...with the moon of the 13th (of Rajab)

Continued from Part 1; www.flickr.com/photos/42093313@N00/50981745732/in/datepos...

 

When Patience Appeared

 

Hazrat Ali (ratu) was the same person whose poem about death is what I chose to place on the last page of “The Softest Heart.” Never had I heard such words related to an experience most deeply feared.

 

جزى الله عنا الموت خيرا فإنه

أبر بنا من كل بر و أرأف

 

May Allah reward death with only goodness from us,

For it was more kind and merciful than anything else.

 

Enmity, it seemed, had appeared to restore me. I became profoundly aware of that. How it was going to change my reaction I still did not know. But my door was now open and even I was not laughing I was now standing to welcome the trials. One element of the story above echoed in my mind constantly; the ability to forgive someone before they did something wrong, knowing that they would do it.

 

I always forgive after. I’m happy to do it most when there is an apology but of course that is beyond rare. I never get an apology. Still, if someone acts crazy, then starts acting normal, I forgive them even though they never asked for it.

 

I do it cleanly without holding a grudge. I love having them back in my life. Part of that is my resistance to change. I like things to be the same. Even when that’s never possible because people always become different. The trauma of life changes them forever. Still I manager to harbor hope that they can again be the same.

 

I asked Qari Sahib about Maula Ali’s (ratu) ability to forgive for an act yet to be committed. I knew each person’s reaction to be a function of the cause of the difficulty. In fact it was almost always directly related to that cause. Who was forgiven and who was punished? Who was allowed to stay in one’s life and who was banished forever?

 

For the same acts, the reactions were always a function of the instigator. That is what determined their fate. So how could one separate myself from that cause like Ghaus Pak (ra) instructed? That would dictate that the reaction would have to be the exact same for all. There could be no bias.

 

Qari Sahib reminded me that the answer had been given to me already.

 

مَا أَصَابَ مِن مُّصِيبَةٍ إِلَّا بِإِذْنِ اللَّهِ وَمَن يُؤْمِن بِاللَّهِ يَهْدِ قَلْبَهُ وَاللَّهُ بِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ عَلِيم

 

No calamity can ever befall someone unless it is by God’s leave.

Hence whoever believes in God guides his own heart towards this Truth.

And God has full knowledge of everything.

Surah At-Taghabun, Verse 11

 

“You have to remember this verse. And when you forget it and react to the person, then you have to remember it again. Everything is coming from God alone. The person is the means for delivery and deliverance. But it is true. For most of us, everything happens after the event. Then we have a choice. To forgive or not we leave it up to us. That is why reactions vary according to the person.

 

In the state of forgiving someone before they do something wrong, there is in fact no forgiving because there is nothing to forgive. The crime has not yet been committed. So then it means it is not about forgiveness. It is about not keeping bughs, grudge, hate, in the heart. Hazrat Ali (ratu) exemplifies that perfectly in this incident.

 

What the other person is doing that appears wrong to you is pre-destined. For them and for you. Like the slave is going to kill Maula e Kayinaat (ratu). That is what he is saying. He accepts what that man will do willingly and does not begrudge him for it because it is Allah’s Wish that He does it. So he has no difficulty in allowing him to continue working for him, seeing him day in an day out. It has no effect.

 

Only God makes such a reaction possible in a person. You cannot attain it except through Him. And your Spiritual Master, the one who is His true Khalifa, Vice-regent, in this world, whose ‘hand is His Hand’.”

 

I looked up the verse with him in the Tafseer e Jilani to understand the word “asaba,” the hardship. The first line itself was bewildering;

 

“Then said Allah Subhan Ta’ala to those who are steadfast in His Ma’rifat, Recognition, and Iqaan, lodging themselves firmly in certainty related to Him, who have surrendered in utmost submission and placed themselves in the field of trust entirely and only upon Allah, ‘Whoever it is that something comes upon and whatever it is, be it an incident of happiness or grief, it is according to His Will and what He has destined.’”

 

So for starters not just hardship; happiness and grief.

 

“The one who has Imaan, (inadequately translated in the English as merely ‘believes in God,’) is in fact the one who entrusts his matters to Allah, the one who accepts Him as the Disposer of his affairs and makes Him for himself sufficient and his only Caretaker. This person is the one who will then receive light in his heart, (guidance) and will then be made to see the signs of Oneness and surety (Truth).”

 

Again Imaan. That is what Hazrat Ali (ratu) possessed.

 

Qari Sahib continued, “So you might ask why should I exercise sabr? Why should I be patient? Why shouldn’t I feel badly for what is happening to me, especially when I don’t deserve it, when I didn’t do anything wrong? There is only one reason and one reason alone to do anything for the one who claims love for God. To seek His Pleasure!”

 

وَٱلَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا۟ ٱبْتِغَآءَ وَجْهِ رَبِّهِمْ وَأَقَامُوا۟ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأَنفَقُوا۟ مِمَّا رَزَقْنَـٰهُمْ سِرًّۭا وَعَلَانِيَةًۭ

وَيَدْرَءُونَ بِٱلْحَسَنَةِ ٱلسَّيِّئَةَ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ لَهُمْ عُقْبَى ٱلدَّارِ

 

And those who observe patience in order to seek the pleasure of their Lord and establish prayer and spend secretly and openly from what We have given to them,

and respond to evil with good.

Those are the ones for whom there is fulfillment in the Hereafter,

Surah Ar-Rad, Verse 22

 

We moved to the next verse.

 

جَنَّـٰتُ عَدْنٍۢ يَدْخُلُونَهَا وَمَن صَلَحَ مِنْ ءَابَآئِهِمْ وَأَزْوَٰجِهِمْ وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِهِمْ ۖ وَٱلْمَلَـٰٓئِكَةُ يَدْخُلُونَ عَلَيْهِم مِّن كُلِّ بَابٍۢ

سَلَـٰمٌ عَلَيْكُم بِمَا صَبَرْتُمْ ۚ فَنِعْمَ عُقْبَى ٱلدَّارِ

 

the eternal gardens they enter, and those as well who are righteous from their fathers, spouses, and progeny. The angels will enter onto them from every gate and say,

“Peace on you for the patience you observed. So, how excellent is the ultimate abode.”

Surah Ar-Rad, Verse 23

 

Qari Sahib pointed out an amazing subtlety. “When a hardship appears the Quran directs one to be patient and pray and give charity and respond with goodness to harshness. But what is it that the angels present their “salam” upon the person for. It is not for the prayers or the spending or the reaction, responding in a goodly manner to evil. It is for the patience. ‘Peace on you for the patience you observed.’”

 

Every day after the condoling for my father began I whined about how I hated the ritual. And in every word I saw my pride and judgment. People came in casually and then left. They didn’t speak about him. How could they, they didn’t know him. They didn’t even really know me. My nafs was so fired up with righteous indignation, I was actually ashamed.

