Happy Birthday Ya Ghaus e Muzzam :)

The Tongue persuaded by the Ego

 

روی نفس مطمئنه در جسد

زخم ناخنهای فکرت میکشد

 

Like nails, evil thoughts scratch the face of the Naf e Mutmainna, your soul.

 

فکرت بد ناخن پر زهر دان

میخراشد در تعمق روی جان

 

Know that your wicked thoughts are as if dipped in poison.

Delving into them deeper only damages the face of the soul more.

Maulana Rum (ra)

 

After Karachi, Lahore felt good. It was cool. There were days of rain. Those were spectacular. Then I met people and everyone seemed sad. For the first time, that mood didn’t permeate into mine. Otherwise it was pure osmosis and within days, I would be feeling tired myself. I don’t know why that didn’t happen. Maybe because I had returned from a stellar trip and my tank of energy was at “full.”

 

I had videos to make but Ustad was nowhere to be found so I was just taking in the mildness of the weather. On a random day I found a lecture of Uzair’s on Tasawuff; spirituality in Islam. I have never known the technical definition of spirituality so I put it on as I stretched for my daily game of table tennis. Unsurprisingly, it turned out to be fantastic.

 

Many Muslims and certainly non-Muslims, especially in the West, think erroneously that spirituality in Islam lies outside the faith. Maulana Rum (ra) becomes a staple for any person from any background exploring a path of self-knowing.

 

Celebrities like Tilda Swinton, Chris Martin, Drake and Madonna, Beyonce recently named her daughter after him, are enamored by him. But when it comes to his writing, Western translators have always excluded Islam from his identity. So much so that two academics had to start an online campaign naming it “Rumi is Muslim.” I didn’t realize people didn’t even know that much about him.

 

6th June 2020: “Sharghzadeh, a Detroit-based graduate of The University of Michigan and co-founder of ‘Rumi Was Muslim’ told The New Arab that "many of Rumi's most famous works have been translated from Western scholars to remove any mention of Islam, and often embedded with orientalist tropes." Context and history surrounding the poet's work, which are both linked closely with his identity as a Muslim, are often absent entirely, and add to further misinterpretation.

 

‘Mowlana is universal, but he didn't emerge in a vacuum, he was Muslim, and his universality should be understood within the context of the Islamic tradition. It's a form of cultural theft and Islamophobic erasure to downplay his Islamic identity,’ explains Sharghzadeh.

 

The New Yorker, Jan 5th, 2017; “Fatemeh Keshavarz, a professor of Persian studies at the University of Maryland, said that Rumi probably had the Koran memorized, given how often he drew from it in his poetry. Rumi himself described the “Masnavi” as “the roots of the roots of the roots of religion”—meaning Islam—“and the explainer of the Koran.” And yet little trace of the religion exists in the translations that sell so well in the United States…For those in the West, Rumi and Islam were separated.”

 

I had been asking myself over the last decade how the birth of any certain sentence repeated by most in the West had come about. People who explored or wished to explore mindfulness loved saying; “I am spiritual but I am not religious.” I heard the line so often I wondered if people even knew what they were saying. Were they just repeating it rote to find belonging in some community they had come to believe as admirable?

 

“The Foundations of Tasawuff” was the title of Uzair’s lecture and this was his preface;

 

“There is no such thing as non-Islamic Tasawuff, spirituality. Spirituality in Islam only comes from the Quran. The religion itself is a source of benefit only for a human being as well as society as a whole, sent by God and through His Prophet (peace be upon him).

 

There are two kinds of Tasawuff, reactive and proactive. Reactive Tasawuff is when that benefit decreed by Allah is obstructed by something and someone. This makes the Sufi, be they a scholar, or a Faqih, irritated. Whatever becomes a veil in the connection between God and a person, they will always react to that. In contrast to that, proactive Tasawuff is that they will want you to engage with your Lord, your Creator.”

 

Uzair then started with the definition of deen – faith/religion with the verse;

 

الْيَوْمَ أَكْمَلْتُ لَكُمْ دِينَكُمْ وَأَتْمَمْتُ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعْمَتِي

وَرَضِيتُ لَكُمُ الْإِسْلَامَ دِينًا

فَمَنِ اضْطُرَّ فِي مَخْمَصَةٍ غَيْرَ مُتَجَانِفٍ لِّإِثْمٍ

فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيم

 

This day I have perfected for you your religion and I have completed upon you My Favor and I have willed for you Islam, self-surrender, your religion.

 

As for him whoever is driven to what is forbidden by dire necessity and not the inclining to sin, then indeed, Allah (is) Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Surah Al-Maida’, Verse 3

 

“So we see that the completion of the faith, Islam, obedience and surrender, is announced in the Quran. The Book provides the theory for a Muslim. What is missing then is the application. Theory on its own, by itself, is incomplete. In fact, it is useless. Hence, along with the Quran is sent a Rasool, a Messenger, so one can ask him, ‘Why have you come? To do what?’”

 

Uzair answered the question with a hadith.

 

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ

إِنَّ اللَّهَ بَعَثَنِي بِتَمَامِ مكارمِ الأَخْلاقِ وَكَمَالِ مَحَاسِنِ الأَفْعَالِ

 

 

"Indeed, Allah has sent me for the perfection of noble morals and the completion of good deeds.”

 

“The building of character that 124,000 Prophets contributed to, our Nabi (saw) says he has been sent, to render it complete, make it perfect.

 

You then start to notice that nowhere in the Quran does Allah say ‘Follow Me.’ Instead He makes it clear who it is that has to be surrendered to in order to surrender to Him and His Will.

 

قُلْ إِن كُنتُمْ تُحِبُّونَ اللَّهَ فَاتَّبِعُونِي يُحْبِبْكُمُ اللَّهُ

وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيم

 

Say (O Beloved), "If you love Allah, then follow me and Allah will love you

and He will forgive for you your sins. And Allah (is) Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Surah Aal e Imran, Verse 31

 

Huzoor (peace be upon him) is the application of the theory. The one who follows him, is obedient to him, automatically becomes obedient to Allah.

 

مَّن يُطِعِ الرَّسُولَ فَقَدْ أَطَاعَ اللَّهَ وَمَن تَوَلَّىٰ فَمَا أَرْسَلْنَاكَ عَلَيْهِمْ حَفِيظً

 

He who obeys the Messenger, then surely he obeyed Allah, and whoever turns away - then We have not sent you over them as a guardian.

Surah An-Nisa, Verse 80

 

Thus obedience of Allah directly is not possible for any human being. It comes only through obedience of His Prophet (peace be upon him). Allah makes it conditional. ‘If you are obedient to him, you are obedient to Me.’ This, then, is the theory and application of the deen, the religion.

