the 9th of Sha'ban - the birth of Imam Zayn ul Abedin (as)

The 8 Advice

 

دَعْ مَا يَرِيبُكَ إِلَى مَا لَا يَرِيبُكَ فَإِنَّ الصِّدْقَ طُمَأْنِينَةٌ وَإِنَّ الْكَذِبَ رِيبَةٌ

 

The Prophet of God (peace be upon him) said,

“Whatever places you in doubt, leave it for that which leaves you in no doubt

because, verily, in the truth lies contentment and in the lies uncertainty.”

 

It was a warm sunny afternoon in Feb. One of the first in Lahore after a winter that didn’t seem to want to end. I had been in the city throughout it for the first time in decades so was grateful for the warmth. I had asked my friend and brilliant scholar, Uzair, to come to my house. I had a question I wanted to ask him from something I was studying with Qari Sahib; the eight advices of Imam Ali (as) to his son, Imam Hassan (as) just before his passing.

 

“So Imam Ali (as) said, ‘O my dear son! Adopt from me four (things) and then another four. Nothing will ever cause you harm if you bring them in to your practice.”

 

The first four were the do’s the second the don’ts, specifically who not to befriend. There were two of the eight I had not been able to understand. The first was:

 

و اوحش الوحشۃ العجب

 

The most desolate of loneliness is self-praise.

 

Wahsha was the word in Arabic and I was fascinated by it. Loneliness seemed to be the cause of everyone around me changing completely to the point of being unrecognizable. Coupled, single, healthy, sick, rich, famous, known, unknown! But it was the second one that I asked Uzair about for I knew he had limited time: it related to one of the ones whom the blessed Imam (as) warned his eldest son not to befriend:

 

و ایاک و مصادقۃ الفاجر فانہ یبیعک بالتاقۃ

 

And avoid the Fajir, the one who is defiant about his disobedience and insistent upon it,

for, without doubt, he will sell you for nothing.

 

Uzair began with an introduction about the nature of Man:

 

“Fitrat is the core upon which we have been modeled by Allah. Each one of us. And between all of us, there is a slight variation in our fitrat. Like DNA it is unique. Fitrat operates on two principles, haqq and batil, truth or falsehood, khair or sharr or as you might say, what is beneficial and harmful.”

 

“Good and evil?” I interjected.

 

“No, goodness has nothing to do with it.”

 

“Right and wrong?” I asked.

 

“You can say right and wrong, other things too. But in our tradition,” Uzair explained, “it is called haqq and batil, truth and falsity. Which means that which is haqq I do and that which is wrong, I refrain from it. And fitrat is sealed. It cannot borrow anything from the outside, society. Even religion cannot change it. It’s a total sealing.

 

It’s what the Sufi calls his Hujra e Ishq, the compartment of love. Whatever society says or anyone else for that matter, it doesn’t effect it. In it is Ishq, the most intense love. Which is why when that is activated all barriers break. Those of society and religion. That is fitrat. So remember, it only works on the principles of haqq truth, batil falsehood, khair benefit, sharr harm. That which is good for me and that which is not.”

 

When I thought about it later it seemed the paradigm of fitrat was based entirely on sidq, truthfulness with one’s own self. I looked up the word in my tafaseer of verses from the Tafseer e Jilani by Ghaus Pak (ra) to see how he describes the truthful ones flickr.com/photos/42093313@N00/51683698952/in/dateposted-.... It came up once on what I had covered so far.

 

Humuss siddeeqoon: They are the truthful one, who have reached the highest ranks of truth and have restricted themselves upon sincerity, steadfast and still in the Way of truthful certainty – Surah Al Hadeed, Verse 19

 

Uzair: “Fitrat is that essence that makes you what you are by actualizing itself. It is that jewel which when activated makes you who you are, not what people and your surroundings have made you to become. It is your asl, your origin. Which we call Haqeeqat e Insaan, the reality of the human being.

In that fitrat is the tabyat and in it is free will.

 

Now tabyat will borrow from the fitrat and it will also be influenced by the outside, society, religion etc. Tabyat operates under two principles also; raghbat, that which attracts me and karahat, that which I dislike. So tabyat will always either be attracted to something or repelled by it. For instance an American might look at pig and be attracted to it while a Pakistani will look at it and be repulsed.

 

Tabyat has no moral anchoring. Fitrat is the opposite of it in terms of only being rooted in morality while tabyat is riding the wave of its like and dislikes. Now you also have free will. So you have the choice, do I listen to my fitrat or do I obey my tabyat? Do I want to listen to my inner being or that which is coming and then defining me from the outside?

 

The Insaan e Kamil, the complete human being, is the one whose fitrat is overcoming his tabyat. The fitrat is running on haqq and batil, what is right and wrong. It suppresses what it is attracted and repulsed by. If it wants to do something but knows that it is wrong, it stops itself and does not do it.

 

Insaan e Naqis, the imperfect human being, which is 99.99% of us, our tabyat is ruling our fitrat. So the ride has become the rider for us. It’s the opposite of what should be. Fitrat was the rider, tabyat was the steed. For us they are switched around.

 

And what was it that made this happen? For one, we eliminated patience from our lives. Sabr is the thing that gives the fitrat the upper hand over the tabyat. And patience exists in the one who has courage, jurrat. This is the core philosophy of Imam Ali (as):

 

The one who does not have jurrat, courage, doesn’t have himmat, the ability to endeavor, and the one who is devoid of himmat has no sabr, patience. The one who does not exercise patience can never attain the goal of kamiliyat, being a complete human being. There is a whole paradigm that runs on this principle.

 

But what is the modern world doing? It’s nothing but restlessness and impatience. Everything encourages not needing to be patient. It is all instant gratification. There are people who will stand for you in line to buy something when it is launched if you need it. What is that? What are we doing? New cars, new phones, everything is made to gear us towards impatience, wanting everything now.

 

But if there is no patience, there will be no courage and without courage I cannot walk the line between haqq and batil and stay on the right side. How can I? How will I bring my fitrat over my tabyat? There will never be any truth. And then we started spilling garbage like ‘Truth is subjective.’ So all that remains now is anxiety.”

