DB TIV
Ebay bargain
Well, a joke with possibly a good cause in mind..below is the actual text of the listing.
"A delightful & well aired example of some furniture that has definitely seen better days, in fact it's fair to say that it's minging. Included in this sale are the large patches of mildew, some rainwater & an assortment of field rodents that will have by now no doubt have moved in, all at no extra cost to the purchasor.
An early viewing is highly recommended & the suite can presently be seen to the eastern side of Down Road on the way to West Kington just off the A420 Nr Marshfield, Wilts. Buyer collects 'cos there's no way I'm ruining my car & due to it's unsecure location I am unable to guarantee it will still be there before the end of sale. Any proceeds will go to charity or behind the bar".
Questions and answers.
Q: Damn, gotta get me some of that leather action. Goes well with my bitches when we're getting down listening to the man Isaac Hayes & his Shaft soundtrack....
A: How refreshing & sartorially put! I wish you luck in your quest for 'bitches & leather' while you listen to the very talented Mr. Hayes, of which I possess several copies of his work, the pinnacle of which I believe is 'Chocolate Salty Balls' which he recorded under the pseudonym 'Chef' from the comic strip South Park. Happy Bidding & please look at my new listing! Best
Q: hi i dont think that carpet goes with the sofa ! i think this sofa could be made from cow hide !
A: Regrettably the carpet isn’t included in the auction although if you make a fair, balanced offer I’m sure we could accommodate, how much of it did you want? By the look of the picture we could run to a fair few acres. The cow hiding can be seen as a feint dot just above the left shoulder of the sofa (as we view it) Happy bidding & please look at my other items! Best
Q: Hello again, I see I've been outbid on this item! I have changed my mind about the pallet & brick/sofa combination and now would like to purchase and keep it where it is either as a Britart statement entitled "MY EBAY" akin to Tracey Emin's "MY BED" or alternatively as a Conservation Area for the rare noturnal creature "Neandertalis Maximus Ignoramus" more commonly known as the "Lesser Spotted Flytipper". Please could you tell me that "If I build it they will come", and also if you have seen any other creatures of interest that might persuade me to increase my bid. Thanks Ang x
A: Dear Grandly716, Yes it does indeed seem that you've been beaten in the bids, by some campanologist I see! With regards to the art installation I also noticed the similarity in the pieces random arrangement, although I noticed more of an 'Hommage' to Colombian sculptor Doris Salcedo, who you will recall in 2003 presented her installation '1600 chairs' at the 8th International Istanbul Biennial where she randomly & somewhat precariously stacked, er, 1600 wooden chairs between 2 buildings on an unremarkable downtown street. Why only the gods know. Happy Bidding! Best
Q: I'm glad you haven't employed a feng shui consultant to advise on marketing as i'm sure that would have placed bidding well beyond my means. I've bid £2.23 as i'm not sure how much a pint of beer is nowadays.
A: I'm pleased that you've noticed the venerable art at work here. My Feng Shui Masters (Far Kyou & Yure An Arze) are in discussions as to whether the 'Al Fresco' situation maximises the positive energy within the chakra's & Lei lines. Pint of beer at least £3.50. Well for a reasonable strength one. Happy Bidding! Best
Q: I am so laughing. You brought a smile to my face and a giggle to my belly, but i cant believe someone has actually bid on them.....thankyou for cheering me up.
A: Be here to witness the sale end & the successful bidder collecting, especially if it’s becksybarnes in his Great Aunts pickup. Now that will be funny…. Happy Bidding! Best
Q: Hi, Love the sofa it would definitely give the shabby chi(t)c look my half renovated house deserves. Why finish a job when there are so many more that can be started and left! The only thing missing is a coffee table to put the Tennents Super/Special Brew/Meths on. Could you check if there is an old pallet and a few bricks to complete the ensemble. Thanks for your time, x
A: I’ll have a rummage in the hedgerow for nature’s bounty knows no ends. If I can’t find a pallet, bricks & a 4 pack of Special Brew would you settle for a bottle of Thunderbird & Ray Mears? Happy Bidding! Best
Q: I dont suppose you know if there are any matching or colour co-ordinating scatter cushions near by, have you looked in the ditch opposite or maybe in the next layby.Have you contacted the palace as wills and kate are probably looking for furniture for their new home, they are probably strapped for cash after coughing up for the wedding.