 

What is deen, religion? It has three aspects; Imaneeyat is the first. Imaneeyat is witnessing that which is outside the realm of our five senses. It has not been witnessed by us but there is someone who has been the witness to it. We, in turn, bear witness to that witness and this becomes imaneeyat. It forms belief.

 

For example, we have not seen God but our Rasool (peace be upon him) has seen Him. So we are indirect witnesses. We have not seen angels and Heaven and Hell. They are unobservable for us. The details of what they are, how they look, what is inside them, only comes from him. Our beliefs then become a function of our aql, reason, ability to reflect. Be it through trust or logic or whatever.”

 

I recalled a hadith from Mairaj, the Night of Ascension, when Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) asked Allah, “When they ask me what you are like, what will I say to them?”

 

Allah Azzo Jal told him, “Say, ‘The one who has seen me has seen the Truth.’”

 

Uzair: “The second aspect of deen is amaal salih, righteous deeds. They are a function of my body, the jism. How I interact with people, how do I interact with God. This comes under Fiqh, Islamic Jurisprudence.

 

The third aspect is ahwaal o kaifiyat, the states. The Quran gives weight to all three facets. Imanyeeat is the proof of one’s beliefs (aqeeda). It lies in the deeds and is reflected by them.”

 

It was exactly how Maulana (ra) describes Hazrat Ali (ratu) behaviour when he forgave the man who spat on him in battle;

 

شیرِ حقم ، نیستم شیر ھوا

فعل من بر دین من باشد گوا

 

“I am the Lion of Allah, I do not cave to the desires of the self.

And my deeds will bear witness to my faith.”

 

When we were studying Surah Yaseen in our Quran class, one of the verses that I have never forgotten in the tafseer was;

 

هُمْ وَأَزْوَاجُهُمْ فِي ظِلَالٍ عَلَى الْأَرَائِكِ مُتَّكِئُون

 

They and their spouses lie in shades, reclining on couches.

Surah Yaseen, Verse 56

 

Qari Sahib was explaining the Surah over several weeks from the Tafseer e Jilani. It was one of those verses that I would have otherwise probably not paid much attention to. I am single, there are no spouses I imagine sitting with anywhere, here or there.

 

But then he said, “The azwaaj, always translated as ‘the spouse,’ Ghaus Pak (ra) says these are rewards of your good deeds.”

 

To this day every time I read the Surah, which is quite frequently since I heard that it is one of three that Allah will himself recite to us on the Day of Judgement, the verse makes me happy. Me and my deeds hanging on a couch! Regardless of what they end up being, the fact that his explanation of the line was so inclusive was magnificent.

 

Imaneeyat means imaan, the faith one possesses. The thing not known or even possible to determine by one’s own self. Which lay in the heart. Only Allah knew whether it was there or not. How it changed, deepened. I already knew that. I write about it constantly and vie for it day in and day out, wondering all the while; is it there, will it ever be there, will it stay or just make a cameo appearance?

 

Iman is entirely different from Islam. Which was simply the utterance of the Shahada, (La Ilaha Illallah, Muhammad Ar Rasool Allah). Every time I have read the following verse of the Quran it has made me ponder the difference between those two states for my own self.

 

Once some Bedouins who embraced Islam came to see Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him). They said to him,

 

قَالَتِ الْأَعْرَابُ آمَنَّا

“We have attained to faith.”

 

They were trying to imply that by doing so they had done a favour upon the Prophet (peace be upon him). Allah disliked their attitude and the verse was revealed.

 

قُل لَّمْ تُؤْمِنُوا وَلَٰكِن قُولُوا أَسْلَمْنَا وَلَمَّا يَدْخُلِ الْإِيمَانُ فِي قُلُوبِكُمْ

 

Say unto them, “You have not attained to faith.

But rather you say, ‘We have embraced Islam and have thus (outwardly) surrendered.’

For true faith has not entered your hearts.”

 

Then after the reprimand and exposure of the state of their hearts to them, Allah once again opens the door of hope and possibility, which lies only in obedience to Rasool-hu, His Messenger (peace be upon him).

 

وَإِن تُطِيعُوا اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ لَا يَلِتْكُم مِّنْ أَعْمَالِكُمْ شَيْئًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيم

 

But if you pay heed to God and His Apostle (peace be upon him),

He will not let the least of your deeds go to waste. For Allah is Much Forgiving,

Surah Al-Hujuraat, Verse 14

 

Subhan Allah!

 

Uzair; “But it is the deed which creates the state of a heart. The heart relies on the deed for its haal, its kaifiyat. When the Quran talks about tawakkul (reliance on God), shukr (gratitude), sabr (patience), inkisar (humility), tawazu’ (submission), ehsan (favour), muhabbat (love), ikhlas (sincerity), these are all kaifiyaat. They are states and the Quran gives them equal weight to imaan and amal, faith and deed.

Often what the scholar and jurisprudist avoids is ehsaan. Only the Sufis, the Fuqura, address this topic. And it is not the ehsan of Urdu. It is from the root hasana, to beautify something.

 

On this note, the verse where Allah summarizes the entire moral philosophy of a human being, how to personify beauty in one’s existence using the word ‘ehsaan,’ is this;

 

وَإِذْ أَخَذْنَا مِيثَاقَ بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ لَا تَعْبُدُونَ إِلَّا اللَّهَ

وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْيَتَامَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينِ

وَقُولُوا لِلنَّاسِ حُسْنًا وَأَقِيمُوا الصَّلَاةَ وَآتُوا الزَّكَاةَ

ثُمَّ تَوَلَّيْتُمْ إِلَّا قَلِيلًا مِّنكُمْ وَأَنتُم مُّعْرِضُونَ

 

And We accepted this solemn pledge from (you), the children of Israel, "You shall worship none but God `and you shall do good unto your parents and kinsfolk and the orphans and the poor. And you shall speak with all people in a kindly way and you shall be constant in prayer and you shall spend in charity. And yet, save for a few of you, you turned away, for you are obstinate folk!”

 

Surah Al-Baqarah, Verse 83

 

I smiled. The verse was a favourite of mine. I had learnt many a new dimension of behaviour from it the first time I had read it with my teacher in Fes. Then he was making a different point than Uzair. He was teaching me about the order of significance in the Quran.

 

Begin excerpt “The Softest Heart”

 

“In the longer verses of the Quran,” he had said, “Where there are many commands being given, the order of what is being revealed is also the ranking of its importance before Allah.”

