undefined.

I am not who you think I should be, want me to be, see me becoming

I am not your possession, your entitlement, your destiny

I am not the person I used to be.

I am living and breathing but I am not defined by your words and your actions.

You cannot define who I am, you cannot define my life for me

You cannot renegotiate who you think I am, who you want me to be

I am not your perception of me, I am not defined by your understanding or memory of me

You cannot tell me where to go, what to think, who to become, what to think

I do as I want, when I want it, as long as I want it.

I will not be defined by your construction of me.

I will not be defined by your actions and words towards me

I am not female. I am not south asian. I am me first.

You may not impose your feelings on me

Treat me improperly

You may not judge me and disrespect me

I will not be at the brunt of your hypocrisies

Of your lies and false promises

I will not be suffocated by your agency

Your ability to seize my opportunities

Because you may have the power the control

You may seek every opportunity and every breath

But my mind is all my own

You cannot entrap my mind with your words

You cannot entrap the very essence of me

Living breathing flowing freely mysteriously flowing everywhere, uncontrollably flowing all of me everywhere, out towards the universe and I am overcome by me the wholeness the fullness that is me, the paradox that is me, the contradiction that is me

The beauty the ugliness the bitterness the sweetness the completeness which is me

Not who you see me as

Not who you think I ought to be and should become

Not what you think I like

What my desires are

But who I am fundamentally

I am no woman

I am not a south asian

I am me and that is fundamental outside of the cultural and gendered identity imposed upon me

Outside my skin crawling everywhere seeping out oozing out into the minds into the universe

You cannot contain me through the crevices of my female body

You cannot hold me hostage by the color of my skin

Because we all have skin and they are all the same

The blood which runs through our veins

The tears which break our hearts

The same warm tears gushing down

Gushing down so fast

With all of me

But I do not give up

I am not who you want me to be

Who you see me as who you define me to be

I am not your expectations

I will not be defined by the reflection in the mirror when skin deep appearance are never to be trusted

What is true lies deep within our souls, in our blood and in our bones

Faces are empty crevices, empty holes and hypocrisies

Faces are lies, lies told through the color of skin

Through the color, color, creed, nationality

What divides us over and over again

Time and time again we fight

Fight over religion

Fight over color

Fight over class

When will this fight be over

I will not be defined by you

I will not be the image you potray of me

You are able to mutilate my body

But my mind is my own

My very own mind that runs freely despite your entrapment

Despite the commercial imposition you have set upon our world

I will not be defined by you

My curves will not compromise because you do not see them as beautiful

My curves are my own and I love them

Every each crevice, every inch, every nook

Every unexercised, ungymed part of my body

Because I refuse to readjust myself to fit who you want me to be

I know I am beautiful and quite frankly I will nto have you tell me otherwise

And the beauty has nothing to do with the way I look, it is within me it is within us all.

But there is something wrong with a world which makes so many of us feel ugly,

Makes us hate the very reflections of us which reflect to us our vanity

So we buy products to cover shit up

And wear cologne and perfume to smell nice and all.

When under the covers, under the make up

Behind the gym memberships where does the truth lie

Who can explain the state of world where one part of the world bodies are dieing and being mutilated while in another part bodies are laid down but it is for the purposes of tanning

How can we be blinded by our own destruction

How can we not feel the pain for our very own brothers sisters mothers fathers lovers and friends

When did other countries become foreginhers and enemies

So I will not let you define me

I wont ever be who you want me to be

I will not conform to your standards of beauty

Because I don’t want to be skinny and emaciated

You can keep your plastic surgery and hair extensions

I am going to be me and all that I am

I will not be who you want me to be

You have set up capitalism to entrap us all

Suffocated us and enchained us to dollar bills as if they were the end all be all

As if they were the salvation to what,

A heaven for people who are only Christian for namesake

What have we become

Are we empty bodies roaming from 9 to 5

For what really

For that pay check at the end of the month

For that beemer for that Gucci dress for that benz

When it entraps us all

Further and further we get entrapped in the claws of capitalism

And we are suffocating but we ourselves do not know we are suffocating

The walls are coming down upon us and we are stuck

Here we are

We have a house a mortgage to pay,

Kids to send to school

They need their cell phones, ipods and laptons

So the bills go on

And the slavery continues

While some people are not even fortunate to experience this type of slavery experience a worse types

Our brothers and sisters who are incarcerated

Locked up in prison isolated

Who ever thought prisons would be a good idea

A place of suffocation

And forever they are imprisoned

Even when the metal bars in front of them open, they are impronsies

No jobs no opportunities and back to the same lack of opportunity which put them there in the first place

And so the cycle continues and racial profiling continues

Why is there so much hate and distrust of our communities

Of our own borhters and sisters

Why did color creed and nationality become everything

Do we not feel the same pain when our family is ill or in pain

Then why do we stop these emotins for our blood relations for people of our color

Because we are black white Indian, native amercian?

No, we are human first

Why do so many of us forget humanity

Forget that lives are suffocating

Dieing

Dieing endless

Endless death and destruction

While people watch American idols, bachelor, and day time televiosn

People are being slaughtered murdered raped

The genocide of the mind

The genocide of native maericnas of African Americans of Chinese Americans

Why have we forgotten the history or perhaps we have forgotten because the sotires never got told

The stories which would send chills down our backs

Oh great America could it be

Could we have raped and pillaged to?

But we did rape and pillage and we continue doing so

Change starts from home and it starts with akwoleandgement

When will native Americans get a proper apology for the genocide which was done upon them

Who has the answers and who has say

I will not be defiend by you

I will nto be sinlences

I have a voice and I will speak for those who cannot

Write for those who are not able

I am tired of being suffocated in lies corruption of a material world which pulls me in yet I struggle to free myself

Liberate myself

My body my life entrapped

Yet my mind is free

It roams all around the world and it sees everyone like family

You are my own

Every one of you

Whether you hate me or love me

I consider you my own

We are human first

Human is what I am

I am not south asian

I am not woman

I am human

The very blood running through my veins, the sweat which drips on the forehead, the tears which seep silently down my eyes when I think of the atrocities which have been committed in the past and are being committed now

Sometimes I do not know how we exist

In our bubbles

Perfect little bubbles with starbucks and express

With our university educations and laptops everywhere

I am not who you want me to be

I will not be defined by you

Not now not ever

Most of all,

I will not be silenced

You may entrap my body

But you cannot take my mind

For my mind is free to roam the universe and it shall do so time and time again screaming in agony.

We are all human. We are all human. We exist. All of us. We are all human. All in suffering.. all in pain. The suffering of every child, woman, man, is my suffering, the alleviation of this suffering is my calling.

 

Done