dawning of new days

The Building of Love

 

You will remember Me if you try out someone other than Me,

And you will realize I was for you a treasure.

 

This June feeling corona-ed out I decided to visit a friend in Islamabad. A break was overdue. The summer had finally arrived in Lahore, much later than usual thankfully but I was tired of the city. In Islamabad I found that the heat did not allow for outdoor activities until sunset either but a change is a change.

 

My friend lived in a basement so it was cool. The house was inset from the boundary walls so there was lovely light all day long. After a few days I decided to head up north where another friend of mine has a beautiful little cottage. If the virus was going to teach the elite who had a brain cell or two a lesson it was this; build your holiday homes in your own country where the most exquisite natural beauty exists.

 

I was alone. I had been harping on about people’s inability to break the patterns of their lives in various conversations, thus bringing upon myself the test that would prove that I was exactly the same as them. I didn’t realize till it started that it was an exercise for my nafs, my ego, to correct itself. But I was luckier than most. My teachers were God’s Chosen who I considered my spiritual masters from the world of the unseen. I was not alone.

 

The whole thing had begun with an incident. Someone dear to me fell in a ditch so to speak and it wasn’t the first time but the ditch this time was a ravine. I had programmed myself to react to the incident in a particular way in the past. The behaviour was therefore ingrained in me and my reaction rolled out in several steps, all the same, in a particular sequence.

 

First I felt anxious and scared for them. Then I started thinking about what I could do to help that would make the situation better. I have always prided myself in problem-solving, only to realize that I’m terrible at it. Or rather it works for matters that don’t involve a human being and therefore a heart, the state of which I know absolutely nothing about. Half the time I don’t know the state of my own heart, I don’t know why I presumed I knew what’s inside another’s?

 

Step three would be to start looking for people who could assist in the situation. There are two people in particular in my life I have gone to in the past and it wasn’t until this time that I realized that they had never actually been able to help, again, when it came to trying to change another’s heart. Which is what I would ask them to do. Still I would waste time feeling productive repeating the three steps in continuum only to increasingly aggravate my personal mental health.

 

This time I saw myself waiting for the first step to kick in because it hadn’t come. Where was the anxiety and restlessness? The sleepless nights and tapes running in my head in repeat replaying what was hellish and had already happened were absent. It almost felt confusing, as if my nafs was as surprised as I was and we were both asking each other what was going on. “When are we planning to start worrying?” it would ask me and I would be quiet because I didn’t know why we weren’t worrying already. Yet the relief from both of us was palpable as was the recognition that this response wasn’t initiated by either of us.

 

We moved on to step two and that is where I set my own trap. Trying to come up with a solution forced me to imagine what the future might hold. Each of the imagined scenarios and their various outcomes were more frightening and damning than the next. The what-if this and what-if that brought on the anxiety and worrying that was otherwise absent. More than that it made me feel scared. I was not in fear for myself although I was not going to be left untouched any way it rolled out and the feeling had a depleting effect as fear always does.

 

It so happened the same afternoon I had a class with Qari Sahib. I had missed our group class where we were studying Surah Ar-Rahman and I had a make-up session with him. The verse where we started shone a direct light on my predicament.

 

وَلِمَنْ خَافَ مَقَامَ رَبِّهِ جَنَّتَانِ

 

But for those who of their Sustainer’s Presence stand in fear, two gardens (of paradise are readied) – Surah Ar-Rahman, Verse 46

 

The first thing I learnt on that day was that being scared of anyone else was bringing them into association with God. I could either be afraid of that which is created or of The Creator but not both. After all, the worst fate possible for a loved one was death and it was pre-determined just like livelihood.

 

وَمَا مِن دَابَّةٍ فِي الْأَرْضِ إِلَّا عَلَى اللَّهِ رِزْقُهَا وَيَعْلَمُ مُسْتَقَرَّهَا وَمُسْتَوْدَعَهَا ۚ

كُلٌّ فِي كِتَابٍ مُّبِينٍ

 

And there is no living creature on earth but depends for its sustenance on God. And He knows its time-limit (on Earth) and its resting-place (after death). All this is laid down in His Clear Decree – Surah Al-Hud, Verse 6

 

I read in a hadith recorded by Hazrat Bukhari (ra) the detail of the extent of that which is predestined.

 

حَدَّثَنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ وَهُوَ الصَّادِقُ الْمَصْدُوقُ ، قَالَ : إِنَّ أَحَدَكُمْ يُجْمَعُ خَلْقُهُ فِي بَطْنِ أُمِّهِ أَرْبَعِينَ يَوْمًا ،

ثُمَّ يَكُونُ عَلَقَةً مِثْلَ ذَلِكَ ، ثُمَّ يَكُونُ مُضْغَةً مِثْلَ ذَلِكَ ، ثُمَّ يَبْعَثُ اللَّهُ مَلَكًا فَيُؤْمَرُ بِأَرْبَعِ كَلِمَاتٍ ،

وَيُقَالُ لَهُ : اكْتُبْ عَمَلَهُ وَرِزْقَهُ وَأَجَلَهُ وَشَقِيٌّ أَوْ سَعِيدٌ ،

 

The Prophet of God (peace be upon him) said, “The preparation of your birth takes place for 40 days whilst you are inside your mother’s womb…Then an angel is sent by God and ordered to inscribe four commands. It is said to him, ‘Write the deeds and the livelihood, the time of death and whether they will be miserable (astray) or blissful (guided).’”

 

I guess that pretty much covered it!

 

Since Ramadan, courtesy of my cousin Sanya who in turn heard about it from Uzair, I had been reading the tafseer of Hazrat Sahl Tustari (ra). He had written the exegesis of a 1,000 verses and it was full of the most profound insights. My mind recalled a passage from it I had copied out so I looked it up.

 

“There is a Paradise and Hellfire in this life. Paradise is safety (afiya) and safety is that God takes care of your affairs and Hellfire is tribulation (balwa). Tribulation is when He leaves you in charge of your self.

 

He was asked, “What is the way to relief (faraj)?”

 

Tustari (ra) replied; “Do not hope for relief while you still look to what is created. There is not a servant who desired God with a genuine resolve (azm sahih), without everything vanishing from his consciousness besides Him.

 

Moreover, there is not a servant for whom everything has vanished besides Him, who does not deserve that God takes care of his charges.

 

At the same time, there is not in this world a person who is truly obedient to God while he is also obeying his lower self and no one becomes distanced from God, except through engagement in that which is other than God.”

