Henry the Ambassador

Henry was the fly ambassador of goodwill towards humans, he was appointed to raise the profile of flies in the human population and to reduce the loathing felt by certain members of the pink skinned bipedal apes. One of the biggest issues for humans was that flies enjoy regurgitating their stomach contents onto food, dissolving it and sucking up the juices. Henry was thus the first fly to turn vegetarian and to chew his food.

Flies, being diptera, aren’t the smartest of insects, slightly above crane flies, but nowhere as clever as the beetles and social insects and so they hadn’t figured that they needed teeth to properly chew food and start the digestion process. Henry had been trying to chew a piece of this leaf for hours before I came along, to no avail. “Henry, whassup, what ya doin homey’” I said in my most street savvy vernacular (flies, although stupid, liked the latest trend words and spoke like teenagers). “Wicked, bro” said Henry “I’m just chillin wiv dis herbage trying to nyam it”. “Sweet”, I said, continuing to sound like an overaged, underinformed ‘youf’ “dat’s wicked, how long ya bin doin’ dat, innit”. ( I had also figured that using the word innit anywhere in sentences made you sound more street). “abaht free ‘ours, bro’ I feel a bit like I’m gonna puke soon.” I didn’t know what to say, Henry was determined, I watched for a few more minutes and eventually the inevitable happened, Henry puked all over the leaf. “Waste not, want not” said Henry in an almost adult voice as he commenced to suck up the vomit along with the now dissolving vegetation. Nice…

 

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