Paper Trail (2/3): Strange Bedfellows

==The Road==

 

The Misfits had parked their truck several metres away from the hotel; A black sheet of paper was hanging over the Bat logo as part of their feeble attempt to remain incognito. As they began to unload their luggage, Reardon, who had been sent off to scout ahead for them, returned, a pleasant smile on his face.

 

"Four rooms, bed and breakfast," he said cheerily.

 

"I suppose we better decide who bunks with who," Chuck said, as Gar and Drury shot concerned glances at their motley crew.

 

"Draw straws?" Gar muttered gloomily.

 

Dashing in front of them, Rigger's pleased laughter filled the air. "Dibs on top bunk!" he cheered, as he rushed ahead excitedly.

 

Reardon turned his head back. "They don't... They don't have bunk beds, Joe."

 

==Blake and Otis==

 

"Suppose we better unpack," Blake said unenthusiastically, as he unzipped his suitcase, and placed it on a nearby armchair.

 

"Yeah," Otis grunted, as he grabbed his backpack and emptied about twenty guns onto the bed.

 

"If you curl up on my mattress, I will skin you."

 

==Chuck and Drury==

 

As they entered their room, Drury looked at the single bed despondently, and lay his bag on the ground.

 

"I'll take the couch," Chuck said, smiling weakly.

 

Drury shifted around awkwardly. "I-"

 

"I don't want to snuggle, Drury."

 

As they prepared to go to sleep Chuck reached out to turn off the lamp. As he did so, a hand grabbed his wrist. "The light stays on," Drury warned.

 

"Right," Chuck said, turning onto his back. "Cool. Cool."

 

==Gar and Mayo==

 

Gar dressed into his pyjamas in silence, casting a disappointed look at Mayo. 'Draw straws, whose dumb idea was that?' he thought to himself, as Mitch got his arm caught in his sleeve and tumbled to the ground.

 

==Rigger and Reardon==

 

Joey, who'd spent the rest of the evening watching TV, switched off his phone charger, and turned to his now fast asleep roommate. An excited smile broke across his face, as he reached over to the nightstand, and grabbed Reardon's tinted goggles. To tell the truth, he'd been eyeing them up since the day they met.

 

~

 

Unable to sleep, mostly due to the abundance of firepower on his mattress, Blake was standing by the lobby's vending machine, staring through its' glass cabinet longily. Fresh from the hotel bar, Otis straightened his collar, and walked towards him. "Hey man, you got any change?" Blake called out to him.

 

"Don't need it," Flannegan replied, as he pulled a rat out of his pocket, placed it in the slot, and watched as it scaled the vending machine and knocked down several rows of chocolate bars. Otis reached in, and offered one to Blake.

 

"Nah, man, I'm good."

 

~

 

"What the hell is going on out there?" Chuck sighed, as he looked out the window. In the courtyard, running about in Ten's glasses, was Rigger.

 

"Hasta la vista, baby!" he was yelling excitedly, as he pumped an imaginary shotgun.

 

"Miranda would've stabbed him by now," Drury muttered in his sleep.

 

~

 

Gar yawned, tiredly, as he stood by the window, smoking. He could see Rigger prancing about outside, seemingly enacting scenes from the Matrix if the sunglasses were anything to go by. He smiled softly at the absurdity, and turned back to see Mayo tossing and turning on their mattress.

 

"You alright, kid?" Lynns asked, shaking his shoulder anxiously.

 

"No, I don't want to play in the trash again!" Mayo screamed suddenly, as he shot awake, and punched Gar square in the face.

 

==Breakfast, the next morning==

 

Blake was piling eggs onto his plate. At his side, Mayo was stuffing several small pots of Nutella into his pockets.

 

"What- what is this?" Gar asked, looking at both of them.

 

"Nutella's expensive, Lynns. It didn't get to be the premium chocolate-hazelnut spread because it's cheap," Mayo explained, as he grabbed several slices of white bread, and stuffed them down his blazer.