 

A few days after I met Uzair I came across a lecture of his which made clear what makes the tabyat deviate from the fitrat, what makes it focus the world and the pursuit of its desires in it. In a word it is waswasa; the whisperings of Iblis and the nafs that cause doubt about everything and anything.

In that lecture which was delivered on the Night of Ascension, Uzair had said, “These whispers that emanate from the self, Allah listens to them before you do.”

 

Then he cited a verse and I looked up its exegesis. I was familiar with it. It was very well known. It also happened to be the verse with which I had started my first book, Ali is to me as I am to God. I have no idea why I had chosen it then.

 

‏وَلَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا ٱلْإِنسَنَ وَنَعْلَمُ مَا تُوَسْوِسُ بِهِۦ نَفْسُهُۥ ۖ

وَنَحْنُ أَقْرَبُ إِلَيْهِ مِنْ حَبْلِ ٱلْوَرِيدِ ‎

 

And certainly We created man and We know what his self whispers to him

and We are nearer to him than his jugular vein.

Surah Qaf, Verse 16

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Wa: And overall…

 

Laqad khalaqna al insaana: indeed we created Man and We made him appear from the hidden-ness of nothingness.

 

Wa: And We…

 

Na’alamu: We know him from that point…

 

Ma tuwaswisu: (as to) what whispers and makes up a rambling story…

 

Bihi nafsohu: from his own self and sways his heart (from that point) until now from those kinds of delusions and false imaginings and those things that descend upon him as animalistic desires and those thoughts that are imprisoned by the chains of rituals and shackles of inherent habits that are inherited as a result of useless ponderings which are mixed with unthinking paranoia.

 

Certain words from the tafseer were striking because they were all too familiar; the making up of rambling stories, the careless pondering inherited by my own chosen habits intertwined with unthinking paranoia. They became instantly helpful in my identifying exactly when all my tabyat was ruling me.

 

I knew there was no escaping the waswasa itself. Iblis certainly would never stop. My nafs was ready and willing to run with anything he said. It was in studying of another verse that I understood why the whispering ever took place at all. When it took place. Iblis watched and waited until a person felt one of two things, then pounced to take advantage of the moment. Those two emotions were fear and sadness.

 

I realized that because it was precisely these two emotions that the Extraordinary, the Friends of God, don’t feel and Allah’s expression of that fact is one of the most ma’roof lines in the Quran where it is mentioned many times.

 

‏أَلَآ إِنَّ أَوْلِيَآءَ ٱللَّهِ لَا خَوْفٌ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلَا هُمْ يَحْزَنُونَ

 

Verily, the Friends of Allah, there will be no fear upon them and not they will grieve.

Surah Yunus, Verse 62

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Ala Inna auliya Allah e: Al Munkhalaeena, the ones who are detached from the demands of being human in total, Al Munsalekheena, the one who are far from the requirements of desires of their selves in totality...

 

La khauf-un alayhim wa la hum yahzanoon: there is no fear upon them nor do they feel grief because fear and sadness, they only come from the effects of the tabyat, (the secondary nature that is acquired from outside), and the pursuit of that which fulfills it.

 

And there it was, the word tabyat and its dire effect: causing the fear and sadness.

 

It made me focus on what made me feel the two feelings. For starters, fear and sadness emerged in me when I thought about what was not relevant. Hazrat Tustari (ra) had told me that the punishment of thinking about that which did not concern me was instant and that punishment was losing that present moment.

 

Fear always came with anxiety when one thought about the future. Grief was associated with thinking about the past. The Extraordinary only lived in the moment because of their tawakkul, complete reliance on God, surrendering with sincerity to what had happened and what was about to happen. Hence they avoided both feelings. Therefore waswasa never entered their being.

 

The emotions also came whenever there was blame or accusation in a relationship. Even the possibility of it would cause stress for me. In the anticipation of the blame, I felt anxiety mixed with resentful anger. Either the relationship had to be free of it from my end or if it was going to come from the other side which was out of my control, I had to detach from the reaction of my tabyat and show patience. Which more and more was meaning to be just silent.

 

But what about when that blame did happen to arise from within me? Then it brought with it what I was seeing increasingly as my curse; badgumani! Suspicion of another’s intent, distrust towards them. It highlighted for me the Imam’s second advice:

 

و اکبر الفقر الحمق

 

The greatest deprivation is being an ahmaq – doing things without thinking.

 

An ahmaq was the last thing I would ever have thought I was. As someone who does use their intellect and tends to keep it in high gear, I could have never imagined it for myself. But it was there and fairly front and center.

 

Whether it was Iblis or my nafs or another human being, anyone could plant misgiving in me by uttering just a few words and without tahqeeq, verification, I would believe them. Then my tabyat ruled me like nothing else. The badguman thoughts would usually make me more sad than anything else.

That sadness paved the way for waswasa and any doubt I felt compounded. The only difference was that my blame and accusation was silent, reverberating just inside my heart, veiling it in darkness.

 

Until I was made to realize by one spiritual master or another how wrong I was. Even if the feeling was warranted, they showed me that the trap of justification was the most seductive. The absence of blame and accusation was critical regardless of the circumstance in order to preserve the love in a relationship. I had learnt that from the Prophets years ago. It was the first step in their show of regard for their Lord. My favourite reminder was the verse uttered by the Prophet Ibrahim (as):

 

وَالَّذِي هُوَ يُطْعِمُنِي وَيَسْقِينِ - وَإِذَا مَرِضْتُ فَهُوَ يَشْفِينِ الَّذِي خَلَقَنِي فَهُوَ يَهْدِينِ -

 

And He who created me, and He (it is who) guides me. And it is He who feeds me and gives me drink. And when I am ill, it is He who cures me.

Surah Ash-Shuraa, Verse 78-80

 

Even in sickness, which only comes from Allah, there was no accusation. Little did I know, the last part of that verse was about to become my mantra.

 

After listening to his explanation about the fitrat and the tabyat that afternoon, I asked Uzair how it connected with the advice I was wondering about.

 

و ایاک و مصادقۃ الفاجر فانہ یبیعک بالتاقۃ

 

“Stay away from the fajir, the defiantly disobedient insistent on wrongdoing

for, without doubt, he will sell you for nothing.”

