every sunset

Continued: A Love Non-Distracting

 

“The advice from Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) to Hazrat Ali (ratu) that every man seeks closeness to Allah through some form of obedience. And that he should seek His Closeness through the company of the wise and special friend of His so that he reaches his goal quickly and leave all others behind.

 

یا علی از جملهی طاعات راه

بر گزین تو سایهی خاص اله

 

O Ali, above all devotional acts in the Way (of God) do choose the shadow of protection of the chosen Favourite of God.

 

هر کسی در طاعتی بگریختند

خویشتن را مخلصی انگیختند

 

Every one took refuge in some act of devotion and discovered for themselves some means of deliverance.

 

تر برو در سایهی عاقل گریز

تا رهی ز آن دشمن پنهان ستیز

 

Go ahead, take refuge in the shadow of the Sage, that thou may escape from the Enemy that opposes you in secret.

 

از همه طاعات اینت بهتر است

سبق یابی بر هر آن سابق که هست

 

Of all acts of devotion this is the best for you and you will gain precedence over every one that has outrun others.

 

چون گرفتت پیر هین تسلیم شو

همچو موسی زیر حکم خضر رو

 

When you give yourself to a Spiritual Master, surrender yourself to him like the Prophet Moses (as) walked with Khizr (as).

 

صبر کن بر کار خضـری بی نفاق

تـا نـگـویـد خـضـر رو هـذا فـراق

 

O sincere one! Be patient with Khizr then so he does not say, “Leave. Now we separate.”

 

گرچه کـشتی بشکـند تو دم مزن

گرچه طفلی را کُشَد تو مو مَکَن

 

If he breaks the boat, do not protest. If he kills the child, do not be sad.

 

دست او را حق چو دستِ خویش خواند

تـا یَــــدُ الله فــــوقَ اَیْـــــدِیـهـم بــــرانـد

 

Now that God has named his hand to be His Own by even saying, “The Hand of God is upon theirs.”

 

دستِ حق میـراندش زندهش کند

زنده چـه بود جـانِ پـایندهش کند

 

You are in need of a guide in this jungle, don’t go alone. In this jungle don’t go alone.

 

هـرکـه تـنها نادِرا این ره بُـرید

هـم بـعونِ هـمّت پــیران رسـید

 

It is unlikely that this place is successfully traversed alone.

The one who reached their goal did so only by the inner attention of the Friends of God.

 

دستِ پیر از غایبان کوتاه نـیست

دست او جـز قَــبـضـهٔ الله نـیست

 

The hand of the Spiritual Master is even attentive to those absent.

His hand is undoubtedly the Hand of God.

 

غـایبان را چون نواله میدهند

پیش مهمان تا چه نـعمتها نهند

 

When the inattentive can receive such blessings extraordinary,

imagine what you will receive as the one present willingly.

 

Subhan Allah!

 

I went back to Uzair’s lecture: “In the 18 verses, the background is quite spectacular. Maulana Rum is the scholar of his time. And all scholars have an element of pride in them because of the effect their words have on others which is evident before them. He is also a teacher, he is the “mufti,” the Islamic jurist, of the city. Konya is a city of wealth and he is known and respected throughout it. In those days a faqeer enters the city and takes up residence in an inn in the bazaar where sugar is sold. And this is Maulana Shams Tabrez (ra).

 

Now the incident of the “bay’at” of Maulana Rum (ra) on the hands of Shams Tabrez is very well known and has 6-7 variations. I will share with you the one that drew me to the Masnavi:

 

A class on hadith is taking place in the courtyard. Before Maulana Rum (ra) sit 50-100 students. Nearby is a fountain on the edge of which lie a few books on the subject. In the time the books were hand written since there were no printing presses. It took several years for a single one to be completed so they were of immense value and extremely precious.

 

Maulana (ra) is instructing the class while Maulana Shams Tabrez (ra) scales the wall and sneaks into the courtyard. He comes close to where Maulana (ra) is sitting who turns to look at him wondering from his appearance who this man was. He certainly didn’t look like one of his students with his tattered clothes and torn shoes, matted hair and disheveled look.

 

Having caught his attention, Maulana Shams(ra) asked him, “Een che kardi?” What are you doing?

 

Maulana Rum (ra) turned his face dismissively and replied condescendingly, “Aan che to nami dani.” You don’t know (anything) about it.

 

Maulana Shams (ra) retreated and went to sit by the edge of the fountain and one by one starting to push the ancient texts into the water. Upon hearing the splash, Maulana Rum (ra) noticed that the books had disappeared. He leapt up and shouted for him to stop.

 

Walking over to where Maulana Shams (ra) was sitting, now he asked him, ““Een che kardi?” What are you doing?

 

And received the reply, “Aan che to nami dani.” You don’t know (anything) about it.

 

The story goes that Maulana Rum (ra) starts hitting him and his students rush to join him. Maulana Shams (ra) held up his hands in protest asking why they were beating him. Maulana Rum (ra) answered, “Because these books are books of the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) ahadith and you have destroyed them all.”

 

Maulana Shams (ra) said in response, “Oh the books! Wait then for a moment” and saying that he jumped into the water. One by one he started to take the books out. Once the book was out of the water, he slapped it as if to clean it and dust blew off it. He placed it on the edge and said, “Take a look.”

 

Maulana Rum (ra) picked up the book and found it to be dry as a bone. Then Maulana Shams (ra) took out another book and did the same. Bewildered, Maulana Rum (ra) looked at Shams and asked, “Will they come out dry by my hand as well or only yours?”

 

Maulana Shams (ra) answered, “While I am in the water, they will come out dry by your hand as well.”

 

Subhan Allah! It was my favourite line of the story.

 

Maulana Rum (ra) picked up a book from the water and dusted it. It was completely dry. He called his students over. They started picking out books too. Now Maulana Shams (ra) had thrown in 10-12 books sitting on the side of the fountain but 300 or so emerged from the water.