He then gave me the following example:

 

وَإِذْ أَخَذْنَا مِيثَاقَ بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ لَا تَعْبُدُونَ إِلَّا اللَّهَ

وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْيَتَامَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينِ

وَقُولُوا لِلنَّاسِ حُسْنًا وَأَقِيمُوا الصَّلَاةَ وَآتُوا الزَّكَاةَ

ثُمَّ تَوَلَّيْتُمْ إِلَّا قَلِيلًا مِّنكُمْ وَأَنتُم مُّعْرِضُونَ

 

And We accepted this solemn pledge from (you), the children of Israel, "You shall worship none but God and you shall do good unto your parents and kinsfolk and the orphans and the poor. And you shall speak with all people in a kindly way and you shall be constant in prayer and you shall spend in charity. And yet, save for a few of you, you turned away, for you are obstinate folk!

 

When I had studied the verse, it was all about people, other human beings, the known and the strangers; parents, relatives, orphans, the poor. Then it was about manners again, speaking kindly to them. Seventh on the list was prayer. Eighth was zaka’t. Worship dutied was trumped by behavior, by regard, by adab. This is when I realized that my quest to please God would never be fulfilled by my meager worship, distracted at best.

 

It was through this ayat that I had realized something else extraordinary. That Allah Al-Wajid, The Pointing One, ranks sadqa (alms given voluntarily) way above zaka’t, that which is obligatory. For most people don’t give their time to the orphans and the poor. They give them money. When I first pointed this out to Qari Sahib, he was taken aback.

 

“But look Sir,” I said, pointing at the sequence of the verse written out on a board. “It has to be higher because zaka’t is last on the list.”

 

I had spent that whole day thinking about why it was so till it came to me. Sadqa was voluntary and an act of one’s volition was an act of love. It was chosen. Unlike zaka’t it was not compulsory. One had to be mindful to consider it. Or be fortunate and just imitate the behaviour of the Friends of God who practiced it continually.

 

End excerpt “The Softest Heart”

 

Uzair; …The verse summarizes the entire moral philosophy of a human being. Then for the ‘don’ts’ Allah says when you do these things, all eight of them, don’t become prideful and don’t be arrogant.

 

لِّكَيْلَا تَأْسَوْا عَلَىٰ مَا فَاتَكُمْ وَلَا تَفْرَحُوا بِمَا آتَاكُمْ

وَاللَّهُ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخْتَالٍ فَخُور

 

So that you may not grieve over what has escaped you,

and do not exult at what He has given you. And Allah does not like the vain and the arrogant.

Surah Al-Hadid, Verse 23

 

Then in another place where He uses the word ehsaan:

 

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ

وَإِيتَاءِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَيَنْهَىٰ عَنِ الْفَحْشَاءِ وَالْمُنكَرِ وَالْبَغْيِ يَعِظُكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُون

 

Indeed, Allah orders justice and goodness, and giving to the relatives,

and forbids all that is shameful, that runs counter to reason and oppression.

He warns you so that you may take heed.

Surah An-Nahl, Verse 90

 

So ehsaan becomes an amr, an Order, a Command.

What is the layering of ehsan? How does one beautify one’s relationship with others, become a source of goodness for them? This is where Tasawuff comes in for it is about what is happening inside one’s heart. Hence the Sufi becomes the one who speaks to the state of your inner being, your batin. Just like the one who speaks to the overt state is the Alim, the scholar. The one who speaks to the aqaid, beliefs, is the Mutakallam.

 

So when the Faqih says ‘Pray five times.’ The Sufi then says, ‘Praying is not enough. Bring yourself into the state of feeling the Presence of God, the consciousness of a living God.’

 

The Faqih will say, “Face the Ka’ba.’ The Sufi will then say, “Make your heart face it as well, not just your countenance.’

 

The Faqih will say, ‘Without ablution there is no prayer.’ The Sufi will say, ‘There is also no prayer without your heart being attentive.’

 

The Alim will say, ‘Fast.’ The Sufi will say, ‘Deprive your nafs of its desires, its hate and discord. Starving your stomach will do nothing.’

 

The Alim will say, ‘Give zakat.’ The Sufi will say, ‘Give the alms of your heart.’ What is that? Forgive someone. Stop hating someone. Be kind to someone.

 

The area of expertise of each person in service to the faith is entirely different. Tasawuff is amal, deed. It is not an intellectual exercise. It is an attitude that is practical. My being, my essence, in every interaction should exude khair, haq, husn, goodness, truth, beauty. It is not theory. It is being muhasib, accountable and muraqib, watchful on your inner states. The root of imaan is tasawuff. Not one terminology of it is outside the Quran or the hadith.

 

Then he gave an example.

 

“What are the main departments of Tasawuff; rija (hope), khauf (fear), taqwa (God-consciousness through restraint and not transgressing boundaries), muhabbat (love), ikhlas (sincerity). Where are the Sufis getting all of it from? Take Muraqaba for instance, what is Muraqaba?

 

الَّذِينَ يَذْكُرُونَ اللَّهَ قِيَامًا وَقُعُودًا وَعَلَىٰ جُنُوبِهِمْ وَيَتَفَكَّرُونَ فِي خَلْقِ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ

رَبَّنَا مَا خَلَقْتَ هَٰذَا بَاطِلًا سُبْحَانَكَ فَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّار

 

Those who remember Allah standing, and sitting and on their sides and they reflect on (the) creation (of) the heavens and the earth, "Our Lord, not You have created this (in) vain. Glory be to You, so save us (from the) punishment (of) the Fire.

Surah Aal e Imran, Verse 191

 

This is the beginning of a Muraqaba. That at no point is my essence outside the Presence of God.”

 

Muraqaba is the practice of meditation in Tasawuff. I know for a fact it is a daily practice prescribed for those disciples in the Naqshbandi silsila. And it’s not five minutes although perhaps whatever is possible is accepted. They do a silent meditation. I have sat in one them a couple of times in my life. The first effect of it for a newbie is the drowsiness that one becomes enveloped in fairly quickly. As the practice continues, the states change and become elevated but I don’t know what they are. I imagine it’s a visual experience of unveiling.

 

Uzair then gave the definition of Tasawuff by a number of Sufi giants.

 

“Let me take you through the definition of Tasawuff by those who are the reflection of its practice;

 

Hazrat Junaid Baghdadi was asked. “How is the path of Tasawuff traveled?” He replied, “Only the one who holds the Quran in the right hand and the Sunnat e Rasool (saw) in the left will travel this path. Without even one of these guiding lights the path will close upon you.”