 

During those nights, every night I asked Allah to forgive me, prayed before Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) to please ask His Lord to forgive me so I was certain that He had and pledged to not be crazy the next day. Day after day I found myself in a holding pattern and I knew why. I couldn’t control my tongue.

 

And Maulana Rum (ra) was saying even that was a gift. What I perceived as indifference in the others who visited me. It was a test. That I failed every single day. For the life of me, I could not escape it.

 

عَنْ عُقْبَةَ بْنِ عَامِرٍ، قَالَ:‏‏‏‏ قُلْتُ:‏‏‏‏ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ،‏‏‏‏ مَا النَّجَاةُ؟

قَالَ:‏‏‏‏ أَمْسِكْ عَلَيْكَ لِسَانَكَ وَلْيَسَعْكَ بَيْتُكَ وَابْكِ عَلَى خَطِيئَتِكَ

 

As narrated by Hazrat Uqba Bin Amir (ratu):

I asked, ”Ya Rasool Allah (peace be upon you)! Where lies salvation?”

He replied, “Keep your tongue in control, have your home capable of holding you

and shed tears upon your mistakes.”

 

My aql, power of reflection, would tell me to be silence. My base self would tell me to keep speaking and I would acquiesce to the latter, only to regret it, sometimes while I did it. The words would leave my mouth and as I heard them I admonished myself but I kept speaking. It made me think of an incident from Ghaus Pak’s (ra) life from the Masnavi. It highlighted magnificently how the Chosen reacted to the same prompts of the nafs, crushing it.

 

“Hazrat Sheikh Abul Abbas (ra) narrates: ‘I heard from Ghaus Pak (ra) that for 40 years he prayed the morning prayer, Fajr, with the ablution from the night before at Isha’ and for 15 years, he stood on one foot and finished the Quran before the morning dawned.

 

One night he was climbing a ladder when his nafs, ego, said to him, “How I wish you would sleep for just a moment and then worship after.”

 

As soon as the thought entered his heart, Ghaus Pak (ra) stood on one foot and started reciting the Quran and stayed in that state till he finished it.”

 

I had also read of the wali Allah who jumped in an icy cold river when his nafs suggested perhaps a wudu, ablution, with warm water one day might be nice. Or the Friend of God who chose the longer, abandoned route to his destination over the shorter one with cities and places of rest and food when his nafs suggested the latter. These were one time suggestions.

 

The suggestions were not even evil or propelling towards “wrongdoing” yet their reactions were so swift and severe.

At least thing was clear. To discipline my nafs I had to do the exact opposite of everything it wanted. Was that ever going to be possible? Starting with the tongue, would it embrace silence?

 

I thought of a line from my video for Maulana Rum (ra);

 

"My staying awake was better than sleeping."

 

And made up one for myself;

 

Meri khamoshi merey bolney se behtar thi

 

My silence was always better than my speaking.

 

I realized that the tongue speaks when it shouldn’t out of pride, a sheer lack of humility. Those who are humble never react. Some may simply not like confrontation, that could be their reason. But the fact that they control their tongue or their tongue controls them, in this case, by forcing silence made them lucky compared to me.

 

Sometimes when I speak the truth in terms of warning someone, a universal truth that I myself was taught by others, I hear the pride in my voice. But when I ask a person to do something good, a deed that again I learnt through others, I sound gentle and people always thank me. It’s because in the former I invoke fear. That makes them withdraw.

 

In the latter I come from a place of softness, love, joy. They embrace me. The difference was so stark I stopped the former altogether. It is the mark of a Sufi that they never point out any person’s flaw. They just change hearts with a glance.

 

Subhan Allah!

 

I decided to study humility from the Quran. I had been seeking it as a gift for God from myself. It was the only thing Allah Ta’ala didn’t possess because He was Al-Mutakabbir, The Possessor of All Greatness. Perhaps that’s what made it His favourite quality in Mankind. On the Night of Ascension, when Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) was asked by His Lord,

“What did you bring for Me?” he had answered, “My humility.” I knew then there was only one gift possible.

 

I found there are many verbs for the attribute in the verses; taddarra’, istaka’nu, haunan, leen, ruhamma. The ahadith were filled with the notion. I read many and my eyes lodged on one.

 

قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ:

عَرَضَ عَلَيَّ رَبِّي لِيَجْعَلَ لِي يطحاء مَكَّة ذَهَبا

فَقلت: لَا يارب وَلَكِنْ أَشْبَعُ يَوْمًا وَأَجُوعُ يَوْمًا

فَإِذَا جُعْتُ تَضَرَّعْتُ إِلَيْكَ وَذَكَرْتُكَ وَإِذَا شَبِعَتُ حَمِدْتُكَ وَشَكَرْتُكَ

 

Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) said, “My Lord - the Mighty and Majestic - gave me the choice that the valley of Mecca be filled with gold,

but I said: No, O Lord,

but, grant food to me one day, and hunger one day.

So when I am hungry, I humble myself before You and remember You,

and when I am full, I am grateful to You."

 

Hazrat Ali’s (ratu) words of wisdom that stunned me the first time I heard them were coming from his beloved master. “There are only two kinds of days in life; a day of sabr, patience and a day of shukr, gratitude.”

 

When I had heard the words I was left amazed that there wasn’t even a third kind of day. And I had also learnt through his qaul, saying, that all the other attributes that existed in the Universe therefore came under the umbrella of sabr and shukr. For there was no day of generosity and no day of forgiveness, only patience or gratitude. One or the other!

 

Maula Ali’s (ratu) expression of gratitude was as unique as they came. So much so that one particular incident of his giving revealed a verse of the Quran solely because of it.

 

One day the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) came to the Mosque. Some of the companions were standing and some were bowing down in ruku’ (bending so as to touch their knees with their hands).

 

There he saw a poor person and asked him, “Did someone give you anything?”

 

He replied, “Yes. A silver ring.”

 

The Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) asked, “Who gave it to you?”

 

He pointed towards Maula Ali (ratu) and said, “That man who is now standing.”

 

The Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) asked, “How did he give it to you?”

 

The man replied, “He was in ruku’.”

 

The Prophet (peace be upon him) smiled and recited the following verse:

 

إِنَّمَا وَلِيُّكُمُ اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا الَّذِينَ يُقِيمُونَ الصَّلَاةَ

وَيُؤْتُونَ الزَّكَاةَ وَهُمْ رَاكِعُونَ

 

Only are your true helpers Allah and His Messenger (saw)

and those who have attained to faith,

the ones who are firmly immersed in their prayers,

who give the charity that purifies,

while they bow in worship.

Surah Al-Maidah, Verse 55

 

For days after I read the story, when I bent in ruku’ in my prayers I played with my finger as if there was a ring in it and wondered how I might give it to someone. Fulfilling someone’s need we all have done. But doing it while praying was something else. Especially for someone who said,

 

لم اعبد ربا لم اره

 

Never did I pray before my Lord without seeing Him.

