Doom Patrol #25 - The Treachery of Images (Part 7)

Cliff lies sprawled out on the living room sofa, cloaked in darkness. The faint light of the TV casts a hazy glow over his face as he sits, unmoving, watching an old tape of Niles’ he’d found in a box labelled ‘VHS – FOR ATTIC.’ The noise of the box fills the room as Rita appears and stands, hands on hips, in the doorway and sighs.

 

“That dastardly Multi-Man -- he’s got us this time!”

 

“This lead-lined vat he’s trapped us in is filling with quick-dry cement!”

 

“We’d better work a way out of this -- fast! Or we’ll be gone before you can say ‘bricks and mortar’!”

 

“We’re surely doomed!”

 

Will our fantastical foursome make it out alive? Or will our intrepid heroes meet a quick-drying end? Find out in the next exciting instalment of… Challengers, of the Un-

 

Rita: Urgh! We can’t keep doing this!

 

Rita strides across the room and turns off the TV. Cliff makes little effort to move, eyes still fixed on the now blank reflection of the screen.

 

Cliff: Doin’ what?

 

Rita: This! Just moping around all day! You haven’t gotten up off that sofa in days, Larry, who by the way still won’t speak to me, has barely left his room and we’re no closer to finding out where in God’s name Niles has gone!

 

Cliff doesn’t move.

 

Rita: And just when exactly do you plan on clearing up that mess in the garden? It’s been there almost a week! I’m half convinced some of those bushes will never grow back!

 

Cliff: I’ll do it later.

 

She throws her arms to her sides angrily.

 

Rita: Argh! Just because Niles is gone doesn’t mean we have to just sit around and give up!

 

Cliff: Just chill out, man.

 

Rita paces on the spot.

 

Rita: Chill out? Chill out? Oh of course…

 

She stops pacing and turns to Cliff. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes.

 

Rita: You know Cliff, before you were switched on, I used to go down to the lab every day and watch you – being built. It gave me something to do, after all. Something to take my mind off the crumbling wreck that was my life. I’d sit there and watch as Niles toiled away at you day and night and I’d think to myself, what a remarkable thing you were.

 

Cliff sits up and turns his head slowly to face her.

 

Cliff: Really?

 

Rita: Yes, really. An actual robot, being built before my own eyes! I could hardly believe it. But then again, my world view had just been drastically altered, so I did find my disbelief significantly easier to suspend. I couldn’t wait to see what became of this remarkable project. I oh so longed for the day when you were finally activated and I could speak to an actual, real life robot. And do you know what, Cliff?

 

Cliff: What?

 

Rita: You’re really starting to make me wish I hadn’t.

 

It’s like someone just shot a puppy. They both stare blankly at each other. Cliff tries to speak but doesn’t know what to say as Rita folds her arms and slumps down into her chair.

 

Rita: Look at us. What would Niles say if he could see us now?

 

Cliff: I dunno. Maybe… Rita? Are you aware Cliff was watchin’ that shit? Turn it back on, would you?

 

Rita: Not helpful.

 

She scowls.

 

Rita: Between you acting like some college dropout and Larry not speaking to me, I’m half convinced I’m going completely insane.

 

Cliff: Maybe you are.

 

Rita: Cliff! Please! You’re not-

 

She pauses abruptly as an unusual sound fills the air, a sound rarely heard under this roof. It’s distant yet jovial, and before long Rita realises what it is – the doorbell.

 

Rita: …helping.

 

They look at each other for a moment, Cliff tilting his head slightly, before the sound occurs again. Neither of them move. From the hallway comes another sound, heavier this time and more urgent. Footsteps. Cliff rises to his feet as the doorbell goes for a third time.

 

Cliff: Probably Ricardo. Must’ve forgotten somethin’. C’mon.

 

He heads out of the lounge and moves into the hallway, peering nervously towards the front door. Rita follows suit, taking up a position far enough behind Cliff to ensure he won’t notice her hiding behind him. They both clock Larry at the window, head covered by a curtain draped over him as he stares out into the night.

 

Cliff: Larry? You gonna answer that?

 

He emerges from the curtain and beckons them forwards silently. As he does, the doorbell rings once more. Cliff and Rita approach apprehensively and take up a position next to Larry at the window.

 

Larry: Guys, look…

 

Cliff pulls open another curtain as Rita stands and folds her arms.

 

Rita: Oh, so we’re talking again are we?

 

Larry: Not now, Rita. Just look!

 

She pulls back her own section of curtain and looks out onto the porch.

 

Rita: At what?

 

Larry: Exactly.

 

Someone walks over her grave. If her hairs could stand on end, they would. The once cheerful sound of the doorbell now fills the air one more time with an ominous malice. Rita steps back.

 

Rita: But there’s no one there…

 

And then comes another sound, so close and unexpected it sends them back from the windows with an almost electric jolt. The three of them frantically scan the area as a disembodied voice fills the air and begins to sing:

 

“Yesterday upon the stair,

I met a man who wasn’t there.

He wasn’t there again today,

I wish, I wish he’d go away…”

 

No one moves an inch as the voice turns into a sinister cackle.

