Three Hundred Nineteen.
God knows it weighs on me
As heavy as stone and as blue as I go
I was just wondering if you'd come along
Hold up my head when my head won't hold on
- Dave Matthews Band, The Stone
I know I've said this before on here, but I've never been what I would describe as a religious person. I've always called myself spiritual. I believe in God (what that term means to me), but I've never been to church. I've prayed for a number of years, but I've always found my relationship with God to be personal. It's what I want it to be.
But it's funny...I've never felt closer to God than in the past few weeks. And by closer, I guess I mean that I feel God or some higher power is with me throughout my day. If I had said that out loud five years ago, I might have laughed at myself. But as hard as things have been for me, I truly believe that there is something bigger than myself that is holding me up and keeping me afloat and moving in the direction I need to be moving. And I can't even begin to describe the serenity that has provided me in the midst of this storm. Maybe "God" isn't even the right term. I don't know. I feel closer to nature and to the earth. I feel like I'm connecting with the world around me. And though it may sound silly, I feel comforted by light breezes, the rustle of leaves, the distant tweets of birds, the sensation of raindrops hitting my skin - as though each of those sensations were meant especially for me.
I talked yesterday about how hard it is for me to let go of control. I've always felt like I'm in the driver's seat of my own life - my hands on the wheel - directing myself where I need to go. Lately I've found that the more I try to cling to this notion, the more unmanageable my life seems to become. It's sort of a relief to let go and trust that something bigger than me is there to catch me and guide me where I need to be. It's a different kind of trust.
And maybe my relationship with this higher power isn't what I want it to be after all. Maybe I was fooling myself. Maybe my relationship with God or the universe or however you choose to describe it, is what I need when I need it, whether I realize it or not. All I know is that as of late, I haven't been asking for things that I want in my life in my prayers. I've been asking for the strength to withstand my current troubles, the knowledge I need to find my way, and clarity of mind so that I may know the right path when it presents itself. And it feels good. It feels comforting.
I spent some time sitting out in nature today. Just soaking up the sights and sounds around me. And I felt blessed. I know I'm rambling, but this is where my head is at today. I feel connected and grounded. And honestly, that's a pretty big step in the right direction.
Musically Challenged: DMB - The Stone
Three Hundred Nineteen.
God knows it weighs on me
As heavy as stone and as blue as I go
I was just wondering if you'd come along
Hold up my head when my head won't hold on
- Dave Matthews Band, The Stone
I know I've said this before on here, but I've never been what I would describe as a religious person. I've always called myself spiritual. I believe in God (what that term means to me), but I've never been to church. I've prayed for a number of years, but I've always found my relationship with God to be personal. It's what I want it to be.
But it's funny...I've never felt closer to God than in the past few weeks. And by closer, I guess I mean that I feel God or some higher power is with me throughout my day. If I had said that out loud five years ago, I might have laughed at myself. But as hard as things have been for me, I truly believe that there is something bigger than myself that is holding me up and keeping me afloat and moving in the direction I need to be moving. And I can't even begin to describe the serenity that has provided me in the midst of this storm. Maybe "God" isn't even the right term. I don't know. I feel closer to nature and to the earth. I feel like I'm connecting with the world around me. And though it may sound silly, I feel comforted by light breezes, the rustle of leaves, the distant tweets of birds, the sensation of raindrops hitting my skin - as though each of those sensations were meant especially for me.
I talked yesterday about how hard it is for me to let go of control. I've always felt like I'm in the driver's seat of my own life - my hands on the wheel - directing myself where I need to go. Lately I've found that the more I try to cling to this notion, the more unmanageable my life seems to become. It's sort of a relief to let go and trust that something bigger than me is there to catch me and guide me where I need to be. It's a different kind of trust.
And maybe my relationship with this higher power isn't what I want it to be after all. Maybe I was fooling myself. Maybe my relationship with God or the universe or however you choose to describe it, is what I need when I need it, whether I realize it or not. All I know is that as of late, I haven't been asking for things that I want in my life in my prayers. I've been asking for the strength to withstand my current troubles, the knowledge I need to find my way, and clarity of mind so that I may know the right path when it presents itself. And it feels good. It feels comforting.
I spent some time sitting out in nature today. Just soaking up the sights and sounds around me. And I felt blessed. I know I'm rambling, but this is where my head is at today. I feel connected and grounded. And honestly, that's a pretty big step in the right direction.
Musically Challenged: DMB - The Stone