 

After Ghaus Pak (ra) and Iqbal, it was the third time in my life I had come across the notions of Heaven and Hell in this world. And not the Hereafter as everyone always assumes. Suddenly I was presented with a choice. Did I want to relegate myself to Hell by assuming charge of my own affairs, in this case not even mine? Did I want to put myself into a trial that would, in fact, never really end till my death?

 

That night when I prayed I sobbed and begged God to never ever put me in charge of my own matters ever, to never abandon me to Hell. “Devising and self-management is a sickness of the lower self,” says Hazrat Tustari (ra). Again the nafs. Always the nafs. It was truly the root of all wrong-doing and bringing injustice (zulm) upon one’s own self.

 

In my reading of the Quran I had been noticing the series of verses in the Quran of the categories of people Allah said He did not guide. I had found three. The syntax was the same in all.

 

Allahu la yahdi…

 

وَاللَّهُ لَا يَهْدِي الْقَوْمَ الْكَافِرِينَ

 

And God does not guide people who are the Kafireen – Surah Al- Baqarah, Verse 264

 

وَاللَّهُ لَا يَهْدِي الْقَوْمَ الظَّالِمِينَ

 

And Allah guides not a people Zalimeen– Surah Al e Imran, Verse 86

 

وَاللَّهُ لَا يَهْدِي الْقَوْمَ الْفَاسِقِينَ

 

And Allah does not guide the Fasiqeen – Surah Al-Maidah, Verse 108

 

The Kafireen, the Zalimeen and the Fasiqeen! Unlike what most Muslims think, the Kafireen were not the ones worshipping idols. They were the ungrateful. For in their inability to express gratitude for that which has been bestowed, they were in fact deniers of the Bestower of their blessings.

 

The Zalimeen, where I was placing myself in this context, were the unjust which the Quran further explains as the ones who bring torment (ziyadti) upon themselves and then others. One of the dominant factors behind that torment lies in being only and only obedient to one’s desires; wanting only what one wants to happen, wanting others to become how one wants them to be, refusing to do anything until those wants were met.

 

That stuckness, either in pursuit of the forbidden or adherence to falsehood or delusion, a stubborn-ness imbued ultimately in selfishness, was the cruelty and mistreatment directed towards one’s own being. Once a person was unfair to themselves, they were the same to any other. It didn’t matter who it was.

 

وَكَذَّبُوا وَاتَّبَعُوا أَهْوَاءَهُمْ ۚ وَكُلُّ أَمْرٍ مُّسْتَقِرٌّ

وَلَقَدْ جَاءَهُم مِّنَ الْأَنبَاءِ مَا فِيهِ مُزْدَجَرٌ

حِكْمَةٌ بَالِغَةٌ ۖ فَمَا تُغْنِ النُّذُرُ

 

For they are bent on denying the truth, being always wont to follow their own desires. Yet everything reveals its truth in the end.

 

And there has come unto them many a tiding that should have restrained (their arrogance).

 

A wisdom perfect but they avail no warnings – Surah Al-Qamar, Verse 3-5

 

The Fasiqeen were those who sin brazenly, the ones who are defiantly disobedient. Iblis is fasiq numero uno. I wondered if the selfie culture had made people nose-dive into that category unknowingly.

 

In my case, even though it was not of great personal benefit, I was wanting a particular outcome and therefore seeking control to make that happen. There was arrogance twofold. First in thinking that the outcome was “correct” and second, because I thought I was better than the other, pride was decimating me in every way. All this in terms of behaviour was not new to me.

 

The fear I felt attacked me in layers taking me all the way back to step one, which I had initially avoided, admittedly with no effort or awareness on my own part. I started stressing, thinking about the past. Could I have done anything differently? In those moments I recalled another line from Hazrat Tustari (ra).

 

“Every heart that preoccupies itself with that which does not concern it (past/future) will be punished immediately by missing out on that which is its genuine concern at that moment.”

 

The word that hit me like an arrow was “punished.” As a nerd who willingly submits to instruction, being punished was not on my agenda. I already knew that the past only evokes grief and the future anxiety. Psychology discovered that at some point too. I had also read somewhere that Allah is angered by the one who concerns themselves with that which does not concern them. The past is over. The future is unknown. I guess that is why all spiritual thought emphasizes living in the moment. And as always the epitome of that living is personified by one person.

 

Hazrat Muhammad Ibn al-Tirmidhi (ra): “No one but Al-Mustafa (peace be upon him) was able to obey the rules of the right time and the right action.”

 

Being in the present! Everyone is familiar with the concept these days. It was this Ramadan in one his three part lectures on muraqaba and etakaaf that Uzair explained what the Sufis mean when they say that “if one places close attention to just a single breath, just one inhale and exhale, a universe of secrets will unfold itself before one’s eyes.”

 

Uzair: “A human being takes roughly 20,000 breaths a day. So one breath is nothing as such, right? But each inhale and exhale involves a very complex process and its significance is even greater. When we inhale, know that the lungs have 300 million air sockets that receive the oxygen. If you spread the lungs out flat, the area they would cover is about 750 sq. feet. Then the lungs pass the oxygen to a network of blood vessels that, if you tried to thread, would cover 96,000 km.

 

To give you perspective on how long that is, the circumference of the Earth is 40,000 km. So the oxygen will go through a network of the blood vessels that would circumambulate around this world about two and a half times. Still, we are talking about one single breath. The trillions of cells we have in our body, if we then thread each and every cell and neuron, it would be millions of miles long, reaching outer space. That one breath is providing what is necessary for life to all of them.

 

The single breath is itself an incredible journey in spirituality. Forget being focused for minutes and hours. If we can develop the ability to just focus on a single breath, a single moment, we will understand that we cannot even be grateful for the miracle our body experiences through that one breath, much less the countless other blessings we receive.

 

That focus allows us to see what it is we are doing wrong if we want to know it. Through it comes the next step, the muhasaba, taking accountability, and then the musharita, forcing oneself to break a pattern. All of this happens only through increased sensitivity, finding beauty and unexpected miracles in ordinary life, all from the focus on one breath.”

 

Subhan Allah!

 

Devising and self-management had been a huge part of my spiritual journey. I used to read about rules from the spiritual masters and then try to bring them into practice. I would make lectures out of the knowledge I gained and share them with others. But over the last 10 years that I have been seeking myself, I have found and therefore finally understood what the Quran means when Allah says:

 

وَمَا يَذْكُرُونَ إِلَّا أَن يَشَاءَ اللَّهُ ۚ هُوَ أَهْلُ التَّقْوَىٰ وَأَهْلُ الْمَغْفِرَةِ

 

And they will not heed unless Allah wills it. He is the Fount of God-Consciousness and He is the Fount of Mercy – Surah Al-Mudassir, Verse 56

 

While in Islamabad I had gone to Golra to say salam to my spiritual masters as I do when I enter and leave the city. Usually after praying nafal I read Surah Yaseen but this time I happened to pick up a thin book that had the last chapters of the Quran. Amongst these was Surah An-Nuzi’at. Verses 37-40 spoke to me for there it was again, “the one who stood in fear before God.”

