the 7th of Rajab

Continued from: www.flickr.com/photos/42093313@N00/51871571321/in/datepos...

 

Uzair: “Then Allah does that even with the faiths that went headlong against His Tauheed, One-ness. The Christians who made the Prophet Isa (as), Jesus, His son. Many times, in about 30 some verses at least, He admonishes them. But then He also says:

 

مَّ قَفَّيْنَا عَلَىٰٓ ءَاثَرِهِم بِرُسُلِنَا وَقَفَّيْنَا بِعِيسَى ٱبْنِ مَرْيَمَ وَءَاتَيْنَهُ ٱلْإِنجِيلَ وَجَعَلْنَا فِى قُلُوبِ ٱلَّذِينَ ٱتَّبَعُوهُ رَأْفَةًۭ وَرَحْمَةًۭ وَرَهْبَانِيَّةً ٱبْتَدَعُوهَا مَا كَتَبْنَهَا عَلَيْهِمْ إِلَّا ٱبْتِغَآءَ رِضْوَنِ ٱللَّهِ فَمَا رَعَوْهَا حَقَّ رِعَايَتِهَا ۖ

فَـَٔاتَيْنَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ مِنْهُمْ أَجْرَهُمْ ۖ

وَكَثِيرٌۭ مِّنْهُمْ فَسِقُونَ ‎

 

And We followed with Isa, son of Maryam, and We gave him the Injeel.

And We placed in the hearts of those who followed him compassion and mercy.

But monasticism they innovated - not that We prescribed it for them – they invented it themselves only seeking the Pleasure of Allah,

but then they did not observe with right observance.

So We gave those who believed among them their reward, but most of them are defiantly disobediently.

Surah Al Hadeed, Verse 27

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Wa: And after We caused them to be followed by…

 

Bi Isa ibn e Maryam: with the Prophet Isa (as) son of Maryam and we gave him the Injeel (Bible) and succored him with the Holy Spirit (Hazrat Gibrael (as))…

 

Wa: with perfected cleansing of him and nobility in his family and his behaviour…

 

Ja’alna fi quloobi illadina attaba’uhu: and We placed in their hearts, of those who followed him and believed in him and practiced his religion…

 

Rafa’tan: softness, affection and kindness, to the extent that they forgave murderers and did not fight with the ones who cursed them and those who were physically violent…

 

Wa rahmatan: and mercy, so they were merciful because of it with all of Allah’s Servants.

 

Wa: And because the intensity of their love and attachment with Allah by their connection with Him, they invented…

 

Rahbaaniatan: monasticism and transgressed the limits of worship to the extent that they wouldn’t eat and they wouldn’t drink for days at a time and never married and did not meet people and instead made their abodes in the heights of mountains and in caves and indeed…

 

Ibtadauha: they introduced it making it up from their own selves without any approval from Our Side because…

 

Ma katabnaha: We didn’t prescribe monasticism for them and We did not make it obligatory and We did not compel them towards it…

 

Alaihim: upon them in their religion and in their books but they didn’t choose it…

 

Illa abtigha’a ridwan illahe: except that they were seeking Allah’s Pleasure and were desiring of acquiring it and despite this…

 

Fama rauha haqqa ri’ayatiha: the monasticism did not match with their religion and their books because they disbelieved Muhammad (peace be upon him) even though he was the greatest credence in their religion and their books so they left that belief and didn’t recognize him knowingly with ignorance and obstinacy…

 

Fa’atayna alladina aamano: so We gave those who believed in Muhammad (peace be upon him)…

 

Minhum ajrahum: the reward of their faith and of their deeds multiplying them many times which they deserved because of those deeds…

 

Wa katheerum minhum fasiqoon: and most of them were defiantly disobedient, the ones who left the demand of their religion and their books by the denial of Muhammad (peace be upon him).

 

Uzair: “So Allah says about the Christians, not only do they feel empathy, the followers of the Prophet Jesus (as), they do something about it. Even in His Anger He points out the kindness they possess. Then He says they become ascetics which He did not oblige upon them. Then again even in that criticism, He says they did it thinking they could gain My Pleasure. But then they could not carry the burden of the act.

 

So coming back to the essence of the verses. forgive people and their mistakes, their shortcomings. Don’t just accept the goodness of their nature, highlight it.”

 

Subhan Allah!

 

The point Uzair wanted to make finally came;

 

“So if Allah has this approach for worship and deeds, giving the best ajr, reward, looking for the best of them, then will it not be the case that if we attach our beings, our own selves to those considered best by him, then by the blessings bestowed upon them, we will also become better and then best? If most mediocre deeds can be made perfect, then why won’t ordinary people be rendered extraordinary?”

