Innocence Abroad Acte 1.

Churlish Stories for Curious Children

 

An American in Gladstone

“Innocence abroad “

 

Acte 1

 

I stopped in my tracks…not believing my ears as they picked up on a conversation a couple was having at a nearby table.

 

I asked myself…

“Americans, here, at Gladstone?”

 

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Gladstone's Library was having its annual New Year’s Eve affair at a nearby venue.

 

I made it a habit to attend, for the library is a most interesting place for a visit and the annual affair has proven to be a viable source for me to ply my trade as it attracts the wealthier patrons amongst its guestbook, priggish ones who don’t mind showing off the bling.

 

So at this year's affair, I was dressed in nearly my best(a tight dress of green silk ) with my only jewellery being a gold pin on one shoulder shaped like a fox’s head with diamonds for eyes. It’s my good luck piece.

 

I was busy prowling the venue when I overheard the American couple speaking while sitting at the table I was passing.

 

Now on this island I call home, we have many dialects of our language. So one would think that a foreign dialect would not be too noticeable.

 

Professor Higgins may agree with that, or not. He definitely would be game in having an argument one way or another.

 

But there is one dialect that I find terribly interesting, especially how it stands out when heard in passing. And that is a Yanks’ accent from across the pond.

 

Heard so infrequently by me that it always makes me stop in my tracks to listen.

 

Which is what was happening now.

 

For this couple at the table I was passing were decidedly Americans. Chattering happily amongst themselves, unawares probably of how their words sounded upon our ears. Or at least my Welsh-born ones.

 

The dark-haired male with a mustache was wearing a black suit, no vest, blue silk shirt, and tie. He wore a fancy silver watch with a black face on his left wrist.

 

If it were not for the accent I would say he looked German.

 

The fair-haired lady he was with, his wife, was dressed in a pretty dress, deep blue like her husband's shirt, with silver Jewelry, a necklace, earrings, and a shiny bracelet.

 

Neither appeared wealthy, their bling was of an ordinary type, nice, but not expensive or presumptuous.

 

I listened for a bit to their absorbing talk. Catching their first names, or his anyways (George), for she was just being called honey. Of course, her name could be Honey, like Ian Flemings's Honeychile Rider, right?

 

I liked that thought and felt happy that I had happened across them. But then left before I was noticed.

 

 

For I have bigger fish to fry this evening.

And those fish, once found, would be wearing presumptuous jewels, the expensively presumptuous type.

 

 

It did not take long to find one. At these events it never does.

 

So soon I was instinctively following behind a most interesting prospect(s)

 

 

A happy family it was, a rather happily rich family.

 

As they got in line at the snack tables I stood off to one side and took a careful study.

 

Muscular Father was in a tux that looked a half size too small. He appeared to be a dominating specimen. But one could see in his eyes he was a pussycat. I would imagine the wealth of family was on his side, all of it inherited, passed down by at least 4 generations in my opinion.

 

 

The mum was very elegant in a long flowy white silk dress with a red and green flowery print. She was wearing her gleaming set of expensive pearls. A gold ring with a vulgarly large diamond on her pinkie finger denoted wealth. As did her demeanor. I pictured myself wearing that ring, and mulled over if I could skillfully lift it from her finger this night.

 

 

Now the third member was a younger version of the ring lady, who was standing next to her in the snack line. Her daughter no doubt, and She was enticingly wearing a very sleek, slick brown satin fully off-shoulder number that nicely outlined her petite figure as it poured along it down to her silver high heels.

 

Her Jewels were a sparkling collection that consisted of a wide V-shaped necklace that looked like a falling river of diamonds, amazingly sparkling chandelier earnings, and a very pretty diamond bracelet, along with several enticing rings.

 

But the real showpiece was the eye-grabbing broach she had pinned to the gown just at her cleavage. It had a sparrow egg-sized diamond at its centre.

 

It was quite unusual to see a wealthy child wearing better sparklers than her mother, but I didn’t waste time on whys. Just concerned myself with what was.

 

I decided then and there that my next burglary would be the place mother and daughter kept those delicious jewels.

 

And I had several tried and true methods to find out just where those jewels would be spending the night. A couple of my favorites would involve me lifting a piece of one of the two ladies' jewels.

 

I flipped heads or tails in my mind. With the broach winning over the ring.

 

I then went into full stalk mode. Appearing to be enjoying the affair, but keeping an eye out of the corner on the daughter. For she was the now key to my whole plan.

