Closure
I had a deeply moving chat recently with someone witty and wise that I know, about the subject of closure. Since then I have mulled further upon the subject.
When relationships end, usually we know exactly why they ended. This really does help. It's like reading a book to the end and knowing exactly how the story ends, and why. One can then close the book and move on to other new stories, without being confused and wondering about the previous one anymore.
But occasionally, relationships end, and we're not exactly sure why, or perhaps even what went wrong, or why the other person decided to end it, because they're either not telling us at all, or not telling us enough, or not telling us the entire truth. This can be very frustrating to the person who is left not knowing. It's like getting to the end of a book, and realising someone has ripped out the final few pages of it, so you'll never know how the story ended, or why. You might eventually move on to other books, but you'll always be wondering what the ending of the previous one was about. And it will leave you dubious about any future books you might be inclined to read, in case the same thing happens all over again. It can traumatise and worry you for a long time to come.
It is a horrible position to be in, to be left wondering and not fully knowing why a relationship ended, wondering if it was you, or them, or whatever. It helps if you are given the chance to understand fully why it ended, and to get an opportunity to say goodbye and put a proper ending on things, since this person has obviously meant a lot to you and been a major part of your life throughout the relationship. Having a full understanding of the situation helps aid the bereavement and healing processes that inevitably come with a relationship ending.
Everyone needs closure. Everyone needs an ending to their story, even if it's an unhappy one. It's the least one can do when one leaves a relationship, to let the other party know exactly why one is leaving.
Breakups are awful. But we don't need to make them harder on each other than they already are. Empathy is a wonderful thing. And if we do the right thing by our former partners, we can walk away with our head held high, knowing that we kept our integrity to the last, even if we couldn't or wouldn't keep the relationship going.
If someone already knows exactly why you're leaving them, like, there was domestic violence or whatever, then you can just run for the hills without a backward glance. But in some other cases, when there was no violence, no fight, no obvious big catalyst for the end...then fess up and tell the other person why you ended it. Rip off that Band-Aid. Do the right thing.
Closure
I had a deeply moving chat recently with someone witty and wise that I know, about the subject of closure. Since then I have mulled further upon the subject.
When relationships end, usually we know exactly why they ended. This really does help. It's like reading a book to the end and knowing exactly how the story ends, and why. One can then close the book and move on to other new stories, without being confused and wondering about the previous one anymore.
But occasionally, relationships end, and we're not exactly sure why, or perhaps even what went wrong, or why the other person decided to end it, because they're either not telling us at all, or not telling us enough, or not telling us the entire truth. This can be very frustrating to the person who is left not knowing. It's like getting to the end of a book, and realising someone has ripped out the final few pages of it, so you'll never know how the story ended, or why. You might eventually move on to other books, but you'll always be wondering what the ending of the previous one was about. And it will leave you dubious about any future books you might be inclined to read, in case the same thing happens all over again. It can traumatise and worry you for a long time to come.
It is a horrible position to be in, to be left wondering and not fully knowing why a relationship ended, wondering if it was you, or them, or whatever. It helps if you are given the chance to understand fully why it ended, and to get an opportunity to say goodbye and put a proper ending on things, since this person has obviously meant a lot to you and been a major part of your life throughout the relationship. Having a full understanding of the situation helps aid the bereavement and healing processes that inevitably come with a relationship ending.
Everyone needs closure. Everyone needs an ending to their story, even if it's an unhappy one. It's the least one can do when one leaves a relationship, to let the other party know exactly why one is leaving.
Breakups are awful. But we don't need to make them harder on each other than they already are. Empathy is a wonderful thing. And if we do the right thing by our former partners, we can walk away with our head held high, knowing that we kept our integrity to the last, even if we couldn't or wouldn't keep the relationship going.
If someone already knows exactly why you're leaving them, like, there was domestic violence or whatever, then you can just run for the hills without a backward glance. But in some other cases, when there was no violence, no fight, no obvious big catalyst for the end...then fess up and tell the other person why you ended it. Rip off that Band-Aid. Do the right thing.