 

The lecture had motivated me to contact those who had been acting crazy. We had been out of touch without animosity but weeks had gone by. In my usual haste, I made contact only to be rebuffed. Again! I felt bad. Iblis whispered words that made me feel slighted. My nafs felt wounded. It had been a while since that happened so I was taken aback by the emotions. They were all negative and draining.

 

For two nights I suffered. But then I came out of it because of the attempt to remind myself that they were my loved ones. And I was theirs. What I didn’t control so well was my tongue if I spoke about them. I would use sarcasm and berate them. They were just words not really my feelings. But that was exactly what made me insincere. I would know that as I saw them coming out of my mouth and entering my ears. It was pure reaction that was entirely habitual.

 

And then I came upon these words in the Tafseer e Tustari;

 

[6:152] …And if you speak, be just...

 

وَإِذَا قُلْتُمْ فَٱعْدِلُوا۟

 

And when you speak then be just.

Surah Al An’am, Verse 152

 

Hazrat Sahel (ra) said: “The people of veracity (ṣidq) speak in four ways: they speak in God, through God, for God or with God. There are other people who speak to themselves and for themselves, and so they are preserved from the evil of speech.

 

Yet other people speak about others and forget themselves, and so they innovate and go astray. Wretched is that which they have produced for themselves!

 

So abandon speech for knowledge, and then only speak when it is necessary, and you will be preserved from the ills of speech. What is meant [by ‘when it is necessary’] is that you should not speak unless you are afraid that you will otherwise fall into sin.

 

Then he said: Whoever makes a [false] assumption (ẓann) will be deprived of certainty, and whoever speaks about that which does not concern him will be deprived of veracity.”

 

That’s where I was landing more than anything. I found that badgumani, feeling mistrust towards others, almost always wrongly, was the most major bane of my nafs. That was the downside of being sensitive. I guess that is how I was depriving myself of certainty.

 

The narration I chose for my video to mark Imam Ali’s (as) birth is recorded in every tafseer of any merit; The blessed Imam (as) gives a silver ring he is wearing to a person asking for alms in the Masjid e Nabawi. He is mid-prayer in the position of ruku’, when one bends at right angles to the hip, touching their hands upon their knees. The verse that marks his gesture and the incident ends with the identifier of who it is revealed for; wa hum ra’kioon – they are the ones who give charity while they bow in prayer in ruku.’

 

The closing line of the video was a quote by the Imam (as) about his condition in every prayer;

 

لم اعبد ربا لم اره

 

“Never did I pray before The Lord who raised me

without seeing Him.”

 

I couldn’t stop marveling about what he said and how it connected to the giving of his alms precisely in the moment that he was seeing God. Then diverting himself from that seeing to loosen a ring and drop it from his finger for someone seeking charity. Because the ask was in His Name.

 

Was it any wonder that the act was purifying, that the Quran states to be the means of gaining forgiveness through the prayer of The Beloved (peace be upon him) which brought with it cleansing and purification, dignity, inner peace, calmness, tranquility for the heart, steadfastness in Tauheed and imaan. It’s true, there is no Bestower like Allah when He is Al Wahhab!

 

In one of my recent Quran classes at my cousins’ place, Danoo had told us all something that blew everyone away. As best as I can recall it, she said that they were those amongst Mankind who were bestowed the nazar, gaze of The Beloved (peace be upon him) such that Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) allowed them to see him in certain moments of his life.

Time travel has already been confirmed by many Spiritual Masters of the day as the miracle of the awaited last Imam, Mehdi (ra), but it always existed for all the Friends of God.

 

“So someone was able to see Huzoor (peace be upon him) in a sitting with his companions or perhaps in a signing of a treaty or in a state of travel or anything. It was Huzoor’s (peace be upon him) gift to them.”

 

Almost everyone in the room had let out a cry of the deepest envy. It was beyond anyone’s imagination that such a thing could occur. I had been thinking about what I would have liked to have seen. The list was long. High on it for me was the splitting of the moon. I was taken by the incident even though I didn’t want to see or hear the infidels backtracking on their word and denying its happening while it unfolded in front of their eyes.