A: I don’t recall any extra soft furnishings or cushions although Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen & Gok Wan were in an adjacent haystack getting very heated over the benefits of floral fabric patterns in scatter throws, or so they said. With regards to the royal wedding I’m sure the dress code states 3 piece suit but I’ll double check my invite. Happy Bidding! Best
Q: Could you tell me whether the armchairs fart when you sit down in them similar to those favoured by Reggie Perrin's Boss CJ in the original TV series & if they do, how long is the delay between buttocks firmly seated within the cushion & the raspberry?
A: You are all determined to get me to actually sit down on the festering objects, aren't you? I would suspect that looking at it from my safe distance of about 10 feet away & given their general age & amount of rainwater they've absorbed you more likely to get a soggy splutter rather than the proud, loud retort I recollect CJ's gave. I'll update my will, hurry that safety suit along & report back asap. Happy Bidding! Best
Q: Hi, I'm collecting old sofas for bar at Glastonbury festival which is how I came across your listing, however I think I will pass on these and even for my intended use they are a little too rough!! Simon.
A: No offence taken Simon. However having been to what was then known as The Glastonbury Fayre (Saw Steve Hillage & Peter Gabriel, Yeah Right-on Man) during the closing quarter of the 20th century these magnificent thrones would have been an unheard of luxury & something we would have eaten meat for. Still I wish you well in your quest, but you have 6 days left if you change your mind! Best wishes
Q: Hi , would some body be able to check if there is any small change packed away down the sides of the cushions to make my visit from Yorkshire fruitful.
A: Keep this up everyone, You're all determined for me to approach it aren't you? I'm on the phone to the MOD as they are nearer than Japan for a possible radiation suit. I would urge you to hurry the bidding tho' as I saw someone else last night who had come on a home viewing. Although to be fair they were shaking their heads & puffing loudly much like a tyre kicker muttering "Bloody Pikeys" although this may have been a ruse to lower the price. As for the small change I'll let you know. Happy Bidding! Best
Q: Hello, I am very interested in this magnificent suite. Could you let me know if these sofas are real leather or faux leather. Could you also give me an idea of dimensions as I will be borrowing my great aunts pick up and I need to know if there will be enough space. Thanks alot. Giles
A: As with previous enquiry I haven't gone too close. If enough people wanted detailed stuff I'll borrow an old unwanted fallout suit from Fukushima. Until then assume that it is leather. Unless it's not. Regards to your Great Aunts pickup it depends entirely if she will be driving,, you could then hold on to the suite in the back on top of it all, much like the characters at the start of "The Beverly Hillbillys" Happy Bidding! Best
Q: Hi, I'm very interested in this suite. Can you tell me if it has the British Standards safety label attached? It looks like it might be pre 'Furniture and Furnishings (Fire) (Safety) Regulations 1988'. I like to know I can fall asleep in front of the t.v with a fag on the go. Thanks, Jimmy.
A: to be honest I haven't wanted to actually be too close to the item. If I can find a passing yokel or immigrant type the PM has been talking about recently I'll send them in & update you. Good luck & as they say here "Happy Bidding" Best
Q: Hi, Love the sofa and it would be ideal to put on the touch line of my local football club (blackburn Rovers) They seem to spend most of their time sitting on their arses. Certainly cant be playing, looking at their performance this season. Anyway, next time your passing, could you throw a gallon of petrol on it and set it alight ? Would hate my beloved team to get bitten my any nasty creatures living in it. I have started the bidding, but hope it wont go for much more, as i have had to get a mortgage to pay for the gallon of petrol for you.
A: What a gent you are to start the bidding. I do hope for your sake that others join the fun or you may win - as for the de-infestation idea I'll give it a go but we had a heavy rainfall the other eve so fire may not catch. My deepest commiserations for your choice of football team. best wishes .