 

Maulana Rum (ra) was elated. He pointed towards the piles and said to his students, “Take these into the library and place them there carefully.”

 

Maulana Shams (ra) stopped him. “What are you doing?”

Maulana Rum (ra) explained he wanted to keep the books in the library for they were precious.

 

On hearing that Maulana Shams (ra) admonished him, “This is the hadith you are teaching your students? 10 of the books were yours. 300 plus have come out from the water that don’t belong to you and you are taking them all? This is the morality they are learning from you? This is the knowledge you are imparting to them?”

 

In that moment Maulana Rum (ra) fell to his feet and exclaimed, “Then give me the “ilm,” the knowledge, you have that you have been bestowed by The Divine.” And this is the start.”

 

Then Uzair went back to the first couplet of the Masnavi and explained the instrument that Maulana references in it; the ney.

 

“The ney is different from the flute. It is held by the teeth not the lips. It is breathed out from not in to. As the fingers press on some notes and leave others, so the placement and movement of the fingers create the melodies. So what Maulana is saying this; the ney, the instrument itself, has nothing to it. It is a piece of dead wood. The sound is coming from the player of the instrument, his hands are creating the melody. And Allah is The Breather.”

 

Then he cited the verse.

 

فَإِذَا سَوَّيْتُهُۥ وَنَفَخْتُ فِيهِ مِن رُّوحِى فَقَعُوا۟ لَهُۥ سَـٰجِدِينَ

 

And when I have formed him fully and breathed into him of My Spirit,

fall down before him in prostration!”

 

Surah Sad, Verse 72

 

“And the fingers are the training of the guide.

 

The ney was nothing until it was separated from the tree, from the forest. If it had remained there, as a piece of bark it would have eventually fallen to the ground and become dust. Now though it is a conveyer of notes.

 

What Maulana is saying here is that the suffering in the world, the guide is the one who makes you go through different stages and trials, he plays you like the flautist, so that the melodic sounds you emit reverberate in the entire world. The blower is Allah, the player is the Spiritual Master. The separation from the jungle is what has rendered the wood an instrument. It is what it is only because it is separated.

 

Remember, two people have had the deepest impact and influence on Maulana Rum; Hazrat Abdul Qadir Jilani (ra), Ghaus ul Azam and Hazrat Muhuyddin Ibn e Arabi (ra). He has restated their philosophies in the Masnavi. And where do these philosophies in turn come from? Maula Ali (ratu).

 

Ghaus ul Azam (ra) was asked by Allah Almighty, “Do you want My Closeness?”

 

He answered, “I do.”

 

So Allah said, “Come near. And then He said to him,

 

إنقطع ثم اتصل واتصل ثم أوصل

 

Disconnect (from all others)

then connect (to Me)

and keep connecting

then communicate (with all others through Me).”

 

I was not expecting Uzair to say these lines. Since I had heard them in one of his lectures years ago, I had written the words in so many pieces, spoken the words in so many gatherings, whispered them to myself and my loved ones. But Uzair bringing it up in this context of the ney and its separation from its source was something else altogether.

 

“Maulana is taking the concept of the ney from here actually. From what Ghaus ul Azam is saying as told by Allah. ‘Separate from all others. And connect to Me. And I will connect with you, And then you will rejoin the others. But before you were joined to them through your own self. This time around, you will join with them through Me.’”

 

I let out a deep sigh.

 

I am a sigher by nature. I didn’t notice it till those around me commented on it. “You sigh a lot,” someone first said to me in college. I was surprised to hear the words. Then I forgot about them. Over the years when I was alone I noticed them myself, those long-winded sighs. Then I started noticing them in others, especially children.

 

It was such an unexpected sound from a child. It seems to hold such a deep sadness. A sadness that a soul holds within it, that the “batin” possesses and the overt self, the “zahir,” is totally unaware of. Maybe the sigh is the first sound of the ney awaiting the fingers of the Master. So that the Hand of God will one day will transform the sound of that sigh into melodious notes that intoxicate another soul.

 

On an afternoon in Karachi while sitting with my friend’s friends from Karachi a topic came up I knew nothing about; the vagus nerve. I wasn’t paying much attention to the conversation. It was some important nerve in the body blah blah and the ways that the nerve was activated that they were discussing were not of interest to me; cold showers, a lot of exercise, deep breathing, meditation.

 

Then one of them said, “And humming.”

 

“Humming?” I echoed. I hummed and sang the words of the kalam for my videos all day long when I was working on them.

 

“Yup,” she said.

 

When I went home I looked it up.

 

“What is the vagus nerve? The ”wandering” or vagus nerve is the longest cranial nerve in the body. Leaving the brain stem, the vagus nerve branches off in different directions and extends as far down as the abdomen. It connects the brain and the gut, lungs, and heart. And it plays a critical role in helping us “rest and digest.” Increasing the tone of the vagus nerve enables our body to relax faster after experiencing stress.

 

Traveling down past the neck and into the body, the vagus nerve performs some of its most vital tasks. Its main function is to regulate the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS), a special part of the nervous system that maintains the homeostasis of body functions, such as heart rate, respiration rate, blood pressure, body temperature, and digestion.

 

When homeostasis is disrupted through exercise, illness, or stress, a subsystem of the ANS, the Sympathetic Nervous System, kicks in and prepares the body to move, respond, or adapt to the change. This state of readiness is also known as the Fight or Flight System. When the stress is over, the Parasympathetic Nervous System down-regulates the body, bringing its functions back to baseline. Working in opposition to the Fight or Flight System, the Parasympathetic Nervous System is known as the Rest and Digest System.

 

We can thank the vagus nerve for keeping the heart rate from elevating too high for too long, maintaining blood vessel constriction (which regulates blood pressure) during activity, reactivating the digestive system after being shut down, and stabilizing the respiration rate and making sure it coordinates with the heart.

