Mind Meld
It's Me Or Them!
Ok. So, as most of you know, I don't really like spiders. I deal with them. I find them fascinating and some are gorgeous! I don't bother them, if they don't bother me. If they are outside, I leave them alone. If they are inside, I will try to relocate them, but if they accidentally die during that process, I don't lose sleep over it. Well, it wasn't always that way.
I used to REALLY dislike them. If one was in my house up North, it would be dead. My sister closest to me in age was terrified of them, so I was the one who had to kill them if one was in the house. Even after she got married, she would call me to come over and kill a spider! Now, seriously, that is taking it too far! lol Luckily, up there, most are pretty small and they are not abundant.
When I was house hunting to move to Florida, the house in which I'm living was vacant for a year. I loved the house, but there was a big ass spider dead in the Master Bath shower. I asked the real estate agent about it and she said, "Oh, that is just a wolf spider. They are everywhere, but you get used to them." I was like, "WTF? No way I would get used to THAT!" So, I looked at a bunch of other houses. Yep, the main reason I was gonna pass on this house was because of a dead spider in the shower! You heard that right!
Well, after looking at four or five dozen more places and having a bid refused on the only other one I liked....... the agent talked me into looking at this one again. Well, I still loved this house..... but.... you guessed it.... THAT DAMN DEAD SPIDER WAS STILL IN THE SHOWER! WHY IN THE &%%^*&(%^&^ DIDN'T SOMEONE CLEAN THAT THING UP????? I bravely opened the shower door and looked more closely at that giant carcass. Taking a deep breath, I closed the door, and told the agent that if she cleaned up that THING I would bid on the house. I left the room, she took care of it, and when i went back in, I thought, "OK, I can do this." I seriously wondered how many others were lurking and hiding just waiting for me to close on the house......
I did have to call for help. The critters had figured out no one had lived here for a year, and had begun to make it their own. Squatter rights seem to be the mentality of creepy crawlers. Enter in "Mean Gene The Ant Fighting Machine"! This guy won my heart. He was maybe late 50s, about 5'3" tall, 160 pounds of ant fighting power. My son loved this guy and gave him that nick-name. He loved it. He pretty much became one of the family since I had to call the guy like a hundred times a week to help with the creepy crawlers! He treated the place inside and out; running into a huge colony of fire ants under the carpet in the den. He pulled back the carpet from the corner window area and they attacked him! I was by his side and started beating the poor guy with my hands while he was beating himself. I had a dish towel on my shoulder and started using that too. Man, that guy looked bad when we got finished. He was covered in bites and my beating him half to death didn't help a lot. ;-) He finally won the battle over the ants, and was down to coming once a month to check on things. Oddly, the treatments don't help much with spiders! Why in the hell didn't they tell me that before I signed the papers?????
So, once a week or so, I would see a huge spider. Most were like the one pictured here. These are Huntsman Spiders. They get huge here! i don't mean medium size.... I MEAN HUGE! We are talking up to 12 inches! That's 30.48cm! They don't just walk straight like normal spiders either..... oh, no, these guys can go sideways, backwards, flatten out to go behind wall photos, bend around corners, and pretty much scare the shit out of you anytime.... anywhere!
The first time I saw a live one, Mean Gene was here and killed it for me. It was about 7 inches across. He is the one that told me they get bigger. I said, "How big?" He said, "Oh, the size of your hub cap". WHAT????????? I pretty much decided, if I saw one that big in my house, I would pack up and move! It could have the house! I could move to Greenland! Surely they wouldn't follow me there! They would struggle to survive in that climate... wouldn't they? I certainly couldn't see myself killing one of these monsters. And there is my son to think of. These monsters could surely crawl under him and just carry him off in the middle of the night, right?