Who else was ever going to be giving charity while being in ruku’ in the Universe?

 

Qari Sahib said of the verse; “When the verse is revealed upon the incident, then the word “innama”, only and only, confirms that there are three wali for us, translated any way you like, guardian, patron, ally, helper, protector, friend; Allah, the Prophet (peace be upon him) and the one who have Imaan in their hearts, the Mo’mineen, of whom Maula e Kayinaat (ratu) is the perfect personification.”

 

It is not the only time a verse was connected to Hazrat Ali (ratu). Imam Abu Bakr Ahmed Bin Musa Al Asfahany also known as Ibn e Mardaway wrote a book, Manaqab Ali Ibn e Abi Talib, in which he associates 300 verses in the Quran with his person.

 

“300!” I made a mental note to study the book.

 

The words of Nabi Pak’s (peace be upon him) hadith declining the gold and asking for hunger instead revealed a most extraordinary jewel, previously unknown to me. All I had heard in every lecture of my life was that humility was only and only a consequence of the practice of gratitude. But here the words of Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) were saying, that the hunger, the trial, its acceptance, the reaction of patience when an essential need was not met, made one humble.

 

I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Gratitude is practiced for the blessings one is bestowed. The thanks for the blessing is expressed by an act of goodness for another. Feeding the hungry is the best of those deeds. It was my chosen deed because it was Ghaus Pak’s (ra) chosen deed. So when I practiced gratitude, I was happy about something I had received from God, always undeservedly, and in turn I spread happiness by making someone else’s day. In a minor or major way. It was the easiest thing in the world.

 

But patience was much harder. Being on the receiving end of

pain and forgiving everyone everything, then not holding a grudge, not dying for the ordeal to end, not thinking of it as difficult. All of it was difficult and the fruit of it was humility. Gratitude made me humble in relation to my material possessions. It made me more generous, again only because I saw myself as the primary beneficiary from the peace of mind I derived. But patience, if I could practice patience, it would finally render me humble in my speech and therefore all of my behaviour.

 

Perhaps that is why, on the eve of Maula Ali’s (ratu) birthday, Allah Subhan Ta’ala sent me a gift because of him. It was as if someone whispered softly in my ear, “Learn patience!”

 

Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) said,

 

العقل اصل دینی

 

Aql, the power to reflect, is the essence of my religion.

And the Sufi Hazrat Haris al Muhasabi (ra) says,

 

لکلِّ شيئٍ جَوْهَرٌ،

وجَوْهَرُ الإنسانِ العقلُ،

وجَوْهَر العقل الصَّبْرُ

 

Everything has a core and the gist of the Insaan is the Aql,

and the essence of the Aql is sabr, patience.

 

I found the verbs for humility in many verses and then chose two to study the tafaseer from the Tafseer e Jilani with Qari Sahib. The first verse only because it was a personal favourite mainly due to its specificity of the mark of gentleness; walking on the ground softly. It was a personal trait I was told I inherited from my Uncle.

 

وَعِبَادُ ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ ٱلَّذِينَ يَمْشُونَ عَلَى ٱلْأَرْضِ هَوْنًۭا وَإِذَا خَاطَبَهُمُ ٱلْجَـٰهِلُونَ قَالُوا۟ سَلَـٰمًۭا

 

For the (true) servants of Allah are they who walk gently on the Earth

and who whenever the foolish address them, reply only with (words of) peace.

Surah Al-Furqan, Verse 63

 

Tafseer e Jilani: “Those who are going to be fortunate so as to be successful in their meeting with God and reaching the state of pleasing God, in this world which is a place of difficulty and trial and misfortune, they are humble in the physical being and inside their heart. They avoid unnecessary arguing with others, and are without pride and arrogance.”

 

But the action of humility on my part here was limited to the walking alone. I was not humble in my heart. The second verse confirmed exactly how far I was from attaining that state.

 

فَإِلَـٰهُكُمْ إِلَـٰهٌۭ وَٰحِدٌۭ فَلَهُۥٓ أَسْلِمُوا۟ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلْمُخْبِتِينَ

 

Your God is the one God so submit to Him.

And give good news to the humble of heart.

Surah Al-Hajj, Verse 34

 

Tafseer e Jilani: “Give glad tidings to them of great reward and higher ranks and success and the honour of Our meeting. To the ones who are obedient in their overt being and are humble in their inner being, i.e. those whose fire of their lusts and desires has been extinguished and has become ash because of the Awe of Allah.”

 

“Those whose fire of their lusts and desires has been extinguished and has become ash!”

 

The disappointment on my face must have been visible for Qari Sahib made me study a third verse. It didn’t make me feel much better but it did clearly highlight how difficult humility was to achieve for everyone.

 

وَاسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَاةِ وَإِنَّهَا لَكَبِيرَةٌ إِلَّا عَلَى الْخَاشِعِين

 

Seek help through patience and prayer.

Indeed it is difficult, except for the humbles ones.

Surah Al-Baqarah Verse 45

 

Tafseer e Jilani: “For the sake of nearness to God and attention from Him, stay away from the pleasures physical and all things lustful that are alluring. And seek detachment from everything except God through prayer. And do not think it easy or take it lightly. It is difficult for everyone except the khashiyeen, the ones whose hearts are humbly in surrender.”

 

But the exception also provided the first step. Surrender allowed for everything to become possible. I decided to come at my nafs from the opposite angle. Face the issue head-on so to speak and understand my pride instead. Luckily Qari Sahib was doing a series of lectures on Surah Luqman. One of those happened to focus on the element of pride.

 

“There are four main sources of pride, that make it appear in a human being; wealth, fame, power and lineage.”

 

I breathed a sigh of relief. I possessed none of those.

 

“And what are the causes that make pride exist? In whom does it appear? The denier of truth, the ungrateful, the one obedient only to their desire, the ones who deny the Afterlife, the envious.”

 

إِلَٰهُكُمْ إِلَٰهٌ وَاحِدٌ فَالَّذِينَ لَا يُؤْمِنُونَ بِالْآخِرَةِ قُلُوبُهُم مُّنكِرَةٌ وَهُم مُّسْتَكْبِرُون

 

Your God is the One God but, because of their arrogance, the hearts of those who do not believe in the Hereafter refuse to admit the truth.

Surah An-Nahl, Verse 22

 

He gave the example of the verse of the deniers of the Afterlife but my focus was elsewhere; “the one obedient to their desire,” caving to the nafs, being led by it.

 

“And lastly, how does one know that pride will come to exist in them for sure? They will leave the laws of the Sharia’ (Islamic Jurisprudence), they will give up worship, they will deny the ayaat, the Signs of Allah on this Earth, they will think of others as lowly. They will think what others received should have come instead to them.”