 

Because of its communication between the viscera and the brain, the vagus nerve plays an important role in body/brain interactions. Recently, neuroscientists have found a link between the presence of good gut bacteria (probiotics) and elevated mood and improved cognition. Apparently, good bacteria produce approximately 95 percent of the body’s serotonin, a neurotransmitter responsible for improved mood.

 

The vagus nerve appears to also assist in regulation of inflammatory responses from the body. Vagal communication between inflammatory responses and the brain can also allow the brain to regulate this inflammation and promote adaptations to acute injury and chronic irritation. The vagus nerve passes through by the vocal cords and the inner ear and the vibrations of humming is a free and easy way to influence your nervous system states.”

 

Unreal!

 

From my classes on “tajweed” in Fes, the rules of recitation of the Quran, I had learnt that the sound of the “shadda” on a letter, which means it is said with a double emphasis, gave it a longer stretch of two beats. Of the different levels of recitation, when it is “in a slow-paced manner with clarity, clearly distinguished letter by letter and with tranquility,” it is called “tarteela.”

 

وَقَالَ ٱلَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا۟ لَوْلَا نُزِّلَ عَلَيْهِ ٱلْقُرْءَانُ جُمْلَةًۭ وَٰحِدَةًۭ ۚ كَذَٰلِكَ لِنُثَبِّتَ بِهِۦ

فُؤَادَكَ ۖ

وَرَتَّلْنَـٰهُ تَرْتِيلًۭا

 

And said those who disbelieve ask, "Why not was revealed to him the Quran all at once?"

 

(It is so) in this manner that We may strengthen thereby your heart.

 

And We have recited it ‘tarteela,’ with a distinct recitation.

 

Surah Al-Furqan, Verse 32

 

The name of the Prophet (peace be upon him) has two “meem.” There is one in the beginning and the one in the middle has a “shadda” on it. The application of the rule then to it creates a natural hum. Muhammmmmmad! When I learnt about humming activating the vagas nerve that day, I could not help but think, all I was doing when I hummed was saying the “meem” of his name endlessly. No matter the song. The thought was having such swooning effect on my overt being, I could only imagine what it was doing to my nervous system.

 

In the same days I came upon Maulana’s (ra) words about musicality in the Universe. The essence of sound as its form, any form, our own included, was known me to when I discovered from Sheikh Nurjan, the Naqshbandi Master, that we are energy beings first that then gain form through sound.

 

But Maulana’s (ra) revelations about it opened another dimension altogether. How music was heard differently by the extraordinary and therefore the effect it had upon them of “wajd,” a state of spiritual ecstasy.

 

The Masnavi: “The sound of the rubaab played in the court of the King. But for the lovers of God, the “ushaaq,” the rubaab’s sound is a reminder of the promise they made in the Realm of the Souls to God, the Ahd e Alast (when He asked, ‘Am I not your Lord?’ and we answered, ‘Indeed You are.’

 

The sound of the dhol, the drum, for the lovers of God holds similarity to the sound of the Nufikha As-Saur, the trumpet of Israfeel. (Even though for the rest of humanity it is the sound of the Day of Judgement, which invokes fear. But for those whose nafs is “mutmainna,” content with God, even that sound is the sound of happiness for it will bring reunion).

 

The scholars say that the different raag, with their particular combination of notes, have been taken from the movement of the orbits of the skies. And the 12 notes of the chromatic scales of music draw a parallel with the 12 constellations.

 

وَلَقَدْ جَعَلْنَا فِى ٱلسَّمَآءِ بُرُوجًۭا وَزَيَّنَّـٰهَا لِلنَّـٰظِرِينَ

 

And indeed in the Heavens we have set up great constellations and beautified it for the observers.

 

Surah Al-Hijr, Verse 16

 

The seven notes of music, the major scale, are taken from seven of the planets. The air that is between the Earth and the sky creates all the sounds in the world. These sounds are then imitated by the voice and the Tanbura.

 

The believers, the Momin, know that all these raag, these songs, they come from the singing of the heavenly “Hoors”, the heavenly maidens, and from the running waters of the rivers of Jannat, and the movement of the trees of Heaven. The melodies of the raag create the thought of reunion with The Creator for those who are His Lovers. When the listener holds within them these feelings, the music intensifies this burning love for the Divine.”

 

In my readings, in particular of Hazrat Nizamuddin Auliya (ra) and in general the Chisti silsila, that I myself belong to, I had heard of the effect of the “sama’a,” in their case the qawali, upon their souls. In his case for he is “Mehboob e Ilahi,” “The one who Allah holds a beloved,” I had read of instance after instance where the effect of music transported his soul in a moment from the world to an audience before His Lord during a sama’a.

 

Since I had heard Uzair’s lecture on Maulana, I was fixated on the stations of the spiritual path. I thought the be all and end all was love. Yet it was the third station of seven. “Ikhlaas” had come next. I had been praying for sincerity in my prayer but I had not known what I was even asking for. I had heard so many lectures in which Uzair and others cited the words of Auliya Karaam who stressed feeling the presence of Allah, focusing on the nearness of Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) during the saying of the namaz.

 

I had tried different ways to do that. Mostly the images of the Ka’aba and the Green Dome were as far as I got. My speed of recitation had slowed considerably over the years. I took my time. The verse I connected with most often was “As Salam o Alayka Ayyuha Nabiyyu wa Rahmutallah e wa Barakatahu.” That was because of the hadith that when one sent a “salam” upon his blessed person, he always returned it. Mostly, I was just happy I wasn’t blazing through it anymore.

 

Then while writing this piece, Maulana blew my heart wide open. I was perusing my book on the stories in the Masnavi when a title caught my eye; “Ibadat ka haqeeqi mafhoom,” the original meaning of worship.

