5/365

I'm always so iffy about posting these photos. But honestly, it's a wonderful coping mechanism. i guess i'm mostly afraid of posting my self portraits because im touching base on a lot of my issues that i've never really brought to light.... i('ve) struggle(d) through anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and mental & physical abuse from a past relationship, and sometimes i let it get the best of me. i spend most of my time alone. i cry. a lot. i dont trust anyone enough to really let them in, except for one person. I've trusted Jamie since the very beginning. He saved me when I was drowning in an extremely toxic relationship. He put my broken pieces back together, but just as soon as he came into my life, he was taken away. He was, and still is, my light, my rock, my safe spot. But he's not here, not physically. We talk for hours a day but it's not the same. Hearing his voice isn't the same as FEELING the vibrations his voice makes rattle my chest while my head's resting on his shoulder.... I'll have him back home with me in a year and a half..... But the future has never scared me so much. Going from absolutely loving every moment of my life for the first time in years, back to the same old self destructive thoughts and habits hurts a million times worse than you could ever imagine. We had everything at our fingertips, and it all got taken away with the swing a fist.

Done