 

When he started listing the examples of the various expressions of pride in the Quran, I felt aghast at the words the disbelievers used in front of their Prophets. I imagined if I was there what I would do.

 

فَقَالَ ٱلْمَلَأُ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ مِن قَوْمِهِۦ

مَا نَرَىٰكَ إِلَّا بَشَرًۭا مِّثْلَنَا وَمَا نَرَىٰكَ ٱتَّبَعَكَ إِلَّا ٱلَّذِينَ هُمْ أَرَاذِلُنَا بَادِىَ ٱلرَّأْىِ

وَمَا نَرَىٰ لَكُمْ عَلَيْنَا مِن فَضْلٍۭ بَلْ نَظُنُّكُمْ كَـٰذِبِينَ

 

So said the chiefs of those who disbelieved from his people,

"We do not see in you anything but a mortal man like us,

and not we see you followed, except by those who they are the most lowly amongst us.

We do not think you could be superior to us in any way. On the contrary we think you are liars."

Surah Hud, Verse 27

 

Then others going on to say, “It should have been anyone but you.”

 

وَقَالُوا۟ لَوْلَا نُزِّلَ هَـٰذَا ٱلْقُرْءَانُ عَلَىٰ رَجُلٍۢ مِّنَ ٱلْقَرْيَتَيْنِ عَظِيمٍ

 

They also said, “If only this Quran was sent down to a great man from one of the two cities.”

Surah Az-Zukhruf, Verse 31

 

Or daring them to do things to prove themselves.

 

وَقَالُوا لَن نُّؤْمِنَ لَكَ حَتَّىٰ تَفْجُرَ لَنَا مِنَ الْأَرْضِ يَنبُوعً

أَوْ تَكُونَ لَكَ جَنَّةٌ مِّن نَّخِيلٍ وَعِنَبٍ فَتُفَجِّرَ الْأَنْهَارَ خِلَالَهَا تَفْجِيرً

أَوْ تُسْقِطَ السَّمَاءَ كَمَا زَعَمْتَ عَلَيْنَا كِسَفًا أَوْ تَأْتِيَ بِاللَّهِ وَالْمَلَائِكَةِ قَبِيلً

 

And so they say, “O Prophet of God, until you cause a spring to gush up from the earth,

Or unless you have a garden of date-palms and grapes and you cause rivers to gush through it abundantly.

Surah Al-Isra’, Verse 90

 

It reminded me of the incident of the Suleh Hudaibiya when the treaty was being signed between Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) and the polytheists of Mecca.

 

“When the terms of the agreement were set, they were written down so that there would not be any room for denial after. Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) asked Maula Ali (ratu) to pen the agreement. Maula Ali (ratu) wrote below on behalf of the Prophet (peace be upon him) “Muhammad, the Messenger of God.”

 

From the infidels Urwa Bin Masood raised an objection that if they had been willing to accept him as the Messenger of God then what would remain the contention between them. Hence he insisted that the words, “Messenger of God” be removed. Maula Ali (ratu) refused.

 

Finally the Prophet of God (peace be upon him) asked Hazrat Ali (ratu) himself to remove the words declaring his prophethood. “Write instead, Muhammad Bin Adullah.” Imam Ali (ratu) quietly responded, “I am not able to erase the words.” So Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) said, “Show me where you have written it.” Then he erased the words himself.

 

“They are humble in the physical and in the heart. They avoid unnecessary arguing with others, and are without pride and arrogance.”

 

Of course it was Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) again who showed me, in their entirety, all the aspects of the nafs.

 

بحديث رسول الله ( صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم ) إذ دخل على رسول الله (صلى الله عليه وآله) رجل اسمه مجاشع،

فقال: يا رسول الله ! كيف الطريق إلى معرفة الحق ؟ فقال (صلى الله عليه وآله) : معرفة النفس ،

فقال: يا رسول الله ! فكيف الطريق إلى موافقة الحق ؟ قال: مخالفة النفس،

فقال: يا رسول الله ! فكيف الطريق إلى رضا الحق ؟ قال: سخط النفس،

فقال : يا رسول الله ! فكيف الطريق إلى وصل الحق ؟ قال: هجر النفس ،

فقال: يا رسول الله ! فكيف الطريق إلى طاعة الحق ؟ قال: عصيان النفس،

فقال: يا رسول الله ! فكيف الطريق إلى ذكر الحق ؟ قال: نسيان النفس،

فقال: يا رسول الله ! فكيف الطريق إلى قرب الحق ؟ قال: التباعد من النفس،

فقال: يا رسول الله ! فكيف الطريق إلى انس الحق ؟ قال: الوحشة من النفس،

فقال: يا رسول الله ! فكيف الطريق إلى ذلك ؟ قال: الاستعانة بالحق على النفس

 

“How will I find the way to recognize God?” So he said, “Know your self.”

 

“How will one find the way to God?” “Oppose your nafs.”

 

“How can I find the pleasure of God?” “Make your nafs angry and Allah will become pleased.”

 

“How do I join with God?” “Separate yourself from your nafs.”

 

“How do I become obedient to God?” “Become disobedient to your nafs.”

 

“How do I find the way to remember God?” “Forget your nafs and you will remember God.”

 

“How do I find closeness to God?” Distance yourself from your nafs and you will become close to God.

 

Diametric opposites!

 

In these days I was listening to a series of lectures by Uzair and a hadith that I had used more than once in my writing came up so I was intrigued. Where would Uzair take it and what would he take away from it?

 

It was a hadith Qudsi. He began with the definition; “When Allah speaks from His Infinite Wisdom it is the Quran and when the words are His, infinite in their meaning, but it is the Prophet (peace the upon him) who chooses the words to express it so as to make it understandable, it is a hadith Qudsi.”

 

Allah (Mighty and Sublime be He) said: Whosoever shows

enmity to someone devoted to Me, I shall be at war with him. My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him.

 

And My Servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him.

 

When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks.

 

Uzair spoke about his being shook by the hadith because in all the monotheistic religions, Islam placed an emphasis on Tauheed, the One-ness of God, like nothing else. There were no images, there were no representations of Allah in any form.

 

“So when Allah says ‘I become his eyes and his ears and his tongue,’ I felt shocked. Is this the same God who otherwise says in the Quran, quite literally, that He can be compared to nothing.”

 

لَيْسَ كَمِثْلِهِ شَيْءٌ

 

There is nothing like Him.

Surah Ash-Shura’a, Verse 11

 

“The hadith is established as authentic and of course also the most studied and debated. But then these were scholars. They were people who also never felt this hadith as in they were never in the haal, the state, themselves where God took over their being. All they could do is discuss it. They could not shed a light upon it from personal experience. So I studied what those have to say about it that actually experienced this state.”

