Thoughts in time of pandemic. -Who are you? Why do you follow me? My distorted image did not respond. -I've seen you too many times already, stop playing with me and answer my question?

Thoughts in time of pandemic.

-Who are you? Why do you follow me?

My distorted image did not respond.

-I've seen you too many times already, stop playing with me and answer my question?

The silence, it became almost unbreathable, a freezing cold, it furrowed the atmosphere. I t ake my hand to my heart, as one who wishes to cherish, or care for, . I think both ideas were wrong, it was simply an involuntary movement of fear.

As they say, it is not brave who is not afraid, but he who is afraid and tries to perform actions, knowing the risks.

I was preparing to question this kind of entity, when a voice, absolutely calm and almost affectionate, asked

-What were you doing just 7 months ago?

I did not answer, but immediately my mind went back to the date that that character had asked me.

Only about seven months ago.

People were busy, working, walking somewhere where someone was possibly waiting for them, ...while they passed acquaintances, asking how they were doing? And they answered: very well and you? As they walked with their friends, as they shared their lives with the people they loved, as people waited for the weekend, as they just looked at their watch to confirm if it was time to leave work. When the magic was in sharing a good wine with friends in a restaurant.

While that was happening,... (and I change the tense of the verbs) I remembered, that there are always other different people. At that moment my mind was analyzing, as if those unexpected thoughts were concentrating my centrality. It was inevitable not to continue with that mental activity.

What is the difference, compared to who or who? was my intimate questioning. Could it be their personalities, their images, their behavior, their introspection, their insecurities, their lack of interest, their hopelessness?

There was an unexpected and excessive interest in comparing them.

You could almost say, he knew who fit that kind of description. I don't take away from the merits, on the contrary, they are intelligent, talented, and educated. But for some strange reason, I do not grant them other qualities, for example: that they are creative, companions, sensitive, that they love to live sharing, that they are communicative, friendly, respectful. What makes these last categories of human beings have all these qualities and are unable to be happy?

They are moved by a good song, they understand a good table sharing a harmonious and intelligent conversation, they know how to feel their neighbor as an equal, they know how to communicate, they are sensitive to the problems of the existential, they know that many others feel the same way. Could it be that these last comments make them different from the rest?

Well, there must be something these people don't know how to do. For example: could it be that they do not know how to lie, could it be that hypocrisy does not fit them, could it be that they are not obedient, could it be that they do not know how to betray, could it be that they do not understand evil, could it be that they are not understood, could it be that they are a race apart from this society? If so, why do they feel loneliness? When it is the last thing they seek. Or is loneliness intrinsic to human beings? Then what is worth in this life, not to fight? To lay down one's arms and submit without fighting? Is it that the prism with which they see life makes them too demanding? And why couldn't it be, since they are, to the extreme, demanding of themselves?

Thoughts are produced in fractions of milliseconds. Possibly no more than two seconds would have passed.

I stopped my unstoppable neural connections, to look back. The strange figure was gone.

I didn't worry, in truth, I had neither the desire nor the need to know anything more about him. It's enough to go back to what I was thinking about when the apparition happened. I calmly returned to that reasoning. Life is simpler than we think. Although, in my case almost as a tremendous repetition, I see the horizon permanently close by but for some reason I never get there.

In truth, it becomes more and more odious to me to lose my compass just when I am arriving at the place; it shouldn't be this cruel, to lose it, just there.

Possibly a bad move of the subconscious will subject us to its intangible rule.

 

- Are you thinking about me again?

The entity has a bad habit of being persistent.

- Here again, will you never stop following me?

-You, you summoned me, that is the reason. Since I am here, let me continue with your doubts. They are so recurrent that I can tell them to you by heart:

First, I'll tell you, you know what we're going to talk about, don't you? Always trying to get to that place. Have you ever stopped to think that humanity is on the same quest?

- Look, don't treat me as an apathetic egoist, I'm just trying to solve my problems, but that doesn't mean I don't know that I'm one of millions.

- Well, I'm touched, with your words, but here comes my answer to so much uncertainty:

-You are already close but you will not have it and if you manage to find the way I will do my best, so that you arrive at a crossroads that confuses you, it will be me, who will decide if you will continue on the right path. I will tell you a secret, listen well I will always confuse you.

Forgive me for cutting off your sensitive dialogue. - How will I know that I am close?

-I will try not to let you see it

- then I must not listen to you.

- Do what you want, but between us, it will take a lot of effort. Haha,

- I know you enjoy your famous death drive, knowledge makes the difference, haha

- that's it, just rhetoric,,, blah blah blah

- Well then I will ignore your influence.

- Try it maybe you can, now you won't be able to turn me off like a radio station, just as a riddle and I won't be much more lenient than I will tell you, so pay attention ok? You got very close to what you are looking for, they call it "happiness", I ask you why you left the path? Did you come to a crossroads?

Well that answer, I don't know,

-here is my help......that's all I'll tell you, count on me for what you don't need, I'll be there, for the rest only intuition and your essence will guide you, of course....., while I'm busy with other things.

 

 

Pensamientos en tiempo de pandemia.

-Quién eres? Porque me sigues?

Mi imagen distorsionada, no respondió.

-Te he visto ya demasiadas veces, deja de jugar conmigo y responde mi pregunta?

El silencio, se tornaba casi irrespirable, un frío helado, surco el ambiente. Lleve mi mano al corazón, como quien desea abrigar, o cuidar,.. Creo que ambas ideas eran equivocadas, simplemente fue un movimiento involuntario de temor.

Como dicen que no es valiente quien no tiene miedo, sino aquel que lo tiene e intenta realizar acciones, a sabiendas de los riesgos.