 

But I did want to see the moon separate from itself at his beckon. I wanted to see him step away from the pulpit to take Imam Hassan (as) and Imam Hussain (as) into his arms when they entered the Mosque while he was giving a sermon. I wanted to see him sit with his friends, the four of them, around the well in Medina to tell them they would all have houses near his in Paradise. I would be mesmerized by the way he greeted his most beloved child, Bibi Fatima (as), when she came to see him. I would have loved to see him enter Mecca, 13 years after being made to flee the city under threat to his life, the heads of all his enemies bowed in fear and trepidation, his own head bowed as well despite being the victor, out of pure humility to his Lord for granting him such a victory.

 

My list was endless indeed.

 

From Imam Ali’s (as) life, I would have liked to have seen, again amongst many things, the incident of the ring. The tafseer of the verse was this for the video from the Tafseer e Jilani was superb;

 

إِنَّمَا وَلِيُّكُمُ اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا الَّذِينَ يُقِيمُونَ الصَّلَاةَ

وَيُؤْتُونَ الزَّكَاةَ وَهُمْ رَاكِعُونَ

 

Innama walliyyukum Allah: Only Allah is your Friend, The One who is in charge of your matters as related to all kinds of ordinary love…

 

Wa Rasooluhu: and so is His Messenger (peace be upon him), who is His Vice-regent second to Him, also in charge of your matters…

 

Walladina aamano: and those who brought faith in Allah with a love made special because of their following the Prophet (peace be upon him) and they…

 

Alladina yuqeemoona: are the ones who are forever…

As salata: in prayer that brings one close to Allah’s Essence…

 

And yu’toona az zakata: and they give charity which cleanses their hearts from focus on anything other than Allah…

 

Wa: in the state of…

 

Hum rak’ioon: ruku,’ bowing in their prayers, with humility.

Surah Al Maidah, Verse 55

 

The line made me look up something I had read months ago in the Tafseer e Tustari and no doubt quoted in a piece along the way;

 

Hazrat Sahl (ra) was asked about the words of the Prophet , ‘Seeking knowledge is an obligation (farīḍa) for every Muslim’.

 

He said, ‘This refers to the knowledge of [one’s]state (ḥāl).’

 

He was asked, ‘What is the knowledge of [one’s] state?’

 

Sahl (ra) replied: Inwardly it is sincerity (ikhlāṣ) and outwardly it is emulation (iqtidāʾ). Moreover, unless a person’s outward [self] (ẓāhir) is leading his inner [self] (bāṭin), and his inner self is the perfection (kamāl) of his outward self, he will merely be fatiguing his body.

 

Mālik b. Anas alluded to this point when he said, ‘Knowledge is not just about how much you can relate [from memory] (riwāya) but rather knowledge is a light that God places within the heart.’

 

He [Sahl] was asked, ‘How can a man recognise his state (ḥāl) and act upon it?’

 

He replied: “When you speak, your state is that of speech, and when you observe silence, your state is that of silence. When you stand your state is that of standing, and when you sit your state is that of sitting. [To have] knowledge of your state you should see whether it is for God or for other than Him. If it is for God you may settle in it, but if it is for other than Him you should abandon it.

 

This is the act of taking account of oneself (muḥāsaba) which ʿUmar enjoined when he said, ‘Call yourselves to account before you are called to account, and weigh yourselves up before you are weighed up…’ Indeed, ʿUmar used to beat his chest while calling himself to account.’”

 

The day I decided to end the piece was extraordinary. It was a Sunday. I was taking a friend visiting from the States for the best doughnuts in town and a street food lunch called a Bun Plaster. Towards the end she said she wanted to go by Daata Sahib’s (ra). It was the oldest and most revered shrine of the city and the Sub-continent, almost a 1,000 in existence. Her niece was driving the car and my first thought was, “Without a driver?”

 

The shrine is located in the inner city of Lahore and the place is always densely crowded. “Why not,” everyone else said. I knew Shaan had been dying to go there since I met him. He was wearing a baseball cap, black jeans that were always sliding down his waist, a shirt and jacket. The other thought that entered my mind was “How will we get Shaan to wear a veil to go inside?”

 

When we reached the entrance of the shrine, we basically breezed through security. One woman came running after us as if she had had an afterthought that a boy was coming into the women’s section. “Boy or girl?” she said pointing at Shaan. I was only too familiar with the question personally.

 

“Girl,” I said confidently. Shaan unzipped his jacket and let him pat her down. That was it. No one cared about the veil. He didn’t even take his hat off the whole time. We went in, placed flowers and prayed Maghrib with the congregation. I listened intently to the verses the Qari recited in the first two raka’t. Both were most beautiful.