 

فَأَمَّا مَن طَغَىٰ

 

For, unto him who shall have transgressed the bounds of what is right,

 

وَآثَرَ الْحَيَاةَ الدُّنْيَا

 

And preferred the life (of) the world,

 

فَإِنَّ الْجَحِيمَ هِيَ الْمَأْوَىٰ

 

Then indeed, the Hellfire, it (is) the refuge.

 

Ghaus Pak defines the fire of Hell as set ablaze by their anger and lust, which then encircles a person and entraps them inside it. Again a state in this world!

 

وَأَمَّا مَنْ خَافَ مَقَامَ رَبِّهِ وَنَهَى النَّفْسَ عَنِ الْهَوَىٰ

 

But as for (him) who feared standing (before) his Lord, and restrained his soul from the vain desires,

 

The Tafseer e Jilani continues: The one who is conscious of standing before Allah in fear on the Day of Judgment with his deeds before him and the rewards for it, is the one who has a heart and soul that is fearful of wrongfulness. It is this fear that allows one to retreat from the wrongdoing. How? Through controlling and denying their nafs from what it desires. From the ego that destroys it and from Iblis who misleads it.

 

فَإِنَّ الْجَنَّةَ هِيَ الْمَأْوَىٰ

 

Then indeed, Paradise - it (is) the refuge.

 

They are the ones fortressed by Heaven which they occupy into eternity with only bettering states.

 

The proof of being guided or astray coming only from God lay in my regression. No matter what I learned, whenever I took credit for it, a test would present itself. I would always regress and when I did, I went straight to zero. It was as if I had never left the starting point. Then within moments of that realization I would be made to remind myself that the movement that occurs on a spiritual path is only and only because of the master.

 

The nafs cannot change and it will never die. It can only be moulded by the one who has been granted sanction to bring about change in another. Otherwise undoubtedly, I find myself to be the manifestation of the failure of “devising and self-management.”

 

The good news was that understanding the states of Paradise and Hellfire from the perspective in the Tafseer e Tustari allowed me to skip step three. I did not call any one. I did not ask anyone for help. I wanted to of course feel proud of that too but I was so happy to have avoided that asking I could only feel grateful. I spent some time thinking about why it was Hellfire to turn towards “the created.”

 

Upon reflection I understood that seeking someone for aid caused a pendulum of two states for me; first humiliation because I put myself in the position of asking for something. And then bitterness when they denied me or were just plain unable to deliver on my request despite sincere efforts. In the particular context where I sought their help this happened not once but every single time! Yet I did it again and again and again. So I purposely chose Hell. On my own, such regression would have lasted my entire life. With my healers beside me, it lasted hours. I confess each time that happens it feels like a miracle.

 

The plan was to be in the mountains for three days, which turned to five once the writing started. In keeping with my regimented personality I had a routine. I had taken some bread, cheese and honey with me so I would make a sandwich every afternoon for lunch and head off to find a spot to picnic. There was no dearth of them and each one was more gorgeous than the next. I had brought with me a couple of New Yorkers and Ghaus Pak’s (ra) Al-Fatah Ar-Rabbani from which I read a page or two every day.

 

On day one I came across a passage that intrigued me.

 

“You are needful of effort so you learn the practice of constructing something. When you make something a thousand times and break it a thousand times, only then will it become perfect so that there will be no need to break it again. When you dissolve yourself in the making and breaking, then Allah will make it for you so there it will never break again.”

 

I called Qari Sahib and asked him if we could have a lecture on the paragraph so I could understand it better. As always he readily obliged and we set a time for the next day. The question burning in my head was the making and breaking over and over. My friend a musician, Ustad Imran Jafri, had said the exact same thing in the context of music. His father would tell him to play with a piece, making and breaking it, until somehow perfection emoted from it naturally. I hadn’t understood it then either. The coincidence of the usage of the exact same words in two different contexts piqued my interest even more.

 

“What is it that is being built here Sir, that is being broken and remade over and over?” I asked Qari Sahib as soon as the class began.

 

I could hear the smile in my teacher’s voice.

 

“We will get there but first let me tell you about the heart. It is made such that it attaches itself to people again and again. And all that it loves, makhlooq, nature, wealth, beauty, change its mood, change its form. Sometimes we break things off, sometimes others do. Sometimes we leave them, or they leave us. We fall in love with something, we fall out of love with it and so life goes on.

 

The construct of love is built and then is torn down. It happens many times over the course of one’s life. But the order, the command, is not to leave love, yet to not become caged by it either for nothing is permanent. It is only love that takes one towards God. If because of love sadness is given to you savour it, if happiness is bestowed feel it.”

 

“Wow,” I thought. Then of course came the verses of the Quran to make the point.

 

زُيِّنَ لِلنَّاسِ حُبُّ الشَّهَوَاتِ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ وَالْبَنِينَ وَالْقَنَاطِيرِ الْمُقَنطَرَةِ مِنَ الذَّهَبِ وَالْفِضَّةِ

وَالْخَيْلِ الْمُسَوَّمَةِ وَالْأَنْعَامِ وَالْحَرْثِ ۗ ذَٰلِكَ مَتَاعُ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا ۖ

وَاللَّهُ عِندَهُ حُسْنُ الْمَآبِ

 

Beautified for Mankind is love of the things they desire of the women and the sons and the heaps stored up of gold and silver, and horses branded, and cattle and tilled land. That is provision of life of the world but Allah - with Him is an excellent abode to return – Surah Aal e Imran, Verse 14

 

Qari Sahib continued: “Love appears in relationships, with spouses and children. People become allured by their wealth, possessing objects of value becomes a pastime. These are the things of the world that make it attractive for you. Did the prophets not have children, were they not made kings?

 

The difference between the believer and the one astray is in the former never forgetting in any moment that Allah is the Best Destination. Remember that anything that connects you to God was always beautiful, even when it appeared to be painful, even when it was a betrayal.”

 

The words were heavy. I took them in slowly. I could see the bricks he was talking about now, the construct Ghaus Pak (ra) was alluding to that would forever be in a state of formation and dismantling. The pain, the betrayal, even those were a building block because their root lay in love. It was just that disappointment shadowed it allowing for pretense that it was forgotten but even disappointment couldn’t make it vanish. Under the anger there was a pining. It was simply when it was unrequited that a thorn was created. But attached to that thorn there was once a rose.