 

The prayer of the people behind Daqooqi (ra)

 

One day a wali Allah, (a Friend of God), Hazrat Daqooqi (ra) stood as the Imam to lead the prayer. A few of his contemporaries, whose hearts were soft as silk, stood behind him to say it. As soon as the “takbeer” was uttered (Allah u Akbar – Allah is The Greatest), they departed from this transient world like the sacrificed animal.

 

The meaning of that “takbeer” became this; “We sacrifice ourselves for you, O Lord, in the way that the “takbeer” is said before the slaughter of animals for food.” So they said Allah u Akbar and sacrificed their nafs, the ego, cutting its head off so that the soul is saved from its evil deeds.

 

Be like the body of Hazrat Ismail (as) when he surrendered to his father after he told him about his dream. Like his body, become free, liberated from desire and greed. Through the utterance of Bismillah, (In the Name of Allah), the contemporaries starting shivering in remembrance of their God.

 

After that moment, they stood before God shedding tears as if on the Day of Judgment where Allah, Exalted is He, will ask; “What have you brought for Me in this time that I gave you? I granted you an age of living, I gave you livelihood, you were given strength and power. So what did you do with them? The ability to see, the ability to hear, what did you use it for? I bestowed you the blessings of the other senses. What did you do with them? You had hands and feet, the means and tools given to work, what work did you perform with them?”

 

Qari Sahib had told me that Nabi Pak (ra) had described this scene to the Sahaba;

 

قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ:‏‏‏‏ لَا تَزُولُ قَدَمَا عَبْدٍ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ حَتَّى يُسْأَلَ عَنْ عُمُرِهِ فِيمَا أَفْنَاهُ،

‏‏‏‏‏‏وَعَنْ عِلْمِهِ فِيمَ فَعَلَ،

‏‏‏‏‏‏وَعَنْ مَالِهِ مِنْ أَيْنَ اكْتَسَبَهُ وَفِيمَ أَنْفَقَهُ،

‏‏‏‏‏‏وَعَنْ جِسْمِهِ فِيمَ أَبْلَاهُ

 

The Prophet of God (peace be upon him) said, “The feet of no person will move until he has been asked (by God) about what works did he do in his life,

about his knowledge and his deeds as a result of it,

and his livelihood and how he earned it and how he spent it,

and about his body and how he sinned with it.”

 

The Masnavi: “Standing before God, in “qayam,” these questions were asked of Mankind from God. But because they are in a state of awe and ashamed because of the inability to answer, they immediately went into “ruku’” (the act of touching the hands on the knees), a state of humility.

 

Feeling ashamed they uttered the words for the greatness of God in that position (Subhan a Rabbi Al-Azeem). Allah commanded them, “Rise from your ‘ruku’’ and answer Me.” They raised their heads and stood up for a moment. Then losing strength again, they fell into prostration. Then they was ordered again to raise their heads.

 

They raise themselves only for a second to fall back into prostration a second time. Then again Allah says “Raise your head.”

 

After the second “raka’t,” they cannot bring himself to stand again, so they sit and Allah says to them again, “I bestowed you countless blessings, how were you grateful for them? I gave you wealth, where is the profit of that?”

 

Since they have nothing to offer, Mankind is unable to answer. Now they want an intercessor so they can be excused from this accountability. They turn to their right shoulder and says “salam” and call upon the Prophets and the Friends of God to come to their help, to aid them knowing they are stuck in a place from which there is no escape. The Prophets will say, “There is no help for you today from us. The time given to you has passed.”

 

Then they turn to their left shoulder and says “salam” and ask for their family and friends to come to their side. They too will say, “We cannot help you today.” Disappointed by all of them, their hearts will be shattered into a thousand pieces.

 

Finally they will raise their hands before their Merciful Lord and shed tears of repentance saying He is the First One and He is the Last One, so that they save themselves from their punishment. Learn from the actions of namaz that this is what will happen to you one day. Say to Him that He is The One who guides and we are the one who wish to be guided.”

 

بچه بیرون آر از بیضه نماز

سر مزن چون مرغ بی تعظیم و ساز

 

So you come out of your namaz like a chick leaves the egg, new born, pure.

And not like the chicken who wanders everywhere aimlessly.

 

The first time I read the story it was late at night. I went to sleep thinking nothing of it. The next morning when I woke it was for Fajr. I started my prayer and out of nowhere, burst into tears. Then I cried non-stop through it. For the first time in my life I pictured myself standing before God, Him asking me questions and I felt scared. Never before had I thought of myself in any moment with God that had held in it fear.

 

I wanted the namaz to end so badly the thought only made me cry more. The whole thing was so unexpected. How could Maulana Rum (ra) of all of Allah’s Friends, the one whose words are so full of love, so deeply romantic with the most exquisite expression that only softened the heart undeniably, how could he be the one who instills fear in my heart that never before existed? I had previously only concentrated on the Softness, the Mercy, the Forgiveness of Allah, because it was all I experienced. Even in the hardest of times.

 

In that morning prayer, for the first time in my life, I uttered verses in parallel. In my overt being, the verses of the namaz, and in my heart, my “qalb” whispered “Astaghfiruallah,” “I seek the forgiveness of Allah.” By the time I finished just the first two “raka’t” I was drained. But lifting the hands for a prayer was a must. It was how the story ended. My dua that day was only one and it was not to God. It was to His Beloved (peace be upon him). “Please ya Rasool Allah,” I begged, “ask Allah not to ask me anything.”

 

I went to bed weeping with a tasbeeh in my hand that I couldn’t even bring myself to read upon. I only clutched it close to my heart as I cried. I woke up the next morning fearing the hours to Zuhr. For three days the experience repeated itself in every prayer. Then like all things of beauty, it tapered off and when it did, what I had been anxious about, I wished and longed for.