 

Uzair started with Hazrat Haris Al Muhasabi (ra): “The great Sufi speaks to the hadith Qudsi in his own particular way. He comes at it from two sides; tazkiya a nafs, the purification of the nafs, the self and tasfiya e qalb, the cleansing of the heart. How does he describe that that means in layman’s terms?

 

Tazkiya is the cleaning of the overt. Tasfiya is the cleaning of the inner. Let me try to explain with this example. When you wipe something dirty with a cloth, the dirt then becomes a part of the cloth once the thing is cleaned. When you now clean the cloth, you will immerse it in water and squeeze it. This squeezing of the cloth that had absorbed the dirt is tasfiya.

 

Muhasabi says that this hadith gives the seeker the tool to purify his nafs as well as his qalb through prayer; the nawafil and the faraiz. Without the supplication of both prayers, a Sufi cannot become a Sufi. This is how his argument starts. Allah has placed responsibility on the physical body as well as the heart. It is not just the heart and certainly never just the body. In fact, He has chosen the body to manifest the purity of the heart, to represent it.”

 

I was instantly reminded of a story from the Masnavi about Hazrat Ali (ratu) which manifested his purity in both, the body

and the heart:

 

از علی آموزِ اخلاصِ عمل

شیرِ حق را داں مطہر از دغل

 

Learn sincerity in deed from Maula Ali (ratu)

The Lion of God is free of all grudge.

 

“Once in a battle, Hazrat Ali (ratu) overpowered a wrestler. He pulled out his sword and pinned him with it. The man spat on his face, the countenance which is a source of honour for every Prophet and every Friend of God and before which even the moon fades.

 

Hazrat Maula Ali (ratu) extinguished the flames of his anger. He threw his sword to the ground and paused his attack. The wrestler was amazed by the unexpected forgiveness and mercy of the action.

 

He said, “You raised Zulfiqar, your sword, on me. Then why did you throw it and let me go? What did you think of that was better than fighting me? What has happened that your anger leaves you?

 

O Eagle of Paradise! You who is the best of hunters!

Tell me, what did you receive from God in that moment?”

 

Out of four pages on his response, I chose two couplets by Maulana (ra) to capture Maula Ali’s (ratu) response to his opponent.

 

گفت من از تیغ پئے حق میزنم

بندۂ حقم نہ مامورِ تنم

 

Maula Ali (ratu) replied, “I use my sword in the Way of God for God.

I am a slave of Allah, not of my body.

 

شیرِ حقم ، نیستم شیر ھوا

فعل من بر دین من باشد گوا

 

“I am the Lion of Allah, I do not cave to the desires of the self.

And my deeds will bear witness to my faith.”

I chose the couplet because of the last line; My deeds will bear witness to my faith.”

 

It was like Ghaus Pak (ra) summarized the one incident in his direction of how to be counted amongst those with Imaan:

“Follow the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah and bring it into deed. Being sincere in the execution of that act is what makes that act become the witness of the claim of being of the faithful.”

 

Uzair says that purification is the foundation of faith. If deen, religion has to be summarized in a single word, it is tazkiya. Only the one who is pure, will be able to even touch the Quran. Touch here meaning understand, be guided by. Not just pure of body but also pure of heart!

 

لَّا يَمَسُّهُ إِلَّا الْمُطَهَّرُون

 

Which none but the pure of heart can touch.

Surah Al-Waqiyah, Verse 79

 

And there is only one that makes us pure.

 

لَقَدْ مَنَّ اللَّهُ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِذْ بَعَثَ فِيهِمْ رَسُولًا مِّنْ أَنفُسِهِمْ يَتْلُو عَلَيْهِمْ آيَاتِهِ

وَيُزَكِّيهِمْ

وَيُعَلِّمُهُمُ الْكِتَابَ وَالْحِكْمَةَ

وَإِن كَانُوا مِن قَبْلُ لَفِي ضَلَالٍ مُّبِين

 

Allah was gracious to the believers by sending them a Messenger from amongst them, reciting to them His Verses, purifying them and teaching them the Book and Wisdom, though they were previously in clear error.

Surah Aal e Imran, Verse 164

 

I looked up just the word “Yukazzikihim, he purifies you.”

 

Tafseer e Jilani: “He is the one who will purify you from the wayward desires that come from the whisperings of Iblis and his followers. It is those desires that make you astray from the Path of God.”

 

The distinction in the tafseer was made clear. Iblis encourages the deeds forbidden but it is the choice of the Insaan to follow that command that then comes from the nafs to commit the act or to resist.

 

Hazrat Ali (ratu):

 

دواؤك فيه وما تشعر

وداؤك منك وما تبصر

 

Your cure lies within you but you don’t feel it.

And what ails you comes from you but you don’t see it.

 

For me it was a relief that there was no purifying one’s own self. In any case, those who claimed it were only exhibiting pride. For the intent behind the claim of purity, which had to be spoken again via the tongue, was showing off before others and likely lacked deed.

 

أَلَمْ تَرَ إِلَى الَّذِينَ يُزَكُّونَ أَنفُسَهُم بَلِ اللَّهُ يُزَكِّي مَن يَشَاءُ وَلَا يُظْلَمُونَ فَتِيلً

 

O Beloved (peace be upon you), have you not seen the ones who consider themselves pure?

Nay, but it is God who purifies whomever He wills.

Surah An-Nisa’, Verse 49

 

Uzair returned to the hadith Qudsi via Imaan. “The pivot of everything is having faith. Imaan is what allows for everything to happen for a human being. So it is important to understand what Imaan is.

 

The Fuqaha, Islamic jurists, define Imaan as this:

 

حقيقة الايمان هو تصديق بالجنان،

وإقرار باللسان،

وعمل بالأركان

 

Imaan is based on three elements; the tongue utters the Shahada; There is no God but Allah and I bear witness that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is His Messenger. The heart testifies to it and the body then acts in accordance to it.

 

Many take the hadith Qudsi literally, that Allah takes control of the people physically, their eyes and ears and tongue. But Muhasabi (ra) says it is not that. “La yaskunu Allahu fi abdihi” Allah does not take residence in them. It is in fact the epitome of obedience, with utmost willingness on their part towards their Lord, which makes God take control of their being.

 

Then their eyes only see what Allah wants them to see, their hands only touch that which Allah wishes, their legs only take them there where Allah desires them to be. The same for the tongue. It is the safeguarding of the Friend by his God, his “hifazat.” There is no independence of the person anymore, no choice. Allah is not residing in them, He is controlling them.

 

Zulnoon Misry (ra) says that this hadith is the highest aspiration of tasawuff, spirituality for the Sufi. It is the final frontier for them. In order to arrive there the Free Will, the choices granted by God, exactly those have to be sacrificed for God. It is an act of volition, it is not imposed upon one. Not everyone wants it so they don’t have to do it but those who do want their seeing and hearing to become God’s, they

willingly sacrifice their will for Allah’s Will.