 

The pain made the building weak and break. Until love, painless, guiltless, appeared again and set its construction in motion. Life was a series of tests. The ones bestowed blessings of wealth had it taken from them to see if they were grateful and fulfilled the rights of Allah’s Generosity towards them. The behaviours of loved ones becoming difficult waited for the emergence of patience.

 

لِّنَفْتِنَهُمْ فِيهِ وَمَن يُعْرِضْ عَن ذِكْرِ رَبِّهِ يَسْلُكْهُ عَذَابًا صَعَدًا

 

That We might test them therein. And whoever turns away from the Remembrance of his Lord, He will make him undergo a suffering grevious – Surah Al-Jinn, Verse 17

 

Qari Sahib: “When you finally understand how Allah has created you and your deeds for you, that He is the one who has made the relations you have for you, no matter who they are and what they are, then you can take out your own role-playing in it. Then you can see how little control you have, at least in the actions of another for starters, if not yourself. Can you change who your parents and siblings are? Those bricks are already made, whether they hold pain or love for you will ultimately be in your hands.”

 

It was true enough. Everyone was on their own path, playing out their own destiny. Where we entwined with others came from the heavens. The only focus I could have was upon my own self, if that. Focus on my building, my learning through love and how it moulded me and through me the construction of my identity.

 

Later I would read in Ghaus Pak’s (ra) book that the one who sees with the eyes of the heart, the qalb, envisions kindness and cruelty from people in fact all as coming from God.

 

وَاللَّهُ خَلَقَكُمْ وَمَا تَعْمَلُونَ

 

While it is God who has created you and all your handiwork – Surah As-Saffat, Verse 96

 

Thus the attention was not ever placed on the person who was merely the medium of doling it out. For such a seeker, the individual did not hold importance for the eyes had transferred from the created towards The Creator. While remaining bound by His Laws, they were soft towards the cruel and grateful to the kind.

 

In the context of handiwork I wondered about the role of livelihood in particular. So many were so focused on it with a determination that was usually impressive. But I learnt from Ghaus Pak (ra) that even that was a veil hiding a wound or an arrogance that was itself misery.

 

“O one who only thinks of the world too much, who has no concern with the Day of Judgement, who is only attached to the created and not The Creator, your only fear is that of poverty and your only desire is for more wealth. Woe upon your state! Rizq (income) has been allotted already. It cannot be increased nor decreased. It cannot come to you earlier or later.

 

You harbour doubt in Allah and you are filled with greed for you wish for that which is not written for you…Today you rely on your nafs (ego), on people and the world, on your money and your ability to buy and sell. Know, every single thing that you depend on becomes your god and every single person that you become afraid of or rest your hope in becomes your god and every individual who you connect your benefit and loss with, forgetting that everything is coming from Allah alone, becomes your god.”

 

And Tustari (ra) redefines livelihood altogether: “The light of the heart and its illumination (tanwir) through remembrance (zikr), that is the livelihood of the spiritual self (nafs al-ruh) and the intellect (aql), as they are the livelihood of the angels.”

 

The funny thing was the distribution of everything was not just related to the world. So was everything pre-distributed in the Hereafter, even the ranks and blessings of the heavens. That is why the ones who loved God only sought Him, His Light. Seeing Him was their sole Paradise. Otherwise even upon entering Heaven they kept their eyes closed, only opening them once they were promised that upon doing so they would witness their Lord.

 

Qari Sahib continued the lecture: “The experience of love is the greatest bestowing from Allah to His Servant. He makes it exist between people where it would never have been deemed possible.”

 

وَأَلَّفَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ لَوْ أَنفَقْتَ مَا فِي الْأَرْضِ جَمِيعًا مَّا أَلَّفْتَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ

وَلَٰكِنَّ اللَّهَ أَلَّفَ بَيْنَهُمْ إِنَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ

 

And He has put affection between their hearts. If you had spent whatever is in the Earth all you could not have put affection between their hearts, but Allah has put affection between them. Indeed, He (is) All-Mighty, All-Wise – Surah Al-Anfal, Verse 63

 

I asked the obvious question.

 

“But then Sir, what about the deeds that are harmful, where we inflict pain and suffering upon others. The deeds that are wrong, prohibited, that we commit ourselves.”

 

Qari Sahib smiled. “You already know the answer to this from your book. It is about adab. From the prophets we learnt, all good things are attributed to Allah Subhan Ta’ala and all bad to our own selves.”

 

I did know that. I wrote about a chapter about it so I went back to it.

 

(Begin excerpt The Softest Heart)

 

In Fes, about six months after my Umra, I chose to study adab with Ustad Ahmed. That is where I learnt the first manifestation of regard in Creation, through the Prophets in their expression of it towards God. He chose a series of verses in all of which the Prophets were in a state of intense suffering, physical and emotional.

 

We started from the beginning with the Prophet Adam (as) after he and Amma Hawwa (ratu) were made to leave Heaven for a transgression they were enticed to commit:

 

قَالَا رَبَّنَا ظَلَمْنَا أَنفُسَنَا وَإِن لَّمْ تَغْفِرْ لَنَا

وَتَرْحَمْنَا لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِينَ

 

The two replied, "O our Sustainer! We have sinned against ourselves and unless You grant us forgiveness and bestow Your mercy upon us, we shall most certainly be lost!" - Surah Al-Aa’raaf, Verse 23

 

We moved on to Hazrat Younis (as) when he was trapped in the belly of the whale after he left his nation.

 

وَذَا النُّونِ إِذ ذَّهَبَ مُغَاضِبًا فَظَنَّ أَن لَّن نَّقْدِرَ عَلَيْهِ فَنَادَىٰ فِي الظُّلُمَاتِ

أَن لَّا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا أَنتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ

 

And the Man of the Fish, when he went off in anger and thought that We would not decree (anything) upon him. And he called out within the darkness, ‘There is no deity except You; Exalted are You. Indeed, I have been of the wrongdoers” - Surah Al-Anbiya, Verse 87

 

Then Hazrat Ayub (as) when he was sick for 18 years, his body covered in painful boils.

 

وَأَيُّوبَ إِذْ نَادَىٰ رَبَّهُ أَنِّي مَسَّنِيَ الضُّرُّ وَأَنتَ أَرْحَمُ الرَّاحِمِينَ

 

And the Prophet Job (as), when he called to his Lord, "Indeed, adversity has touched me, and you are the Most Merciful of the merciful” - Surah Al-Anbiya, Verse 83

 

Followed by Hazrat Ibrahim (as) when he spoke to his nation about His Lord.