 

During the next few hours, I did my due vigilance on the family. Looking for the telltale signs that either made them desirable marks or ones should I should leave alone

 

One of my first tests is to do a preliminary bump, with no lifting. That bit comes later.

 

I will actually brush up against my marks and gauge how they react as I please myself by coping with a feel.

 

I did this for both women as I caught them off alone. Not feeling up their pretty gowns but observing their reactions. Neither appeared guarded, purses not checked nervously, that sort of thing. Open and friendly to strangers they both were. Which meant they passed my first test.

 

Even the father was charming and accepted my apologies as gracious as his two ladies when I “tripped” up against him. (By the way. The bloke kept his wallet in his pants, just an observation)

 

Satisfied I had made the right choice I went into a deeper study, watching with interest how they were interacting with others and amongst themselves.

 

 

The band playing that evening was alternating between slow standards and a more lively fast pace that attracted the younger crowd. The lights were dimmed and a disco ball showered the floor with strobing light for the faster songs.

 

The parents were up for the slowest songs while the daughter watched the table with their drinks and purses.

 

The faster dances they switched places.

I also spied with my little eye that the daughter was dancing with her girlfriends. No males appeared on the scene. And her girlfriends after dancing always split up to be with their families.

 

I watched with increasing desire the daughter's jewels flickering on the dance floor. Especially the glimpses I caught of the enticing broach that was falling out with a sparkling voice, from its position just below her perky breasts. Which I noticed, the plumping, tight gown outlined, breasts that is, the rich girl just loved to press up against her dance partners.

 

I bided my time ( not easily) until very late in the evening. All three members of my targeted family were freely drinking. And becoming nicely inebriated as the evening wore on.

 

Soon the time was ripe for the plucking of a broach from a scintillatingly lovely brown satin gown.

 

The fast music started, the strobe light came on, and I went in and joined the swooningnly sweating throng.

 

I had started on the far side of the dance floor and began making my way toward my targeted female.

 

I had her in sight when I was pulled, literally, into a group of three, grabbed in passing by a young lady(Michelle) wearing yellow chiffon with ropes of real pearls. She held onto me as we danced to the fast beats of the bass-heavy music.

 

Then I was snatched away by a single male member of the group. The third is a young lady winningly wearing a black taffeta a-line gown with diamonds twinkling.

 

The male was a trashed, sweaty specimen with red hair wearing a tweed suit that was scratchy as he danced close to me. He was wearing a gold Rolex which caught my eye and then caught up in my fingers as I slipped it off his wrist.

 

I was also eying up the diamond-wearing blonde in black taffeta from over his shoulder as she danced with the girl who had snagged me into their group. I studied intensely her diamond jewellery dripping and swaying quite deliciously against her ultra-shiny black gown.

 

I maneuvered him over(Fred was his name) to the two girls and passed him off to yellow chiffon, while I embraced black satin, Cecelia was this wealthy pup's name.

 

She was very pretty, and like her companions, drunk as a skunk.

 

I told her how gorgeous she was while my hands held her close to me as my fingers caressed her sleek gown. My hands slipped up along her divine figure as we danced in motion to the fast tempo.

 

I ran my fingers up into her long silky blonde curls, lifting her hair, I had a clearer view of Cecelia’s lovely long diamond earrings that were just dangling there on sweaty earlobes, which made it child’s play to lift them and out as I raised her hair.

 

She smiled at my praise as I let her hair back down and I hugged her, wrapping my hands around her scintillating gowned waist, my clenched fists holding tightly onto her earrings as I pressed her hot fiery little figure against mine.

 

She hugged back and I turned her around and pushed her back in between her two companions.

 

Pocketing the shimmery earrings, I danced off, locating the daughter just as the song ended.

 

 

So I then waited until the second song was being played as the daughter was still up on the dance floor I maneuvered my way until I was directly behind her. She was dancing close to one of her friends, brushing against her then pulled back laughing. It was a routine I had been watching her do all evening and I was ready.

 

As she pulled back I bumped into her, my hands grasping onto her breasts, tightly outlined by the satin gown. Double pleasures there, for both of us I could tell.

 

I apologized in her ear, those earrings she wore dangling down delightfully, as my fingers also went down and swiftly located her broach. Then I lifted it, my fingers prying open the clasp and I pulled the flash jewel off as she was turning around.

 

“No worries luv…” she said as we danced together in rhythm to the music. I held my hands (still holding her broach) behind my back.