 

I couldn’t get over the wording. It was so precise. Why would someone else’s spiritual journey connect with their treatment of me so severely? So I asked the scholar:

 

“Why would the fajir sell me out? What do their choices have to do with me?”

 

“The fajir is the one who is licentious,” he replied. “They have made their tabyat totally override their fitrat. There is nothing that is moral for them. There is nothing that is right or wrong for them. The only principle they are living through is what they feel like doing. That’s it! What I like is right, what I dislike is wrong. There is nothing else.

 

So even when they befriend you, because their tabyat has overcome their fitrat, so as long as you are of interest to them, they will own you. But the day they think they have no use of you, they will sell you out. These are the people we call moody. You should not be friends with moody people anyway.”

 

“I see,” I said thinking out aloud. His words were making me think of the people my age, give or take, who had in the 4th decade of their lives started announcing to the world and perhaps more clearly to their own family, that they were only going to do what they wanted and nothing else. That they had had enough of pleasing others. They never said who those others were. Their families always looked at them in silence.

 

I had never understood what they meant exactly. It was such an unequivocal declaration of selfishness. It was tinged with some sense of justified pride. After hearing Uzair it was as if they were going public with the motto; my tabyat rules me!

 

Uzair continued, “They’re harees you see so the whole relationship is based on self-centeredness. What am I drawing out of you? What am I getting from you? The relationship is one-sided. They will fake it. It’s never about you. They will never make time for you. They will only engage when they want. When they feel like it. That is the person driven by their tabyat.”

 

I listened to him as if in a serene daze.

 

“The licentious person who cannot bear the weight of their own tabyat is actually not deserving of the right to have any relationship. In Arabic the same root gives rise to words which have the exact opposite meaning. Eesar is sacrifice, self-transcendence, when I want to give up something for myself to give to you. Then there is Asara, same root aa saa raa, which means self-centeredness. If fitrat rules me, then it is eesar and if tabyat rules me it is aasara. So one connotation of fajir is also the one who is selfish.

 

If I am only thinking about myself, then even my religiosity is about me. The fajir is the one whose tabyat is riding them so completely they cannot be bound by anything, including the Shari’a. How can they do it?”

 

But it was the last part of what Uzair said that only mattered:

 

“What is more important than anyone’s balance of taybat and fitrat.? It is how you behave with them. What is your balance? If someone is overly materialistic or if someone is an alcoholic, can you sit with them for a while instead of just rejecting them? For you they become an opportunity to mend your own self, your prejudices, your grudges, your karahat, the dislike you feel. You minimize those and thus elevate your humanity. They are, after all, still a human being right?”

 

In that moment I reminded myself how people I was thinking of were not always like that. They were loving and kind and generous and often sacrificed happily for the sake of another they loved. Even strangers. They had been and for some were still heavily relied upon. They always delivered on what was asked of them or even often times, unasked of them in others’ times of need.

 

Uzair was touching on one what Imam Ali (as) had praised the most in the advice to his son:

 

و اکرم الحسب حسن الخلق

 

The best marker of one’s identity is their excellence of manners and etiquette.

 

The perfection of that manner was set by the one who was the Insaan e Kamil, Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) and he encapsulated it for me in one hadith:

 

عن جابر بن عبد الله قال : لما نزلت سورة "براءة" قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : بعثت بمداراة الناس

 

From Jābir b. ʿAbd Allāh (may God be pleased with them all), that he reported that when Sūrat Barāʾa (Tauba) was sent down, the Messenger of God said,

 

“I was sent to treat people with affability (mudārāt).”

It was not lost on me that the hadith came with the Surah titled Repentance! I had even looked up affability which meant kindness, warmth, friendliness.

 

Not love!

 

The word I had started misusing years ago to the point that it became a word without meaning. Of all the words in the world to no longer hold meaning, it astonished me that it was the word that meant the most to me in my entire life; love! I used it carelessly and said it flippantly to people I didn’t see or intend to see for weeks on end. It was just how I had started to end a text message or a short call. The most important word in the world now meant absolutely nothing.

 

Uzair continued to explain his point about why the focus in any interaction with anyone should be one’s own self: “What used to happen in the Khanqah’s of the Saints (a place of gathering for brother-hood and a spiritual retreat)? The robber, thieves, murderers, the drunks, the adulterers everyone was welcome and everyone came. The Saints were holding space for them. Their attitude was only this: ‘Come, sit, whoever you are, whatever you’ve done. If you want to change, we are here to help and even if you don’t want to change, eat, rest, stay as long as you want.’

 

And who all did the Prophet (peace be upon him) embrace? The lowest of the society, the murderers, the drunks. That is his initial group. Nobody wants to talk about that. Take Dahya Qalbi. He came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and he was the most handsome of the Companions. Many times Hazrat Gibrael (as) came in his form when be brought the revelations. This is a hadith recorded in Sahih Muslim.

 

He came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said he wanted to become a Muslim. But before he did so, he wanted to confess to him his sins.

 

‘I have consumed alcohol, I have been an adulterer,’ his list went on.

 

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ‘It’s alright. It will be forgiven.’

 

Then Dahya said, ‘I have also murdered a 100 daughters.’ He was the one who buried people’s infants alive when they were unwanted for being girls.

 

Even the Prophet (peace be upon him) became silent.

Jus then Gibrael (as) came and said,

 

أَنَّ الْإِسْلَامَ يَهْدِمُ مَا كَانَ قَبْلَهُ

 

‘Verily, Islam will swallow whatever happened before.

Tell him to change today.’

 

Look at the inclusion. I’ll give you another example. The people of Khyber plotted to murder the Prophet (peace be upon him) by poisoning him. A woman offered a lamb as her contribution to the mission. The Messenger (peace be upon him) was invited to dinner and the meat was laced with a toxin.

 

Just as he took a morsel and put it in his mouth, it spoke and said, ‘Spit me out, I have poison in me.’

 

The Prophet (peace be upon him) swallowed the bite but didn’t eat anymore. He became ill. Soon after the plot was discovered.”

 

I interrupted Uzair.

 

“Why didn’t he spit it out? The morsel?”

 

He smiled. “The man is different. These are his manners.”

 

Then he continued.

 

“The woman was caught and brought before him. Hazrat Omar (ratu) asked that she be killed.