Ebay bargain
Well, a joke with possibly a good cause in mind..below is the actual text of the listing.
"A delightful & well aired example of some furniture that has definitely seen better days, in fact it's fair to say that it's minging. Included in this sale are the large patches of mildew, some rainwater & an assortment of field rodents that will have by now no doubt have moved in, all at no extra cost to the purchasor.
An early viewing is highly recommended & the suite can presently be seen to the eastern side of Down Road on the way to West Kington just off the A420 Nr Marshfield, Wilts. Buyer collects 'cos there's no way I'm ruining my car & due to it's unsecure location I am unable to guarantee it will still be there before the end of sale. Any proceeds will go to charity or behind the bar".
Questions and answers.
Q: Damn, gotta get me some of that leather action. Goes well with my bitches when we're getting down listening to the man Isaac Hayes & his Shaft soundtrack....
A: How refreshing & sartorially put! I wish you luck in your quest for 'bitches & leather' while you listen to the very talented Mr. Hayes, of which I possess several copies of his work, the pinnacle of which I believe is 'Chocolate Salty Balls' which he recorded under the pseudonym 'Chef' from the comic strip South Park. Happy Bidding & please look at my new listing! Best
Q: hi i dont think that carpet goes with the sofa ! i think this sofa could be made from cow hide !
A: Regrettably the carpet isn’t included in the auction although if you make a fair, balanced offer I’m sure we could accommodate, how much of it did you want? By the look of the picture we could run to a fair few acres. The cow hiding can be seen as a feint dot just above the left shoulder of the sofa (as we view it) Happy bidding & please look at my other items! Best
Q: Hello again, I see I've been outbid on this item! I have changed my mind about the pallet & brick/sofa combination and now would like to purchase and keep it where it is either as a Britart statement entitled "MY EBAY" akin to Tracey Emin's "MY BED" or alternatively as a Conservation Area for the rare noturnal creature "Neandertalis Maximus Ignoramus" more commonly known as the "Lesser Spotted Flytipper". Please could you tell me that "If I build it they will come", and also if you have seen any other creatures of interest that might persuade me to increase my bid. Thanks Ang x
A: Dear Grandly716, Yes it does indeed seem that you've been beaten in the bids, by some campanologist I see! With regards to the art installation I also noticed the similarity in the pieces random arrangement, although I noticed more of an 'Hommage' to Colombian sculptor Doris Salcedo, who you will recall in 2003 presented her installation '1600 chairs' at the 8th International Istanbul Biennial where she randomly & somewhat precariously stacked, er, 1600 wooden chairs between 2 buildings on an unremarkable downtown street. Why only the gods know. Happy Bidding! Best
Q: I'm glad you haven't employed a feng shui consultant to advise on marketing as i'm sure that would have placed bidding well beyond my means. I've bid £2.23 as i'm not sure how much a pint of beer is nowadays.
A: I'm pleased that you've noticed the venerable art at work here. My Feng Shui Masters (Far Kyou & Yure An Arze) are in discussions as to whether the 'Al Fresco' situation maximises the positive energy within the chakra's & Lei lines. Pint of beer at least £3.50. Well for a reasonable strength one. Happy Bidding! Best
Q: I am so laughing. You brought a smile to my face and a giggle to my belly, but i cant believe someone has actually bid on them.....thankyou for cheering me up.
A: Be here to witness the sale end & the successful bidder collecting, especially if it’s becksybarnes in his Great Aunts pickup. Now that will be funny…. Happy Bidding! Best
Q: Hi, Love the sofa it would definitely give the shabby chi(t)c look my half renovated house deserves. Why finish a job when there are so many more that can be started and left! The only thing missing is a coffee table to put the Tennents Super/Special Brew/Meths on. Could you check if there is an old pallet and a few bricks to complete the ensemble. Thanks for your time, x
A: I’ll have a rummage in the hedgerow for nature’s bounty knows no ends. If I can’t find a pallet, bricks & a 4 pack of Special Brew would you settle for a bottle of Thunderbird & Ray Mears? Happy Bidding! Best
Q: I dont suppose you know if there are any matching or colour co-ordinating scatter cushions near by, have you looked in the ditch opposite or maybe in the next layby.Have you contacted the palace as wills and kate are probably looking for furniture for their new home, they are probably strapped for cash after coughing up for the wedding.