 

وَالَّذِي هُوَ يُطْعِمُنِي وَيَسْقِينِ - وَإِذَا مَرِضْتُ فَهُوَ يَشْفِينِ الَّذِي خَلَقَنِي فَهُوَ يَهْدِينِ -

 

And He who created me, and He (it is who) guides me. And it is He who feeds me and gives me drink. And when I am ill, it is He who cures me - Surah Ash-Shuraa, Verse 78-80

 

“What is the commonality in the verses?” asked Ustad Ahmed.

“There are many factors but study them for a minute and tell me which stands out for you the most?”

 

I read them all carefully one by one.

 

“There is no blame or accusation,” I said. “They never say what happened to them did so because of Allah. Even though it did. Didn’t it?”

 

My teacher smiled.

 

“It did. Since the Prophets are not given Free Will like us ordinary people. Yet they ascribe all that is good to Him and all that went wrong to themselves even though there were no choices exercised. That is adab.”

 

He asked me to go over the prayer of Hazrat Ibrahim (as) in particular. The prayer is long and the rhythm, the meter is very specific in how it repeats itself in its musicality. The Quran does that in its verse countless times. Apparently there is a reason why a certain surah has a certain meter and why that meter is chosen by God in a certain context. Another one of the mysteries only those in the know know. The rhythm in the reading aloud has always one of the most mesmerizing parts of the Quran for me despite knowing nothing about it.

 

Hazrat Ibrahim (as) had changed the syntax at one point in the last verse that I include here (the prayer itself continues).

 

وَالَّذِي هُوَ يُطْعِمُنِي وَيَسْقِينِ - وَإِذَا مَرِضْتُ فَهُوَ يَشْفِينِ الَّذِي خَلَقَنِي فَهُوَ يَهْدِينِ -

 

“And Who creates me and guides me and feeds me and gives me drink.” But then suddenly he switches the form to, “And when I am ill, it is He who cures me.”

 

Not “and He is the one who makes me ill (and it is He who cures me)”but instead, “And when I am ill!”

 

One might think there is a submission in that expression as well. Being happy in all states is in fact the highest form of Gnosis (ma’rifat) but manners trump submission because they precede it. Regard comes first without which the rest is not possible, is not sustainable. Love encompasses surrender and the beginning of love is regard. That adab itself begins with the absence of blame, no matter what happens. What my teacher was telling me was that blame and adab and therefore love were mutually exclusive. If there was one, there could not be the existence of the other.

 

(End excerpt The Softest Heart)

 

Many of my relationships once had morphed into those of fear and need. Each time I expected affection and found it absent, the effect was crushing. With that came blame and just like that, I did not know then, the little bird called “Love” flew out the window, in some relationships decades ago, without so much as even a goodbye.

 

Then over time I realized that if the relationship was such as with a parent or a child or a sibling, essentially blood, it was all the more sad because those relationships leave a residue in one’s life even from the grave. But I also learnt it was just as easy to woo back. Because an apology sincere wipes the slate clean as it is repentance and when adab returns so does love.

 

If there was a reason to be content with whatever it is that comes my way and not devising, Maulana Rum (ra) spelled it out in a way I have never forgotten since the day I read it:

 

What you seek is seeking you.

When I run after what I believe I want,

my days are a furnace of stress and tension.

 

But if I sit in my own place of patience,

what I need flows to me itself, without any pain.

 

From this I understand that

what I am seeking is also seeking me,

is looking for me and attracting me.

 

There is a great (Divine) Secret here

for those who can comprehend it.

 

Qari Sahib gave me a warning too: “The building of love rises and falls. Never turn your face from love in fear. Remember that the love comes from Him.”

 

I had to ask the obvious. “But is there a way to tell when love is good for us and when it is harmful? When it is real and when it is a mirage we create out of need?”

 

I could see him weighing his words before he replied, “You’re asking me what is the tell for love. To be honest whether it is imagined or real, whether it’s sincere of just lust or desperation, who can really say for sure. For instance let’s say when we are the object of someone’s affection but we don’t return that love. It is still a brick in their building of love if not ours.

 

If I were to tell you to watch out for two things, it would be these; don’t become tired and therefore hopeless and don’t become tight-hearted.”

 

He said the words in Punjabi though and certainly made them unforgettable: “Akna nahin te thakna nahin!”

 

قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ

 

Say, "O Those who have transgressed against themselves, do not despair of the Mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives the sins all. Indeed He, He (is) the Oft-Forgiving, the Most Merciful. – Surah Az-Zumar, Verse 53

 

Qari Sahib ended on this note: “Let life continue. A time will come when through the experiences of love, of building and rebuilding it, the “I” will break. Don’t ask as many do, ‘Why is this happening to me?’ It’s happening to everyone. Break and build, break and build like a worker. The architect is God. He decides everything and He solely causes our wrongdoings to disappear. He will make the building perfect.”

 

يَمْحُو اللَّهُ مَا يَشَاءُ وَيُثْبِتُ وَعِندَهُ أُمُّ الْكِتَابِ

 

God annuls or confirms whatever He wills for with Him is the source of all revelation – Surah Ar-Ra’d, Verse 39

 

So if God was the architect then all the bricks were from him. This made me realize that each person in my life was merely a mirror. No matter who they were, parent or child, sibling or spouce/romantic partner, stranger or friend. They were merely a means to see my own reaction and deed. Life was a house of mirrors. In the dysfunctional relationships when someone appeared distorted, it was because of the way I was dealing with them. I was the one flawed.

 

In my building of love these days, I noticed that a key aspect of my reaction to people centered around choosing strength over weakness. Doing the opposite, opting for weakness over strength, was diametrically opposite to the intrinsic nature of my nafs. I’m a Scorpio. Weakness had always been met with disdain by me. Or at least it used to be until I read that the nafs destroys imaan (faith) with lust and anger. But in all honesty knowing that fact hadn’t change me.

 

For many others I observed the position of strength was veiled in overt calmness, a flatness of tone. Words were polite, voices weren’t raised but neither anger nor harshness can be hidden. Like always there was a rule and once again, it came to me from the Tafseer e Tustari. The magnificence of the tafseer was heightened because it came from one of the most significant lines of praise for the Prophet (peace be upon him) by His God in the Quran;

 

وَإِنَّكَ لَعَلَىٰ خُلُقٍ عَظِيمٍ

 

And most surely you are of sublime character – Surah Tahreem, Verse 8

 

The exegesis: You have taken on the propriety taught by the Quran, and have not exceeded its bounds, which are in His Words, Exalted is God. “Indeed God joins justice and virtue (16/90)” and “it was by the mercy of God that you were lenient with them (3/159).”

