Stripped.
Oh look! A selfie!
I won't even get into the way that I see myself in this picture. Suffice it to say that I've been plagued since puberty with a very warped self image. It doesn't matter if I weigh 120 lbs or 220 lbs. I will always pick myself apart and see the absolute worst. It's been a struggle all of my life, but especially these past few months leading up my wedding.
My trainer asked me last week how much weight I've lost since I started working out with him. The honest answer is that I have no idea. I've refused to get on a scale. I knew from the outset that no matter how much weight I lost, it wouldn't be enough in my mind. And no matter what the scale read on my wedding day, I'd only feel disappointed. So I simply made the decision to not look. Instead, I've been focused on getting strong, getting healthy, eating healthy, and getting myself into the best shape that I can.
I'm far from my end goal, but I feel worlds better than I did even three months ago. And because I haven't set my wedding day as my "goal," so to speak, I know that I won't let down my efforts when we return from our honeymoon. My goal doesn't have a destination. My goal is the constant journey towards "better."
And I'm not gonna lie, it feels good not to be at war with myself for a change.
Stripped.
Oh look! A selfie!
I won't even get into the way that I see myself in this picture. Suffice it to say that I've been plagued since puberty with a very warped self image. It doesn't matter if I weigh 120 lbs or 220 lbs. I will always pick myself apart and see the absolute worst. It's been a struggle all of my life, but especially these past few months leading up my wedding.
My trainer asked me last week how much weight I've lost since I started working out with him. The honest answer is that I have no idea. I've refused to get on a scale. I knew from the outset that no matter how much weight I lost, it wouldn't be enough in my mind. And no matter what the scale read on my wedding day, I'd only feel disappointed. So I simply made the decision to not look. Instead, I've been focused on getting strong, getting healthy, eating healthy, and getting myself into the best shape that I can.
I'm far from my end goal, but I feel worlds better than I did even three months ago. And because I haven't set my wedding day as my "goal," so to speak, I know that I won't let down my efforts when we return from our honeymoon. My goal doesn't have a destination. My goal is the constant journey towards "better."
And I'm not gonna lie, it feels good not to be at war with myself for a change.