 

The Prophet of God asked his companion, ‘For what crime?’

 

‘She’s a murderer,’ he said.

 

‘But the “murdered” is sitting before you. Let her go!’

 

The next day she came to him and became Muslim.

 

See the inclusion? Even Allah says in the Quran:

 

‏وَلَا تَسْتَوِى ٱلْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا ٱلسَّيِّئَةُ ۚ

ٱدْفَعْ بِٱلَّتِى هِىَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا ٱلَّذِى بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُۥ عَدَوَةٌۭ كَأَنَّهُۥ وَلِىٌّ حَمِيمٌۭ ‎

 

And the good deed and the evil deed are not equal.

Repel evil with that which is better, then behold!

The one who, between you and between him, was enmity

will become as if he was an intimate friend.

 

Surah Fussilat, Verse 34

 

And of course I looked up the tafseer to see what Ghaus Pak (ra) said.

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Then said Allah Subhanu in the way of instruction and guidance for the ordinary servants:

 

Wa la tastawi al hasnatu: It is not equal, the class of good deeds, but it is different in beauty and appearance…

 

Wa la-assayyatu: and similarly it is not equal, the class of evil deeds. Some of them are worse than others.

 

Idfa’a: O Seeker with the intention of being guided upon the way of Tauheed, One-ness, upon the Straight Path unveiled for the Messenger who completes the Messenger-hood (peace be upon him) and who is the most esteemed of the Prophets who are guided, the ones who are being guided to the Ocean of One-ness of His Essence from different streams of His Names and Attributes which sprout (from that Ocean) according to their rippling and moving from one to another, arising according to their innate states…

 

Billati: (O Seeker with the intention of being guided upon the way of Tauheed, One-ness) by the inclination of goodness which is…

 

Hiya ahsana: the best of the best virtues, repel the worst of the worst virtues and persist in that manner (of repelling wrongdoing with goodness) and make it your habit until you reach a balance and become steadfast upon the Place of

Allah’s Justice.

 

And after your steadfastness and firm-footedness in this rank…

 

Fa idalladi: then suddenly that which was...

 

Baynaka wa baynahu adaawatun: between you and him an enemity, which has been there for a while and was generated from animalistic forces from both parties, he will become your close friend and loved one until…

 

Ka annahu waliyun: he becomes your near one who protects you and becomes a guardian of your custody for all that which causes you pain and all that which causes your destruction. So how will he then cause you suffering because he is…

 

Hameemun: (now) your intimate friend, affectionate, generous, kind and merciful towards you and one who will never fight with you (again).

 

Subhan Allah!

 

That afternoon Uzair ended on this note: The Quran is saying if someone is doing something bad to you, don’t do the same to them. Goodness and badness cannot be equal ever. You have been given the right to avenge, yes, but it will also be an act that is looked down upon. It will still be wrong.

 

How beautiful is it that in just a few words Allah is giving you a moral theory. It is better for you to do a good deed when a bad one is done to you. Yes, if your tabyat is riding you and you will not resist it, then be careful to do exactly that which was done to you and not an iota more. But look at how the verse ends.

 

Waleeun hameem: He was your sworn enemy and now he becomes your intimate friend. Only because you didn’t react to his doing whatever he did towards you that was hurtful and weren’t the same as him. Because the two will never be the same; goodness and wrongdoing. It’s beautiful.”

 

It certainly was beautiful!

 

Uzair left. I had recorded what he had said and I listened to it again and again. It was heavily layered and highlighted why the first advice of the blessed Imam (as) had been about reflection. Using the aql!

 

ان اغنی الغنی العقل

 

The greatest of treasures is the Aql – the power to reflect.

The aql is bestowed to everyone. It is not the IQ. It is not about being smart or dumb, literate or not. It is the ability to consider, to ponder, to realize. Of the 6,666 verses in the Quran, 700 some are addressing the Aaqiloon, those who reflect and often Allah declares, ‘But they do not use their aql?’ For it seemed, it was precisely in that using or not using that aql one person was avoiding pain and another was drowning in it.

 

In studying the words with Qari Sahib I had learnt something invaluable. Aql has to be safeguarded and when anger appears aql leaves the building. As someone with extraordinary anger management issues in the past, the thought gave me pause. It certainly explained the why the heaviest losses of my life were self-inflicted.

 

It also made me go back to the lines of the Quran I had been translating from the Tafseer e Jilani and look up the word ‘anger’ and see exactly what it caused, what was ordered to do about it:

 

Khud il afwa: Choose always (and make your habit), O Messenger who completes the Message (peace be upon you), the path of forgiveness and softness. And turn away from anger (of the type of being upset with someone when you can exercise ability to do something about it) and becoming hard, because this is in line with the affection of the status of Prophet-hood – Surah Al-Araaf, Verse 199

 

Wa ja’ala bainakum muwadda-tan wa rahma-tan: And between them is unconditional love and tenderness so that the nafs loves the light of the ruh, the soul, and its effect upon it with acceptance, embracing its influence. Which makes the nafs remains calm from anger and become purified. Surah Ar Rum, Verse 21

 

Min Shaitaan: it is from Shaitaan, who influences you physically through the organs which cause anger and stokes the ego in a way that is only ignorant creating a false sense of dignity…Surah Al Araaf, Verse 200

 

Mir Rabbikum wa shifa ullima fi sudoor: (indeed has come to you (a Prophet (peace be upon him) and The Book) from your Lord. And heal you from your anger and grudges that have taken firm residence in your hearts. Surah Yunus, Verse 57

 

But it was one verse with the word ‘anger’ that hit me the hardest for it brought everything together. The dots I had been connecting of doubt arising whenever I felt fear or sadness. Feeling that fear and sadness because of my tabyat overwhelming my fitrat. The tabyat being in high gear because of my pursuing worldly desires.

 

The top most of those desires for me was expecting something from other people. That left me constantly disappointed. The disappointment brought on sadness. In the moment of that sadness, Iblis whispered in my ear how I was always betrayed. My nafs embraced the whisper and we both jumped into a lake of paranoia and doubtthat moved in a loop in my head!