 

And Hazrat Bayazid Bastami (ra) places the cherry on this same thought.

 

فشاء بي من شأت

 

Meaning, ‘This person is the one who can only and only wants that which Allah wants.’ Then he quotes the verse:

 

God said to Hazrat Bayazid Bastami (ra), ‘Leave your nafs and then come closer to Me. If you come with it, you cannot reach this rank (of becoming My Attributes).’

 

Every single Sufi has gone deeply into this hadith Qudsi. It has a central importance in spirituality. It is kind of a pivot upon which stands the structure of saintliness. To summarize, there are three elements in common in all; the important of farz and nafl in our worship, the purification of the nafs and the cleansing of the heart and lastly, the placement of a Khalifa, a Successor by Allah on this Earth. The Vice-regency of God is that the all the senses come into the control of God. The person becomes the property of God.”

 

I love knowing as much as I can about the highest states. The exalted ranks that are so far out of my reach that just the knowing of their existence itself makes me feel euphoria. That it happens for others makes me ecstatic. That it’s a possibility for all makes me weep.

 

The thing popping out for me at my kindergarten level was just the ratio of doing what the nafs wants to do versus what God wanted me to do. Zero to 100% was the beginning of course. What I didn’t do that He forbade was more a consequence of my environment that being consciously mindful of Him. But then as the ratio shifted or rather was made to shift, I knew now with certainty it came about for one reason alone; willing obedience! So that which was not happening for me was coming about as a result of its opposite; willing disobedience!

 

The ones who strive with sincerity are the ones who are shown the way.

 

وَالَّذِينَ جَاهَدُوا فِينَا لَنَهْدِيَنَّهُمْ سُبُلَنَا وَإِنَّ اللَّهَ لَمَعَ الْمُحْسِنِين

 

And those who strive hard in Our Cause, We will surely, guide them in Our Ways. And indeed, Allah is with those who do good.

Surah Al-Ankabut, Verse 69

 

I couldn’t help smiling to myself that I had ended up including the two times in the Quran, Allah uses the word ma’a, with: Allah is with the Sabireen, the patient. Allah is with the Muhsineen, the ones who do good.

 

Over the years I have come to understand what the Quran says in one of my most favourite Surahs, Al-Inshishira.

 

فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

 

For surely, with hardship comes ease.

 

Each trial is a means to test reaction, calibrate behaviour and strive for excellence in it. Evolve. Change reaction. Forgive one own self for being unforgiving, albeit unknowingly. Escape the trap by justification. Be free, start over!

 

After my father’s death one form of that ease, as it turns out, bizarrely appeared in the flip of how, me, the child was suddenly in control of their parent’s destiny where it mattered most because it was eternal; the Afterlife.

 

أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ إِذَا مَاتَ الْإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَمَلُهُ

إِلَّا مِنْ ثَلَاثَةٍ مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ جَارِيَةٍ وَعِلْمٍ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ وَوَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ

 

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “When a human being dies, all of his deeds are terminated except for three types:

an ongoing sadaqah (the alms given voluntarily),

a knowledge (of Islam) from which others benefit,

and a righteous child who makes du'a for him."

 

And the line repeats itself.

 

فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

 

For surely, with hardship comes ease.

 

Tafseer e Jilani: “The pain and hardship that has come to you from people, with it is the ease from Allah, in parallel to the difficulty i.e. both come at the same time. It is just that you are focused on the difficulty and you do not consider the ease. First it only pricked you. Now that the pain has been increased from it, now the ease has come from Us, waiting behind it, following it. The way I want to join them.”

 

Then came the part I loved.

 

“Each time the word “usr,” hardship appears, it is with “al” as in specific, “the hardship.” But the word “yusr” appears without the “al” so it is not specific. Which means that the paths that bring difficulty are few and far between. And the paths that bring the ease and guidance are many more. Meaning, don’t become full of despair and hopelessness because of the difficulty that overshadows you sometimes. It has been destined so it will happen but only for a short time as compared to the ease. Which comes frequently and is attached to you at all times throughout all your states.”

 

Subhan Allah!

 

Qari Sahib said this about the verse to me; “We see things are either/or i.e. either we are happy or sad, distressed or calm. But Allah is saying look how I make them joined.”

 

“Everything returns to its origin.”

 

Quite literally when a person dies; earth to earth, soul to God. But even the world, I started noticing in my 40s as lives unraveled around me, that each person, who previously had little to do with their family, started to cling to them with dear life. And why not? It’s their origin.

 

Those of us who do not have families but want to be of the ones who possess Imaan, we return to God faster. We leave the world earlier for worldliness has to do with people. In my life I have learnt the purpose of the mirror in the other person.

 

When I asked them for something, big or small, I saw my reliance on them. In their answer to me, yes or no, I saw my expectation of them. In my reaction to them, especially when I was disappointed, I saw my judgment of them. The only ones who remain around the ones alone are those we are striving to be of service to. Relatively they are strangers. So we lose everything in this world and return to our asl, God!

 

“Indeed, in every hardship there is ease. In every hardship there is ease.”

 

Hazrat Muhyuddin Ibn e Arabi (ra) says that the relationship with God is one dimensional, one-way. He is ma’bood, the One worshipped. He is masjood, the One prostrated before. He is the Bestower of all things. But if there is one thing where the relationship with God is actually two ways, it is only in love. Only then is sometimes He the Lover and sometimes The Beloved.

 

I had to mark the moment I heard that thought as the most deeply romantic I had ever heard in my life. And one hadith about the one who possessed Imaan became my most favourite; for then they became a “house of love.”

 

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ :

الْمُؤْمِنُ آلِفٌ مَأْلُوفٌ وَلا خَيْرَ فِيمَنْ لا يَأْلَفُ وَلا يُؤْلَفُ ، خَيْرُ النَّاسِ أَنْفَعُهُمْ لِلنَّاسِ

 

The Mo’min is the one who loves and is loved.

And there is no goodness for the one who does not give love and receive love.

 

The best amongst people is the one who gives others benefit.

 

Whenever I marked the days and occasions in the lives of God’s Favoured, the birth, the death, for which I wrote pieces and made videos as gifts, I was acutely aware at all time, how the gifts were not really gifts for them. The words in my narrations were chosen from their words, from their books, their poetry, their prose. My imagery was almost always nature so it belonged to God.

 

The singing was not me and even Ustad Sahib’s voice was a bestowing. The putting together of each one, which no doubt took days and effort, was still, at the end of it, a consequence of taufeeq, ability. The same was true for my generosity. I was always only giving back that which I had been bestowed. The only thing that was from me was my love.

 

Sheikh ul Akbar (ra) says that everything is a reflection of Allah alone.