 

Hazrat Abdullah Hirwai (ra); Not letting your nafs go against that which is the truth, that which is right, that is Tasawuff.

Hazrat Abul Hasan Noori (ra);

 

لیس التصوف رسوما ولا علوما ولکنه اخلاق۔

 

Tasawuff is not custom or tradition and it is not knowledge but it is morals and behaviour.

 

In Kashf ul Mahjoob, Daata Sahib (ra) gives a explanation of the verse;

 

" تصوف رسوم و علم نہیں ہے لیکن یہ ایک خاص خصلت ہے۔"

یعنی اگر تصوف رسمی چیز ہوتی تو مجاہدہ و ریاضت سے حاصل ہوجاتا اور اگر علم ہوتا تو محض تعلیم سے حاصل ہو جاتا، تو ثابت ہوا کہ تصوف ایک خصلتِ خاص کا نام ہے اور جب تک یہ خود اپنے اندر نہ پیدا کرے اس وقت تک وہ حاصل نہیں ہوتا۔

 

“If Tasawuff was a tradition, then it could have been attained through practice and struggle. If it were knowledge, then it could have been achieved through education. Hence it is proven that it is a special nature, a specific state. Until it comes from one’s own striving (as has been ordered and is required), till that time it cannot be reached.

 

I asked Qari Sahib what the first line meant. I thought in Islam everything could be attained through practice and struggle.

“Sometimes people isolate themselves or do things that Allah has not asked them to do. It is not part of the Islamic practice and methodology. That which is not prescribed will not yield results. In any case, there is no proof without another human being to see if anything sticks, takes effect. Abul Hasan Noori (ra) is saying that Tasawuff cannot come from that route of self-isolation. It has to come from obedience of God and being in the service of humanity.”

 

When I used to be in Fes for months at time, reading and learning new ideas, imbibing them with the truest of intentions, I thought everything had seeped into my nature and transformed me. I felt good all the time, light and happy. I was also by myself. I studied Arabic and delved into ahadith. I read New Yorkers and listened to music. I walked around in the undulating alleys of the Medina at all times of the day taking photos and eating delicious foods. There weren’t even any cars. It was like living in another century. I met no one except my teachers. I hardly spoke.

 

Then I would come to Lahore and within a day of being there I would realize that I hadn’t quite absorbed everything the way I had imagined. The only way to tell if there was change was in my reaction to others. When it didn’t appear the way I had read it and thought also absorbed it, the disappointment was crushing. If and when that reaction did change, it wasn’t even my doing. The desire for it was the only thing my own.

Something happened recently that helped me understand exactly what was making the difference in all my spiritual quests. The answer lay in exactly two words;

 

Ghaus Pak (ra).

 

His birthday is on the first of Ramadan. I was working on a video for it. Finding the right kalam was integral. I had asked Qari Sahib to suggest some options. Composing it would be Ustad’s department mostly. I was working on this piece, the narration and the verse of the Quran in the beginning. I had to translate Arabic and Farsi into both Urdu and English. That was work enough. I had decided to make the video different from all my other ones.

 

First, I was going to translate the tafseer of the verse from the Tasfeer e Jilani, not use the translation. I was also not picking a story from Ghaus Pak’s (ra) life. I had been reading passages from Al-Fath Ar-Rabbani in Karachi that had stirred, not stirred, literally shifted something inside me. I wanted to use those lines, share them with everyone.

 

Working on anything related to Ghaus Pak (ra) makes me nervous. I didn’t want to make any mistake. It wasn’t fear of consequence. My heart is in the right place, so to speak. It is that if I disappoint him, I feel like I will cry forever. I even did an istakhara for the kalam. I had randomly chosen it so I was worried it was not the right one. And I rarely do an istakhara (asking the Quran for the answer when making a decision).

Once you do it, you have to abide by the answer. In the past, I have chosen not to and suffered.

 

When Qari Sahib read the verse he looked at me seriously.

“What was your question?”

 

“I was asking if the kalam was the correct one for the video sir,” I said meekly. I knew what was coming. The verse had words in it like azabun shadeed, severe punishment.

 

He shook his head firmly from side to side. “The answer is ‘No.’ Find something else.”

 

That’s when I just passed the baton to him. Clearly my nafs was in a whole other state of its own madness. I focused on the first excerpt from his sermon instead, reading the darood shareef in the beginning with inordinate focus.

 

Al-Fath Ar-Rabbani: Hazrat Ghaus Pak (ra) says; “The sirr, which is more sublime than the soul, is the place of witnessing Allah’s Appearance, is the king.

 

The qalb, the seat of recognition of Allah in the heart, is its advisor.

 

The nafs, the self, the tongue and all the other parts (of the body), they stand in service before them.

 

The sirr draws from the Ocean of Godliness.

The qalb derives from the sirr.

The nafs e mutmainna, the contented self, takes its strength from the qalb.

 

The tongue gets its persuasion from the nafs, the ego, while the rest of the parts are subservient to the tongue.

 

If the tongue is respectful, the qalb becomes pious and when the tongue is misbehaving, the qalb becomes ruined.

 

Your tongue needs be harnessed by being conscious of Allah and repentant for meaningless speech and hypocrisy.

 

Thus, once it becomes steadfast on this state, the speech of the tongue will merge into the cleansing of the qalb.

When the qalb attains this level, it becomes lit

 

and nur, light, radiates from it towards the tongue and the rest of the body.

 

End of Translation!

 

I could easily write a short piece of each of the lines. The thought made me smile. Like Uzair does a tafseer of a word from the Quran for an hour. Except this would not be imparting knowledge; facts, history, structure, theology and everything else his lectures encompass. It would be a personal history piece. 10 of them! This is how the first one would start;

 

Laziness is the king.

Justification is its advisor.

 

The backdrop as to why the lines shifted a gear for me was that while in Karachi, a friend of mine sent me a text. In it she said something which was, at the time I thought, of extreme importance to me, very casually. Then she never mentioned it again. For a couple of hours I thought about it but I was busy, distracted. I was on a holiday.

 

When I returned to Lahore, as soon as we met, I started waiting for her to bring up the text she had written. Ask me how it made me feel or what I wanted her to do about it. She never did. All the while that I waited, Iblis stood next to her, (or was it me?), and paranoia and doubts entered my heart the entire time. I thought she was a whole range of evil; insensitive, selfish, indifferent, jealous, miserly. The list went on and on in my head.

 

But in those days I was also working on the piece, translating it for my video, and the part about the tongue was echoing in my head.

 

“The tongue gets its persuasion from the nafs, the ego.”

Then the line about the other parts of the body taking their cue from the tongue was taking up the remainder of my attention;

 

“The rest of the parts are subservient to the tongue.”