 

A day or so later I went to the beach by myself. I tried to read my New Yorker but I was distracted and couldn’t focus on anything. Different thoughts interrupted me. I kept pondering about what had happened and one hadith kept coming to my mind. I have used it so many times in my writing in a particular context, it surprised me that it was the one I was reminded of.

 

إِنَّ هَذِهِ الْقُلُوبَ تَصْدَأُ كَمَا يَصْدَأُ الْحَدِيدُ

قِيلَ يَارَسُولَ اللَّهِ فَمَا جَلاؤُهَا

وذِكرُ الموت تِلاوَةُ الْقُرْآنِ كثرةُ ذِكرِ اللَّهِ قَالَ

 

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Indeed, the hearts rust like iron rusts.”

 

They said, “So what will polish them?”

 

He said, “The abundance of remembrance of Allah, recitation of the Quran and remembering death.”

 

Remembering death!

 

I had never feared death. It wasn’t unusual. Many people who have close family, especially a parent, die when they are young, become oblivious to it. At first they become indifferent to life and when it keeps going, death, more and more, becomes the reason there will be union.

 

As Hazrat Khwaja Moineenuddin Chisti Ajmer (ra) says most beautifully:

 

الموت جسرا يوصل الحبيب الى الحبيب

 

Death is the bridge that joins the beloved with the beloved.

 

But I realized that in my lovey dovey relationship with God, I had never really thought of the Afterlife. I always knew someone would save me. I had imagined our meeting, even written about it but my thought had always been child-like, if not outright childish. It was all about me of course. What I would ask Him. I never once thought about what God might ask me.

 

Uzair says the role of the Prophets, all of them was the same. They asked for belief in Tauheed (the One-ness of God), Risalat (prophethood), Aakhirat (the Day of Judgment). I believed in the Day of Judgment but I never considered it. Until now. The hadith about the Last Day when people would go from Prophet to Prophet asking them to intercede for them, until they were eventually sent by them all to Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) held a new meaning for me.

 

Each Prophet had declined the ask to appear before God for a single sin they had committed over their entire lives. Just one! That one sin made them feel so deeply ashamed, they declined to go before their Lord and ask something of Him. My list of sins was exhaustive and it was still in play, yet I had never thought of it as anything.

 

Over the next few days I realized the story was a gift from Maulana to me. He didn’t want me to be of the “ghafileen,” by not thinking of the Day of Judgment the way God wanted me to think of it. And it was not lost on me that the prayer had the effect it had because a Friend of God was leading it.

 

قُلْ مَن يَرْزُقُكُم مِّنَ ٱلسَّمَآءِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ أَمَّن يَمْلِكُ ٱلسَّمْعَ وَٱلْأَبْصَـٰرَ

وَمَن يُخْرِجُ ٱلْحَىَّ مِنَ ٱلْمَيِّتِ وَيُخْرِجُ ٱلْمَيِّتَ مِنَ ٱلْحَىِّ وَمَن يُدَبِّرُ ٱلْأَمْرَ ۚ

فَسَيَقُولُونَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ

فَقُلْ أَفَلَا تَتَّقُونَ

 

Say O Prophet, “Who provides you with sustenance out of Heaven and Earth, or who has full power over hearing and sight? Who brings forward the living and the dead, and the dead from the living? Who administers all matters?

 

They will say, “Allah.”

 

Then say, “Will you not then be mindful of Him?”

 

Surah Yunus, Verse 31

 

I wanted to know what Ghaus Pak (ra) said about the last word of the verse, “tattaqoon,” as in O you who practice taqwa: “They are the ones try to prepare with precaution to avoid the fallout from Allah’s Grip and His Reckoning. You associate others with Him who give you no benefit and can bring upon you no harm and you will not spared from Him because of them at all.”

 

I was meant to read the story to feel fear for once, which I did intensely in the beginning. But more than that it was so I could continue to mindfully polish my heart. A heart whose rust never wanes. Like the dust in Karachi that is wiped one day and appears as the same the next! It was so I could understand why Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) is asked to say in the Quran by his Lord:

 

قُلْ إِنَّ صَلَاتِى وَنُسُكِى وَمَحْيَاىَ وَمَمَاتِى لِلَّهِ رَبِّ ٱلْعَـٰلَمِينَ

 

Say (O Blessed Prophet (peace be upon you)), “Indeed my prayer, my acts of worship, my living and my dying, are for Allah alone, the Lord of the worlds.

 

Surah Al-Anam, Verse 162

 

I had to look up the verse in the Tafseer e Jilani by Ghaus Pak (ra) because of the word “salat-i,” my prayer:

 

“Say, you who is the most perfect of all Prophets, who is the reflection of the One-ness of the Allah Almighty’s Essence, whilst surrendering all your affairs and that which has happened to you as well as that have emanated from you to your Lord!

 

Say, “The heart-felt inclinations of my body and my soul, and my worship, which is the means for closeness and connection with my Lord, and the necessities for my living and dying, all, are sincerely for Allah alone, The One who does as He wills in the overt and inward existence of the Universe forever and by His Choice alone.”

 

Over time, slowly, prayer by prayer, I realized my tears were of repentance. The same note in the stories in this piece, in the story for my video, had entered my life, piercing my heart. It was like I had invited them. Because I had not even chosen the story for the video except by reading the Fateha and opening the book blindly to a page.

 

The Masnavi has hundreds of stories. It was impossible for me to choose one arbitrarily. To make sure it was the right story, I had opened it a second time to see what else appeared and then try to to decide between them but it had opened to the same story, settling the matter.

 

I thought of my weeping in my namaz for those days. I had shed my tears in silence thinking about when He would ask what I brought for Him. I had nothing. I had shed them in regret imagining if He asked what had I done with that which He bestowed me. It was nothing. And for the first time in my life, I realized the heart wrenching emotion that tears of repentance actually express: “Why did it take me so long to get here?”

