# 7 Upside down ... OR ... Where does Infity end - Self-Portraits, or a diary of the things I have loved to, still love to or still would love to do ...
There were these large, comfortable armchairs, dark pink velvet ... just big enough, to allow a little girl of maybe 3, 4, 5 years to sit and stand and dangle as she wanted to ... and she was hanging down there for hours, knees bent over one armrest, head dangling close to the ground - and let her mind wander through spheres and spaces and times.
# 7 Think, Think, Think ... lol
As a very small child I could go crazy about questions like "if there is eternity, when did it start, and what was before, when will it end and what will be later ... and what on earth does "eternal" mean" - "if the All is infinite, where does or will it end, and if it doesnt end anywhere and expands constantly, what was there before" ... and I could feel my mind twist and try and become desperate and then again starting to think and to feel.
And I drove my mother crazy, because so many nights, when she brought me to bed, I asked these questions again and again. Never content with the answers "Girl, its just like that" ... "A human mind just cant understand it"
The big armchairs helped a lot, lol ... you would find that little girl there, hanging down, for long times, trying to change perspective and to get a grip on answers.
Imagining how the world would feel, if the floor was in fact the ceiling, and it was just misapprehension, that all and everybody felt, they were walking upright, when in fact everybody was hanging down from the ceiling - just called "floor" by common consensus, based on error :-)
Imagining, that the dreamstate was the true reality - and caused by that, shouldn't anybody, being in dreamland, perceive the so-called reality as the real dream?
Did everybody see the world in the same way? Or was it just learned and consensus, that all described something as "red", but in fact somebody else would see it in a colour, the little girl would have called blue?
What if all was happening simultaneously and time was inexistant, was only a concept? (Oh no, these thoughts came later, lol)
No answers, no answers, no answers ... but the girl dangled happily, her mind tried to expand and to understand and to embrace the inexplicable.
And the little girl always had a deep desire to understand ... and found it extremely difficult to just believe.
For many years, these ideas became less important, they never disappeared completely, but played a minor role. As it is - life moved on, changes, joy, grief, growing up, school, "what do you want to learn, to become and where do you want to live, ?" ... oh, the answer was still "all, everything, everywhere", just spoken inside, lol .... friendships ...loves ...wild times ... studies ... work
And then the questions came back full force, dressed a bit differently now, like: what is the meaning of life, how can I handle the fact of death, what is freedom ... first in the form of just being interested in philosophical and spiritual ideas - afterwards by becoming and being a professional teacher for yoga and meditation - and then again in form of thinking, thinking, thinking, and trying to understand - and still for me it was extremely difficult to believe. I wanted to understand, to get answers, to find peace ...
Often mind churning ... heart churning ... for long times ...
And no longer armchairs large enough for a grown-up as help, lol.
But changing perspective still helps, it is just more an internal change, than hanging upside down, lol.
Feelings detach the thoughts, mind slowly navigates through spaces, times, spheres, is feeling its way now more than thinking its way ... all happens now ... time is nonexistent ... eternity is timeless ... perception is individual ... all is connected ... every path is right ... mind is always moving ... nothing will ever end... everything is always expanding...
Moments of certainty ... stillness ... connection ... and - bliss.
Love stories - so many over the years of my life ... lol ... but its mostly a love story with the little girl, who was thinking so fearlessly and by that laying the ground for all to come ...
Music choice ... which represents for me more than any other music the free-flowing mind (and written only some years after the "dangling and think-time", lol)
Albatross - Fleetwood Mac
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAefTj7GXwQ
And for all of you, my dearest friends on flickr, a very happy New Year ... full of insights, of joy, of happiness, of dreams, of wishes to be fulfilled, of perspectives changing into gourgeous ones - of courage and power and freedom.
Its such a joy to share with you some parts of me - and - what I never expected to happen - that some of you share parts of your pasts and processes here, this bringseven so much more joy!!!
Thank you for that.
And the warmest regards to all of you from the little girl, still happily dangling from the velvet covered armchair :-))))). Remember, time is non-existant ... lol.
