Lost Memory #27: Overexposed

It's been a long haul for me since September 2023. I lost my wife here who was my fiance in RL and who also took my RL best friend with her with no explanation why.

 

I had emergency surgery a month later to take out a pesky and overfull gall bladder that was caused by stress. Becca - my ex - is to blame for that.

 

A month after that, at Xmas, my RL family left me behind - all of them - because I am trying to be myself in RL. Thankfully I have a chosen family who loves me better.

 

I am accepted, cared for and loved by the chosen family. Family doesn't have to be blood.

 

I had to push a longtime friend out in late December because they hadn't been a friend who I called "sister" in SL for a long, long time and I had found they had purposely lied and sabotaged my friendships with others. That...betrayal...stung.

 

Jan 7th, marked the one year anniversary of the premature death of my SL and RL Auntie Moriah.

 

I miss her to the moon and back.

 

I nearly had a complete mental breakdown on January 8th, 2024 because of all that had happened and was beyond mentally exhausted. Sadly I know what a mental breakdown feels like. I've had four since 2013.

 

I had to then immediately leave SL for two months and disengage from many things in RL in order to recenter and be peaceful.

 

I was in survival mode.

 

I still continue to fight in the courts for long overdue justice for myself and others. It goes slow and drains, but fight on I will.

 

May 1st marked the 2nd anniversary of my father's sudden death. I miss him so very much.

 

I had elective surgery May 14th which went well and my Chosen Family was there for to support me. The recovery of course drains me, but it does go ok. I am thankful for that.

 

My CPTSD and Fibromyalgia continue to play games with me, but I have been fighting back against them HARD with some victory. I will win someday.

 

I have to.

 

I am so very, very, very tired. So very worn out yet again.

 

I wish not to have feelings and feel so drained...

 

I fear going into SL alone lest I get hurt. It's become a phobia. The world that let me escape stress now causes anxiety and fear. All the trauma and hurt over the months at the end of last year and this year.

 

Sadly, in SL, very little joy.

 

I have to fight back though. It is MY world after all and others should not be allowed to destroy it and hurt me.

 

I let Katie sleep there on her own as she is always protected in her little hidden getaway. she also has Hobbes, who is a very handsome and brave tiger.

 

It gives me relief in RL knowing she is ok, so then I can sleep in RL. It's also a way to expose myself to SL safely and eventually come back. I have world building to do that awaits me.

 

This photo was taken last spring when my Fibro pain was at it's worst - when everyday, I would feel like all of me was literally on fire.

 

When I felt "overexposed".

 

I meditate in both worlds so that I may try to find peace and center...Katie does it when I do it.

 

This pic was one of 124 eaten by Flickr servers last Spring - shortly after this pic was taken - but they found them all after three days of searching, just the stories, my journaling and the music with them was gone...I have lost part of myself permanently that way.

 

This picture is now repurposed to show how I am now as it is the way I am again: Worn out and overexposed to many things.

 

Try to find peace. Love you all.

 

- Katherine Marie McAuley

Overexposed Glowy Chick

 

Namaste...

 

 

 

Done