A: I don’t recall any extra soft furnishings or cushions although Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen & Gok Wan were in an adjacent haystack getting very heated over the benefits of floral fabric patterns in scatter throws, or so they said. With regards to the royal wedding I’m sure the dress code states 3 piece suit but I’ll double check my invite. Happy Bidding! Best
Q: Could you tell me whether the armchairs fart when you sit down in them similar to those favoured by Reggie Perrin's Boss CJ in the original TV series & if they do, how long is the delay between buttocks firmly seated within the cushion & the raspberry?
A: You are all determined to get me to actually sit down on the festering objects, aren't you? I would suspect that looking at it from my safe distance of about 10 feet away & given their general age & amount of rainwater they've absorbed you more likely to get a soggy splutter rather than the proud, loud retort I recollect CJ's gave. I'll update my will, hurry that safety suit along & report back asap. Happy Bidding! Best
Q: Hi, I'm collecting old sofas for bar at Glastonbury festival which is how I came across your listing, however I think I will pass on these and even for my intended use they are a little too rough!! Simon.
A: No offence taken Simon. However having been to what was then known as The Glastonbury Fayre (Saw Steve Hillage & Peter Gabriel, Yeah Right-on Man) during the closing quarter of the 20th century these magnificent thrones would have been an unheard of luxury & something we would have eaten meat for. Still I wish you well in your quest, but you have 6 days left if you change your mind! Best wishes
Q: Hi , would some body be able to check if there is any small change packed away down the sides of the cushions to make my visit from Yorkshire fruitful.
A: Keep this up everyone, You're all determined for me to approach it aren't you? I'm on the phone to the MOD as they are nearer than Japan for a possible radiation suit. I would urge you to hurry the bidding tho' as I saw someone else last night who had come on a home viewing. Although to be fair they were shaking their heads & puffing loudly much like a tyre kicker muttering "Bloody Pikeys" although this may have been a ruse to lower the price. As for the small change I'll let you know. Happy Bidding! Best
Q: Hello, I am very interested in this magnificent suite. Could you let me know if these sofas are real leather or faux leather. Could you also give me an idea of dimensions as I will be borrowing my great aunts pick up and I need to know if there will be enough space. Thanks alot. Giles
A: As with previous enquiry I haven't gone too close. If enough people wanted detailed stuff I'll borrow an old unwanted fallout suit from Fukushima. Until then assume that it is leather. Unless it's not. Regards to your Great Aunts pickup it depends entirely if she will be driving,, you could then hold on to the suite in the back on top of it all, much like the characters at the start of "The Beverly Hillbillys" Happy Bidding! Best
Q: Hi, I'm very interested in this suite. Can you tell me if it has the British Standards safety label attached? It looks like it might be pre 'Furniture and Furnishings (Fire) (Safety) Regulations 1988'. I like to know I can fall asleep in front of the t.v with a fag on the go. Thanks, Jimmy.
A: to be honest I haven't wanted to actually be too close to the item. If I can find a passing yokel or immigrant type the PM has been talking about recently I'll send them in & update you. Good luck & as they say here "Happy Bidding" Best
Q: Hi, Love the sofa and it would be ideal to put on the touch line of my local football club (blackburn Rovers) They seem to spend most of their time sitting on their arses. Certainly cant be playing, looking at their performance this season. Anyway, next time your passing, could you throw a gallon of petrol on it and set it alight ? Would hate my beloved team to get bitten my any nasty creatures living in it. I have started the bidding, but hope it wont go for much more, as i have had to get a mortgage to pay for the gallon of petrol for you.
A: What a gent you are to start the bidding. I do hope for your sake that others join the fun or you may win - as for the de-infestation idea I'll give it a go but we had a heavy rainfall the other eve so fire may not catch. My deepest commiserations for your choice of football team. best wishes .