 

"And I just like eggs," Blake shrugged, as they walked over to the table.

 

The atmosphere changed, as Chuck and Drury made their way towards them. "There's been a murder," Walker said grimly, his mouth covered. Chuck rolled his eyes, as he forcibly moved Walker's hand away from his face.

 

"Good, you finally shaved," Gar said, relieved.

 

"No. I didn't," Drury replied, glaring at Chuck.

 

"It was getting old, Killer," Blake admitted.

 

"Depression was getting old?" Walker asked accusatorily.

 

"Well, if you wanted to keep it, you could've at least washed it," Chuck sighed, as the party nodded in agreement. Coming towards them, in the midst of a heated argument was Rigger, Reardon, and trailing behind them, Flannegan.

 

"I just thought those glasses were neat-"

 

"Those "glasses" actually work as a form of echolocation. They send a sort of map directly into my brain," Reardon said, as he chastised Joey.

 

"Oh, and Batman took 'em? That guy's a damn sadist," Flannegan whistled.

 

"A hoarder," Rigger agreed.

 

"Actually, the ones in his cave were a spare set. I forgot my other pair at the bus station," Ten said sheepishly, as they joined the group around the table.

 

"Man, what happened to you?" Rigger asked worriedly, as he looked at the band aid on Gar's nose.

 

"Mayo," he said, embarrassed.

 

"Ha! That'll be the night terrors," Flannegan smirked, as he took a bite of Walker's toast. "Didn't I mention those?"

 

"Nope," Gar glared. "And you lot still haven't mentioned how, and why Felix the Prat came back," he added, glaring at Blake.

 

"Sexorcist," Blake said, taking a sip of orange juice. "That and a dragon man."

 

"Who Chancer may or may not be in love with," Rigger added. "I didn't wanna pry."

 

"God, that 'Sexorcist' was horrid," Reardon noted. "He had us dress in robes, used blacklights, humped suspects. And he didn't even exorcise anyone."

 

Chuck nodded along, as he thought to himself.

 

Distracted, Gar looked over at Mayo, now sprinkling a helping of pickle slices onto his sandwich.

 

"Did- Did you pack that jar of mayo?" he asked, glaring at a hand-drawn label which read "EMERGENCY USE ONLY." Beside them, Chuck's eyes widened with sudden realisation.

 

"Oh my god! Hellhound grifted us!" he exclaimed. Across the room, several hotel guests jumped up in fright.

 

"Oh, yeah," Drury yawned passively. "Him and Dekker have been running this Sexorcist scam for years. Everyone knows that."

 

"I didn't!" Chuck said, clearly shaken.

 

Walker smiled. "Leaders make mistakes, Chuck," he said, as he opened his newspaper. "You'll grow into it. Did I ever talk about the time-"

 

"The time you made a deal with Ra's Al Ghul. Yes, you might've mentioned it," Reardon said sympathetically.

 

Drury nodded, and took another slurp of tea.

 

"Fucking hell, I think those eggs gave me gonorrhea," Blake murmured to himself, as he placed a hand on his gurgling stomach. Mayo slowly, but purposefully, edged his seat away from him.

 

...

 

"Diarrhoea."

 

 

==Got Ham Meat Packing Facility==

 

Batman clutched his REC gun tightly. The familiar metallic clunking of his opponent's heavy boots was growing louder and louder with each step. Looking up for a moment, he caught a glimpse of the looming figure; its' own weapon drawn, red eyes glowing from behind its' frosted dome. And then it saw him.

 

"You're trespassing, Batman," a robotic voice boomed.

 

A beam of blue light shot across the room, striking a nearby railing, coating it in ice. As Bruce ran for the cover, the gun fired again, hitting a hanging pig carcass. Unable to carry its' increased weight, the hook snapped; the body crashed to the ground, shattering into a hundred brittle chunks of ice. Bruce hurled a magnetic charge at the assailant, as it came in contact with its' armour, the device crackled with electricity, pinning the hulking figure to the ground.