 

With shirk again the punishment is immediate and it is hell no doubt. Because the consequence of hope and expectations on others when they are unmet is humiliation. Nothing burns like that fire. The Quran and then Ghaus Pak (ra) had already told me the sources of my pain and suffering in Surah At Tauba:

 

مَا عَنِتُّمْ

 

Surah At Tauba: Verse 128

 

Ma annit-tum: of that which pains you and brings you suffering. And when you come across that which he did not find favourable for you because it was

 

1.from the signs of kufr, ingratitude and the denial of Truth

2.and shirk, fears and hopes associated with others

3.and the absence of obedience

4.and the absence of submission to the Commands of Allah and that which was forbidden to you,

 

My shirk was what Ghaus Pak (ra) defined as “fears and hopes associated with others” and I was indeed a witness to my own oppression.

 

‏وَإِنَّهُۥ عَلَىٰ ذَلِكَ لَشَهِيدٌۭ ‎

 

And indeed, surely he is a witness.

Surah Al Adiyat, Verse 6

 

Wa Innahu: And indeed, the nafs of Insaan, Man’s own self…

 

Ala’ dalika: upon his tyranny and his ingratitude and denial of truth…

 

La shaheed: is a witness. The effects of kufran, ingratitude and denial of Truth and tughyan, oppression, appear upon him forever.

 

And overall: He, himself, is a witness upon his own denial and ungratefulness and his shirk, the association of others with Allah and his oppression, until the time that effect of his transgressions appear upon his self.

 

That verse that came up with the word ‘anger’ turned out to be the first piece of the puzzle although it appeared last; feeling anger due to the pursuit of a desire that would never be fulfilled would result in an endless waiting. That anger would intensify doubt and the pining for what would never be would shred the heart to pieces.

 

‏لَا يَزَالُ بُنْيَنُهُمُ ٱلَّذِى بَنَوْا۟ رِيبَةًۭ فِى قُلُوبِهِمْ إِلَّآ أَن تَقَطَّعَ قُلُوبُهُمْ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ ‎

 

The building they built will always be a source of skepticism within their hearts until their hearts are torn to pieces.

Allah knows everything and He is Wise.

Surah Tauba, Verse 110

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

And because of the intensity of their anger and wickedness of

their inner being…

 

La yazalu bunyanuhum alladi banawu: the building they built will just inherit and increase…

 

Ribatan: doubts and these ambiguities will increase…

 

Fi qulibihim: in their hearts, drop by drop…

 

Illa an taqatta’a qulubuhum: except that it (that doubt) will cut their hearts with the fire of desires that cannot be fulfilled and their hearts will be shredded and disappear because of the trials of being punished to the extent that they will never know.

 

Wallahu aleem-un: And Allah is All Knowing of their hidden delusion in their breasts.

 

Hakeem: (Allah is) All Wise who decides the recompense for it (that delusion) and how to call them to question over it.

As I studied the words of the Imam’s (as) advice, for the first time in my life I saw the limits to only being obedient. When it was blind and didn’t trigger the use of the aql. The obedient one also thinks nothing bad will happen to them. So it does. Just to remind them that often goodness is the source of forbidden pride.

 

I had that experience that month when I had a muscle spasm that triggered sciatica. All I heard from everyone was that it would never go away and that was depressing. The thing was I never got sick ma sha Allah. After I experienced the spasm, in a single week I went to a chiropractor, osteopath, acupuncturist, homeopath and street joint guy. One thing spun in my head throughout those seven days and it was from a lecture of Qari Sahib.

 

“The root of ingratitude and obstinacy in denying and refusing guidance is pride. For that matter the root of all sin and wrongdoing is pride. There are three things that break that pride; poverty, disease and death. Let us pray that we don’t have to face them in order to be taught the hard way not to be prideful.”

 

Disease!

 

I confided my concern to Qari Sahib and asked if I was guilty of that sin; pride. Was that why I was now having this problem that seemed like it would never leave me? He smiled. Then came the reference and it made me realize that my obedience did make me feel like nothing bad would ever happen to me. Well, bad things happened to me throughout my life but I didn’t think of them that way. Others did. But this was the first time I felt I might have had a sense of pride around my being “good.”

 

The verse my teacher gave me was from the life of the Prophet Yunus (as) and the incident of the whale. He too thought nothing bad would happen to him.

 

‏وَذَا ٱلنُّونِ إِذ ذَّهَبَ مُغَضِبًۭا فَظَنَّ أَن لَّن نَّقْدِرَ عَلَيْهِ فَنَادَىٰ فِى ٱلظُّلُمَتِ

أَن لَّآ إِلَهَ إِلَّآ أَنتَ سُبْحَنَكَ إِنِّى كُنتُ مِنَ ٱلظَّلِمِينَ ‎

‏فَٱسْتَجَبْنَا لَهُۥ وَنَجَّيْنَهُ مِنَ ٱلْغَمِّ ۚ

وَكَذَلِكَ نُۨجِى ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ‎

 

And Dhul Nun when he went (while) angry and thought that never We would decree upon him.

Then he called in the darkness that, “There is no god except You, Glory be to You!

Indeed, I, I am of the wrongdoers.”

So We responded to him, and We saved him from the distress.

And thus We save the believers.

Surah Al Anbiya, Verse 87-88

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Fa danna: So he thought, as soon as he left his nation…

 

Al-lan naqdira: that We, Allah Subhanahu, will not put stress and distress…

 

Alaihi: upon him and it is not possible for Us to slow him down and make him suffer nor make him hide in another place so he escaped and arrived at the ocean and boarded a ship and suddenly the wind stopped and the sailors said, “In this ship is a servant who has come without permission from his master.”

 

They balloted and in the ballot came out his name (of Prophet Yunus (as)) and they tossed him in the ocean and just then a whale swallowed him.

 

Fa nada: Then he invoked his Lord and prayed silently and humbly, scared, covered…

 

Fi dulumaat: in darkness which concealed him in layers because he was in the belly of the whale and the night was dark.

 

An: Indeed, He…

 

La ilaha: There is no God worthy of worship but Allah and deserving of worship which is the Right of His Essence and His Attribute…

 

Illa anta: except You, O Who in front of Whom necks bend and bow before the Veils of Your Majesty, the necks of the ones who are of intellect and reason…

 

Subhanaka: Glory is to You, O my Lord, I think of You as free of all flaws which are not mentionable with Your Essence and (all flaws) which are not worthy of mention with Your Grace.

