clarissa___t
365, Day 26
Ruminate: to think deeply about something.
The relationship that I have with my mother is far from perfect. I'm sure even from an outside perspective, my mother and I don't seem very close. Since I could remember, my mother and I have always been bickering back and forth between each other. However, through on my healing path, I've come to learn to recognise when I need to stop arguing and submit all of the emotions and disagreements to God to handle and show me how to better handle the hard situations.
I'm really not perfect, I can admit to that. I know I fuck up. I have my moments when instead of truly listening, I react upon my emotions. I accidentally allow my stresses to show through in the things that I do or to the people I'm with. However, I'm working to change all that with prayer, mindfulness, gardening and self care.
Now that I'm older and off of reflecting on it all, I can contribute a good chunk of the bickering that happens between my mother and I due to the fact that we have just about the same personalities. We're Cancers, only a day apart. We're highly emotional and sensitive. When we have a perspective and feel strongly about it, it usually takes some repeated advice and trial by error in order for us come to our senses that we may have been wrong.
The hard part with my mother for me at the moment is that I can't seem to talk to my mother as an adult/mother without her seeing me still as a young girl who doesn't really know much. I've been blessed with her helping me raise my son in his earlier years, while I was young and dumb, which allowed me to grow out of most of my childish antics. Examples of this would be all the times she took care of my son while I was off galavanting, partying, or just being a young adult.
While I am eternally grateful, I can't help but get upset or not want to talk to her at all when we have our flair ups and we can't seem to meet eye to eye. I use to Ruminate over all these tough experiences (mother, love life, work, etc.), causing me to be clouded or to lose sleep. I now handle it a whole lot better compared to before. Instead of keeping it all bottled inside, I'm finding ways to give up the negativity that comes with the stress. I pray often, I go outside and talk to the plants as I care for them, I make more time for my creativity, and I reflect and I write.. you get the point.
With all of these trials, emotions and tears - I've come to realise that helping my mother is most likely the cross that I have to carry in order to become the better person that God & the Universe intended me to become. Instead of always pointing the finger to my mother or others, I'm doing my best to stop and look at myself first and my faults. I slip from time to time with this load, but instead of allowing myself to drown in it, I'm remembering to pause for a few breaths and to trust in what the Lord & the Universe has in mind for my growth.
This is all I can write out at the moment. I hope that reading this helps you in some way, as writing this has helped me.
365, Day 26
Ruminate: to think deeply about something.
The relationship that I have with my mother is far from perfect. I'm sure even from an outside perspective, my mother and I don't seem very close. Since I could remember, my mother and I have always been bickering back and forth between each other. However, through on my healing path, I've come to learn to recognise when I need to stop arguing and submit all of the emotions and disagreements to God to handle and show me how to better handle the hard situations.
I'm really not perfect, I can admit to that. I know I fuck up. I have my moments when instead of truly listening, I react upon my emotions. I accidentally allow my stresses to show through in the things that I do or to the people I'm with. However, I'm working to change all that with prayer, mindfulness, gardening and self care.
Now that I'm older and off of reflecting on it all, I can contribute a good chunk of the bickering that happens between my mother and I due to the fact that we have just about the same personalities. We're Cancers, only a day apart. We're highly emotional and sensitive. When we have a perspective and feel strongly about it, it usually takes some repeated advice and trial by error in order for us come to our senses that we may have been wrong.
The hard part with my mother for me at the moment is that I can't seem to talk to my mother as an adult/mother without her seeing me still as a young girl who doesn't really know much. I've been blessed with her helping me raise my son in his earlier years, while I was young and dumb, which allowed me to grow out of most of my childish antics. Examples of this would be all the times she took care of my son while I was off galavanting, partying, or just being a young adult.
While I am eternally grateful, I can't help but get upset or not want to talk to her at all when we have our flair ups and we can't seem to meet eye to eye. I use to Ruminate over all these tough experiences (mother, love life, work, etc.), causing me to be clouded or to lose sleep. I now handle it a whole lot better compared to before. Instead of keeping it all bottled inside, I'm finding ways to give up the negativity that comes with the stress. I pray often, I go outside and talk to the plants as I care for them, I make more time for my creativity, and I reflect and I write.. you get the point.
With all of these trials, emotions and tears - I've come to realise that helping my mother is most likely the cross that I have to carry in order to become the better person that God & the Universe intended me to become. Instead of always pointing the finger to my mother or others, I'm doing my best to stop and look at myself first and my faults. I slip from time to time with this load, but instead of allowing myself to drown in it, I'm remembering to pause for a few breaths and to trust in what the Lord & the Universe has in mind for my growth.
This is all I can write out at the moment. I hope that reading this helps you in some way, as writing this has helped me.