The sales clerk looked at me like I was crazy when I bought 13 flyswatters! One for each room of the house! but, I didn't care, I was ARMED! The next time I saw one, it was on the living room wall right next to a heavy antique bookcase. I tiptoed and got the flyswatter...... I swung! I MISSED! It flattened out and ran as fast as lightning behind the bookcase! I couldn't see it! But, I KNEW it was there! I sat in front of that bookcase for over a half hour.... waiting..... it finally peeked out! Those beady eyes peeking out.... I held my breath..... my arm ached from holding the weapon ready!..... then here it came! I swung! I hit! It fell on my foot! I screamed! I hit my foot with the flyswatter! A welt appeared as well as the guts from the spider! Smashed right on my foot! I ran to the tub and turned on the water. EKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! I was shaking all over, but i had done it! I prevailed! I wouldn't have to move!
Next one..... a few days later..... in my bedroom! It was perched on my comforter! MY BED! That is where I'm supposed to be safe! That comforter is supposed to swaddle me as I float down the river of tranquility into the land of nod!
It was roughly the size of a dinner plate..... and damn if it didn't look hungry! Malice.... evil.... those eyes must be used to stoke Satan's fires. I froze. It froze. I looked for a weapon! The flyswatter is on the OTHER SIDE of the bed! I'm shoe-less! I pick up the only thing I see near! A crumpled sock! I held my breath and swung! I hit! It leap to the floor, snarled defiantly and ran unharmed, making a mad dash under my dresser! It was gone! I kept one eye on the dresser and got the flyswatter. I sat..... I waited...... and waited..... and waited..... and waited....
Shivering with fear, I considered my options. I could tip over the dresser, but then must face the monster in hand to hand combat. Where was Mean Gene when I needed him???? I should ask him to move into the spare room! I think about moving again. THE SPIDER MIGHT BE IN MY CLOTHES! He might go with me! I can't sleep in that room until I find him! After what seemed like days without sleep, nervously scanning the walls and floor... now with a shoe in one hand and the flyswatter in the other.... my skin itching with the anticipation of the painful bite of its poisonous fangs.... moving seems the better option with each passing hour. I could load up my son...... douse the house with gasoline.... torch it.... and flee into the night while the wicked thing burn alive.........
Three days later; I see it again. I throw a shoe.... it hits the lamp, knock it off and right onto the spider! It's DEAD! It was well worth the price of an antique lamp! So what if it was my Grandmother's?????? It was the same spider..... wasn't it??????????
It's Me Or Them!
Ok. So, as most of you know, I don't really like spiders. I deal with them. I find them fascinating and some are gorgeous! I don't bother them, if they don't bother me. If they are outside, I leave them alone. If they are inside, I will try to relocate them, but if they accidentally die during that process, I don't lose sleep over it. Well, it wasn't always that way.
I used to REALLY dislike them. If one was in my house up North, it would be dead. My sister closest to me in age was terrified of them, so I was the one who had to kill them if one was in the house. Even after she got married, she would call me to come over and kill a spider! Now, seriously, that is taking it too far! lol Luckily, up there, most are pretty small and they are not abundant.
When I was house hunting to move to Florida, the house in which I'm living was vacant for a year. I loved the house, but there was a big ass spider dead in the Master Bath shower. I asked the real estate agent about it and she said, "Oh, that is just a wolf spider. They are everywhere, but you get used to them." I was like, "WTF? No way I would get used to THAT!" So, I looked at a bunch of other houses. Yep, the main reason I was gonna pass on this house was because of a dead spider in the shower! You heard that right!
Well, after looking at four or five dozen more places and having a bid refused on the only other one I liked....... the agent talked me into looking at this one again. Well, I still loved this house..... but.... you guessed it.... THAT DAMN DEAD SPIDER WAS STILL IN THE SHOWER! WHY IN THE &%%^*&(%^&^ DIDN'T SOMEONE CLEAN THAT THING UP????? I bravely opened the shower door and looked more closely at that giant carcass. Taking a deep breath, I closed the door, and told the agent that if she cleaned up that THING I would bid on the house. I left the room, she took care of it, and when i went back in, I thought, "OK, I can do this." I seriously wondered how many others were lurking and hiding just waiting for me to close on the house......
