blindbeth67
Bunched up
Warning: Long somewhat emotional post to follow that you are not obligated to read.
When I first decided to be a teacher, I wanted to do so because I wanted to make a difference in the world. I wasn't a very good student and school had been a little bit of hell for me at times.
I wanted to do better than that for kids.
After teaching a couple of years, I was encouraged to apply to be a part of a cohort group working on leadership degrees. There was this prediction at that time that there was going to be this great shortage of administrators (and teachers) so the system I work for paid for certain "chosen" people to get their degree in educational leadership. I applied and was accepted.
A couple of months before I graduated, an assistant principal position became available in the middle of the year. Before I knew it, I was interviewing as "practice" because who in their right mind would hire someone who had only been working as a teacher for 3 1/2 years?
After they announced that they didn't have any sense I had gotten the job, I called my husband to tell him. As I was telling him, I burst into tears.
What had I gotten myself into?
Five years later, I got named principal of an elementary school. An elementary school with a "problem" faculty. When I applied for that position, I did it because I felt like it was expected of me. And I went into the position with the attitude that I would be able to make changes and save the world -- at least the world as it applies to an elementary school principal. I remember that one of my former professors from my undergraduate program called me to congratulate me. It seems silly now but I spoke of the things I was going to do... as if I understood what the role was all about.
I've learned to not speak with authority about a position in which I've not lived.
The past six years have had their ups and downs. I haven't hated being a principal -- but neither have I loved it. I wanted to save the world and the reality is that I feel less able to make any real differences that matter. There have been some small victories but they pale in comparison with the dream I had when first stepping into the role.
And the stress... oh, the stress! Everybody has an opinion of what you should do, how you should do it, where you should do it and with what outfit you should do it in. On one hand, I don't really care what people think. On the other hand, my skin isn't thick enough to continue to listen to the ridiculousness that some of my "difficult" teachers want to dish out in my system's infamous anonymous surveys. I wonder how they'd fare if I let the parents and teachers rip them apart anonymously.
A few weeks ago, I made an appointment with my boss. Without any emotion, I simply asked to be moved back to an assistant principal position. When I walked out of that meeting, I felt 100 pounds lighter. The lack of emotions surprised me and encouraged me.
Over the weekend, all the principals received an email to let us know that administrative assignments would be announced on Tuesday.
Tomorrow.
This evening I was supposed to attend a school board meeting -- not for any real reason but it is just one of the things we are expected to do as a principal. I drove across town to the meeting and as I drove into the parking lot, I could feel my chest tighten and tears began to well in my eyes. I drove around the parking lot. I drove up the street and then around the block. I rationalized with myself but I just could not park that car and walk in. Finally, I began driving towards home.
The iPod gods must have been working to soothe me because "All That You Have Is Your Soul" came on.
And then I remembered the real reason for me needing to the change. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to change the world.
I know I've made the right decision. Until then, it is a little unsettling to just not know. But tomorrow I'll know.
Change can be good!
Bunched up
Warning: Long somewhat emotional post to follow that you are not obligated to read.
When I first decided to be a teacher, I wanted to do so because I wanted to make a difference in the world. I wasn't a very good student and school had been a little bit of hell for me at times.
I wanted to do better than that for kids.
After teaching a couple of years, I was encouraged to apply to be a part of a cohort group working on leadership degrees. There was this prediction at that time that there was going to be this great shortage of administrators (and teachers) so the system I work for paid for certain "chosen" people to get their degree in educational leadership. I applied and was accepted.
A couple of months before I graduated, an assistant principal position became available in the middle of the year. Before I knew it, I was interviewing as "practice" because who in their right mind would hire someone who had only been working as a teacher for 3 1/2 years?
After they announced that they didn't have any sense I had gotten the job, I called my husband to tell him. As I was telling him, I burst into tears.
What had I gotten myself into?
Five years later, I got named principal of an elementary school. An elementary school with a "problem" faculty. When I applied for that position, I did it because I felt like it was expected of me. And I went into the position with the attitude that I would be able to make changes and save the world -- at least the world as it applies to an elementary school principal. I remember that one of my former professors from my undergraduate program called me to congratulate me. It seems silly now but I spoke of the things I was going to do... as if I understood what the role was all about.
I've learned to not speak with authority about a position in which I've not lived.
The past six years have had their ups and downs. I haven't hated being a principal -- but neither have I loved it. I wanted to save the world and the reality is that I feel less able to make any real differences that matter. There have been some small victories but they pale in comparison with the dream I had when first stepping into the role.
And the stress... oh, the stress! Everybody has an opinion of what you should do, how you should do it, where you should do it and with what outfit you should do it in. On one hand, I don't really care what people think. On the other hand, my skin isn't thick enough to continue to listen to the ridiculousness that some of my "difficult" teachers want to dish out in my system's infamous anonymous surveys. I wonder how they'd fare if I let the parents and teachers rip them apart anonymously.
A few weeks ago, I made an appointment with my boss. Without any emotion, I simply asked to be moved back to an assistant principal position. When I walked out of that meeting, I felt 100 pounds lighter. The lack of emotions surprised me and encouraged me.
Over the weekend, all the principals received an email to let us know that administrative assignments would be announced on Tuesday.
Tomorrow.
This evening I was supposed to attend a school board meeting -- not for any real reason but it is just one of the things we are expected to do as a principal. I drove across town to the meeting and as I drove into the parking lot, I could feel my chest tighten and tears began to well in my eyes. I drove around the parking lot. I drove up the street and then around the block. I rationalized with myself but I just could not park that car and walk in. Finally, I began driving towards home.
The iPod gods must have been working to soothe me because "All That You Have Is Your Soul" came on.
And then I remembered the real reason for me needing to the change. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to change the world.
I know I've made the right decision. Until then, it is a little unsettling to just not know. But tomorrow I'll know.
Change can be good!