 

Then I’ll be damn if her girlfriend didn’t come up behind her and copy the same stunt as I had.

 

I left the happily groping group as soon as the daughter turned her back to me to face her friends.

 

 

Then I sat at my table, waited, and watched, with bated breath.

 

The daughter finally came back to the table and rejoined her parents. No one noticed anything was amiss.

 

Then after a long, very long, 15-minute break, the band started back up, playing slow dance music.

 

I watched the parents rise and head to the dance floor. Leaving the daughter quite alone, and susceptible.

 

“I’m on stage.”

I thought as I stood up and zoomed right up to the daughter like I had something important to say.

 

Which I did….

 

She looked up at me with doe-eyed wonder as I placed a hand on her softshoulder.

 

“Pardon me miss. Remember me. I bumped into you on the dance floor. Well, I had admired your broach earlier.

 

She looks down discovering it's gone, her eyes opening wide in shock. They looked up questioning into my face.

 

I love it when I can see a victim do that.

“It’s for that moment of dawning comprehension that is one of the little things in life I live for.”

 

I quickly explained:

 

“I saw one being turned into the security office upstairs by some Americans who found it. I thought it might be yours. That’s why I came over. “

 

Seeing her hesitation as she looked at her mother’s purse.

 

“I’ll watch over your table luv if you want to go see. I know I couldn’t wait if mine had been lost!”

 

I said this stroking the gold fox headpin I was wearing.

 

She fell for it, hook, line, and Broachless figure.

 

“Thank you .”

She worriedly lifted her gown and scurried off. I watched her leave… such a pretty dress she was wearing.

 

Now, The security room is actually located in the basement, so I bought myself some time.

 

 

I sit and casually begin to have a look through their purses.

 

From the daughter’s purse I pull out a card from her wallet that listed her address, along with a fancy key. Her wallet contained about £50, which I pulled out and pocketed.

 

Inside her mums' purse, I find a fatter wallet. £325 which I also pocketed. Also, a solid gold compact which I placed inside my purse. What I did not find was a hotel key. Which must mean they lived locally. Which could be either a good thing or a bad thing.

 

The father had his suit jacket on a chair. I went over and making sure no one was watching, riffled through his pockets. No wallet, which I knew, but I found something better.

 

Three hatcheck claim tickets. I quickly smelled them. One of them smelled very strongly of expensive perfume which I hoped meant they had been handled by one of the ladies as she turned in her wrap. I kept this one and stowed it away.

 

Then I rise and left, planning on beating them home to scout out the area. I didn’t need to count down the new year to know it was already starting out to be wickedly brilliant.

 

But on my way out, I see the American wife in the snack lime...

 

Decide to myself that I would like some American souvenirs from these “innocents Abroad.”

 

As I walk past her, I suddenly stop and go right up to her.

 

“E’llo you're an American, that’s lovely.”

As I say that I lift her hand, my other patting her bracelet-bearing wrist in greeting.

 

 

She stammers taken by surprise

“Yes, my name is Martha King. What is yours?”

 

 

Which is what I needed, surprise. I was wiping my hand along her wrist reaching her bracelet which I clasped my fingers around.

 

I gave her the made-up name I had been using this evening.

 

“ Cheers then, my name is Cadence, and it’s a pleasure meeting you. That’s quite a lovely dress your wearing. Did you buy it here?”

 

Rapid series of questions keeps the mark confused and distracted.

 

As she answered I thought Martha is it, not Honey. I eyeballed the rest of the jewellery she was wearing.

 

A silver-hinged locket with an M engraved upon it. Engraved around the ‘M’ was a floral vine, and below the ‘M’ was a flower made of ruby chips. The locket was oval-shaped on a link chain that hung just above her breasts. Her earrings were slightly smaller than the locket but had the same floral design and ruby flower, no letter M however.

 

 

I pried my eyes off her locket and looked into hers as she was answering my question.

 

“No, this dress is one I brought from home. I was worried it might not be fancy enough for here.

 

 

With my free hand, I stoked it along her dress as I sigh, my hands still holding her wrist up, covering her bracelet as my fingers snapped it open.

 

“I thought so, we don’t have dresses quite that lovely here.”

 

“But yours is…”

She started to say, then looked up

 

At that point, I see relief in her eyes as she stopped in mid-sentence, then said ..”

“Here comes my husband George. He is American also.”

 

As we both look behind me, I was busy taking advantage of the distraction, lifting off from her wrist the shiny silver bracelet. Pocketing it as the man came up to us.