 

I didn’t even know what that meant then. I had to ask Qari Sahib about it. He told me a story;

 

‘Hazrat Luqman (as) was asked by his father to bring a piece of meat from the market.

 

“Bring a good piece of meat,” he directed him.

 

Hazrat Luqman (as) brought back tongue.

 

Then his father asked him to bring a bad piece of meat.

 

Hazrat Luqman (as) again brought tongue.

 

His father inquired, “What is the wisdom behind this?”

 

He answered, “If one’s speech is good, there is no part better than the tongue in the body. And if one’s speech is poor, there is no part worse than it.”’

 

“The rest of the parts are subservient to the tongue.”

 

For the first time in my life, I bit my tongue day after day. Iblis came at me from my left and my right and front and back, just as he himself promises to in the Quran;

 

ثُمَّ لَآتِيَنَّهُم مِّن بَيْنِ أَيْدِيهِمْ وَمِنْ خَلْفِهِمْ وَعَنْ أَيْمَانِهِمْ وَعَن شَمَائِلِهِمْ

وَلَا تَجِدُ أَكْثَرَهُمْ شَاكِرِين

 

Then surely, I (Iblis) will come to them from their front and from behind them and from their right and from their left,

and You will find most of them are ungrateful."

Surah Al-Ahraf, Verse 17

 

But in all honesty it wasn’t even him. It was my nafs yelling, “Are you crazy? You have to ask her!” I made the words of Ghaus Pak (ra) my shield to ward them both off. I had decided, I would not bring up the subject no matter what. For two weeks, the ordeal continued. I never stopped seeing her. I didn’t alter my behaviour with her in the least. Then I saw my striving’s effect unveil before me.

 

Nature, khaslat, how does it change? An example landed in my lap as a windfall. To write this piece I had decided to make a trip to my village. On the way there we had to get a lot of directions. The roads was being repaired so an alternate route had to be found. I had given my driver Pathani’s husband’s number. His name is Nasir. He was directing us. My driver was new. Otherwise my staff is old as in they’ve been with my family for decades. The house runs like clockwork. I don’t interfere in anything so I had not needed to train anyone in a while.

 

The driver was young. He was also from the area around my village but didn’t know it in terms of driving directions. I could overhear both sides of the conversation between him and Nasir as they spoke every 15 minutes. I sensed the frustration in Nasir’s voice as my driver gave unclear answers as to where we were and how far from where we had to meet him but it was mild.

 

I waited to see in which one of those calls he would lose it. When his voice would be angry or at least irritated and if none of those, just become raised. It never happened. I knew why too. Nasir is gentle. He has a thousand other faults but his speech is soft and he speaks to others kindly.

 

# 6 of 8: “And you shall speak with all people in a kindly way.”

 

It gave me a new appreciation of someone for whom the word most often people use is “loser.” Mostly I saw how much better he was than me. Which Babu ji (ra) always says to remind oneself that everybody is. I just keep forgetting.

 

In complete contrast to him, on the way out of the city, in asking my driver about certain tasks I had assigned to him, receiving answers that were the opposite of what I was expecting, basically nothing done, I had not only raised my voice, I was irritated and angry. On top of that I thought my manner was justified.

 

Living in the States, working there for the first time in my life after undergrad, I had learnt a certain work ethic, a professionalism that seems absent in Pakistan for the most part. At least in my experience. I find myself in a constant mode of transmitting that standard to others who are in a perpetual mode of repelling it. It is a lost battle but like a fool, I still wage it. Then on top of that I’m self-righteous about my unwanted effort.

 

In the car that day, for the first time in my life, I physically felt the consequences of my tongue. On my other parts. I felt tired even though I had left my house feeling fresh as a daisy. I was in a rotten mood which was the opposite of where I needed to be to write. The drive was a gorgeous one and I usually used it to write because I was alone. I would sit with my feet stretched on the back seat so that each time I lifted my eyes from my laptop, I would see fields of gorgeous greens. It was a high upon a high.

 

Thanks to my manner of berating him for his lack of efficiency and inability to execute simple instructions, I felt this unpleasantness looming upon me. I tried to make myself feel better by justifying my behaviour. Not in my head but in another speech to him. I gave him some long spiel about how I was trying to train him and unless he received feedback he would not improve, blah blah blah. He too was like Nasir, gentle, so he just kept nodding his head and saying “Yes.”

 

After that lame attempt to expunge my feelings, I did what Hazrat Bibi Fatima (ratu) taught me. I closed my eyes and bowed my head, holding my hands together as if about to utter a plea and asked for forgiveness of my Lord. But the calm only entered my heart when I asked Nabi Pak (peace be upon him) to pray for me. “For only when you pray for me, does Allah accept my repentance and forgives me my sins.”

 

وَاسْتَغْفَرَ لَهُمُ الرَّسُولُ لَوَجَدُوا اللَّهَ تَوَّابًا رَّحِيمًا

 

and if the Noble Messenger (peace be upon him) asked Allah for forgiveness for them,

they will certainly find Allah as the Acceptor Of Repentance, the Most Merciful.

 

I wonder sometimes if the line, in my experience of using it umpteen times a day sometimes, works the magic because it is a promise of Allah’s in the Quran that when he prays for one, the forgiveness is granted, literally immediately. Or is it the tears that usually accompany the address to my Prophet (peace be upon him). The frequency with which I utter it always makes me feel ashamed. My inability to change makes me sad and I always wonder if he thinks what I thought; would I ever become different?

 

Qari Sahib had recently taught us a prayer in our Quran class which I had just started.

 

“Ask of Allah that which his Rasool (saw) asked of him. And ask of Allah to be saved, seek refuge, from that which he sought refuge from. The specifics don’t matter. Invoking his ask is enough.” The other thing he had mentioned that day was to use the word “Afia” as the best ask. It encompassed all goodness.

 

Within days of the practice of silence with my friend, my heart changed. I felt a softness for her which was outside the realm of possibility in this scenario. I knew that to be a certainty because it wasn’t the first time I wanted something simple from her which she would not be able to deliver. Usually I would just wait, then become dejected and disappointed and finally distant.

 

But this time I exercised patience exactly the way Ghaus Pak (ra) says it must be exercised;

 

معنی الصبر انک لا تشکو الی احد،

و لا تتعلق بسبب،

و لا تکرہ وجود البلیۃ،

ولا تحب زوالھا

 

“The meaning of sabr, patience, is that you do not complain before anyone about it, and you do not think the trial has come from what appears to be the source of the trial (because it comes from God), and do not think of the trial as burdensome, and do not wish it to go away.”