Me disponía a interpelar a esa especie de entidad, cuando, una voz, absolutamente calma y casi diría, afectuosa, pregunto

-Que hacías hace solo 7 meses atrás?

No le respondí, pero inmediatamente mi mente retrocedió a la fecha que aquel personaje me había preguntado.

Solamente unos siete meses atrás,.

Las personas estaban ocupadas, trabajando, caminando hacia algún lado donde posiblemente los esperaba alguien, …mientras se cruzaban con conocidos , preguntando como estas? Y ellos respondían: muy bien y vos? Mientras paseaban con sus amigos, mientras compartían sus vidas con las personas que amaban, mientras la gente esperaba el fin de semana, mientras, solamente miraban su reloj para confirmar si ya era la hora de salida de su trabajo. Cuando la magia estaba en compartir en algún restaurante un buen vino junto a amigos.

Mientras eso sucedía,… (y cambio el tiempo de los verbos) recordé, que siempre hay otras personas diferentes. En ese momento mi mente analizaba, como que esos pensamientos inesperados concentraban mi centralidad. Era inevitable no seguir con esa actividad mental.

En que consiste la diferencia, comparada a quien o a quienes? , fue mi cuestionamiento íntimo. Será sus personalidades, su imágenes, su conductas, su introspección, sus inseguridades, sus falta de interés, su desesperanza?

Había como un inesperado y desmedido interés en compararlas.

Casi podría decirse, que sabía quiénes entraban en esa especie de descripción. No le quito méritos, por lo contrario, ellas son inteligentes, talentosas, educadas. Pero por alguna extraña razón, no les otorgo otras cualidades, por ejemplo: que sean creativas, compañeras, sensibles, que, amen vivir compartiendo, que sean comunicativas, amigables, respetuosas. Que hace que esas últimas categorías de seres humanos, tengan todas esas cualidades y no logren ser felices?

Ellas se conmueven con una buena canción, ellas entienden de una buena mesa compartiendo una charla armoniosa he inteligente, saben sentir al prójimo como un igual, saben comunicarse, son sensibles a las problemática de lo existencial, saben que otras muchas sienten igual. Será que por estos últimos comentarios, las hacen diferentes al resto?

Pues debe haber algo que estas personas no saben hacer. Por ejemplo: será que no saben mentir, será que la hipocresía , no les cabe?, será que no son obsecuentes, será que no saben traicionar , será que no logran entender la maldad, será que no son comprendidas, será que es una raza aparte de esta sociedad? De ser así porque ellas sí sienten soledad? Cuando es lo último que buscan. O la soledad es intrínseca al ser humano? Entonces que vale en esta vida?, no luchar? , dejar las armas y someterse sin combatir? , será que el prisma con el que ven la vida los hace demasiados exigentes? Y porque no podría serlo?, ya que lo son , al extremo , con ellos mismos.

Los pensamientos, se producen en fracciones de milisegundos. Posiblemente no habría pasado más de dos segundos.

Detuve mis imparables conexiones neuronales, para mirar hacia atrás. La extraña figura ya no estaba.

No me preocupe, en verdad, no tenía ni las ganas ni la necesidad de saber algo más sobre él. Suficiente es volver a aquello que estaba pensado cuando la aparición sucedió. Retome, con calma ese razonamiento. La vida es más simple de lo creemos. Aunque, en mi caso casi como una tremenda repetición, veo permanentemente cerca el horizonte pero por alguna razón nunca llego.

En verdad se me hace cada día más odioso perder la brújula justo cuando estoy llegando al lugar, no debería ser así de cruel, perderla, justo allí.

Posiblemente una mala jugada del subconsciente nos someta a su intangible regla.

- Estas pensando en mí, otra vez?

La entidad, tiene la mala costumbre de ser persistente.

- Nuevamente aquí, acaso nunca dejaras de seguirme?

-Tú, me convocaste, esa es la razón. Ya que estoy aquí, déjame seguir con tus dudas. Son tan recurrentes que puedo decírtelas de memoria:

Antes, te diré, ya sabes de que hablaremos, no? Siempre intentando llegar a ese lugar. Acaso, nunca te detuviste a pensar que la humanidad, está en la misma búsqueda?.

- Mira , no me trates como un apático egoísta, solo intento resolver , mis problemas, pero no significa , ignorar que soy uno más entre millones.

- bien, me emocionas, con tus palabras, pero aquí viene mi respuesta a tanta incertidumbre:

-ya estas cerca pero no lo tendrás y si logras encontrar el camino haré lo posible, para que llegues a un cruce de calles que te confunda, seré yo, el que decida si seguirás por el camino correcto. Te diré un secreto, escucha bien siempre te confundiré.

Perdona que te corte tu sensible dialogo. - como sabré que estoy cerca?

-intentaré que no lo veas

- entonces no debo escucharte.

- Has lo que quieras, pero entre nos, te llevara mucho esfuerzo. Jaja,

- sé que disfrutas con tu famosa pulsión de muerte, el saber me hace a la diferencia, jaja

- eso es, solo retórica,,..bla bla bla

- Bueno entonces no haré caso a tu influencia.

- inténtalo tal vez puedas, ahora no lograras apagarme como si fuera una estación de radio, solo como acertijo y no seré mucho más indulgente de lo que te diré, por lo tanto presta atención ok?. Llegaste muy cerca a eso que buscas, la llaman “felicidad”, te pregunto porque abandonaste el camino? Llegaste a una encrucijada?

Bueno esa respuesta, yo no la sé,

-aquí está mi ayuda……solo eso te diré, cuenta conmigo para lo que NO necesites, allí estaré, para el resto solo la intuición y tu esencia te guiara , claro……., mientras esté ocupado en otras cosas.

 

 

Done