 

Inni: Indeed, I am, due to my departure from my people without Your Permission and Revelation, while you had sent me to them and raised me among them in appearance as a Prophet, as a preacher and as a guide…

 

Kuntu min ad-daalimeen: I am of the transgressors of boundaries, the ones who departed from Your Orders and Your Commands so that’s why You made the matter one of distress for me and You imprisoned me and there is no one who can rescue me from this suffering except Your Forgiveness and Your Mercy.

 

And after he repented before Us and he focused towards Us with sincerity, with humility and he became pure towards Us, upset, distressed…

 

Fastajabna lahu: We accepted his prayer and responded to his prayer and took him out from the belly of the whale…

 

Wa najjaynahu min al ghamm: and We delivered him from such a great suffering and huge difficulty.

 

Wa kadalika nunji: And thus We deliver the ordinary Mo’mineen, those who brought faith, Al Mukhliseen, the sincere, who are sincere in their repentance and returning towards Us from their pain and their trials.

 

It was the last line of the verse that gave me hope and I embraced my new found ailment. “Thus we deliver the ordinary…from their pain and their trials…when they are sincere in their repentance and return towards us.”

 

I learnt from the incident what was missing in my life; repentance. So many of my utterances in prayer didn’t carry meaning inside them as I spun the beads of my tasbeeh. They had become rote. I never sought forgiveness. I uttered the words Astaghfirullah, I seek the forgiveness of Allah, but I uttered them without sincerity, without need.

 

The problem arose for me because the obedient one is always told they are good. So they start thinking they are good. But the one who is rebellious learns regret early in life. And only if they are lucky and they express that regret. The expression of remorse is repentance which happens to be the essential ingredient to prevent pride. It is what makes obedience, when it does come, only sincere.

 

I learnt that through an 11 year old child. My niece! When I saw her resistance to me around anything religious, which frustrated me to no end since it was a recent phenomenon, I also realized the benefit for her in that rebellion. Which was always only momentary and mood related. I knew she felt bad later though for being dismissive of me. I knew her heart. I always told her to say sorry to Allah later. That she didn’t need to say it to me since I was not there.

 

Her action then of that regret as related to her Lord when it came, if it came, would inherently be pure. The feeling that I sought most intensely, of sincerity, contriving my way to it would be hers naturally. That’s why the convert is lucky. Even their intention is more imbued with devotion because each word emits from the heart itself and hardly ever the tongue.

 

On a random day, a Naqshbandi master shed some more light on the tabyat:

 

Sheikh Nurjan: The nafs of somebody that doesn’t like to be told anything, at that stage that nafs is a very dangerous nafs. Such a nafs is not capable of listening to any type of comment or any type of suggestion, any type of command. How you’re going to follow the Command of Allah Subhanahu or the Prophet (saw) or even tolerate being around the Ulil Amr when your nafs is like a ferocious beast that you can’t even put your finger in the cage to pet it.

 

This is the nafs ammara, this is a dangerous nafs. That is tolerating of nothing of no one, of any type of comment. That’s not the way, that’s not the way. It’s not the way of tareeqa. People say they have a different time to react, ‘O I do this like this at work but when I sit and listen to the talks I don’t get angry.’

 

The talk is to take home and then do the homework when Allah makes everything upside down. With the family, with the kids, with work, with the colleagues. Everything becomes the testing ground for what was learnt. And the discipline of the ‘Sami’na wa ata’na – I listened and I obeyed – is to be quiet and tell yourself, ‘I am under tarbiya, training.

 

As a result of my training, I am going to be silent. And people will say you should do this, you have to reach a state when you submit to yourself and you tell yourself, ‘As a result of the training I am in, I’m going to remain silent and be quiet.’ Don’t you dare say anything and answer. If you answer back, that test will repeat itself.

 

And many people they live their life like ground hog days. Like the movie where the man lives the day, doesn’t accomplish anything, then wakes up at 7am in exactly the same position, the same bed and now the same day will happen for him. Which means either you are insane as the example of insanity is that you do the same thing every day and you expect a different result. Allah’s testing ground is this Creation. My entire existence is going to be tested by my Lord and I have to be silent. If I am somebody who is on the path of the Ulil Amr then I should be listening and be a listener.”

 

His words made me think about silence and how it is the most ardent as well as subtle evidence of patience and certainly the most elusive for me. Maybe that’s why in Imam Ali’s (as) core philosophy, jurrat, himmat and sabr were inextricably linked. Without the courage to exercise self-control, I could not attempt to strive towards a goal of controlling my tongue and without the intention to attempt it, I would never become of the patient. It was anger that would over-ride all of the above. For the first time I saw why the Sabir was automatically also the Muttaqi; the patient one was the most mindful because they constantly exercised restraint.

 

أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ :

لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ

 

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said,

“The strong one is not the one who throws his enemy to the ground.

He is the one who controls himself in his anger.”

 

Sheikh Nurjan’s lecture was the reason I created a new intention and sowed it as a seed in Rajab.

 

One meaning of the verb kafara is to hide something. In the Quran its form kufr it is usually interpreted as ingratitude or the denial of truth. Either way it also becomes a seed. Doubt waters it. Then insistence upon it renders one a fajir, the one who is enslaved by their tabyat. No remorse, no regret but a lot of emotional suffering that only ascends in degree. What might the harvest be? Intensifying paranoia and doubt. Basically hell!

 

The other people the blessed Imam Ali (as) says not to befriend, aside from the fajir and the ahmaq, is the bakheel, the miser and the kaddaab, the liar.

 

و ایاک و مصادقۃ الکذاب فانہ کالسراب یقرب علیک البعید و یبعد علیک القریب

 

Avoid the company of the kaddab, the liar, for indeed, he is like a mirage. He will make you close to that which is far from you and make you feel far from that which is close to you.

 

و ایاک و مصادقۃ البخیل، فانہ یقعد عنک احوج ما تکون الیہ

 

Beware of the bakheel, the miser, for surely he will take far from you that which you need the most.

 

The bakheel, he says, will disappear exactly when you need him taking with him what you need. The liar, he says, is like a mirage that will create incessant delusion because they love making false promises.