I did have to call for help. The critters had figured out no one had lived here for a year, and had begun to make it their own. Squatter rights seem to be the mentality of creepy crawlers. Enter in "Mean Gene The Ant Fighting Machine"! This guy won my heart. He was maybe late 50s, about 5'3" tall, 160 pounds of ant fighting power. My son loved this guy and gave him that nick-name. He loved it. He pretty much became one of the family since I had to call the guy like a hundred times a week to help with the creepy crawlers! He treated the place inside and out; running into a huge colony of fire ants under the carpet in the den. He pulled back the carpet from the corner window area and they attacked him! I was by his side and started beating the poor guy with my hands while he was beating himself. I had a dish towel on my shoulder and started using that too. Man, that guy looked bad when we got finished. He was covered in bites and my beating him half to death didn't help a lot. ;-) He finally won the battle over the ants, and was down to coming once a month to check on things. Oddly, the treatments don't help much with spiders! Why in the hell didn't they tell me that before I signed the papers?????
So, once a week or so, I would see a huge spider. Most were like the one pictured here. These are Huntsman Spiders. They get huge here! i don't mean medium size.... I MEAN HUGE! We are talking up to 12 inches! That's 30.48cm! They don't just walk straight like normal spiders either..... oh, no, these guys can go sideways, backwards, flatten out to go behind wall photos, bend around corners, and pretty much scare the shit out of you anytime.... anywhere!
The first time I saw a live one, Mean Gene was here and killed it for me. It was about 7 inches across. He is the one that told me they get bigger. I said, "How big?" He said, "Oh, the size of your hub cap". WHAT????????? I pretty much decided, if I saw one that big in my house, I would pack up and move! It could have the house! I could move to Greenland! Surely they wouldn't follow me there! They would struggle to survive in that climate... wouldn't they? I certainly couldn't see myself killing one of these monsters. And there is my son to think of. These monsters could surely crawl under him and just carry him off in the middle of the night, right?
The sales clerk looked at me like I was crazy when I bought 13 flyswatters! One for each room of the house! but, I didn't care, I was ARMED! The next time I saw one, it was on the living room wall right next to a heavy antique bookcase. I tiptoed and got the flyswatter...... I swung! I MISSED! It flattened out and ran as fast as lightning behind the bookcase! I couldn't see it! But, I KNEW it was there! I sat in front of that bookcase for over a half hour.... waiting..... it finally peeked out! Those beady eyes peeking out.... I held my breath..... my arm ached from holding the weapon ready!..... then here it came! I swung! I hit! It fell on my foot! I screamed! I hit my foot with the flyswatter! A welt appeared as well as the guts from the spider! Smashed right on my foot! I ran to the tub and turned on the water. EKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! I was shaking all over, but i had done it! I prevailed! I wouldn't have to move!
Next one..... a few days later..... in my bedroom! It was perched on my comforter! MY BED! That is where I'm supposed to be safe! That comforter is supposed to swaddle me as I float down the river of tranquility into the land of nod!
It was roughly the size of a dinner plate..... and damn if it didn't look hungry! Malice.... evil.... those eyes must be used to stoke Satan's fires. I froze. It froze. I looked for a weapon! The flyswatter is on the OTHER SIDE of the bed! I'm shoe-less! I pick up the only thing I see near! A crumpled sock! I held my breath and swung! I hit! It leap to the floor, snarled defiantly and ran unharmed, making a mad dash under my dresser! It was gone! I kept one eye on the dresser and got the flyswatter. I sat..... I waited...... and waited..... and waited..... and waited....
Shivering with fear, I considered my options. I could tip over the dresser, but then must face the monster in hand to hand combat. Where was Mean Gene when I needed him???? I should ask him to move into the spare room! I think about moving again. THE SPIDER MIGHT BE IN MY CLOTHES! He might go with me! I can't sleep in that room until I find him! After what seemed like days without sleep, nervously scanning the walls and floor... now with a shoe in one hand and the flyswatter in the other.... my skin itching with the anticipation of the painful bite of its poisonous fangs.... moving seems the better option with each passing hour. I could load up my son...... douse the house with gasoline.... torch it.... and flee into the night while the wicked thing burn alive.........
Three days later; I see it again. I throw a shoe.... it hits the lamp, knock it off and right onto the spider! It's DEAD! It was well worth the price of an antique lamp! So what if it was my Grandmother's?????? It was the same spider..... wasn't it??????????