 

"Ready to talk like grownups, Victor?" Batman asked. "I know Julian Day helped you escape Arkham City, and I know in return, you've been running errands for him."

 

"One errand," Freeze replied haughtily. "Earlier this year, he had me retrieve a gallon of Scarecrow's Fearless formula."

 

Bruce's eyes narrowed. "Fearless?"

 

"Correct. Before you stopped him, Crane had a shipment sent out to Cobblepot. I intercepted that truck, and delivered the compound to Day instead."

 

"And you just gave it to him? What did Calendar Man want with it?" Bruce asked warily.

 

"I have no idea."

 

...

 

"I wouldn't expect you to understand. Day saved our lives- mine and Nora's. I owed him a debt, I fulfilled it, nothing more. Yes, perhaps in hindsight, I should have refused him- it would have certainly saved me several unwelcome visitors," he added, glowering at Batman. "But as a husband and her protector, I did what was necessary to maintain her safety."

 

Batman glanced at Nora's cyro chamber, briefly. "You said... guests."

 

"Of course," Freeze glared. "Penguin's thugs, Black Mask's, the clown... all of them at one point or another have come seeking that same infernal compound."

 

"The clown-?" Batman's expression changed. "What did he say, Victor? What did he say?"

 

==Arkham Asylum==

 

"What is he doing in there?" Day asked, tapping the ground impatiently

 

"Oh, I dunno," Krill said inattentively, as he wiped a smear of frosting off his cheek. "Playing with his vibrator?"

 

"What?" Julian mouthed indignantly, as he opened the door. Sitting behind Arkham's desk, building suspiciously bat-shaped origami figures, was the Joker. Standing by his side, his body crackling with red and yellow lightning, was Zoom.

 

"Ah," Day muttered in realisation. "The vibrator."

 

Joker's green eyes shot up, as he looked at Day's forehead tattoos and tutted. "Really, 47, I preferred the barcode. Much more subtle. Take a seat, gentlemen," he offered, as he pointed to a pair of wooden stools. Julian moved his whoopee cushion aside, as he and Krill sat down.

 

"So! Am I to gather that my little playmates have gone walkabouts?" Joker asked, his voice jovial, with an undercurrent of malice. "No goodbyes, no hugs, no kisses, no fanfare, just gone- Poof! No offense, Julian," he added.

 

"None... taken," Day replied, confused.

 

"Naturally, it's all rather upsetting. I've been cooped up in here for months, party planning! Making posters, blowing up balloons (and buildings), pinning tails on the Arkham Guards... I would just hate to think that after all that hard work, they'd just... run away."

 

"You have nothing to worry about, I assure you," Julian said, his voice cracking slightly. "As far as we know, the Misfits don't even know about your involvement. They still think Barson's the mastermind."

 

"Oh, sure, is that what you told Eraser?"

 

"Oh, Abner, surely you haven't been spying on me?" Day asked sarcastically.

 

Krill grinned mischievously. "Me? Never. Why, I've been stuck Keeping Up With the bloody Karsons for the last six months!"

 

"I'm sorry, did you actively pronounce that with a K?" Day asked, exasperated.

 

"I did, and I hate myself, but it was worth it."

 

"Oh! Let's not squabble, gentlemen..." Joker chuckled. "Let's save the backstabbing for another day! Julian, sweetheart, I need you focused on that Black Mask caper of yours. Be sure to check in on the Night of the Living Ted every once in a while- only if necessary, mind. I just can't have him dying on me. Again. Abner, that leaves you to focus on finding our guests of honour, take the other hundred Dalmatians, and get on their scent."

 

"On it," Krill saluted smugly, jumping to his feet. "Metaphorical Dalmatians, right?"

 

Joker's smile faltered slightly. "Yes. Metaphorical Dalmatians. Oh, and when you do find them, Abner, be gentle. There's no fun playing with broken toys... I want them all refreshed, all shiny and new and rosy cheeked for the final act. Y'know, when I get to break them myself."

Done