 

Then he (Tustari) said: “Truly anger (ghadab) and harshness (hidda) come from the servant’s dependence on his own strength (quwwa). However, when he gives up relying on his own strength, weakness will take up residence in his soul, and this will generate mercy (rahma) and benevolence (lutf) from him, which is to take on the characteristics of the Lord, His Majesty be magnified.”

 

When I thought about it I realized weakness only felt counter intuitive because people with wealth are used to being in a position of power vis a vis someone or the other all day long. Especially in a country like Pakistan where the majority of the people are poor. And each time power or strength was exerted, the result was inevitably harsh.

 

The poor on the other hand, always in a position of relative weakness, were gentle and humble. They were kind and forgiving. It wasn’t only because they didn’t have a choice. It was exactly the being in a position of weakness, as Hazrat Tustari (ra) was saying, that rendered them benevolent and merciful. No wonder they held an exalted spiritual rank before God!

 

I started paying attention to my own behaviour when I exhibited anger or harshness. I found I was always in a position of power that allowed me to get away with it. When I finally began to shut my mouth, for starters, and opt for weakness instead, I saw the difference in my tongue and therefore heart. Its hardness in the former state versus softness in the latter. In the context of this shifting behaviour, one of my favourite stories from the life of Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) came to my mind.

 

“It was the time when the Prophet (peace be upon him) was living in Medina after the migration. Hazrat Thumama Bin Asal (ra) from Yamama was one of the most important heads of tribe of his area which provided the bulk of agricultural goods for the Meccans. He had accepted Islam at the hand of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). After doing so he asked for permission to perform the Umra and left for Mecca.

 

The infidels came up to him, one by one taunting him for leaving the religion of their forefathers. Hazrat Thumama (ra) told them he had accepted the faith that spoke to his heart. When they continued their mocking, he responded firmly by swearing upon God that going forward, without the permission of the Prophet (peace be upon him), not a single grain of food supplies would enter Mecca from his region. Saying this he left the city.

 

By his order, food supplies from Yamama were stopped and famine hit Mecca. The infidels tried to wait it out but then when they became desperate, they wrote a letter to the Prophet (peace be upon him). Invoking the state of being gracious and compassionate to his blood (sila rahmi), they asked for him to intercede on their behalf with Hazrat Thumama (ra)."

 

It always struck me how their requests of him were entirely absent of even a hint of a conciliatory or apologetic tone. Not to mention the exact opposite of their own behaviour and attitude.

 

"The Prophet (peace be upon him) sent a single line to Hazrat Thumama (ra); ‘Lift the restriction (you have imposed).’”

 

And just like that the food supplies resumed.

 

The situation between the Prophet of God (peace be upon him) and the Meccans at this time was of enmity and wars were being waged. But he did not use the situation to any advantage whereas, if he had wanted, he could have forced them to concede on anything. The matter was of food, an essential need. What others might have perceived as “weak” action is what personified perfection of mercy and kindness. Upon an enemy no less! Here I was trying to invoke it with loved ones or at least those I cared about and it was a task and a half.

 

It all seemed to come down to this; whenever I was trying to inculcate a rule, apply a learning or at least have a desire for it, if the reason for doing so was Allah or one of His Chosen, then it took effect. Otherwise there were always residual feelings. The zahir (overt) and batin (inner being) could never be aligned unless they both focused on Him. Otherwise, knowingly or not, one pervaded over the other causing confusion and chaos.

 

Perhaps that is why in the Quran many times, Allah asks Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) to be patient for His Sake alone.

 

وَلِرَبِّكَ فَاصْبِرْ

 

And be patient for your Lord - Surah Al-Mudassar, Verse 7

 

Weakness had to be chosen by me mindfully. It is said that wealth is the thickest veil between Allah and the believer. I knew it was the factor that granted me power all day. No wonder those chosen by God as His Beloveds opted for faqr, a state of penury, being without possessions, every single time. They were following the sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him).

 

Hazrat Tustari (ra) again: “The mindful have freed themselves from the claim of possessing any power or strength except in God, Exalted is He, and who have resorted to taking refuge in Him and depended on solely His Strength (quwwa) and Power (hawl) in every situation. So God has assisted them and provided for them whence they had no reckoning, and made for them a source of relief and release from the trials to which He has subjected them.”

 

It certainly lent new meaning to the verse:

 

لَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللهِ

 

La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah.

 

"We have no power to to keep ourselves from disobedience save through Your protection and we have no strength to obey You save through Your aid."

 

I knew that all hearts were locked in one way or another but I didn’t know, until I read it, that most people would leave this world without those locks being opened.

 

“And God, Exalted is He, created the hearts and secured them with locks. Then He made the realities of faith (haqaiq-al-iman) the keys to hearts. With those keys the only hearts he opened to realization (tahaqeeq) were those of His Friends (auliya), Messengers (rusul) and the veracious (siddiqoon). The rest of the people leave this world without the locks on their hearts being opened.

 

The renunciants (zuhhad), devout worshippers (ubbad), and scholars (ulema) will leave this world with locked hearts because they sought the keys to them with intellect (aql) and thus strayed from the path.

 

If only they had sought them by having recourse to God-given success (tawfeeq) and grace (fadl) they would have attained them (the keys). The key is to know that God is taking care of you and watching over your bodily members and to know that works are not complete without sincerity (ikhlas) accompanied by heedfulness.”

 

The first time I read the words above I was taken aback. The zuhhad, ubbad and ulema, these were categories of high status in any faith. If they were leaving the world with locked hearts what was happening for the rest of us? I knew one thing. There was no way I was dying with a lock on my heart. So the ask of tawfeeq and fadl, something Qari Sahib had always told us to include in our prayer, finally entered mine.

 

Then I discovered another way to receive ability.

 

“Whoever opens himself a door to goodness, will find that God open for him 70 doors to divinely-bestowed success (tawfeeq)”, said Hazrat Tustari (ra).

 

Sometimes I bait my friends. I know them as well as they know themselves, perhaps better. Just like I am sure they know me better than I know myself. That is the beauty of friendship. Its clarity comes from its purity. I don’t say outright anymore what I think might ease their situation, trying to follow the rule of not offering advice until it is sought. Biting my tongue half the time to make that happen as that also goes against my nature. But I have come around to it.

