The Eraser #1- Not so Secret Origins pt1

Abner’s bar and grill, Gotham City-

 

O’Hara: “…the t’ing about office donuts is… they have more of an enigma. You don’t have to race into work early for store-brought donuts. What do you think Lenny?”

 

Lenny: “No Miss… not the… Ben Swolo… *SNORES

 

 

Chief O’Hara glances up at CSI Leonard Fiasco, who is almost half asleep at the bar…

 

O’Hara: “Lenny… LENNY!”

 

 

Lenny suddenly springs awake, his mindless muttering ceased.

 

Lenny: “Yes… sir!”

 

O’Hara shakes his head in disappointment as Lenny regains his sense of surroundings. Lenny was perplexed that the portly police chief had invited him out for drinks.

 

Lenny: ‘I’ve gotta say chief *BURPS*, I used to think you were a right… whats the word… Shit! But buying me all these drinks… … … what was I saying again?”

 

 

Lenny lunges forward suddenly, narrowly avoiding O’Hara as he vomits all over the floor. O’Hara’s left eye begins to twitch, his face seemingly holding back a cascade of rage.

 

O’Hara: Listen, Lenny. Most people you’ll meet will say that sacking people is the worst part of the job. Frankly, it’s the reason I have climbed the job ladder in the first place…”

 

Lenny: “Wut… wut are you trying to say?”

 

Lenny looks at O’Hara, his face painted with an unmistakeable shade of dread, albeit, slightly undermined by the chunk of vomit dripping from his lower lip.

 

O’Hara: “what I am trying to say, Lenny, is that yer sacked.”

 

Lenny stares blankly at O’Hara, the revelation having passed through him. After a moment’s tedium, the news hits him… hard.

 

Lenny: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SACKED?”

 

O’Hara maintains his calm, greasy demeanour.

 

O’Hara: “Yer sacked, yer fired, yer dismissed from duty! No matter how many ways I put it, you know what I mean.”

 

Lenny grows visually enraged (unless you couldn’t tell from the caps lock)

 

Lenny: “How can you fire me, I am the best this police force has ever produced… you’d be lost without me?”

 

O’Hara pulls out a large incident file with Lenny’s name in it.

 

O’Hara: “Chief Clementine, before I got him sacked, let a lot of your antics slip between the cracks. Apparently, he saw a bit of himself in you, frankly the only part of me I see in you is the part that comes out of me arse. Besides, the whole CSI division agrees, you gotta go.”

 

Lenny turns to the rest of the CSI’s, sharing drinks in a booth at the other side of the bar. Eerily, they turn to face Lenny, before nodding their heads in unison at the chief’s statement. O’Hara begins to look at the different incident reports.

 

O’Hara: “Ah, here’s an old classic. In 2015, you took a ‘cool looking’ lighter from a crime scene. As a result, the Broome Street Stranglers went free… and got the key to the city… and one of them married the mayor’s daughter… and…

 

Lenny: ‘Yeah, I get the point! Well, I suppose the only thing to do is to go graciously without burning any bridges… goodb…

 

Suddenly, Lenny loses control, projectile vomiting all over O’Hara (only high class comedy for you, audience). The whole bar looks at Lenny, disappointment, shame but mostly amusement on their face.

 

Lenny: “…well, since an honourable exit has gone out of the window…”

 

He grabs a full pitcher of beer, and pours it all over the room. GCPD or non GCPD, the whole bar is drenched.

 

Lenny: “Goodbye, f***holes, I will miss none of you. Except you, Gonzales…”

 

He points towards a femal detective in the corner, who immediately ducks her head down in shame at being the object of Lenny’s attention.

 

Lenny: “…call me!”

 

Lenny, still intoxicated, blows a kiss towards the detective, before waltzing out of the bar with ill -deserved swagger. The bar initially attempts to resume its regular, albeit now beer-soaked, practices, only for Lenny to walk in once more.

 

Lenny: “Actually, I just realised, I was supposed to carpool with sergeant Lin, is that still happening?”

 

A thrown glass narrowly avoides hitting Lenny in the face.

 

Lenny: “I’ll take that as a no.”

 

Lenny, with a lot less swagger, runs out of the bar, hoping to avoid further retribution from his former colleagues. The whole bar sighs with relief as he goes.

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Well… I have nothing to say. This has set the bar for what is to come (albeit with a little less vomit). BTW If you want a good piece of music to have on in the other tab while writing, this www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgG5V7LWaGs is one I have been using a lot lately. You don’t have to know the TV show, it is just a really good piece of music.

Done