 

The first ended with one of the most ma’roof lines of the Quran;

 

وَمَا أَرْسَلْنَاكَ إِلَّا رَحْمَةً لِّلْعَالَمِين

 

And did We not send you (O Beloved saw) except as a mercy for the Universe

and all that exists within it

Surah Al-Anbiya, Verse 107

 

My heart soared. The verse read aloud in the second raka’t had the same effect.

 

‏ٱرْجِعِىٓ إِلَىٰ رَبِّكِ رَاضِيَةًۭ مَّرْضِيَّةًۭ

‏فَٱدْخُلِى فِى عِبَدِى ‎

‏وَٱدْخُلِى جَنَّتِى ‎

 

Return to your Lord well pleased, and pleasing.

so enter then together with My Servants

and enter My Paradise.

Surah Al Fajr, Verse 89

 

We distributed cauldrons of food on our way to the car. We did everything one is meant to do! As we drove back, I told the younger kids about the verse`s we had prayed to. They listened silently. Shaan was quiet. When he did speak, he broke into extemporaneous poetry in Urdu. He always did that when he was excited. It never made sense to anyone except me who now knew him.

 

The first Coke Studio track in a year and a half had been released that morning. It was phenomenal; a beautiful duet by Naseebo Lal and Abeda Parveen. A woman who was unknown and supposedly from the humblest of backgrounds in Lahore, dirt poor, paired with the most important female Sufi artist of the continent, if not the world. All of us in the car from age 21 to 55 were moved by the sound of the music. It was one of those rare tracks that make the eyes cry and the heart soar.

 

The best thing about being cut off from the world, literally, because of the absence of being perpetually connected to the internet, is missing out on the bad news. And then the detail of the bad news. Many, including children, had recently died because of being stuck in snow in a hill station families had driven to just to see the snowfall. People kept talking about photos they couldn’t get out of their minds and the behaviour of hotel owners who had raised tariffs so much overnight that people had opted to sleep in their cars and therefore frozen to death.

 

I only knew about the incident because I saw a headline in Yahoo when I exited my mail. Luckily all I was thinking about was how the Person of the Shrine was the only one who decided what happened to those who came to him because there was a bulawa, invite, for them. Shaan, a 47 year old female, dressed like a 14 year old boy, had been welcomed with just a single question that had been posed to me my whole life. And not just in Lahore!

 

It made me think of the verse that all Honour belongs to Allah.

 

مَن كَانَ يُرِيدُ ٱلْعِزَّةَ فَلِلَّهِ ٱلْعِزَّةُ جَمِيعًاۚ إِلَيْهِ يَصْعَدُ ٱلْكَلِمُ ٱلطَّيِّبُ وَٱلْعَمَلُ ٱلصَّلِحُ يَرْفَعُهُۚۥ

 

Whoever desires for himself honor, (should know) then for Allah (alone) is all the Honor.

To Him ascends the good words, and righteous deeds raises it.

Surah Fatir, Verse 10

 

Tafseer e Jilani:

 

Man kana yureed ul izzata: The one who wants honour, endless, after which never comes humiliation ever, then he should turn towards Allah and makes his focus His One-ness.

 

Fa lillahe izzatu: For only Allah is the True Owner of Honour, which includes control, eternal majesty and all kingdoms…

 

Jami-an: overt (zahiri) and inner (batini). And the one who desires that Allah bestow upon him honour and control and absolute kingdoms and abundance that remains forever, then he should, in his initial stages toward Allah, praise Him by way of His Perfect Names and Exalted Attributes till his remembrance reaches the stages of their reflection in him.

 

This (the reflection) is the last effort and then he becomes a reflector of Allah’s Being, wanting to unveil the Veils of His Omnipotence, till he becomes present before Him, able to unveil Him and witness the Signs of His Names and Attributes on the surface of the Universe without the distortion created by others. 

 

And overall (in summary), the one who seeks honour should be occupied in the Remembrance by Allah in the early stages because

 

Ilayhi yasadu alkalm at tayyabu: towards Him ascend good words which are the Prefect Names of Allah and His Exalted Attributes, increasing in frequency from the tongues of The Sincere and The Ones who Reflect in Allah’s Blessings and His Bounty…

 

Wal al amal as saleh: and (they should be occupied) in good deeds joined with ikhlas, sincerity and tabbatul, devotion to Him (also ascending towards Him)…

 

Yarfa’uhu: (which will be why) He then raises that deed founded upon sincerity and those good words allowing them to reach towards the stages of Closeness with Allah. So for the one whose sincerity in his deed is perfect, then the ranks of his words, which are raised towards Allah Subhanahu, are the highest and the most supreme to Him.