 

I even stopped wanting what I thought I wanted. That was remarkable. That was part of the reward of my effort. It was a desire of my nafs so my nafs was trying to persuade my tongue. After what Ghaus Pak (ra) had said I really appreciated that the most and felt grateful. I even appreciated my friend’s forgetfulness which was all it was. She was always deeply caught up in her own life.

 

کہ تصوف ایک خصلتِ خاص کا نام ہے

اور جب تک یہ خود اپنے اندر نہ پیدا کرے اس وقت تک وہ حاصل نہیں ہوتا۔

 

“Hence it is proven that Taswuff, spirituality, is a special nature, a specific state. Until it comes from one’s own striving (as has been ordered and is required), till that time it cannot be reached.”

 

Hazrat Ali (ratu) says that when you make a decision, see the destination first then chose the path. The motivation to control the tongue lies in seeing the consequences of its lashing. Which in my case are always guilt and regret. These days. In early times, there was no aftermath for me. I just forgot about it. Once the effect of the action is seen in the future, then the impulse can be controlled. Not an easy task for a human being whose nature has haste woven in it.

 

وَكَانَ الْإِنسَانُ عَجُولً

And Man is prone to be hasty.

Surah Al-Isra’, Verse 17

 

The problem becomes compounded when the power dynamic favours one. Then there is little impetus to exercise that control. Case in point; it was easier for me to exercise restraint with my friend where there was little imbalance of power. It was hard as hell with my driver. Another reminder why Hazrat Sahil Tustari (ra) says that power has to be relinquished, weakness chosen. From a position of weakness comes gentleness or humility, and the jewel that accompanies them, silence, comes naturally.

 

Hazrat Anas Bin Malik (ratu) served Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) for 10 years. When I asked Qari Sahib what word he used to describe that experience for this piece, he said, “Read the whole tashreeh, explanation Hazrat Anas (ratu) gives. After I read the hadith my first instinct was to say I didn’t need any more but he insisted. Thank heavens for teachers!

 

حَدَّثَنَا أَنَسٌ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ ، قَالَ :

خَدَمْتُ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ عَشْرَ سِنِينَ ، فَمَا قَالَ لِي أُفٍّ وَلَا لِمَ صَنَعْتَ وَلَا أَلَّا صَنَعْتَ .

 

“I was in the service of the Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) for 10 years. Not once did he say to me “Ufff,” (the sound of irritation and frustration with someone), nor did he say, “Why did you do that?” nor “Why didn’t you do that?”

 

Basically the exact opposite of what I do! The tashreeh was even more potent.

 

Hazrat Anas Bin Malik (ra): “I was young and I was immature. I used to do things incorrectly and sometimes I would cause damage by breaking something etc. Never did the one who was mercy personified from head to foot use an accusing tone with me and say, “Why did you not do something or why did you do that?”

 

I should have felt deep shame but I felt extreme delight. Like my heart soared. The words changed my approach to reprimand forever. At least in my head. I could foresee my prayers of repentance and forgiveness multiplying a thousand fold on the horizon but I felt happy. The challenge was to teach without blame and accusation. They cause fear and need. I have written about that endlessly. I was very good at applying it with friends and family but not subordinates when they erred. The level of difficulty of the challenge was sky high. But the fruit was also nur radiating from my qalb.

 

I seek and occasionally gain wisdom but only through imitation. Confucius taught me that it is the easiest way to acquire it. The hadith made likelihood of change a pleasant possibility in my own behaviour, a tug between me and my ego instead of a struggle with someone else. The former was so much easier. If I won I won and if I lost, I only hurt myself. That itself would make the impetus for change accelerate to warp speed.

 

I spent 5 days in the village. Every day before Maghrib I went for a walk in the fields. Roaming around my mother’s ancestral home accompanied by Pathani, I realized how some daughters of feudals must have felt like princesses. I heard after she died that my mother was like one. Not in the way the term is used colloquially for the daughter of every rich person in the city every time she wears a pink dress.

 

The children take a heavy dose of their cues of the do’s and don’ts from the staff who work for their families for generations. That creates an intense bond of love and respect. In my 20’s when my brother and I were the only ones who lived alone, our friends would come to our house to do the crazy stuff. I was constantly hiding it from Pathani. They never understood why I needed to do that with someone who was on my payroll.

 

The woman who came to see me every time in the village, Ghulam Bibi, is in her late 60s although she looks older. She is deaf and has a beautiful singing voice. I have only known her a few years but she loves me so deeply, it surprised me. From a distance she croons whenever she sees me, her hand raised to the heavens as if thanking God I appeared, as if just for her; “Tenu takdi na rajaan…” “I can’t get enough of looking at you.” The intensity of her lyrics always makes me laugh and I have to immediately note them down.

 

My mother’s best friend growing up was a village kid, Talo. It was way before she had one in the city. “She is wise,” she would always say, the ultimate compliment amongst folk from a rural background. I guess that spoke volumes. Not rich or beautiful or powerful or even self-made, the ultimate compliment in an urban environment that I have found to arouse the most regard. It always evoked mine. It was how one gave leeway to the one who went from rags to riches and then lost their mind.

 

The word echoes in my readings of the Quran and in the malfuzaat of the Auliya, hikmat. In the tafseer of Surah Luqman, I had read; “Allah granted his Prophet Luqman (as) wisdom for a singular purpose: So that he could be the vessel that receives his Kindness (lutf) and Generosity (karam), His Bounty (faiz) and becomes of the Grateful, the Shakireen.”

 

The connection was direct. Wisdom was granted so that one could become grateful. The process between the two was an exquisite imbibing of Divine Kindness, Generosity and Bounty. And wisdom came only through interaction and the bettering of that interaction with human beings, the practice of Tasawuff. At least 90% of it, as said Maula e Kayinaat, Hazrat Ali (ratu).

 

In her last trip to Lahore knowing she would soon die, my mother asked Talo to come to see her and stay with her the whole while she was there. Two months. They spent the hours after Fajr together every day. I think she saw her more than I did. My mother was 53 then, three years older than I am now. I befriended death the day she died. It’s not unusual. Witnessing a death of someone significant early in life makes one unafraid of it. Of everything really. Less to lose remains. The transience of all things becomes undeniable.

 

Death! The word draws fascinating reactions from people mostly because of their wonderings related to what happens to them after. Some people talk about Heaven like it’s a club they want to gain admission to and they’re not hip enough. They just want to somehow sneak in past the velvet rope and melt into the crowd. Like crashing a party and never meeting the host. I have my own fantasy.

