OIF-Retread
NEW ANTI-ISIS WEAPON DEPLOYED
by Wilbur Zuckerman
The US Army Central Command today reported that it had successfully deployed a new weapon in an attempt to turn back the forces of the Isamic State in Iaq and Syria.
The recently developed and fielded M1A1 Weaponized Armored Responsive Porcine Infantry Gear System is designed to both demoralize and offend ISIS fighters. Said CENTCOM spokeswoman LTC Charlotte Webb, "It has proven extremely effective in the combat zone. ISIS fighters have either run away in horror and disgust, or become so enraged that they've attacked without regard to cover or concealment, resulting in a target-rich environment. We're still not sure if this is because of the uniform's unique look, or if it's because of the Black Sabbath music blaring from the gun trucks."
Webb credited the system's design to US troops who had previously served in Iraq and Afghanistan. "So many of them started wearing unauthorized 'Pork-Eating Crusader' morale patches on their uniforms, that we figured 'Why not go whole hog?'."
Webb did concede that there had been some problems with the system. "The uniform is rather heavy, and warms up very quickly giving off a distinctive bacon-y smell. This has resulted in hundreds of fobbits hitting the DFAC in a rush, overwhelming the Class I logistical chain." According to Webb, a more serious issue has been the response from friendly Coalition forces. "It not only offends and enrages the enemy, it tends to do the same to our regional allies" she said. "But, hey, like we told our soldiers, frag 'em if they can't take a joke."
photo by Rooters.
NEW ANTI-ISIS WEAPON DEPLOYED
by Wilbur Zuckerman
The US Army Central Command today reported that it had successfully deployed a new weapon in an attempt to turn back the forces of the Isamic State in Iaq and Syria.
The recently developed and fielded M1A1 Weaponized Armored Responsive Porcine Infantry Gear System is designed to both demoralize and offend ISIS fighters. Said CENTCOM spokeswoman LTC Charlotte Webb, "It has proven extremely effective in the combat zone. ISIS fighters have either run away in horror and disgust, or become so enraged that they've attacked without regard to cover or concealment, resulting in a target-rich environment. We're still not sure if this is because of the uniform's unique look, or if it's because of the Black Sabbath music blaring from the gun trucks."
Webb credited the system's design to US troops who had previously served in Iraq and Afghanistan. "So many of them started wearing unauthorized 'Pork-Eating Crusader' morale patches on their uniforms, that we figured 'Why not go whole hog?'."
Webb did concede that there had been some problems with the system. "The uniform is rather heavy, and warms up very quickly giving off a distinctive bacon-y smell. This has resulted in hundreds of fobbits hitting the DFAC in a rush, overwhelming the Class I logistical chain." According to Webb, a more serious issue has been the response from friendly Coalition forces. "It not only offends and enrages the enemy, it tends to do the same to our regional allies" she said. "But, hey, like we told our soldiers, frag 'em if they can't take a joke."
photo by Rooters.