 

It was astonishing that link; the sincerity of my deeds being behind my tasbeeh of His Names reaching Him.

 

Just a few days after the visit to Daata Sahib (ra) I realized that Shaan was just a human being. Not perfected spirituality (albeit only in certain aspects) that I had made him out to be because he lived in a park. Because he had been homeless. Because he was alone. Because he possessed exactly nothing. Because he was attached to nothing. Because no one except God cared about him. He was simply human. He possessed the duality in his nature like everyone else. He felt anger and fear. He expressed resentment and envy.

 

The issue that unmasked his fragility was one that everyone faces. When his behaviour changed I discussed it with Qari Sahib. He said it was natural and it had to be waited out.

 

“Everyone needs time to heal,” he said. “From an old wound or a new one. Give it time.”

 

It was my fault anyway as usual. I had made Shaan out to be super human. He was not. His being alone had just made his idiosyncrasies more intense than other people’s. Being on the spectrum added its own layer on top of that. It had to be borne to see where he might land. Wherever that was, I would have to deal with it then.

 

In the beginning though when all options pointed towards him having to leave, I felt a deep anguish. I prayed and prayed and cried in those prayers. “Please God,” I begged, “Let Shaan become the way he was. Let him be happy and let his heart be calm and devoid of that which makes him now different.” I don’t believe I prayed that hard for a reversal in someone’s nature in my entire life. Even though he was not blood, he was not a friend.

 

The experience taught me something extremely important one day at Fajr when I lay in bed holding my tasbeeh, about to spin its beads. Every single thing and every single person in one’s life is an amanat of Allah. Everything is a bestowing, therefore it is only in a safe-keeping. There is no possession as such of anything. Nothing and no one belongs to anyone, except God.

 

It was like the second line in the video from the kalam. It was part of the tarana and everyone assumed it was just sounds that had no meaning. But they had meaning and it was the deepest meaning ever;

 

ہم تم تا نا نا نا، تا نانا رے

 

I reflect You,

I am yours,

I belong to You.

 

That night when I prayed Isha’ a thought came into my mind. Knowledge is a city, Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) says. He is that city, Madinat ul Ilm. But entrance into any city is through its door. And the Imam (as), he said, is that Bab oha, its Door. My learning about the faith before going to him in Iraq was like watching things from a drone; flying above but never being inside it.

 

It wasn’t until I arrived at that Door that my learning changed from the reading and listening and writing of words and edged somewhat slightly towards deed. Which incidentally is the third cure for a heart being shred to pieces from the onslaught of doubt and paranoia. For deed, says Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) is the path from which Satan, when he sees it, leaves. Deed, said the Imam (as), was what would bear witness to his faith. And faith, as I was made to learn in no uncertain terms, imaan, was nothing except the prize for the emulation of Allah’s Beloved (peace be upon him).

 

Hence for every act there was really only one deed. Just like for every path that lead to spirituality, there was only one door.

 

In the Tafseer e Jilani, Ghaus Pak (ra) writes again and again about the the verses of Paradise under which flow rivers. Those rivers are of ma’raifat, the Recognition of Allah Subhanahu, specifically three; Ilm ul Yaqeen, the Knowledge of Certainty, Ayn ul Yaqeen, the Witnessing of Certainty, Haq ul Yaqeen, the Truth of Knowledge.

 

‏إِنَّ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّلِحَتِ يَهْدِيهِمْ رَبُّهُم بِإِيمَنِهِمْ ۖ

تَجْرِى مِن تَحْتِهِمُ ٱلْأَنْهَرُ فِى جَنَّتِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ ‎

 

Indeed, those who believed and did good deeds, Allah will guide them by that faith.

Underneath them will flow the rivers in Gardens of Delight.

Surah Yunus, Verse 9

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Then said Allah Subhanahu, Exalted is He, according to His Way as it is always, when comes after admonishment glad tidings and vice versa…

 

Innalladina aamino: indeed, they who attained to faith in Allah and His Tauheed, One-ness…

 

Wa amilo salihaat: and they did good deeds as commanded by Him to better their states…

 

Yahdihim Rabbohum: their Lord will guide them towards the cosmos of His Tauheed…

 

Bi imaanihim: by their faith and their Ilm Yaqeeni, certainty of the Divine, that comes from knowledge…

 

Tajri min tahtahi mul anhaar: from rivers that flow beneath their feet i.e. streams of Ma’arif, Recognition of God and sprouting purls of the Truth of His Reality from the Ocean of His One-ness, with the colours of Ayn al Yaqeen, The Witnessing of Divine Certainty and Al Haq, the Truth of Divine Certainty…

 

Fi Jannaatin Naeem: i.e. they will be forever placed in the realm of these spiritual pleasures.