 

First, I meet all the Friends of God I am attached to. Then the Prophets I have come to know. I want to hear them, their sound, their voices, their words, intonation, style, tonality. I learnt that last word from a musician friend of mine. “I like the tonality of your voice,” she would say and I never knew what she meant. When I write it like this I see the familiarity for my dying wish with the Mairaj, the Night of Ascension and I smile at how unoriginal I am.

 

Everything can be converted to love. If I had to choose one sentence that is the essence of my learning, it would be that. I learnt recently in my Quran class from Dannoo that it is also possible in worship; a prayer could become a Namaz e Ishq, a prayer of love, if one read the Surah Ikhlas 10 times, instead of once. It was divine moment the first time I brought that into practice. I was already claiming love in my prayer of nafal for someone most special to God. Suddenly there was the opportunity to guarantee its reality.

 

Shab e Baraat was approaching and Qari Sahib w

as giving us instruction for our worship for the night which determines all the happenings of the next year. I discovered then that Allah likes length in qayam, the standing position in the namaz. Hence there are different kinds of nawafil, the voluntary prayers, that are entirely about creating that duration; the salat tasbeeh, then the prayer of Imam Ali (ratu) where he read the Surah Ikhlas a 100 times in each ruku’. There is even the prayer where one reads a certain darood a 1,000 times in each ruku’. That likely requires standing for hours.

 

Length in prayer is the sign for love for Allah. It made sense. Who ever got enough of time spent with the beloved. I claim a lot of love for God but my worship of long qayam is less frequent than it should be.

 

Laziness is the king.

Justification is its advisor.

 

I meant to ask Qari Sahib, when one’s utterance of the namaz becomes silent, is the seat of utterance still the tongue or does it change? Then I realized it doesn’t matter.

 

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَقُولُوا قَوْلًا سَدِيدً

 

O ye who attained to faith, Remain conscious of God and speak what is right.

Surah Al-Ahzab, Verse 70

 

I looked up the verse wanting Ghaus Pak’s (ra) meaning for sadeedan translated as “right.” But of course, he unveiled a lot more.

 

Tafseer e Jilani: “O ye who believe in Allah and His Rasool (peace be upon him)! Be fearful of Allah who is Al-Muntaqim, The Avenging One and do not bring any kind of pain or suffering upon His Prophet (peace be upon him), either physically or spiritually.”

 

That was the tafseer of taqwa, one of the most important words in the Quran. Almost always translated as either “piety” or “fear.” But what it means is being conscious/mindful of God. In the verse, Allah was saying that being conscious of Him was in fact being mindful of His Beloved (peace be upon him).

 

“And be careful about how you speak about his majesty and honour. Let your words be sadeeda; saheeh, accurate in the selection of your words, saalim, not lacking in regard, baeed, as far away as possible from causing him distress, blaming him or accusing him.”

 

Subhan Allah! The whole verse was about the Prophet (peace be upon him). I extrapolated from that for everyone else as well; Choose your words carefully, make sure they are respectful and avoid causing pain, avoid blame and accusation.

 

When I control my tongue, my tank of energy remains ‘full.’ I am like the sun. The state of another doesn’t affect me. They can take whatever they want from me without making me feel depleted. What wears me down is my own speech when unkind, disrespectful, harsh, judgmental. Tiring the other parts of my body including my brain.

 

“If the tongue is respectful, the qalb becomes conscious of God and when the tongue is misbehaving, the qalb becomes ruined.

 

Your tongue should be harnessed by God-consciousness and repentance from meaningless speech, negativity and hypocrisy.”

 

Maulana (ra) sheds light on the idea going into it deeper; the damage thoughts can create even when the tongue is silent.

 

روی نفس مطمئنه در جسد

زخم ناخنهای فکرت میکشد

 

Like nails, evil thoughts scratch the face of the Naf e Mutmainna.

 

فکرت بد ناخن پر زهر دان

میخراشد در تعمق روی جان

 

Know that your wicked thoughts are as if dipped in poison,

Delving into them deeper only damages the face of the soul more.

 

When I blame the ones who cause me to speak like that I’m mistaken. I cause it because I have a choice. I can be silent. Ultimately they don’t even notice me that much. They are at least steady in their haal (state) whatever it is. I could attempt to be steady on mine.

 

“Thus once it becomes steadfast on this, the just and true speech of the tongue will lead to the goodness of the qalb.

When the qalb attains this level, it becomes lit and nur radiates from it towards the tongue and the rest of the body.”

 

Ghaus Pak (ra) closes each and every one of his sermons with one prayer. It was a prayer I found on my first Umra on the ground but I did not know this about him then.

 

Begin excerpt “The Softest Heart”

 

By the time I reached the Ka’ba the rain had stopped and the sun was warm again. While I was circumambulating slowly, I saw a very small piece of paper on the ground. I picked it up and in someone’s handwriting was the following ayat:

 

وَمِنْهُم مَّن يَقُولُ رَبَّنَا آتِنَا فِي الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً

وَفِي الْآخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ

 

But among them are they who say, "Our Lord! Give us in this world (that which is) good and in the Hereafter (that which is) good and protect us from the punishment of the Fire."

Surah Al-Baqarah, Verse 201

 

I picked up the paper, kissed it, placed it lightly on my eyes, kissed it again and read it again and again as I kept walking. It is a verse I had heard many times, one that many people recite daily as a tasbeeh. Immediately my mind went to the story of Hazrat Bishr Haafi (ra).

 

Hazrat Bishr Haafi (ra) spent most of his life drinking alcohol and roaming the streets in a state of intoxication. One day he came upon a piece of paper which had the words Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim written on it, lying on the road. Although inebriated, he picked up the paper, kissed it, put some itar (perfume) on it and placed it on a high spot. That night he heard the voice of Allah Al-Afuww, The Supreme Pardoner, asking him if he was not tired of being so distant from Him. And just like that he became a wali (saint). His title was Haafi because he always walked barefoot. While he was alive, no animal defecated in the streets where he walked out of respect for him.

 

I still have that piece of paper in one of my books that I read from every day. It was quite the keepsake. One day while I was sitting with Qari Sahib going over some references for this book, I told him I had found it. His eyes widened.

 

“You didn’t tell me about this before,” he said.

 

“I forgot, Sir.”

 

“So do you read the prayer?” he asked.

 

“No,” I replied. “I keep it in a special book after I kissed it and put scent on it.”

 

“And what did you think?” he smiled. “You were going to get wilayat (that which forms qurb, closeness with God) overnight?”

 

I grinned back.

 

“You were given a pearl as a gift in the House of God and you put it in a book?” Qari Sahib said. “Wear it!”