 

I was introduced and saw he was an amiable sort of chap. As I like to imagine most Americans are, not that I’ve met more than a couple of others.

 

We talked for a few minutes as they told me where they were from, and about their kids. The usual.

 

But I needed to be on my way without appearing to be.

 

The band was still playing slow songs so I tried to break away by saying.

 

“I would imagine you two would like to get onto the dance floor? Please don’t let me hold you back…”

 

The wife apologized to me that she was a wee bit tired and wanted to sit.

 

Great I thought, then she added something that blindsided me.

As she looked at her husband standing there sheepishly…

“I know my husband would like to though, dance I mean. Maybe he would like to…honey ?”

 

I caught myself.

 

“You would not mind then if I steal him for a dance then luv?”

 

“Please do. My George is the dancer in the family. The poor dear wears me out.”

 

I heard a wholesome laugh from George.

“You two ladies do realize I’m right here listening? And yes I would consider it a privilege to have a dance with you, Cadence.”

 

He takes up my hand and we go to the crowded floor. The lights are still dim. But there is no strobe.

 

He takes me into his arms and I allow him to lead me to the music. We swirl around the other guests. I tell him a little about me, my twin brother, the small cottage we grew up in, and the nearby ancient university-owned cemetery we played in(though I did not go into the detail the games we played centered around pickpockets). He told me a bit about himself. Scouts, camping, decorating for Halloween. Also how Martha and he were here as an anniversary treat.

 

I find that George is a very pleasant dance partner So it was with a bit of guilt that as he was looking over towards Martha, I ran my hand caressing his wrist, then without remorse, I lifted off his fancy silver watch with the black face.

 

“Just couldn’t help myself, now could I?”

 

The song was ending and I was getting ready to release George back to his table when I spied the broachless Daughter walking along the outside of the dance floor.

 

Quickly I looked up into George’s face with a pleading look that he had no clue over why.”

 

“That was lovely. Can we do one more?”

 

George shook his head, yes and we held firm our position.

 

The music started again, and I pulled his arm around my waist making him hold me closer. Over his shoulder, I watched as the Daughter disappeared out of sight. She looked very perplexed, but not alarmed.

 

Sighing I placed my hands on his sides. I felt something hard in his side jacket pocket. Without thought, I reached inside and wrapped my fingers around a small, but heavy lighter. Without looking at it, I pulled it from his pocket and put it inside one of mine. I could feel George’s heart thumping, so I knew he was not finding it unpleasant to dance with me. My own was beating fast, over the daughter, and the recent lifts I had made off of George King.

 

As the last notes of the second song drifted away, we broke apart

 

I walk with George back to his waiting wife Martha at the table.

 

The wife smiles.

“Thought you were stealing him”

 

He chuckles.

“I convinced her not to.”

 

We all laugh.

 

They offered for me to sit and join them for a drink.

 

I lied.

“Love to, but I have to track down my errant niece.”

 

George pats me on the back saying lovely to have met you and thanks for the dance, then takes his leave to go get more drinks for his wife and himself.

 

Martha who had stood up as we came to the table, leans in and gives me a warm caring hug…

“I also think it was lovely meeting you tonight Cadence, you are a very nice young lady.”

 

Now I hadn't planned on taking her locket, but my thief instincts kick in and I found myself reaching up and undoing the clasp of the necklace and slipping it off her pretty neck before the end of the hug.

 

While slyly pocketing her pendant and chain, I replied:

“Why thank you, Martha, it was brilliant meeting you and George also, and luv, I hope you will enjoy the rest of your stay here.”

 

Then I take my leave.

“Indeed Charming to meet both of you.”

 

I leave her as she sits down to wait on George and their drinks.

 

I made a direct beeline to the coat check.

 

Quickly I thrust to the cloak check girl my slip. She comes back with a luxurious red sable jacket.

 

The cloak check girl complimented me:

“That’s pretty miss.”

 

“Indeed it is. “

 

I agree as I slip it on and leave Walking boldly past the lone guard at the security desk.

 

I make it to the exit without a backside glance. No one challenged me as I opened it and walked outside into the cool evening.

 

I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. My breath sends up vapors in the cool night air. I wanted so very badly to lite a victory cigarette but was too far into my game to take the time just yet.

 

So I scurried off into the night, along the nearly deserted blocks, formulating the next steps in my plan.

 

To be continued …

 

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Done