 

I started celebrating the month of Rajab at its advent. Like I do with Rabul Awwal, the month of the blessed birth of Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) and the month of Rabbu Thani, the month of the birth of Ghaus Pak (ra). This year a bunch of my friends sent money to partake in the distribution of food with me mostly because they were deeply affected by the verse about charity bringing them the prayer of Allah’s Beloved (peace be upon him).

 

Then I started a prayer I have only said once before in my life. When I secluded myself for three days in Ramadan, also only once in my life. It was a prayer favoured by the Imam (as), two nafal reading Surak Ikhlas a 100 times in each rak’at. It was not lost on me, the name of the Surah, sincerity, that it was the Surah of Tauheed, One-ness.

 

It was a distracted utterance, except for the beginning but it was joyous. Before I started I said a prayer for myself that I had just learnt from the Hazrat Yousuf (as), the Prophet Joseph.

 

‏ رَبِّ قَدْ ءَاتَيْتَنِى مِنَ ٱلْمُلْكِ وَعَلَّمْتَنِى مِن تَأْوِيلِ ٱلْأَحَادِيثِ ۚ

فَاطِرَ ٱلسَّمَوَتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ أَنتَ وَلِىِّۦ

فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا وَٱلْءَاخِرَةِ ۖ

تَوَفَّنِى مُسْلِمًۭا وَأَلْحِقْنِى بِٱلصَّلِحِينَ ‎

 

My Lord, indeed, you have given of the sovereignty and taught me of the interpretation of the events.

Creator of the heavens and the earth, You are my Protector, in the world and the Hereafter. Cause me to die as a Muslim, and join me with the righteous."

Hazrat Yusuf, Verse 101

 

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Then prayed Hazrat Yousuf (as) for himself and he said softly to his Lord, a prayer, that uttered from him only with wisdom, intellect and reasoning, with his invocation:

 

Rabbi: O my Lord who raises me, by Your Unmerited Affection and Your Bounty, with different kinds of guidance and favour that you have granted me…

 

Qad Aataytani: indeed You bestowed upon me and blessed me…

 

Min al mulk: from the Overt Kingdom i.e. the Kingship which is concerned with the realm of the existing world…

 

Wa allamtani min taaweel il hadeeth: and You taught me the interpretation of matters i.e. extracting conclusions from the events which happen in this world to what is in the Realm of the Unseen and its true explanation.

 

Faatir is samawat e wal ard: O One who created the heavens and the Earth i.e. the Realm of Allah’s Names, the reflection of which are the disappearing shadows apparent…

 

Anta: You are by Your Own Self, after you made me steadfast in Your One-ness and You disclosed to me Your Tauheed, that One-ness, and lifted the veils between me and it…

 

Walliya: You are my Supporter and The Controller of my affairs and The One who keeps my secrets…

 

Fi duniya wal akhira: in this world and the Hereafter i.e. in this life and the Afterlife…

 

Tawwafini: make me die and take my soul…

Muslim-an: surrendering, entrusting all my matters to you…

 

Walhiqni: and join me, with Your Special Favour…

 

Bi saliheen: with the righteous ones who are the ones who reformed their selves in this life and the Hereafter until they achieved success from You with the honour of meeting You.

 

For the second time I noted how the word salih was connected to reforming of one’s state, bettering it. It was markedly prominent in a line from the namaz which Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) uttered after Allah Subhanahu sends Salam upon him, thus bringing others into the Peace that Allah was bestowing upon him alone:

 

As-Salamu 'Alayna wa 'Ala 'Ibad-Allah-is-Saliheen

 

Peace be upon us and on the Righteous Servant of Allah.

 

It was almost always translated as righteous but Ghaus Pak (ra) was saying that the Saliheen were those who were in a perpetual state of reforming. Hazrat Yousuf’s (as), a Prophet’s invocation, was about being made to die in surrender and being joined with the ones who continue to reform themselves.

 

At sunset when the month started I was googling different things to gain more information on Rajab to preface my first email to my friends. Then I came across this:

 

The Imam Abdul Qadir Jilani (ra) said:

 

رجب شھر الزرع و شعبان شھر السقی و رمضان شھر الحصاد

و کل یحصد ما زرع و یجزی ما صنع

و من ضیع الزراعۃ ندم یوم حصادہ و احلف ظنہ مع سوء معادہ

 

Rajab is the month for sowing seeds, Sha’ban is the month for watering, and Ramadan is the month for reaping.