 

And thus I started saying the prayer.

 

End excerpt “The Softest Heart”

 

The same prayer that Ghaus Pak (ra) ends each of his sermons with! Luck appears in all forms. Connections are made in all kinds of way. No one is alone. There are as many wings of hope as the seeker desires. The Friends of God are countless. It’s just that there are those who say or perhaps just think of the life here;

 

فَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يَقُولُ رَبَّنَا آتِنَا فِي الدُّنْيَا

 

For there are people who (merely) pray, "Our Lord! Grant us in the world."

 

But then apparently they have no share in the Hereafter. I guess because they never consider it.

 

وَمَا لَهُ فِي الْآخِرَةِ مِنْ خَلَاق

 

They will have no share in the Afterlife.

Surah Al-Baqarah, Verse 83

 

Ghaus Pak (ra) gives the tafseer of his favourite verse in a way where the focus is always singular; pleasing Allah!

 

وَمِنْهُم مَّن يَقُولُ رَبَّنَا آتِنَا فِي الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً

وَفِي الْآخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ

 

Amongst them are the ones who have union in his overt and inner being, (zahir and batin)

and who keep this world and the Afterlife together,

who say, “O our Lord, Grant us goodness which makes you pleased with us in this life

and grant us goodness in the Hereafter, which connects us with Your One-ness (Tauheed),

and by Your Favour and Mercy upon us,

save us from the possibilities that cause paranoia and doubt.

Tafseer e Jilani

 

Paranoia and doubt are always the translation of “fire” and “Hell” in the Quran by those in the know. Their utmost concern is how a life can be made peaceful here in the world. Not exist with the soul set aflame, awaiting some paradise long after death.

 

In my video for the Urs of Ghaus Pak (ra) a few months ago I had chosen the verse;

 

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَكُونُوا۟ مَعَ ٱلصَّـٰدِقِينَ

 

O ye who believed!

Be conscious of God and be with those who are truthful.

Surah At-Tauba, Verse 119

 

Uzair gave a lecture on it recently; “The verse is giving the essentials in a clear manner. The first two states are together; if you are of the right belief and possess imaan, make your deeds good, acquire taqwa by being conscious of God, practicing restraint. Then comes the third Command; be with the truthful.

 

So what the Quran is saying is that even if your beliefs are absolutely perfect and your deeds are absolutely perfect, you still need the truthful. Those who believe, we only need the Quran, or even those who say, we only need the hadith, Allah is countering that. You also need the truthful. You will always need the truthful. When you look for them, the blessings of God will come upon you. Not otherwise!”

 

In understanding a single organ of my body, the tongue, I gained a new perspective of what I have perceived as “negative and toxic,” words thrown around constantly to identify those who are really just sad. Undeniably they are all of those things as well but then so am I as I travel the arc from furiously hot to serenely warm.

 

Everything is a choice. These days I especially regret mine from my past when I left when I should have loved. For even the humiliation was enwrapped in love because love preceded it. Whether it was from my side or the other. It had already blunted the blow. There remains a memory connected to that feeling of joy which exists for me even today with everyone I felt it for. Perhaps for some nostalgia reigns!

 

But I guess things have to come in their own time. Then I was a slave to the desires of my ego which flew into a rage every five minutes. The desires have lessened. The ego is weak. I remain a slave to it but an unwillingly one. Moreover, in my regrets I have tasted the lazzat, the fruits, of the acceptance of repentance. That has been my impetus to change more.

 

Maulana Rum (ra): “You don’t refrain from wrongfulness because you haven’t tasted the fruits of the acceptance of repentance.”

 

Qari Sahib: “What are the fruits of repentance?”

 

I knew what they were for me; the peace and calm I felt when I did know my repentance was accepted which was only when my Rau’f and Rahim Prophet (peace be upon him) prayed for me.

 

Qari Sahib quoted the following verse;

 

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا تُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ تَوْبَةً نَّصُوحًا عَسَىٰ رَبُّكُمْ أَن يُكَفِّرَ عَنكُمْ سَيِّئَاتِكُمْ

وَيُدْخِلَكُمْ جَنَّاتٍ تَجْرِي مِن تَحْتِهَا الْأَنْهَارُ

 

O you who attained to faith! Turn to Allah in repentance sincere!

Perhaps your Lord will erase from you your wrongful deeds

and admit you into Gardens flow from underneath it the rivers, on The Day.

Surah At-Tahrim, Verse 8

 

Perhaps!

 

My haal, my kaifiyat, the state of my inner being, my batin, the serenity of my mind, really only comes from one source; “the truthful.” The ones who never turn away, abandon or forget me. Ghaus Pak (ra) is their king. As Sultan ul Hind, Khwaja Moinuddin Chisti Ajmeri (ra) writes in his honour;

 

در بزم نبی عالی شانی، ستار عیوب مریدانی

در ملک ولایت سلطانی اے منبع فضل و جود و سخا

 

Amongst the company of the Prophet (saw) you hold an exalted rank,

O one who hides, of his disciples, their flaws!

In the world of nearness to God, you are the king,

O source of favour, bounty and generosity!

 

In celebrating my connection to him, I don’t have much to offer. So to express my gratitude for the single greatest boon of my life simply in a few words, all of them borrowed, I have waited for the 1st of Ramadan with bated breath to smilingly say; “Happy Birthday Ya Ghaus e Muzzam!”

 

Ghaus Pak in Al-Fath Ar-Rabbani (ra): “O you who increased in years and aged but in your nature remain like a child, how long will you run after this wicked world because of your immaturity?

 

You have made it your destiny and the be-all and end-all of your existence. It is this same striving which will not let you have any peace in your life.

 

Do you not know that you become the servant of that which you have surrendered to?

 

If you have given your charge to the world then you are its servant.

And if the charge it given to the Afterlife, then you are its servant.

 

If you surrender yourself to Allah, then you are His Servant.

If you let your ego control you, then you are its servant.

And if you give yourself up to your desires, then you are their servant.

And if you have put yourself in the hands of any other creation, then you are its servant.

 

So be mindful of who you have given your charge to.

 

Most of you are those who desire the world and few are they who want the Afterlife.

 

Extremely rare are the ones who are only seekers of Allah, the One who created both the world and the Afterlife.

 

So be in the company of these people with the best of manners. Don’t disagree with them, don’t dispute them or you will bring harm upon yourself. And don’t disrespect them or you will become destroyed.

 

Being silent about that which you don’t know is knowledge and surrendering yourself to that which you don’t know is Islam.

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJX93P3-YEg

 

Done