 

After every Quran class that I have been going to for years now, a prayer is said by Dannu at the end. I had always uttered it fleetingly. Now I understood why she shed such heartfelt tears every single time. Finally I understood her ask. I didn’t want to be asked anything, whether we were front of others and even if we were all alone.

 

It was unsurprising of course that my Prophet (peace be upon him), who taught me about the Afterlife, is the one who I invoked before my heart began to feel calm again. He would be the only reason Allah might spare me in that moment I had experienced only in my imagination in the last few days with such intensity, it had ripped my soul apart.

 

He would be the one who would save me and everyone else that day. When everybody else would decline, he would invoke the intercession he was promised on the night he was brought to the Heavens, on the Night of Ascension.

 

‏‏‏‏‏‏فَيَأْتُونِي، ‏‏‏‏‏‏فَأَنْطَلِقُ حَتَّى أَسْتَأْذِنَ عَلَى رَبِّي، ‏‏‏‏‏‏فَيُؤْذَنَ لِي، ‏‏‏‏‏‏فَإِذَا رَأَيْتُ رَبِّي وَقَعْتُ سَاجِدًا، ‏‏‏‏‏‏فَيَدَعُنِي مَا شَاءَ اللَّهُ،

 

‏‏‏‏‏‏ثُمَّ يُقَالُ:‏‏‏‏ ارْفَعْ رَأْسَكَ وَسَلْ تُعْطَهْ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏وَقُلْ يُسْمَعْ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏وَاشْفَعْ تُشَفَّعْ،

‏‏‏‏‏‏فَأَرْفَعُ رَأْسِي فَأَحْمَدُهُ بِتَحْمِيدٍ يُعَلِّمُنِيهِ،

‏‏‏‏‏‏ثُمَّ أَشْفَعُ فَيَحُدُّ لِي حَدًّا، ‏‏‏‏‏‏فَأُدْخِلُهُمُ الْجَنَّةَ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏ثُمَّ أَعُودُ إِلَيْهِ فَإِذَا رَأَيْتُ رَبِّي مِثْلَهُ،

‏‏‏‏‏‏ثُمَّ أَشْفَعُ فَيَحُدُّ لِي حَدًّا، ‏‏‏‏‏‏فَأُدْخِلُهُمُ الْجَنَّةَ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏ثُمَّ أَعُودُ الرَّابِعَةَ،

 

‏‏‏‏‏‏فَأَقُولُ:‏‏‏‏ مَا بَقِيَ فِي النَّارِ إِلَّا مَنْ حَبَسَهُ الْقُرْآنُ وَوَجَبَ عَلَيْهِ الْخُلُودُ،

 

Then people will come to me and I will go with them and ask to see God. Then I will be granted audience and as soon I will see Him, I will go into prostration and until He calls me, I will remain in prostration.

 

Then He will say, “Raise your head O Muhammad! Intercede and your intercession will be granted.”

 

I will raise my head and speak in His praise that which God Almighty Himself taught me. Then I will begin my intercession and there will be a limit set for me and I will make them enter Heaven.

 

When I will come back for the fourth time, then I will say “There are no more people left in Hell except those who are destined to remain in it forever (by You).”

 

And it was him who had made the point of Maulana’s (ra) story crystal clear. A single namaz said with sincerity, would render a person pure of all sin, like a new born, like the Haj did. The incident, like all of his life, had a different meaning for me every time I cited it. This time it was simply in his reason for God’s forgiveness towards a man who was literally hounding him for punishment for a sin that was making him guilty and distressed.

 

Hazrat Abu Umama (ratu) narrates:

 

We were sitting in the mosque in the company of Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him).

 

A person came there and said, “O Messenger of God (peace be upon you)! I have committed an offence which deserves the imposition of Hadd (punishment for a transgression) upon me, so impose it upon me.”

 

Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) kept silent.

 

He repeated it and said, “O Messenger of God (peace be upon you), I have committed an offence which deserves the imposition of Hadd upon me, so impose it upon me.”

 

He (the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him)) kept silent, and it was at this time that Iqama was pronounced for prayer (and the prayer was observed).

 

And when Allah's Apostle (peace be upon him) had concluded the prayer, the person followed Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him). Hazrat Abu Umama continues:

 

I too followed Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) after he had concluded the prayer, so that I should know what answer he would give to that person.

 

That person remained attached to Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of God (peace be upon you), I have committed an offence which deserves imposition of Hadd upon me so impose it upon me.”

 

Hazrat Abu Umama (ratu) reported that Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said to him, “Didn't you see that as you got out of the house, you performed ablution perfectly well.”

 

He said, “O Messenger of God (peace be upon you)! of course. I did it.”

 

He again said to him, “Then you observed prayer along with us.”

 

He said, “O Messenger of God (peace be upon you)! Yes, it is so.”

 

Thereupon the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said to him, “Verily, Allah has exempted you from the imposition of Hadd or he said, ‘From your sin.’”

 

“You performed ablution well, you observed prayer along with us.” The blessings of a prayer behind the Master of of the Universe!

 

Another hadith came to my mind, one that I had never previously understood. In fact, I could never relate to the lectures in which I had heard that the “haqq,” the right of uttering the prayer is fulfilled, when one can see God or at least when God sees them.

 

“Use imagery,” I heard the scholars say but I didn’t know how to apply that. The thought itself did bring focus on the act for me more so than before but my mind still constantly wandered. Sadly I confess, I had spent so much time in that endless wandering, I actually had been able to identify where it was languishing.

 

It was always one of two things; either I was thinking about my to-dos, immediately or otherwise pending or I was broiling over something someone had done to upset me and I had held on to it instead of letting it go.

 

The hadith that I was thinking of now with a new zeal was the one in which Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) defines “ehsaan” when Hazrat Gibrael once appears before him to ask him some questions.

 

As narrated by Hazrat Omar Farouq (ratu):

 

One day while we were sitting with the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) there appeared before us a man whose clothes were exceedingly white and whose hair was exceedingly black; no signs of journeying were to be seen on him and none of us knew him. He walked up and sat down by the Prophet (peace be upon him).

