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My eyes slowly followed my iPad screen as I absentmindedly scrolled through Instagram. My fingers delicately tapped the screen hitting “add to cart” as I basically stalked ‘Apple Fall’ and their candle sale. The shopping became an addiction after the car crash. It left me bed ridden for the last three months of my pregnancy and completely torn up.

 

I did my best not to cry, I didn’t want to put stress on the baby and my heart felt like there was a weighted box of rocks atop it. I was barely breathing. A few tear streaks raced a marathon down my cheeks and onto my pillow, even in the quiet and calm of Hawaii my heart was starting to have trouble finding solace. Wilson passed in the crash. He was a friend of mine and up until recently things started to get romantic. It’s probably the safest I’ve ever felt…next to him.

 

When the car that illegally pulled a u-turn smacked into us, time slowed. I was frightful and shielded myself and the baby selfishly. He placed his hand on my belly to shield me in those quick moments but when the car stopped, and I unbuckled my seatbelt to get out I seen him there, head against the steering wheel. Those moments constantly replayed, I wonder if the baby felt all of this pain I exuded. All of the shuddering and hyperventilation. The days with no movement. The days with no nutrition.

 

This was a battle u was fighting nearly alone, no one knew just how close Wilson and I had gotten…just to have him ripped away from my grasp on a whim. Toby must of heard me beginning to cry because he came around on the bed and nuzzled his little face into my neck. I knew even he missed the old me, I was partly afraid it was gone. I made love to Wilson, I loved Wilson. This was worse than a separation between me and my child’s father. My eyes begin to tear up at a memory of Wilson and I.

 

“ I’ll be their father Dakota. I know we said if it is a boy he would need a male figure but..hell, even if it’s a girl I still want to be there. I do. For the both of you and the others…” my smile quickly faded as I watched the sincerity flow within him, and fluently through his words. Nothing turned me on more than a man willing to step up, even if there was nothing to gain out of the situation. “Wilson, that means forever.” I eyed him with caution as he ran his hands through his curls. “Forever with my best friend doesn’t seem so bad.” He joked. I tried but I just couldn’t stop crying. I wanted Wilson. Maybe had I not opened that can of worms with him he would still be here.

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Uploaded on May 24, 2024