And all reap what they sow

and will be rewarded for what they did.

And the one who wasted the (season of) planting regretted it on the day of harvest

and found it to be against what he thought would be the result.

 

I was blown away by his words. That the cycle bore fruit in just 90 days!

 

For two nights I thought and thought about what seeds to plant and could not figure out what I should choose. Scholars had a singular take on what that seed should be; of worship. But worship was a function of ability granted. Meanwhile, my nafs only steered me in one direction; towards those I knew who were willfully absent. Because their hearts were shredded.

 

“Plant seeds of love for them,” it said to me earnestly, not with deceit. “Maybe they will come back.” I could almost hear the hope it felt, the need it was feeling for that return. I didn’t say anything. Then I started asking my Lord who raises me to choose my seeds for me.

 

The next day I went to the shrine of Hazrat Pir Turat Murad Shah (ra) in the park. I sat next to his blessed grave reading the Names of Allah and Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) that had just been put up inside it in a recent renovation.

Those Names of theirs that were His Manifestations in the Universe, His Signs and what paved the way towards Him.

 

I thought about my youth and how my seeds of love burst forth with the most gorgeous bloom in my early life when I was a seed myself. For decades we only flourished and grew more beautiful. In one decade alone everything began to wilt. No one knew that it was what became the state of the soul when it felt lonely. Or was it the nafs? It was as if the sun disappeared and water vanished.

 

I prayed and in the prayer I had a thought and in the thought I saw the seeds I wanted to sow. A seed for steadfastness in Tauheed, a seed of the deepest love for The Beloved (peace be upon him), a seed of wishing to be informed of the beings of who were the Saliheen who had been informed of Allah Subhanahu’s Essence by Him as the success granted to them for reforming themselves. And then, lastly, a seed for the ones I loved in the world. This time without names and faces and memories of a past that would never return. Not pegged with desire for reigniting what had turned to cold ashes. Just seeds, just love.

 

Then after weeks of not even opening Ghaus Pak’s (ra) Al Fath Ar Rabbani, the next night I lay in bed unable to sleep. I decided to read a line. The line that came was very familiar to me. It was a well known, hadith of Nabi Pak (peace be upon him):

 

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ

الدُّنْيَا سِجْنُ الْمُؤْمِنِ

 

“The world is a prison for the believer.”

 

As someone who feels entrapped in the world, I felt like the hadith made me a Mo’min sometimes. But then came the explanation of the words;

 

Al Fath Ar Rabbani: “The world is a prison for the Mo’min. Thus when he will forget that prison, only then will he gain freedom for it.”

 

One line is all I had read and I had to pause. So it wasn’t about being attached to the world, being drawn to it, attracted to it, that made it a prison. It was the same entrapment for the one thinking everything about it was torment. For that meant that one was not forgetting it at all. Thus it was not freedom from it.

 

I realized how exactly the notion applied to people and attachment to them. Not one iota of any association lessened because of thinking badly of them or feeling unhappy because of them. It seemed to appear to be worse than being connected to them with happiness. At least that was not negative. For the tongue or the heart. The world was a prison for anyone aware of it.

 

My sighs just kept getting deeper!

 

Al Fath Ar Rabbani: “Those who attain to faith are in that prison (of the world) while those who gain ma’rifa, Recognition of Allah Subhanahu, are in a state of intoxication. Therefore they are entirely unaware of that prison because indeed, their Lord has made them sip the Drink of His Love for Him, and the Drink of His Affection for Him, and the Drink of His Desire for Him and the Drink of obliviousness from Creation and are only mindful of Him so they became detached from the prison and its inmates.”

 

Subhan Allah!

 

And once again my perception of myself, where I was at, what I thought, was turned upside down. The most massive revelation it bore for me what my usage of the word that meant the most to me all of my life; “love.” In the blooming decades I had used it rarely and therefore only sincerely with unquestionable devotion. It took me years for my tongue to utter it for the first time to anyone. I think I must have been well into my 20s. I don’t think I ever said it face to face to my mother or sister who died or my brother who is alive.

 

But in this decade of wilting, I overused it constantly. Mostly I echoed others until I started copying them and initiating it. Sometimes I thought it might make a bridge between those and myself who felt so far apart. But it was no longer true except in its desire to be true. It became just another word without meaning.

 

The Sufis say that the first movement of the Universe was love. Because Allah loved to be known.