 

“When I came home last night at three,

The man was waiting there for me.

But when I looked around the hall…”

 

They feel something behind them – a rush of displaced air; a sense of disorientation. They all turn around as the voice, now ominously familiar, concludes-

 

Nobody: I couldn’t see him there at all…

 

Without hesitation, Cliff lunges forwards and takes a swing. Mister Nobody howls as he grabs Cliff’s arm, mid-flight, and twists. There’s a clatter of metal as Cliff drops to the ground with a yelp.

 

Cliff: You sunovabitch!

 

Nobody grins and waggles a finger.

 

Nobody: Now now, Cliff. That wasn’t the welcome I was expecting. Is that any way to treat your guest?

 

Cliff: One day you asshole, one day…

 

He looks to Larry and Rita. Neither of them move.

 

Nobody: You guys’ve got it! Calm and collected, very polite. Like cute little lambs!

 

He clears his throat and takes a moment to compose himself.

 

Nobody: Larry. Rita. It’s good to see you again. Feels like it’s been forever…

 

Larry: What do you want?

 

Nobody: Oh, Larry. Why so negative, man? Hehe. Can one not just visit his friends without wanting something?

 

Rita: You’re not our friend.

 

Nobody: You wound me.

 

Cliff gets to his feet.

 

Cliff: You’ve got precisely five seconds to get the hell outta here before-

 

Nobody: Before what, Cliff? You take another robot pot shot and get your shiny ass handed to you again, hmm? What’s the view like from down there?

 

Cliff: Fuck you.

 

Nobody: My my, you’ve got even more spirit than old misery-guts here! Where was that when you were looking for Daddy Caulder, huh?

 

No one says a thing.

 

Nobody: That’s right, I know what you’ve been up to. And I’ve gotta say, I’m disappointed.

 

Larry takes a step closer.

 

Larry: I’ll ask you one more time. What the hell do you want with us? Haven’t you done enough damage?

 

Nobody: Okay, okay. Fine! Jeez, I’ll cut to the chase. Clearly it’s past your bedtimes.

 

He moves in closer so only Larry can hear.

 

Nobody: So angsty, Larry. I’m liking it.

 

Nobody adjusts himself accordingly and clears his throat.

 

Nobody: I’ve been watching you three simpletons meaninglessly meander about for days now, weeks even! Honestly, who even knows at this point, I’ve lost the damn plot! Frankly I’m bored stiff, and your pal Niles isn’t bringing me much joy either. I’ve had more enjoyable tooth extractions.

 

Larry: Where did you take him?

 

Annoyance grimaces across Nobody’s face and he holds up a hand.

 

Nobody: Uh uh uh, just a minute. It’s clear you’re getting absolutely nowhere here. So, I’d like to offer you a deal.

 

The trio shoot each other as much of a glance as they can manage without trying to look too interested.

 

Nobody: I can send you away from this…

 

He looks around the hallway, unimpressed.

 

Nobody: …charming abode you call home and send you to the White Space, where Caulder is currently having the time of his silly little life as my prisoner. Survive the White Space, maintain your sanity, and I’ll let you keep that contemptuous old grouch and bring him home. But fail…

 

He goes quiet and shakes his head gravely.

 

Rita: What? What happens if we fail?

 

Nobody: That’s just the thing. Nobody knows!

 

He gives them a wink and Rita’s face sours.

 

Nobody: But won’t it be fun finding out?

 

Silence. No one says a word, but they don’t need to. They know what each other’s thinking. Nobody notices their unease and smirks. Cliff looks down to Rita, who in turn looks over to Larry. He inhales and licks his dry lips underneath his bandages. Rita whispers.

 

Rita: As much as I hate to say it, he’s right. We’re getting nowhere just sitting here.

 

The others are silent.

 

Rita: But if we do this, Larry – if. We do it together. No more of this solo-adventure shtick.

 

Larry pauses and remembers the words scrawled across the whiteboard in his room.

 

Larry: We do it together.

 

Rita flashes a brief smile as Cliff slumps over and sighs.

 

Cliff: Yeah, I was worried you’d say that.

 

They look to him and Rita raises an eyebrow.

 

Rita: Cliff?

 

Cliff: Yeah yeah, I’m comin’. Just don’t expect me to be pleased about it.

 

Nobody grins excitedly.

 

Nobody: So…?

 

Larry grits his teeth.

 

Larry: We accept your offer.

 

Nobody shoots him a wink and claps his hands.

 

Nobody: Now that’s more like it! Perhaps you aren’t as useless as you make out. Good luck, friends. You’ll need it. Even I don’t know what you’ll see.

 

He shifts his weight and shakes out his arms with a flourish. Cliff, Rita and Larry look at each other nervously.

 

Nobody: Oh, and if you happen to run into Brain and that great stinking oaf on your travels, do tell them I say hi, won’t you?

 

Cliff: So how the hell are we-

 

Nobody interrupts with a clap of his hands. There is a rush of displaced air and then they’re gone, leaving Nobody alone in the hallway. He chuckles to himself and disappears.

 

 

Done