A Christmas Moth Story
-------Christmas Eve 2012---------
===The Gotham Royal===
"Remind me why I'm doing this."
Li- Marketing thinks it'll help fix your image.
Sionis- Marketing... What a joke... What's wrong with my image?
...
"Aside from that."
Li- For one, you're not particularly approachable.
Sionis- Good! I don't want calls 24/7!
Li- And you have a penchant for killing people. Which wouldn't be an issue if they weren't *our* people
Sionis- And this party will fix that?
Li- Couldn't hurt. Adjust your bow tie.
Sionis- I'm not going to- Happy?
Li- Quite.
*Li holds the door open, and Sionis walks through into the Ballroom. In one corner, Gaige is laughing about one of his usual fish anedotes, Penguin stands beside him, less than enthused as he slips champagne, wishing he was somewhere else. Tiger Moth smiles weakly, hoping her father will forget about her long enough for her to make her escape.
In another corner, Drury Walker stands beside Gar Lynns, weeping about his impending divorce, as Lynns, unsympathetically, attempts to light a cigarette as discreetly as possible.
Sat by the dance floor, Victor Zsasz tugs on his collar, clearly irritable. It's the first shirt he's worn in a decade. Sat beside him, Edward Nygma attempts to guess the amount of tallies across his body. He's hit by a shrimp appetiser fired by Lawton, who's playing a game of tiddlywinks with his lunch one table over.
The only person who seems content to be here is No-Face, who sits alone, humming Jingle Bells. His lack of lips doesn't seem to bother him that much.
Sionis takes it all in, marvelling at all the vultures he's surrounded by, then pulls Li in close.
"Who the fuck invited Killer "Can't hold a conversation" Moth?"
Li- Must be Lynns' plus one.
Sionis- Right...
...
Sionis- Who invited Lynns?
"Non alcoholic?!"
"I'm sorry, Gar," Walker responds. "But I'm just not in the mood... I mean, why couldn't we just go to Lenny's?"
Gar- Because Lenny's is *also* a bar!
Drury- At least I'm not afraid I'll be murdered there.
Gar- Obviously, you ain't heard what they say about you. ... Look, do you know how many times I had to pester Bookworm to get you here? Now shut up, and get some Christmas spirit down you.
...
"Wait, what do they say about me?"
Walker doesn't receive an answer though, as Lynns is already pushing him through the crowds towards the bar, shoving past a purple clad monstrosity on their way over. The Lightning Bug mumbles a series of expletives their way, while Drury fruitlessly attempts to apologise. "Shoulda just stayed in Drury" he murmurs, as Gar hands him a pint glass of eggnog.
--------Christmas Eve 2014---------
====My Alibi=====
Tonight's showing of "It's a Wonderful Life" is sponsored by Macy's, the newest addition to the Lexcorp family.
"The finest silks, the richest velvets. This Christmas, Macy's is launching their Supervillain range. For the bad boy in all of you. Will *you* go two-toned tonight? Will *you* ask your love the greatest riddle? Will you set *your* heart alight with passion? In store Saturday.
(Macy's and it's subsidiares don't mean to offend victims of supervillainy. If you or a loved one have suffered at the hands of the villainously-challenged, come in store today for a free! Music Meister pin badge!)"!
Ah, commercials... Seems like there's more and more each year. A never-ending barrage of junk... Chuck finishes his eggnog, and nudges Blake's unconscious body.
"Shouldn't have done all that cinnamon, Tom"
Chuck, who wisely refused to partake in the Misfits' new cinnamon snorting tradition (created by Dekker, naturally) glances at Len, now brushing the last of the powder off of the table.
"Merry Christmas, Len."
Fiasko grunts something that sounds vaquely like "You too," before taking out his shotgun, and prodding Blake with its barrel. If asked, he would have claimed it was unloaded. "Wake up, hairball."
Blake- Watizit?
Len- Closing time. There's only so much sentimentality I can take for one day.
Blake- It's Christmas Eve, Len-
Len- And that's why I didn't just shoot you. Get up already. You too, Bug.
Rigger raises his thumb up out from under the counter, and straightens his Santa hat. Blake continues to plead, none of it lands.
Len- You think I want to close up? I have to, before Santa Klaus bursts in, demanding we serve him milk and cookies. Again. Lost some good regulars last time he pulled that.
-------Christmas Eve, 2016-------
====Kringle's Cards and Gifts====
Alison- - And lastly, on Supervillain Slip-Ups, Mitchell Mayo- alias the Condiment King "mustard" been *pretty* embarrassed when, during his attempted robbery of a Big Belly Burger, he slipped on his own cranberry sauce, and landed flat on his face. The embarrassment didn't end there- one annoyed patron proceeded to kick him several times for disrupting their lunch. He must've "relished" that, eh Jack? Back to you.
Ryder- Thanks Alison, and now, we take you to Dean Synder for the weather. Dean?
Dean- Snowstorms are popping up all across Gotham. But these are no ordinary beasts, could it be that the Weather Wizard has expanded his reach as far as Gotham?
"Julian, stop staring at the TV, and pass me that stack of New Year's cards, will you?"
Day frowned. Once upon a time, he would be outside on Christmas, getting up to all kinds of mischief himself. Alas, not today. He pulled his bobble hat tightly over his forehead, and handed his boss the boxes. Not so much as a thank you. Typical. He returned to the till, where he played with a wind-up Nutcracker, amused with the device, when the doorbell chimed.
"Julian!"
Julian- I've got it covered, Mr Ramirez. How... How can I help?