 

Like all people, I have come across all four types of people in life. I thought about the effect of those relationships upon me. The liar and the bakheel created disappointment more than anything else. The ahmaq, frustration. But the ahmaq was also usually innocent. The liar was compulsive out of habit that had become nature. The act was beyond their control. In my experience, the fajir was the deadliest. Because they broke hearts, sometime every single day and thought nothing of it.

 

I thought about what the change in a human being was that had the most pronounced effect on their personality so as to render them insistent upon something that was hurtful to others, harmful to them. I concluded that it was the giving up of two things; remorse and tears, even for themselves. Both were the ingredients that kept a heart soft!

 

This Rajab taught me things in 30 days I have never learnt in a single month ever before. As I felt joyous in celebrating it every single day, when it ended I wept. But Shab’an, which had just begun, was the month Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) called his own. It was the month of watering, Ghaus Pak (ra), had said, those seeds planted in Rajab. I felt happy about that.

 

Watering meant to me that it would come either from the skies as rain or from the earth as one of its most divine treasures. Water is mentioned several times in the Quran as a gift sent and controlled only by God. Qari Sahib said the water would be our tears. I hoped it would come from the Fountain of Kauthar. Every day I repeated my intentions so they would take effect in my deeds. I had never done that before in my life either. In 25 days, would begin Ramadan, Allah’s Month. The month of harvest! But that was too far away to think about.

 

I had just come across a new word in Arabic that I was besotted by; Rasikh, the one who never misses a day i.e. the one who is steadfast. I looked up the word steadfast in my translations from the Tafseer e Jilani. The word was associated with exalted categories; the Mukhlaseen, the sincere, the Siddeqeen, the truthful, the Arifeen, the gnostics, the Mu’qineen, the possessors of certainty, the Muhajireen, the ones who detach from their nafs and the physical wants of their natures, the Ansaar, the ones who devote their focus towards Al-Haqq through practices and striving hard, the Mo-mineen, those who attained to faith.

 

There was a time whenever I came across a group of people who were clearly favoured by Allah, I prayed intensely to become one of them. Or rather to be made one of them. For myself and my friends who were on a spiritual path as well. But now if I were to pick a category, it would be this: the Saliheen.

 

I first came across it in a prayer of the Prophet Yusuf (as) which I memorized:

 

تَوَفَّنِى مُسْلِمًۭا وَأَلْحِقْنِى بِٱلصَّلِحِينَ ‎

 

Cause me to die as a Muslim, and join me with the righteous."

Hazrat Yusuf, Verse 101

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Then prayed Hazrat Yousuf (as) for himself and he said softly to his Lord, a prayer, that uttered from him only with wisdom, intellect and reasoning, with his invocation:

 

Tawwafini: Make me die and take my soul…

 

Muslim-an: surrendering, entrusting all my matters to you…

 

Walhiqni: and enjoin me, with Your Special Favour…

 

Bi saliheen: with the righteous ones who are the ones who reformed their selves in this life and the Hereafter until they achieved success from You with the honour of meeting You.

 

The ones who reformed themselves!

 

Then came the word in a prayer by another Prophet, Suleman (as), when he heard the ant speak what was revealed to it by God:

 

‏فَتَبَسَّمَ ضَاحِكًۭا مِّن قَوْلِهَا وَقَالَ رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِىٓ أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ ٱلَّتِىٓ أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَىَّ

وَعَلَىٰ وَلِدَىَّ وَأَنْ أَعْمَلَ صَلِحًۭا تَرْضَىٰهُ

وَأَدْخِلْنِى بِرَحْمَتِكَ فِى عِبَادِكَ ٱلصَّلِحِينَ ‎

 

So he smiled - laughing at her speech and said,

"My Lord! Grant me the ability that I may thank You for Your Favor which You have bestowed on me

and on my parents

and that I may do righteous deeds that will please You.

And admit me by Your Mercy among Your Servants Righteous."

Surah An Naml, Verse 19

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Wa: And after, when Hazrat Suleman (as) was came into knowledge about her (the ant’s) communication and her purpose, he turned towards Allah Al Haq, enumerating for himself the Major Favours and Blessings from Him until he said…

 

Qala: in the same state, humbly invoking Allah Subhanahu…

Rabbi: O my Lord who raises me with different kinds of goodness and honours which He did not give to anyone else in His Creation…

 

Auzi’ni an ashkura ni’mataka allati anamta alayya wa ala walidayya: Grant me the ability that I may thank You for Your Favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and grant me ability of this also that I fulfill the rights of those blessings in the way that they deserve to be fulfilled and that (I fulfill those rights in a way) which is deserving of Your Majesty and their worth.

 

And it could not have come from me, any of this, except by Your Ability and Your easing. And grant me ability (also) that I may complete it (the fulfilling of those rights) and perfect it.

 

Wa: And bestow ease upon me…

 

An amala: that I may do, all of my life, deeds…

 

Salihan tardaahu: accepted by You, pleasing to You.

 

Wa: And after You cause me to die…

 

Adkhilni bi rahmatika: make me enter by Your Mercy and Your Expansive Bounty and Your Extensive Nobleness…

 

Fi: in the group of…

 

Ibadika as Saliheen: the ones who please You, the ones who are accepted by You and count me amongst them and raise me among their set. Indeed, You do what You want, You are Qadeer, All Powerful and You are Worthy of the hope that the hopeful place upon You.

 

“The ones who please You, the ones who are accepted by You.”

 

It was the ask of Prophets to be counted and connected with them.

 

When I said my namaz the next time and the word emanated from my tongue it literally made me stop:

 

السَّلَامُ عَلَيْنَا وَعَلَى عِبَادِ اللَّهِ الصَّالِحِينَ

 

Thereupon the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,

“Peace be upon us and the righteous ones.”

 

The Saliheen were the only ones mentioned in the sala’t I offered throughout the day. The word appeared in the line uttered as a prayer by the Beloved (peace be upon him) himself for the rest of us. He prayed for salam, peace, upon those who endeavoured and endured on the path of reforming themselves.

