Finally

I've had my fun with the silly photos I just posted. And of course I was given a reminder that I might be falling off the wagon. I'm not. The sissy days are long gone.

 

This passing hasn't worked yet. I can obviously get the clothes right. Like this for example. I could wear this out. I have something on now. I will take some photos in a bit. Cute and passable and I can wear it pretty much anywhere at anytime. But the makeup? I have spent at least six hours today on and off and on again and I simply am terrible at it. My awful posture isn't as bad anymore. My walking has improved. But the makeup is sooo difficult and until that piece clicks in...

I'm a pretender. For those of you who are "real", I get it. Pretenders are disrespectful to the hardship of actually being committed, transitioning, full time etc. and I am sensitive to the messages that are sent by how we present ourselves. I'm trying. I really am. I am fully aware that just putting a dress on, a wig and some lipstick just makes you a hairy pig with lipstick. I am sensitive to the message being sent by how we present ourselves. There's soooo much more to this. I'm struggling with it. Hard. Think I probably ruined what was otherwise a cute dress with those boots. But it's out there and hopefully I'll see a progression. It's not always forward. Sometimes there are steps back too.

The people who know me know this is where I make some proclamation about the end of the world or something. That's not the case. In fact the opposite. The utmost respect to people who live the life with no apologies and all in. I can't be all in so maybe that's the problem. Doesn't matter. I just have to overcome it.

I'm sorry I wrote all this. If you read it thank you for listening. I do feel better. Actually fine and a little more energized. Some photos, some wine and finish the ceiling tonight. Have a good night to the poor souls who read and got through this.

Done