لا ملك سليمان ولا بلقيس ... لا آدم فى الكون ولا إبليس

 

صورة وأنت المعنى ... يا من هو للقلوب مقناطيس والكل في

 

There is no kingdom of Solomon (as) and none of Bilquis,

There is no Adam in in the Universe and no Iblis,

All are in shapes and forms and only You are their meaning,

O Being! who is the Magnet that attracts the hearts.

 

Thus in my life it dawned upon me that the path of purification has to go through sabr, patience. Which meant that it could only happen through hardship. Also for the first time in my life I understood why Hazrat Rabia Basri (ra) used to cry on the days she didn’t face a difficulty. She said on those days she felt like her Lord God forgot her.

 

I used to find that strange. I loved my days free of trial. They were happy, carefree. But now I understand why she was sad when she didn’t face a situation that tested her nature, her character, her behavior, her claim of love. For the tests were the reason the veils of which there are 70,000 dropped one by one for her, till they were all gone.

 

Uzair once spoke in a lecture that the potential of becoming a Vice-regent of Allah on Earth, “being in manner as the Attributes of Allah” was exactly where the infamous Free Will came to play. For there were in fact only two states of existence possible for all human beings;

 

“Either I will strive to acquire the Attributes of God and if I do not want to do that or try to do that, then I will automatically acquire the attributes of Iblis, Satan. For the reality of Man is always that he is fighting against non-existence, consciously or sub-consciously. Whatever I do is to negate the state of not being. The knowledge I acquire, the wealth I accumulate is to give myself validation. But there are only two states to be a part of, either God or Iblis.”

 

It was so strange to hear that. It meant that every single decision I made, that in fact defined my attitude, my behaviour, my manners, my being was either good or bad, right or wrong. Didn’t leave a lot of gray. So in that two way relationship only possible through love, the verse I have adored since the day I first heard it shed a new light on how Allah tested that claim of my love for Him.

 

قُلْ إِن كُنتُمْ تُحِبُّونَ ٱللَّهَ فَٱتَّبِعُونِى يُحْبِبْكُمُ ٱللَّهُ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ ۗ

وَٱللَّهُ غَفُورٌۭ رَّحِيمٌۭ

 

Say (O Prophet (peace be upon you)), “If you love Allah, then follow me,

and Allah shall love you and forgive you your sins.

Allah is Most-Forgiving, Very-Merciful.”

Surah Aal e Imran, Verse 31

 

Tafseer e Jilani: Allah says, “O Beloved! Tell these people who are the ones that have been given the capability to be the Vice-regent of Allah and to be His Naib, Successor, but are drowning in waywardness and darkness, that if you claim love for God, the one who brought you in existence from nothing, if you want to walk on His Straight Path and reach His Doorstep, then His Command is that you follow me. If you are obedient to me, His will bestow you His Qurb, Closeness, and you will have the honour of meeting Him.”

 

Sheikh Nurjan said of the verse. “There is no opinion when it comes to obedience. How can you follow while holding onto your own opinion?”

 

Looking up the word “asaba”, hardship, also brought me to the following verse of the Quran often read mostly simply for what it states overtly; Anything good that happens, Allah says, comes from Him. And all things bad, come from me or any individual. But Ghaus Pak (ra) explains what the Sufis have always spoken of; there is no such thing as evil created by God. That everything is intrinsically only good.

 

مَّآ أَصَابَكَ مِنْ حَسَنَةٍۢ فَمِنَ ٱللَّهِ ۖ

وَمَآ أَصَابَكَ مِن سَيِّئَةٍۢ فَمِن نَّفْسِكَ ۚ

وَأَرْسَلْنَـٰكَ لِلنَّاسِ رَسُولًۭا ۚ

وَكَفَىٰ بِٱللَّهِ شَهِيدًۭا

 

Anything good that happens to you is from God and whatever evil happens to you is from yourself.

We have sent you as a Prophet to all people and it is good enough that God is your witness.

Surah An-Nisa’, Verse 79

 

Tafseer e Jilani: “The addressee here is Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him). These kinds of addresses are full of wisdom because they are only worthy of the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) personality and then through him, his tufail, this wisdom is passed on to his Ummah, nation.

 

Everything that is manifested in the Universe which is the reflection of Allah is by nature only good, khair. That goodness has then spread to everything and everyone through the medium of Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him). Whereas evil or wickedness, sharr, is the effect and result of the deeds of the self, nafs.

 

So Allah says, “When goodness comes to you that gives your heart peace and happiness, it is from Me. It is the Sunnah and Habit of Allah that He only appears in everything that exists with goodness and perfection. In the same way, when difficulty comes upon you, that makes you sad and full of pain, the cause of it is your self, your nafs, for in actuality, evil does not exist. In every single thing, there is only goodness.”

 

Then addressing His Beloved (peace be upon him), Allah says, “O Prophet (peace be upon you), We have sent you as a Messenger for all people. Therefore, all that you have been alerted to and blessed with, inform them of it. Allah is indeed Sufficient as the Witness to your spreading this Message.”

 

I already knew how true it was for me. When I did something wrong, raise my voice and get angry, become stingy for no reason, find excuses to be lazy in worship, I could feel it was my own nafs. Or it was Iblis. But to be brutally honest, for me it’s always more my own self than him. He whispered and left, stalking his next victim, and my nafs did what he suggested.

 

In those moments, if I peeled the layers of what was causing the behaviour, of leaning towards him rather than God, there was really just one word behind all of it; disobedience. I had been told to react a certain way and I chose not to or inadvertently ignored that direction because I wanted to do what I felt like doing.

 

“When one’s own desire and wishes are given up, only then the Attributes of God begin to enter that person’s being.”

The surrender is therefore of the Free Will. Hazrat Muhuyddin Ibn e Arabi (ra) says that the one who surrenders their Free Will is the most liberated person. Something all ordinary people think of in only the exact reverse manner.

 

That is how the West is indoctrinated. And the East can’t stop mimicking the West. The idea is singulrar; doing whatever one wants, being able to say whatever one wants is the definition of freedom. But Sheikh ul Akbar (ra) says, as Uzair explains it, is that is the opposite of it. For it’s an act of freedom, to give up freedom freely.

 

Hazrat Bayazid Bastami (ra), the King of the Gnostics said he polished his heart and fought his nafs for 23 long years. I can’t take that route. Not because I’m old but because I could live for 230 years and my nafs would still overcome me. My way can only be one as taught to me by my Spiritual Masters who learnt it from Allah’s Nur (peace be upon him) and all of relies on taufeeq, ability bestowed by The Creator.

 

Al Fath Ar Rabbani: “An incident goes that the people of Bani Israel once were faced with a suffering. They gathered and went to the Prophet of their time. ‘What can we do, O Nabi (as)?’ they asked him. “What is the deed that will please Allah and it becomes the means to deliver us from our hardship?”

 

The Prophet (as) prayed to Allah to unveil to him what that deed would be.