 

In another lecture on the Night of Ascension I learnt that all the Prophets were given a prayer with the promise that it would be answered. All of them used that prayer in the world for their nations. Some used it to bring Allah’s Wrath upon them. Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him), in yet another manner that distinguishes him from everyone else, was given the gift of three prayers.

 

The following is recorded in Sahih Muslim:

 

فَقُلْتُ اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لِأُمَّتِي اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لِأُمَّتِي وَأَخَّرْتُ الثَّالِثَةَ لِيَوْمٍ يَرْغَبُ إِلَيَّ الْخَلْقُ كُلُّهُمْ حَتَّى إِبْرَاهِيمُ عَلَيْهِ السَلَام

 

So the Prophet of God (peace be upon him) said:

“O my Allah, forgive my nation,

O my Allah, forgive my nation!

And I delayed my third prayer for the Day when all of Creation will be focused upon me

including the Prophet Ibrahim (as).”

 

The Muhaddiseen explain that since the exact same words are used for the first two prayers – ighfir li ummati - the first ask for his Ummah was for forgiveness of their kabeera, major, sins. The second was for their sagheera sins, the minor ones.

 

“The third prayer,” said Qari Sahib, “as is written, Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) saves for the Hereafter. So what will that prayer be?”

 

I had no idea what was coming.

 

“It is said that when the entire Universe will be a witness and all of Creation will be present awaiting that prayer, the Prophet (peace be upon him) that Allah shares His Names with in the Quran, Rau’f - Affectionate and Rahim – Merciful, will ask His Lord to forgive everyone in the Universe everything.”

 

It was stunning! He would be exactly as he was all his life in the world, forgiving everyone everything, asking others to do the same.

 

Once upon a time I used to think that my trial in this world was an echo of abandonment. But that abandonment, which felt devastating each time, is what highlighted my shirk and allowed me the opportunity to break my association of hopes and expectation with others. It is how, this Rajab, I understood the verse, “Only Allah Subhanahu is your Friend and His Messenger (peace be upon him) and the one who attained to faith, giving charity while bowing in prayer with humility, Imam Ali (as).”

 

Everyone is made to learn the same lesson one way or another. Or at least the ones Allah wants to turn to Him in this life. Abandonment is a universal ordeal much like the death of a parent. We all have to surrender one way or another. The difference is whether the surrender is to the fitrat or the tabyat, to anxiety and sadness and paranoia and doubt or to what is good, truth and also good for us, khair.

 

For we are all in the same boat, of loss, where the only exception is deed and again appears with the that defines that deed, salih:

 

‏وَٱلْعَصْرِ

‏إِنَّ ٱلْإِنسَنَ لَفِى خُسْرٍ ‎

‏إِلَّا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّلِحَتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا۟ بِٱلْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا۟ بِٱلصَّبْرِ ‎

 

The human being is surely in a state of loss

Except those who believe and do righteous deeds and enjoin (each other) to the truth and enjoin (each other) to [the] patience.

Surah Al-Asr, Verses 1-3

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Wal Asr: Then Allah Suban Ta’ala takes an oath upon time and the ages, the meaning of which is about the Eternal Essence of Allah, from the beginning till the end, Timeless and Everlasting.

 

Innal Insaana: Indeed, the human being, created such to have a natural propensity towards the nature of ma’rifa, the Recognition of God and imaan, faith according to the his share of the Lahoot, the Realm of the Divine where there is no time and space…

 

Lafi khusr: is in a state of immense loss and humiliating failure, as a result of their busyness in that which is useless due to the requirements (and needs) of his physical being, as related to his share of the world of Nasoot, the life in this world.

 

Illa: Except the Muqinoon, those who possess inner certainty…

 

Alladina Aamano: about the One-ness of Allah Subhan Ta’ala and are conscious, through their steadfastness, in their behaviour continuously in His Kingdom and about His Authority.

 

Wa: And with this faith and certainty…

 

Amilos Sualihaat: they do good deeds which points towards their ikhas, sincerity and their yaqeen, absolute conviction, and niyyat, intention.

 

Wa: And in this condition…

 

Tawasau bil Haq: they enjoin each other towards the Path of God and His One-ness…

 

Wa tawasau: and they also enjoin each other…

 

Bis sabr: towards (1) patience for the practice of matters that require obedience and (2) (patience towards) their tiredness from striving hard and (3) (patience towards) from what they suffer as a result of cutting themselves off from their love of the world and (4) (patience towards) leaving their animalistic desires which are attached to human nature.

 

Sha’ban is the month on which falls Shab e Baraat, the Night of Forgiveness. It is believed that anyone who asks Allah for forgiveness is granted it. After I felt that pain traveling up and down my leg, my utterances of prayers of repentance and forgiveness were like never before. I even began to cherish the pain as a reminder. I reflected more. I forgave myself more, I forgave others more. Most of all I cried more than I ever have.

 

Then I looked up verses with Qari Sahib on asking for forgiveness and being granted it and chose this as it magically touched on everything I was thinking about:

 

‏وَمَن يَعْمَلْ سُوٓءًا أَوْ يَظْلِمْ نَفْسَهُۥ

ثُمَّ يَسْتَغْفِرِ ٱللَّهَ يَجِدِ ٱللَّهَ غَفُورًۭا رَّحِيمًۭا ‎

 

And whoever does evil or wrongs his soul, then seeks the forgiveness of Allah,

he will find Allah Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Surah An-Nisa’, Verse 110

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Wa: And overall…

 

Mayy ya’mal su’an: the one who does evil or the one who is disobedient or is a transgressor of the nature such that he wants that others participate in his wrongdoing with him so that they accuse and slander (each other)…

 

Ao yadlimo nafsahu: or wrongs (only) his own self by crossing Allah’s set limits without involving someone else. Then after this he gained the awareness that his end has been destroyed and is in a dire state…

 

Summa yastaghfirillah: so he asks Allah for forgiveness with repentance and that regret which arises from sincerity and an awakening…

 

Yajidi Allaha: he will find Allah to be Al Muwaffiq, The One who grants ability, of tauba, repentance, to that person…

 

Ghafooran: (he will find Allah to be ) The Forgiver who forgives his sins…

 

Raheeman: The Most Merciful, Who accepts his repentance graciously and with His Favour.

 

And thus I began life as if every day were the first day!

 

 

Done