. I was no longer turning my back to them. If I didn’t move towards them, I didn’t move away either. Lucky for me they possessed the Attributes of the Divine. They were Sabir, patient and Lateef, subtle, Barr, kind and Haleem, extremely sensitive and understanding of the state of the other, not hasty to punish.

 

And yet for most of my life, my nafs had turned its back to them!

 

 

The Ones who know their Lord

 

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ

الدُّنْيَا سِجْنُ الْمُؤْمِنِ

 

Said the Messenger of Allah (salutations and greetings upon him and his family who are the key to blessings from their Lord),

 

“The world is a prison for the believer.”

 

“The world is a prison for the Mo’min. Thus when he will forget that prison, only then will he gain freedom for it.”

 

Those who attain to faith are in that prison (of the world) while those who gain Ma’rifa, Recognition of Allah Subhanahu, are in a state of intoxication.

 

Therefore they are entirely unaware of that prison because indeed, their Lord has made them sip the Drink of His Love for Him, and the Drink of His Affection for Him, and the Drink of His Desire for Him and the Drink of obliviousness from Creation and they are only mindful of Him so they became detached from the prison and its inmates.”

 

Ghaus Pak (ra)

 

The qalb and the batin, they were like the Arif, the one who knows his Lord. He is different from the Mo’min. He only believes in Him.

 

Al Fath Ar Rabbani:

 

“It is narrated by some Friends of Allah who say, ‘No one laughs at the Fasiq, the defiantly disobedient, except the Arif.’

Yes it is true, the Arif enjoins towards goodness and forbids evil and bears his pain and no one has power to do this except the Arifoon of Allah Azzo Jal, where as the Zahid, the ones detached from the world and its occupants and Ubaad, the worshippers and Muridoon, the followers, cannot do this – (they cannot) enjoin towards goodness, forbid the evil and (they cannot) bear the pain of the Fasiq, the one who sins openly.”

 

I paused. The Zahid and Abid and Mureed were all highly evolved states. But in any given point, they could lose their patience and temper with the Fasiq. They could be judgemental and vengeful. I was about to be told why. It was related to deficiency in akhlaq!

 

“And why would they not have mercy on the disobedient when they are in actual, upon the place of rahma, mercy and the station of tauba, repentance and uzr, pardon (so they are able to accept that repentance and pardon them).

 

The Arif, his akhlaq, manners, are the Ettiquettes of Allah Azzo Jal so the Arif strives in freeing the neck of the sinner from the grip of Satan and his nafs and desires. When one of you sees their child imprisoned in the hand of the kafir, the denier of truth, does he not struggle to free him? Such is the Arif.

All of Creation is like a family of children. The Arif addresses them by a tongue full of wisdom…”

 

Then Ghaus Pak (ra) quoted the following verse and I translated his tafseer of it:

 

‏ٱدْعُ إِلَىٰ سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِٱلْحِكْمَةِ وَٱلْمَوْعِظَةِ ٱلْحَسَنَةِ ۖ

 

Call to the Way of your Lord with the wisdom and the instruction that is beautiful.

Surah An Nahl, Verse 125

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Then pointed Allah Subhanahu towards the perfecting of honouring His Beloved (salutations of peace be upon the one given the highest station by his Lord) and the majesty of his rank and the discipline of his etiquette and completing his wisdom and Messengerhood and and making for everyone his kindness and his mercy as the gathering of kindness for all and sufficient for all Creation because he is sent in totality as mercy, Rahma, and he is the seal of the Prophethood and Messengerhood and the completer of the matter of religion and its perfection because the reason behind making the religion and the descent of the Books of Revelation and sending the Messengers, it is only to manifest his rank and his station, which is the inviting to the Essence of Tauheed, Tauheed Az Zaati.

 

And when this becomes clear, the Essence of One-ness, Tauheed e Zaati, is completed and perfected, so that’s why He revealed the verse in his honour, ٱلۡیَوۡمَ أَكۡمَلۡتُ لَكُمۡ دِینَكُمۡ, Today I have perfected your religion for you, Surah Al Maidah - Verse 3 and this is almost the last verse revealed in the Quran and Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him and his family) said: بُعِثْتُ لِاُتَمِّمَ مَکَارِمَ الْاَخْلَاق “I have been sent to perfect good character.”

 

So Subhanahu said addressing him giving him a special rank close to Him and honouring him:

 

Udu’: Call, Ya Akmal Ar Rusul, O Messenger who perfects the Messengers (salutations and greetings upon your ranks and the ranks bestowed upon your blessed family by your Lord)…

 

Ila sabeeli Rabbika: to the Way of your Lord i.e. towards the Way of the Tauheed, the One-ness of your Lord, who instructed you to the ascension of His Blessings and guided you to the perfection of His Dignity, (call) all Creation and all worshippers…

 

Bil hikmati: with wisdom, utmost which is for their hearts which are hard from following, (the following) which is inherited and unchanging for them from their previous generations,

1.(it is a wisdom) which cleanses their selves from the conceited stubbornness of egoism of ignorance lodged in them,

2.which (that wisdom) will empty them from the idea of fully controlling (others) and overpowering them,

3. (it will remove) the ignorance which invokes in them different kinds of symptoms of the nafs, ego, layered in them from their being human,

4.(this wisdom) removes all kinds of doubts and imaginations that arise from the (everyday) sources of our routines,

5. (a wisdom) convincing and suitable for the real nature which Mankind has been set upon the hope that they will consider and become aware of the demands of their foundation and nature…

 

Wal mauwadatil hasana: and (call all Creation and all worshippers) with a refined exaltation which they have inherited to awaken them from the nodding off of heedlessness and the sleep of forgetfulness.

The outcome for them (from this wisdom and refined exaltation) is love and bliss towards their Lord who gave them origin and created them.

1.It propels them towards the tastes of spirituality everlasting and forever, continuing eternally without disappearance and disconnect,

 

2.making them feel repelled from that which is upon them as disability

 

3.and (repelled from) the shackles of incapacity which have the taste of paranoia, vanishing and ending, resulting in different kinds of sufferings and sadness and regret.

 

Al Fath Ar Rabbani (cont’d):

 

… All of Creation is like a family of children. The Arif addresses them by a tongue full of wisdom, then has mercy upon them because they are informed of certain knowledge so he sees the work of Allah Al Haqq Azzol Jal in them. He sees through the door of wisdom and knowledge, how destiny and fate are unfolding, but he keeps it hidden.

 

The Arif talks to them, Creation, with wisdom which is what is either commanded (by Allah Azzo Jal) and (what is) forbidden. He does not mention the knowledge because it is a secret.”

I had never before read the qualities of the Arif. My heart ached with the envy that they possessed softness and mercy at all times for all people, regardless of why they were and what they did. 24/7 – only kindness emerged from them.

 

The reasons were two: One, their manners and character were perfect, perfected for them by their Lord, for they were set upon His Own Akhlaq. That standard was first bestowed to His Beloved (salutations and greetings upon his blessed being and his family by The One who gives them the highest rank in Creation). Two, they could see the destiny of the person, where they were going to crash and why they were going to burn.

 

Subhan Allah!

 

All I felt was ill-will in the false imaginings that were the root of possibilities. But I’m getting ahead of myself…

 

Continued on: www.flickr.com/photos/42093313@N00/52652388955/in/datepos...

 

Done