 

كُنتُ كنزاً مَخفياً فأحببتُ أن أُعْرَف فخَلَقتُ الخَلْقَ لكي أُعرف

 

I, Allah, was a Treasure Hidden so I loved to be known

Therefore I created Creation so that I will be known.

 

Ahbabtu – “Loved”, not wanted to be known!

 

In my translation of another verse from Surah Yunus, I had learnt about the metaphysics of Creation and in it again was the word, love.

 

Hazrat Najmuddin Kubra (ra): So Allah called His Servants from Divine Knowledge (al ilm) towards existence (al wujood) by blowing His Breath and it is His saying:

 

‏فَإِذَا سَوَّيْتُهُۥ وَنَفَخْتُ فِيهِ مِن رُّوحِى

 

So, when I have fashioned him and I breathed into him of My Spirit.

Surah Al Hijr, Verse 29

 

And He invites them from existence (al wujood) towards nothingness (al adam) and Divine Knowledge with love and it His saying:

 

‏ٱرْجِعِىٓ إِلَىٰ رَبِّكِ رَاضِيَةًۭ

 

Return to your Lord well pleased,

Surah Al Fajr, Verse 28

 

Qari Sahib was the one who had pointed it out: “Do you see how from nothingness to existence the impetus is the Breath of Allah and in the end of time, from existence to nothingness, the impetus is Allah’s Jazba, His Love.”

 

It was strange. So much about the Day of Judgement was about fear and loud trumpets and the skies rolling as if wrapping up a stage. And here it was said, Allah invited the nafs back to it with love.

 

And at 51 I no longer knew nothing about it!

 

So on the 2nd of Rabaj, I changed my fourth seed. I didn’t know how to plant seeds of love. I didn’t know what that meant in the ever changing context of life. So I decided to take a step back. I went to Nabi Kareem’s (peace be upon him) hadith;

 

عن جابر بن عبد الله قال : لما نزلت سورة "براءة" قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم :

بعثت بمداراة الناس

 

From Jābir b. ʿAbd Allāh (may God be pleased with them all), that he reported that when Sūrat Barāʾa (Tauba) was sent down, the Messenger of God said,

 

“I was sent to treat people with affability (mudārāt).”

 

In another hadith though he had used the word love and it was in relation to imaan, faith.

 

“The Momin is the one who loves and is loved.

And there is no goodness for the one who does not give love and receive love. The best amongst people is the one who gives others benefit.”

 

Then I was jumping up and down about how I had perceived it. Everyone wanted to love and be loved. Therefore everyone must be a Mo’min. Now it revealed to me that the state of being Mo’min was fluid. I loved and was loved intensely in my youth. I gave and received love happily. With sincerely, with certainty. I wasn’t praying much but was I a Mo’min then?

 

Rajab makes every single deed a seed. And makes mindfulness not a word but an existence in constancy. As much as I focus on what I do want to sow, I became aware of what I do not. For that too would end up bearing fruit. Bitter! I was being made aware of seeds planted from ages ago that were now just weeds taking up space and nutrients, taking up what plants needed in terms of light and water. I now knew it was the love that they sucked out first. That’s what caused them to begin to wither and die. Rajab was indeed a game-changer!

 

I even asked Qari Sahib about the last line of Ghaus Pak (ra), what it meant to have the opposite result.

 

“If you sow seeds of ingratitude, knowingly or unknowingly, or of being angry or being heedless, or uncharitable then what will happen come Ramadan is that you will have no desire to worship, or you will waste the chance to give to others, which is what the month is only and only for.”

 

It was decided; affability would be my fourth seed. Strangely enough the one seed that had to do with Creation might be the one that bears the least results. For I would not be taking initiatives. But when moments appeared, and they were already starting to, I could practice patience and gentleness, friendliness and warmth. For those were prerequisites. There wasn’t any need for gestures behind which lay murky intentions, convoluted. The need for pursuit was eliminated.

 

As the days progressed, on the 7th of Rajab, I found that my mindfulness, which always and only always emerged after the fact, after I had wronged, after I had erred, changed the timing of its appearance. For the first time I saw myself before I did something. The interactions were repetitive as was my behaviour in them despite everything. And suddenly, I paused before I spoke so as to not regret it immediately after.

 

And this was how I began, yet again, the process of entrusting my matters, all of them, as they related to ordinary love, to the ones who were in reality my only friends; Allah Subhanahu wa Rusooluhu (peace be upon him) and those who give charity, which cleanses the heart from focus on anything except Him, in the state of bowing in their prayers with humility.

 

 

Done