 

I literally bait them though to see if they want to hear what I have found to be a reprieve for myself. I bait them to see if they want an out, if not for themselves then for their children. Nine times out of then they don’t. I don’t know what it is that they have become used to? Is it that the wound has been there throughout their life and therefore seems natural? Is it the position they have locked themselves into, the changing of which would require a humbling, possibly a shattering?

 

My heart bleeds for them and I can’t even tell them that. So I do the only thing I can do, pray for them. And it’s the same prayer for myself. From darkness into light. Always the same ask, from darkness of the nafs into the light of The Beloved (peace be upon him).

 

Amir bin Abd al Qays used to say when he rose in the morning, “O God! Verily people have dispersed in pursuit of their needs, but I have only one need which is that you forgive me.”

 

Words like these are the reason I call my niece every day these days, as opposed to just the weekend, to instill in her a practice recent for me. First I forgive myself for that I am unable to do, then I ask Nabi Kareem (peace be upon him) to pray for Allah to forgive me so that He is the Acceptor of my repentance. As He promises to be in the Quran each time His Beloved prays for us when we seek forgiveness. Thus I begin and end my days acknowledging my endless shortcomings and forcing myself to shift reliance on my Creator for everything.

 

I could sense the prayer held a calm for her even though she didn’t understand the words. She never once asked me what it was she was unable to do every single day that warranted forgiveness. I was happy about that. It meant she could be obedient and do something solely on the basis of trust and love without reason standing in the way. It saved me the explanation I would have had to give otherwise on shortcomings of a human being as a nine year old. What were those anyway?

 

Next up for her was going to come from what is my favourite passage these days. I read it in “”The Book of Sufi Chivalry” by Ibn Al-Hussain Al-Sulami (ra) and it was a phenomenal read on excellence in behaviour. One day I was telling her about the pre-determination of livelihood and death for each human being. Again heavy for a kid but I saw so many children of all ages obsessing about money, talking about it, collecting it and desiring it, that I wanted her to stay away from all that.

 

“There is a tree,” I said. “It is in the heavens and on that tree is a leaf with the name of every single person who will be born in this world. On that leaf are written many things and two of those are how much money they will have and when they will die.”

 

She listened intently then wailed, “I want to see that tree.”

 

I burst out laughing but then it struck me. I had never thought to have that desire. “Well,” I said seriously, “Allah’s Friends see it. So if you want to see it you have to be close to Allah. Then maybe He will show it to you.”

 

It was the perfect segue to my story for her that day.

 

“A man asked Hazrat Abu Yazid Al-Bastami (ra), ‘Show me the shortest way to reach Allah, the Most High.’

 

Abu Yazaid (ra) said, ‘Love those beloved of Allah and make yourself lovable to them so that they love you, because Allah looks into the hearts of those whom he loves 70 time a day. Perchance He will find your name in the heart of the one He loves, then He will love you too, and forgive you your sins.’”

 

What makes one lovable to another I thought? Then I remembered;

 

It has been related that God (Exalted is He) said in a revelation to the Prophet Moses (as), “Do you know why I cast My Love upon you?” to which he replied, “No, O Lord.”

 

And He said, “Because you sought My Delight.”

 

The same reason we fall in love in the world!

 

Qari Sahib says that the heart that is dead is the heart that is drowning in darkness. Psychology has established that the foundation of darkness is shame. Rejection by a loved one from whom love was not just necessary, it was a right. The denial of that, most likely in childhood or otherwise formative years, creates the first layer of self-loathing and inadequacy that over time takes the form of a raging internal battle, an eternal longing for approval from where it can never come. Not to mention the seeking of approval in every relationship that follows as well. Pain and anger change places every so often. For some, anger becomes overtly paramount in front of others but in aloneness only grief persists. The open wound festers.

 

Ghaus Pak’s (ra) words gave me a new meaning, surreally beautiful, to even shame. The unkindness from another, also damaged, may come in the beginning of life but it is still one brick, albeit a foundational one, in an entire structure. Over and over in the Quran Allah says He is the Most Just. Therefore there can be no injustice from Him no matter the circumstances a person experiences.

 

مَا يُبَدَّلُ الْقَوْلُ لَدَيَّ وَمَا أَنَا بِظَلَّامٍ لِّلْعَبِيدِ

 

The judgment passed by Me shall not be altered and never do I do the least wrong unto My Creatures!” – Surah Qaf – Verse 29

 

It is just the lack of understanding from the human side that warps perspective and creates doubt. When the Prophet Moses (as) sought Hazrat Khizr's (as) permission to follow him so as to learn what he knew of right guidance, Hazrat Khizr (as) was reluctant. The reason he gave was that the Prophet Moses (as) would not be patient while also admitting that it was understandable since he did not possess the knowledge relevant to the matters. The condition upon which he agreed to allow him to enter his company was that the Prophet Moses (as) would not ask any questions.

 

When Hazrat Khizr (as) came upon a boy and killed him the Prophet Moses (as) was stunned. Unable to control himself he said, “Have you killed a soul, pure, while he did not kill anyone? Certainly, you have done a thing evil.” Upon asking the question, he himself conceded that he had broken their pact and Hazrat Khizr (as) decided that they should part ways but that he would give him the reason behind the event.

 

وَأَمَّا الْغُلَامُ فَكَانَ أَبَوَاهُ مُؤْمِنَيْنِ فَخَشِينَا أَن يُرْهِقَهُمَا طُغْيَانًا وَكُفْرًا

 

And as for the boy his parents were believers, and we feared that he would overburden them by transgression and denial of the truth.

 

فَأَرَدْنَا أَن يُبْدِلَهُمَا رَبُّهُمَا خَيْرًا مِّنْهُ زَكَاةً وَأَقْرَبَ رُحْمًا

 

And so we desired that their Sustainer grant them in his stead (a child) of greater purity than him, and closer (to them) in loving tenderness - Surah Al-Kahf, Verse 80-81

 

The last verse of Surah Al-Baqarah says it most concisely. Even the ones who make torment and humiliation mandatory on themselves, Allah does not punish even them more than they deserve.

 

لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ

لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَعَلَيْهَا مَا اكْتَسَبَتْ ۗ

 

God does not burden any human being with more than he is well able to bear. In his favour shall be whatever good he does, and against him whatever evil he does – Surah Al-Baqarah, Verse 286

 

In the course of my life I have often seen how the ones who had highly dysfunctional parents, at least when it came to that kid, intensifying the madness of their child's behaviour over time, were given each and every thing they have wanted in the world. Whatever their desire was and often it wasn’t even asked for, they received from God, sometimes again and again, what others pined and prayed for and were often denied. And that’s just the world. Only He knows what they will granted in the Hereafter. Everything is in a perfect balance.