 

Resting his knees against his and placing the palms of his hands on his thighs, he said: "O Muhammed, tell me about islam."

 

The messenger of Allah said: "Islam is to testify that there is no god but Allah and Muhammed is the messenger of Allah, to perform the prayers, to pay the zakat, to fast in Ramadhan, and to make the pilgrimage to the House, if you are able to do so." `

 

He said:"You have spoken rightly," and we were amazed at him asking him and saying that he had spoken rightly.

 

He said: "Then tell me about imaan."

 

He said:"It is to believe in Allah, His angels, His books, His messengers, and the Last Day, and to believe in divine destiny, both the good and the evil thereof."

 

He said:"You have spoken rightly."

 

He said, " Then tell me about ehsaan."

 

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "It is to worship Allah as though you are seeing Him, and while you see Him not yet truly He sees you".

 

He said: "Then tell me about the Hour". He said: "The one questioned about it knows no better than the questioner."

 

He said: "Then tell me about its signs."

 

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "That the slave-girl will give birth to her mistress and that you will see the barefooted, naked, destitute herdsman competing in constructing lofty buildings."

 

Then he took himself off and I stayed for a time. Then he said: "O Omar, do you know who the questioner was?" I said: "Allah and His messenger know best". He said: "He was Jebreel (Gabriel), who came to you to teach you your religion."

 

گفت پيغامبر که حق فرموده است

قصد من از خلق احسان بوده است

 

The Prophet (peace be upon him) of God said that Allah says, “The purpose of My creating you was to bestow you with ehsaan (My Bounty).”

 

I called Qari Sahib to ask him one question only. In the story of those who followed Daqooqi (ra) in prayer, the Prophets had all turned away, the friends and family had turned away. Yet everything Maulana Rum (ra) says is about the need of the guide, a “murshid,” is that it is beyond essential. That the way to gain knowledge of God, closeness with him is not only accelerated through connection to His Favourites, it is impossible without them. He was the savior in the world and the Hereafter, so wasn’t there a mixed message?

 

Qari Sahib smiled. “The beauty of the Masnavi is that it is a reflection of the Quran. Maulana himself calls it "the marrow of the Quran." So everything that is said in it is in fact inspired by Allah and His Verses and then of course the ahadith.

 

In this story, or that matter any story in it, anyone who has knowledge of the Quran can connect every single thought Maulana (ra) expresses to a verse from The Book.”

 

Then he gave me the example:

 

“We will all be standing before God.”

 

يَوْمَ يَقُومُ ٱلنَّاسُ لِرَبِّ ٱلْعَـٰلَمِينَ

 

The Day that Humankind will stand before God, The Lord of the Worlds.

 

Surah Al-Mutaffifeen, Surah 6

 

“Everyone will be asked about the blessing they received.”

 

ثُمَّ لَتُسْـَٔلُنَّ يَوْمَئِذٍ عَنِ ٱلنَّعِيمِ

 

Then surely you will be asked that Day about what you did with the pleasures of life.

 

Surah At-Takathur, Verse 9

 

“No one will ask about another Maulana (ra) says.”

 

فَإِذَا نُفِخَ فِى ٱلصُّورِ فَلَآ أَنسَابَ بَيْنَهُمْ يَوْمَئِذٍۢ وَلَا يَتَسَآءَلُونَ

 

Then when the trumpet of Ressurection is blown, no ties of kinship will bind them on that Day, neither will they ask about one another.

 

Surah Al-Mumineen, Verse 101

 

“No one will be able to say a single word on their part.”

 

يَوْمَئِذٍۢ يَتَّبِعُونَ ٱلدَّاعِىَ لَا عِوَجَ لَهُۥ ۖ وَخَشَعَتِ ٱلْأَصْوَاتُ لِلرَّحْمَـٰنِ فَلَا تَسْمَعُ إِلَّا هَمْسًۭا

 

And on that Day everyone will follow the summoning Voice from which there will be no escape.

Then all voices will be hushed before the Most Gracious and only faint whispers will be heard.

 

Surah Taha, Verse 108

 

“But then there is also the exception. Because there is always an exception.

 

ٱلْأَخِلَّآءُ يَوْمَئِذٍۭ بَعْضُهُمْ لِبَعْضٍ عَدُوٌّ إِلَّا ٱلْمُتَّقِينَ

 

On that Day, close friends will be enemies to each other, except for those who are mindful of God.

 

Surah Al-Zukhruf, Verse 67”

 

“So you see,” Qari Sahib ended on this note, “the Quran itself says that the “Muttaqeen” will be friends and they will also be intercessors. Maulana (ra) is talking to the ordinary to warn them and to encourage them to prepare for that meeting with their Lord. To not be oblivious to it and disregard it. That is why he ends the way he does. And yet it is uplifting because he also says that the prayer, each and every prayer holds in it, for the reader, the possibility of absolute renewal.”

 

The journey of the seeker is “ma’rifat,” knowing God. Ghaus Pak (ra) says that without surrender (islam), there is no “imaan” (faith) and without “imaan,” there is no “iqaan” (certainty) and without “iqaan,” there is no “ma’rifat.” And each time I learn the same thing. The acts of my own life never reveal anything to me about my God.

 

As Hazrat Shahabuddin Suhrawardi (ra) says, Allah is not found by those who search for Him. He’s a non-material Being. But the ‘bay’at,’ a pledge of allegiance to a Spiritual Master, is a thing that if you take it, you can find the Hand of God.”

 

The first hand Allah called His Own was the hand of His Beloved, Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him). Then those who pledged their allegiance to him, in deep devotion and perfect emulation, placing their hand in his, also received the same blessing; through their hand could also be found the Hand of God. The “hand” is figurative but it was clear from Ghaus Pak’s (ra) tafseer of the pledge at Hudaibiah that Allah promises His Own Power and Authority to them.