 

Allah Subhan a Ta’ala revealed to his Prophet (as), “Tell them! If you seek My Pleasure, become a cause to bring happiness to the needy. Thus if you bring ease to them, in their happiness I will become pleased with you. And if you displease them, I will remain displeased with you.”

 

Hazrat Ali (ratu) said, "90 percent of wisdom attained is bestowed upon a person as a result of their husn e akhlaq, excellence in behaviour towards other people."

 

Things are difficult and things are hard. Only the one in the state knows what it feels like. The rest is conjecture. The generosity of sharing the knowing of being in the Presence of God, that is the most extraordinary revelation a human being can make to another. For it is the epitome of love and beyond.

For us there is only source of that sharing when it was absolute.

 

وَمَا هُوَ عَلَى الْغَيْبِ بِضَنِين

 

And he, The Beloved of God, does not withhold what is revealed to him from beyond.

Surah Al-Takwir, Verse 24

 

In my last piece or perhaps the one before that I wrote about the woman who throw garbage upon the Prophet (peace be upon him) every single day. I wrote about how he never changed his route, went another way, prayed for her to not do that. Now I know why. He was sabr personified as Allah’s Essence of the attribute.

 

He never complained about her. He didn’t focus on her at all. He knew it was coming from His Lord and he surrendered to that Will. He didn’t think of it as a burden, he didn’t wish it to end. And it wasn’t just her. The mean uncles, the assassins, the countless who mocked and berated him, threw stones and him and rejected him, caused the deaths of his loved ones, were hypocrites till the end. He had nothing but concern for them. So much so that God finally had to say;

 

فَلَعَلَّكَ بَاخِعٌ نَّفْسَكَ عَلَىٰ آثَارِهِمْ إِن لَّمْ يُؤْمِنُوا بِهَٰذَا الْحَدِيثِ أَسَفً

 

So perhaps you will grieve yourself to death over their denial,

if they are not willing to believe in this Message.

Surah Al-Kahf, Verse 6

 

One of my favourite examples of that immeasurable depth of his sensitivity was his relationship with his uncle Abu Lahab, the one mentioned by name in the Quran as being cursed by God forever for his rudeness towards the Prophet (peace be upon him). Perhaps he was one of the ones for whom he still prayed so much so that Allah had to finally send the verse;

 

وْ لَا تَسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ إِن تَسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ سَبْعِينَ مَرَّةً

فَلَن يَغْفِرَ اللَّهُ لَهُمْ ذَٰلِكَ بِأَنَّهُمْ كَفَرُوا بِاللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِ

وَاللَّهُ لَا يَهْدِي الْقَوْمَ الْفَاسِقِين

 

Praying or not praying for their forgiveness will not make a difference.

Even if you, O Beloved, were to pray 70 times for their forgiveness, Allah will not forgive them because they reject God and His Messenger (peace be upon him).

Allah does not guide those who are defiantly disobedient.

Surah At-Taubah, Verse 80

 

It was extraordinary, the love between Allah and His Beloved (peace be upon him). The Prophet (peace be upon him) won’t stop worrying and praying for the worst of humanity and The Creator won’t forgive them for rejecting His Nur (peace be upon him).

 

Once I was scared of the ones who throw garbage upon me in my life. I made up reasons to bear it and not say anything but all my reasons were false. The truth was I let them mistreat me and then just felt badly for years on end. Once when they approached me, my anxiety sky rocketed. But now when I hear from them and they pelt abuse at me, I feel calm.

 

I watch myself react with no reaction as if I am someone else outside myself. It is how I know that nothing about this new reaction is in fact my doing. I can’t even say when or why it happened. Then when they disappear I even wonder when they’ll return. I think about what might have happened to them. Mostly I just pray for the light of Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) to enter their hearts for I know the sadness that is inside them. I had the same sadness inside mine.

 

I don’t knock on their door like my Prophet (peace be upon him) did although I would like to. Or clean their home, cook a meal for them, ask them if they’re ok. I don’t do that. I just pray for them, grateful that I have been given the ability to no longer be controlled by them. That in and of itself has placed

me in control.

 

And it was Hazrat Ali (ratu) who taught me how to be in that state;

 

إِذَا قَدَرْتَ عَلَى عَدُوِّكَ

فَاجْعَلِ الْعَفْوَ عَنْهُ شُكْراً لِلْقُدْرَةِ عَلَيْهِ

 

Whenever you gain power over your adversary,

be forgiving,

out of gratitude (to God), for the control you gained over them.

 

Sometimes Qari Sahib tells us things in class that he prefaces by saying, “This is a secret. But I am going to share it with you.” On one of these occasions, which was the Urs Mubarik of Khawaja Moieenuddin Chisiti Ajmeri (ra) earlier this month, he said this;

 

“The Chishti order gives faiz, the spiritual share, hissa, naseeb, to its followers in a most particular way. The disciple receives it in the first meeting, in the first sight, of their Spiritual Master. It happens at the time of the bayah’, the becoming of a disciple, placing their hand in the hand of the Master.

 

When the disciple realizes what that sharing is, how it happens, sooner or later, that is a different matter unique to each individual. But the granting is done in the first meeting.”

 

It was a comforting thought for those of us that belong to the Chishti silsila. Who knows what one was granted and when it would unveil itself. At least there was always something to look forward to. Since at the beginning of the path stands Hazrat Ali (ratu), there can only ascension.

 

إِنَّمَا وَلِيُّكُمُ اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا

 

Only are your true helpers Allah and His Messenger (saw)

and those who have attained to faith.

 

The journey of becoming one who wants to know Allah turns everything on its head. Everything from before becomes obsolete. Whatever I thought I knew was plain wrong. One might think that would be confusing, even debilitating but it is only calming. It’s how surrender begins. Be free, start over!

 

Then that utterance of the tongue, the heart finally begins to attest to it. Who knows, my deeds might just become witness to my claim of the Shahada, “the key to Paradise;” “There is no God except Allah and Muhammad (peace be upon him) is His Messenger.” Till then I notice all the forms my sighs and tears take. Of sadness, of joy, of hope, of gratitude, of patience and most of all, of longing.

 

گفتَم، چشمَم، گفت، بہ راہَش می دار

گفتم، جگرم، گفت، پُر آہَش می دار

گفتم، کہ دِلَم، گفت، چہ داری در دل

گفتم، غمِ تو، گفت، نگاہَش می دار

 

I said, “My eyes.” He said, “Keep them on the way.”

I said, “My liver.” He said, “Keep it filled with sighs.”

I said, “That my heart.” He said, “What is in your heart?

I said, “Only grief (from your separation and love).”

He said, “Look after this.”

 

Continued from Part 1; www.flickr.com/photos/42093313@N00/50981745732/in/datepos...

 

Uzair's lecture: Quran Ka Insaan www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7ChaVixlCQ

 

Uzair's lecture: What is worship: www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCbXtXlUlfM

 

Done