 

For me the most difficult part of my life was being in a boarding school at five which created abandonment issues. I used to joke with my friends that it was an orphanesque experience. So as it turned out the abandonment was a foundational brick in my building of love. One that I didn’t lay, it was laid for me. But being there was also what defined the strength of my personality, overt and inward. In a worldly sense of being super independent, extremely disciplined and highly productive at a young age and because that same separation from my mother created an intense love for her that manifested itself in absolute obedience. The intrinsic ingredient of our souls!

 

There was a time I wondered what it might be like to see those who denied me love in another realm. They had their own story for why they had been who they were. I imagined what it might be like seeing them in their asl, their original form; a qalb (heart), a ruh (soul), pure. I would wonder how different our interaction would be.

 

But now I think more than them I would like to meet my own self. Not the one I search for through these days and nights. Not the one enwrapped in layers and veils, under cloaks of secrets I keep, lies I silently whisper to myself. I suppose the closest I get to that self in in those mirrors of the others I love. Now it makes sense what my Mamu said; the relationship of love between two human beings, when it is pure, mirrors the love The Divine feels towards His Chosen. That is the exalted rank of love, higher than all else. Higher than renunciation, worship and pursuit of knowledge!

 

The Quran says all the wounds of all of humanity have only one balm.

 

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ قَدْ جَاءَكُمُ الرَّسُولُ بِالْحَقِّ مِن رَّبِّكُمْ فَآمِنُوا خَيْرًا لَّكُمْ ۚ

وَإِن تَكْفُرُوا فَإِنَّ لِلَّهِ مَا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ ۚ

وَكَانَ اللَّهُ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمًا

 

O Mankind! Surely has come to you the Messenger with the truth from your Lord so believe, it is better for you. But if you disbelieve, then indeed, to Allah belongs whatever is in the heavens and the Earth. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise – Surah An-Nisa, Verse 170

 

“It is better for you.”

 

When put so simply I don’t know what other convincing one needs. So these days I plead for all of our hearts that contend with disappointment in one form or another, but specifically those with a parent-conflict, to receive an ease. I pray for us to feel the light, the nur of The Beloved (peace be upon him), to become infused with just a single ray of it so all our wounds are healed. For it is from him I heard that prayer changes destiny.

 

عَنْ سَلْمَانَ الْفَارِسِيِّ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏قَالَ:‏‏‏‏

إِنَّ اللَّهَ حَيِيٌّ كَرِيمٌ يَسْتَحْيِي إِذَا رَفَعَ الرَّجُلُ إِلَيْهِ يَدَيْهِ أَنْ يَرُدَّهُمَا صِفْرًا خَائِبَتَيْنِ

 

The Prophet of God (peace be upon him) said, “In all humility, with an attentive heart, having full hope in his Creator, Maker, Sustainer and Cherisher, one attracts the gaze of mercy of the Master who feels shy in turning His Servant away empty handed.”

 

If there ever was a prayer that encompasses everything in terms of an ask, I have discovered it to be the last verse of the Surah Al-Baqarah. In many traditions it is said that the last two verses of the surah were gifted to the Prophet (peace be upon him) on the Night of the Ascension.

 

رَبَّنَا لَا تُؤَاخِذْنَا إِن نَّسِينَا أَوْ أَخْطَأْنَا ۚ

رَبَّنَا وَلَا تَحْمِلْ عَلَيْنَا إِصْرًا كَمَا حَمَلْتَهُ عَلَى الَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِنَا ۚ

رَبَّنَا وَلَا تُحَمِّلْنَا مَا لَا طَاقَةَ لَنَا بِهِ ۖ

وَاعْفُ عَنَّا وَاغْفِرْ لَنَا وَارْحَمْنَا ۚ

أَنتَ مَوْلَانَا فَانصُرْنَا عَلَى الْقَوْمِ الْكَافِرِينَ

 

O our Lord! Take us not to task if we forget or unwittingly do wrong!

 

O our Lord! Lay not upon us a burden such as You did lay upon those who lived before us!

 

O our Lord! Make us not bear burdens which we have no strength to bear! And efface our sins, and grant us forgiveness, and bestow Your Mercy upon us!

 

You are our Lord Supreme. Succour us, then, against people who deny the truth!" – Surah Al-Baqarah, Verse 286

 

As prayers go it is certainly all encompassing; for forgiveness of mistakes made deliberately or inadvertently, for shortcomings as well as transgressions, for selfishness as well as indulgences of the nafs. Pretty much for all that which exists in continuum, a plea is made for pardon and erasure, its utterance offering a slate wiped clean every single time. But there has to be the ask.

 

In his tafseer Ghaus Pak (ra) says; “Even for those difficulties which can be borne by a person, they are in need of tawfeeq (Divinely bestowed success) which has to be pleaded for through prayer.”

 

From a different angle of doing things for ulterior motives, even if one doesn’t believe in an Afterlife, bringing life to a standstill in the world by rejecting love, repelling it, means letting one’s building of love become a ruin. It means relegating even what was once beautiful to a “khandar”; a decrepit existence, filled with ghosts of memories past and yearnings of futures improbable, burgeoning with doubt and delusion, paranoia and bitterness.

 

Qari Sahib says that changing a state, any state no matter how desolate, only requires one element. In the end everything pivots around the Will of Allah Al Hadi’, The Provider of Guidance, for over guidance is His Authority alone and it requires but a single step.

 

قُلْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُضِلُّ مَن يَشَاءُ وَيَهْدِي إِلَيْهِ مَنْ أَنَابَ

 

Say O Beloved (peace be upon you): Verily God lets go astray him who wills (to go astray), just as He guides to Himself all who turn to Him - Surah Ar-Rad, Verse 27”

 

I guess my wishing it won’t make it happen, that the single "turn" would just come for everyone like the sun, whether they wanted it or not. Like rain, whether they needed it or not. Even if it was just for a moment, even if it was accidental or out of curiosity, even if it was later denied. For too many it would not be for the first time anyway, only a reminding.

 

We could all feel the exact same thing at the exact same time, be a single conscience in perfect harmony. Then go back to our lives. If the past has to be recalled, no matter what wisdom says, the one time it would not be a punishment is when we would remember Him, having tried out all the others and realize, He was indeed for us a treasure.

 

www.youtube.com/channel/UCqb01bB-J3kyiu-HKIX2MKw

 

Uzair lecture on Muraqaba: www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6TV-bGJ9ZM

 

 

Done