 

It’s funny how one learns in life. When the “influencers” who actually cause change, in thought and in action, are no longer around, two possibilities remain. Traversing the path alone and going around in circles or turning to someone else, someone in the know.

 

My interests, some intensely passionate when they were shared with my loved ones, simply died when they died. It was then that I made Allah my Rabbi, my Lord who raises me, and my journey resumed. From being someone with intense attachment issues, I learnt to become detached.

 

My feelings became engaged with the Realm of the Unseen and its “makeen,” the ones who live there. In the world I gained a Spiritual Master at 16. Stage two! But I didn’t know then I had the Hand of God so close to my own. I wish I had.

 

Maulana Rum (ra) says that when Allah takes an oath countless times in different ayaat in the Quran, no object of an oath taken by God can be temporary or transient. In their “zahir,” the overt, they range from the skies that have been lifted and the Earth that has been laid, to the first star that appears in the dawn of the night, to the oceans and their waves that break into each other.

 

The specificity of the choices are spell-binding. Allah swears by the sun but not by the sun that is out all day. The Knower of Subtleties swears by the sun when it is at its peak. By the moon but not any moon. The moon that trails the sun and is revealed in its presence so both can be seen. He swears by the day when all is visible, and the night when nothing can be seen and the things we see and the things we are unable to see. He even swears by colours: the light of the dawn, the glow of the sunset, the blackness of the night and what it shrouds, the moon when it is full. The list goes on and on.

 

Maulana (ra) says that anything that is fleeting is not worthy of being sworn upon by Allah who is Al-Baaqi, The Everlasting. Therefore, according to him, almost always the oath taken is upon a facet of His Beloved (peace be upon him) for everything reflects the light of his heart.

 

عکس راز مرد حق دانيدروز

عکس ستاريش شام چشم دوذ

 

Think of the light of the day as the inner being of The Truthful One (Nabi Kareem (saw)),

the evening that closes the eyes is the reflection of his concealing (the flaws of others).

 

زاں سببفرمويزداں و الضحی

و الضحی نور ضمير مصطفی

 

This is the reason that Allah swears upon Ad-Duha (the dawnlight),

for Ad-Duha is the light of the heart of Mustafa (peace be upon him).

 

The meaning of the word, qalb, is also that which forever changes.

 

Hence the invocation by Nabi Kareem, “Ya Muqallib ul Qaloob, thabit qalbi ala deenik,” “O Changer of hearts forever changing, make my heart steadfast, unchanging, upon the state of being pious/conscious/consistent/obedient/fearful in Your Faith.”

 

When entrenched in the world, no doubt, the heart lands on one person and one thing, then another and another. It is certainly the opposite of “thabit,” steadfast. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to find a love that intensifies focus on anything, much less God.

 

But one day it tires of the endless change. One vision becomes longed for which can take up the heart’s entire space forever. Filling it with the love of The Divine is the ask of all asks. For then it is a love that is in its manner God-like, that is infinite, that allows for increased giving, widening its embrace to everyone, a Universe, while all other expressions and reasons for loving ultimately exhaust and even become exhausting.

 

Qari Sahib said to me years ago, “Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) takes us towards Allah and Allah sends us back to him. Thus our soul’s journey proceeds back and forth between the two and we find our way forward.”

 

Never did his words resonate with my heart as they do now. In those days of fear filled prayers before God, I only called out to the Prophet (peace be upon him). And now in my prayers full of yearning, I plead before God to make my heart a space worthy for His Beloved to occupy.

 

I want to grovel before God and find the apples of Heaven falling in my lap in the name of His Favoured. Like the man who one day awoke and found the cow strolling in his front door, I pray for my “nafs” to die, my “aql” to be free after a lifelong of captivity. I found it at long last, my love non-distracting. Now I await it entering my heart and making it still forever.

 

وَلِكُلٍّ وِجْهَةٌ هُوَ مُوَلِّيهَا

 

And for everyone is a direction - he turns towards it.

 

Surah Al-Baqarah, Verse 128

 

It was said (by the Mufassiroon) for the verse:

 

قِیْلَ اَلْمُرَادُ بِھَا لِکُلِّ اَحَدٍ قِبْلَةٌ

فَقِبْلَةُ الْمُقَرَّبِيْنَ الْعَرْشُ وَالرُّوْحَانِيِّيْنَ الْكُرْسِيُّ وَالْكَرُّوْبِیْنَ الْبَیْتُ الْمَعْمُوْرُ وَالْاَنْبِیَاءُ قَبْلَکَ بَیْتُ المُقَدَّسِ

وَ قِبْلَتُكَ الْکَعْبَةُ وَ ھِیَ قِبْلَةُ جَسَدِکَ،

وَ أَمَّا قِبْلَةُ رُوْحِکَ فَأَنَا

وَ قِبْلَتِیْ أَنْتَ

 

“There is a Qibla, direction, for everyone.

 

For those brought nearer to Allah (Muqarabeen), their Qibla is Al-Arsh, The Throne.

 

For the Spirits it is the Kursi, The Chair (of Knowledge).

 

For the Karrubeen, the angels, it is Beit ul Ma’moor (a mosque in Heaven).

 

And for the Prophets before you (O Muhammad (peace be upon you), it is Beit ul Muqaddas.

 

And for you O Beloved, your Qibla is the Ka’aba and it is the Qibla of your physical being, whereas the Qibla of your soul is Me.

 

And My Qibla (Focus) is you.”

 

وَاصْبِرْ لِحُكْمِ رَبِّكَ فَإِنَّكَ بِأَعْيُنِنَا

 

So be patient with your Lord’s Judgment, for indeed, you are in Our Eyes.

 

Surah At-Tur, Verse 48

 

www.youtube.com/channel/UCqb01bB-J3kyiu-HKIX2MKw

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