# 7 Upside down ... OR ... Where does Infity end - Self-Portraits, or a diary of the things I have loved to, still love to or still would love to do ...
There were these large, comfortable armchairs, dark pink velvet ... just big enough, to allow a little girl of maybe 3, 4, 5 years to sit and stand and dangle as she wanted to ... and she was hanging down there for hours, knees bent over one armrest, head dangling close to the ground - and let her mind wander through spheres and spaces and times.
# 7 Think, Think, Think ... lol
As a very small child I could go crazy about questions like "if there is eternity, when did it start, and what was before, when will it end and what will be later ... and what on earth does "eternal" mean" - "if the All is infinite, where does or will it end, and if it doesnt end anywhere and expands constantly, what was there before" ... and I could feel my mind twist and try and become desperate and then again starting to think and to feel.
And I drove my mother crazy, because so many nights, when she brought me to bed, I asked these questions again and again. Never content with the answers "Girl, its just like that" ... "A human mind just cant understand it"
The big armchairs helped a lot, lol ... you would find that little girl there, hanging down, for long times, trying to change perspective and to get a grip on answers.
Imagining how the world would feel, if the floor was in fact the ceiling, and it was just misapprehension, that all and everybody felt, they were walking upright, when in fact everybody was hanging down from the ceiling - just called "floor" by common consensus, based on error :-)
Imagining, that the dreamstate was the true reality - and caused by that, shouldn't anybody, being in dreamland, perceive the so-called reality as the real dream?
Did everybody see the world in the same way? Or was it just learned and consensus, that all described something as "red", but in fact somebody else would see it in a colour, the little girl would have called blue?
What if all was happening simultaneously and time was inexistant, was only a concept? (Oh no, these thoughts came later, lol)
No answers, no answers, no answers ... but the girl dangled happily, her mind tried to expand and to understand and to embrace the inexplicable.
And the little girl always had a deep desire to understand ... and found it extremely difficult to just believe.
For many years, these ideas became less important, they never disappeared completely, but played a minor role. As it is - life moved on, changes, joy, grief, growing up, school, "what do you want to learn, to become and where do you want to live, ?" ... oh, the answer was still "all, everything, everywhere", just spoken inside, lol .... friendships ...loves ...wild times ... studies ... work
And then the questions came back full force, dressed a bit differently now, like: what is the meaning of life, how can I handle the fact of death, what is freedom ... first in the form of just being interested in philosophical and spiritual ideas - afterwards by becoming and being a professional teacher for yoga and meditation - and then again in form of thinking, thinking, thinking, and trying to understand - and still for me it was extremely difficult to believe. I wanted to understand, to get answers, to find peace ...
Often mind churning ... heart churning ... for long times ...
And no longer armchairs large enough for a grown-up as help, lol.
But changing perspective still helps, it is just more an internal change, than hanging upside down, lol.
Feelings detach the thoughts, mind slowly navigates through spaces, times, spheres, is feeling its way now more than thinking its way ... all happens now ... time is nonexistent ... eternity is timeless ... perception is individual ... all is connected ... every path is right ... mind is always moving ... nothing will ever end... everything is always expanding...
Moments of certainty ... stillness ... connection ... and - bliss.
Love stories - so many over the years of my life ... lol ... but its mostly a love story with the little girl, who was thinking so fearlessly and by that laying the ground for all to come ...
Music choice ... which represents for me more than any other music the free-flowing mind (and written only some years after the "dangling and think-time", lol)
Albatross - Fleetwood Mac
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAefTj7GXwQ
And for all of you, my dearest friends on flickr, a very happy New Year ... full of insights, of joy, of happiness, of dreams, of wishes to be fulfilled, of perspectives changing into gourgeous ones - of courage and power and freedom.
Its such a joy to share with you some parts of me - and - what I never expected to happen - that some of you share parts of your pasts and processes here, this bringseven so much more joy!!!
Thank you for that.
And the warmest regards to all of you from the little girl, still happily dangling from the velvet covered armchair :-))))). Remember, time is non-existant ... lol.