Feminine Thoughts
Here is an unposted photo from last autumn's visit to Boys Will Be Girls which hopefully serves as a good illustration for what I hope to say, as while I've posted quite abit recently about my thoughts and experiences, there's more I feel like I need to talk about.
Over time my thoughts about how I look when I have makeovers have changed. Not that I feel any more or less fabulous than before, more about how photos like this speak to me. While I've always loved seeing the results (and wouldn't be doing them otherwise), for a while it felt like I was just fulfilling a fantasy, and one that sometimes felt a bit double-edged with how it wasn't always easy thinking about how I could never look remotely like that outside of such sessions.
Now though I'm able to look at things in a more positive and optimistic light. I no longer see the woman I could never be, instead I now see the woman I already am in a way, just getting to express myself in a particular way. It helps that while obviously it's unrealistic to be expect to do my own makeup anywhere near as well as the likes of Cindy, Jodie Lynn, Patti Baston and others, I feel like I'm moving in the right direction to be happy with how I look.
Recent months have continued to see a lot of ups and downs. Looking back, even my struggles have in their own way helped me feel more valid as a trans woman since after all I wouldn't be feeling the way I do if this wasn't truly who I am. Instead of feeling like the woman in the photo is an illusion, in a way it's the most authentic version of myself I could ever be.
If my gender dysphoria is real and difficult to deal with sometimes, my gender euphoria can be just as powerful and uplifting. As time goes by and I continue to make progress, hopefully that'll be what ends up dominating more and more.
Credit for everything (aside from the fabulous model) goes to the amazing Cindy Conti at Boys will be Girls in London.
Feminine Thoughts
Here is an unposted photo from last autumn's visit to Boys Will Be Girls which hopefully serves as a good illustration for what I hope to say, as while I've posted quite abit recently about my thoughts and experiences, there's more I feel like I need to talk about.
Over time my thoughts about how I look when I have makeovers have changed. Not that I feel any more or less fabulous than before, more about how photos like this speak to me. While I've always loved seeing the results (and wouldn't be doing them otherwise), for a while it felt like I was just fulfilling a fantasy, and one that sometimes felt a bit double-edged with how it wasn't always easy thinking about how I could never look remotely like that outside of such sessions.
Now though I'm able to look at things in a more positive and optimistic light. I no longer see the woman I could never be, instead I now see the woman I already am in a way, just getting to express myself in a particular way. It helps that while obviously it's unrealistic to be expect to do my own makeup anywhere near as well as the likes of Cindy, Jodie Lynn, Patti Baston and others, I feel like I'm moving in the right direction to be happy with how I look.
Recent months have continued to see a lot of ups and downs. Looking back, even my struggles have in their own way helped me feel more valid as a trans woman since after all I wouldn't be feeling the way I do if this wasn't truly who I am. Instead of feeling like the woman in the photo is an illusion, in a way it's the most authentic version of myself I could ever be.
If my gender dysphoria is real and difficult to deal with sometimes, my gender euphoria can be just as powerful and uplifting. As time goes by and I continue to make progress, hopefully that'll be what ends up dominating more and more.
Credit for everything (aside from the fabulous model) goes to the amazing Cindy Conti at Boys will be Girls in London.