The Joker placed his reindeer antlers onto the desk.
"I'm glad you asked! See, I was on your website, and saw you had a card in stock that read "Sleigh bells Ring," sleigh being spelt S-L-A-Y, love that kinda humour, and I would just *love* to get one sent out to a friend of mine!"
Julian gulped, and prayed that they hadn't sold out.
"Lovely place! I tell you, the things you miss when you're not out and about..."
Fortunately, Day was able to find a box under the desk, and handed him the card. In return, the Joker placed a green and white halibut onto the table, picked up his antlers, and walked out the front door whistling Carol of the Bells. Julian's boss, Mr Ramirez looked at him, and then the counter in disbelief.
...
"Did that louse pay you in fish?"
-------Christmas Eve 2018---------
====The Hall of Justice====
Recognised. Wonder Woman 001. Flash 004. Green Lantern 005.
"Poison Christmas Trees! Poison Christmas Trees! Who does that!"
Ivy- There are plenty of synthetic Christmas trees, but no, humans are only content when they are unceremoniously snuffing out plant life.
Barry- But... I mean, it's cruel, it's diabolical, it's-
Diana- Flash. Focus on the positives. We saved lives tonight.
Barry- It's just... On Christmas Eve? With kids all gathered around the tree, wondering what that big present underneath could be?
Ivy- I wasn't intending to kill them. Only to... irritate them. Make them think twice about chopping down such a unique life form.
Diana- Let us just be thankful we were able to stop anyone from getting hurt.
Hal murmurs something in Flash's ear
Hal- I'm just thankful there's still a few a hours left before midnight... You know what Carol would do if I were late? God, it must be nice to have superspeed..
Barry- It's not as handy as you'd think. Doesn't matter how fast you are, if Abra Kadabra is standing in your way, you're gonna be a couple minutes late, no matter what.
They enter into the monitor room.
Hal- Oh, Bats, it's another one of your villains!
Batman turns around, to greet the new arrivals.
Batman- Ivy. I thought you'd reformed.
Ivy- Unlike you Batman, I keep my word. No killing.
Batman- Hnm. I'm sure you can explain that to Doctor Arkham tonight. I'll make sure she's taken back to Arkham. Securely, this time. Good work, everyone.
...
Hal- Wow, it *really* must be Christmas.
A Christmas Moth Story
-------Christmas Eve 2012---------
===The Gotham Royal===
"Remind me why I'm doing this."
Li- Marketing thinks it'll help fix your image.
Sionis- Marketing... What a joke... What's wrong with my image?
...
"Aside from that."
Li- For one, you're not particularly approachable.
Sionis- Good! I don't want calls 24/7!
Li- And you have a penchant for killing people. Which wouldn't be an issue if they weren't *our* people
Sionis- And this party will fix that?
Li- Couldn't hurt. Adjust your bow tie.
Sionis- I'm not going to- Happy?
Li- Quite.
*Li holds the door open, and Sionis walks through into the Ballroom. In one corner, Gaige is laughing about one of his usual fish anedotes, Penguin stands beside him, less than enthused as he slips champagne, wishing he was somewhere else. Tiger Moth smiles weakly, hoping her father will forget about her long enough for her to make her escape.
In another corner, Drury Walker stands beside Gar Lynns, weeping about his impending divorce, as Lynns, unsympathetically, attempts to light a cigarette as discreetly as possible.
Sat by the dance floor, Victor Zsasz tugs on his collar, clearly irritable. It's the first shirt he's worn in a decade. Sat beside him, Edward Nygma attempts to guess the amount of tallies across his body. He's hit by a shrimp appetiser fired by Lawton, who's playing a game of tiddlywinks with his lunch one table over.
The only person who seems content to be here is No-Face, who sits alone, humming Jingle Bells. His lack of lips doesn't seem to bother him that much.
Sionis takes it all in, marvelling at all the vultures he's surrounded by, then pulls Li in close.
"Who the fuck invited Killer "Can't hold a conversation" Moth?"
Li- Must be Lynns' plus one.
Sionis- Right...
...
Sionis- Who invited Lynns?
"Non alcoholic?!"
"I'm sorry, Gar," Walker responds. "But I'm just not in the mood... I mean, why couldn't we just go to Lenny's?"
Gar- Because Lenny's is *also* a bar!
Drury- At least I'm not afraid I'll be murdered there.
Gar- Obviously, you ain't heard what they say about you. ... Look, do you know how many times I had to pester Bookworm to get you here? Now shut up, and get some Christmas spirit down you.
...
"Wait, what do they say about me?"
Walker doesn't receive an answer though, as Lynns is already pushing him through the crowds towards the bar, shoving past a purple clad monstrosity on their way over. The Lightning Bug mumbles a series of expletives their way, while Drury fruitlessly attempts to apologise. "Shoulda just stayed in Drury" he murmurs, as Gar hands him a pint glass of eggnog.
--------Christmas Eve 2014---------
====My Alibi=====
Tonight's showing of "It's a Wonderful Life" is sponsored by Macy's, the newest addition to the Lexcorp family.
"The finest silks, the richest velvets. This Christmas, Macy's is launching their Supervillain range. For the bad boy in all of you. Will *you* go two-toned tonight? Will *you* ask your love the greatest riddle? Will you set *your* heart alight with passion? In store Saturday.
(Macy's and it's subsidiares don't mean to offend victims of supervillainy. If you or a loved one have suffered at the hands of the villainously-challenged, come in store today for a free! Music Meister pin badge!)"!
Ah, commercials... Seems like there's more and more each year. A never-ending barrage of junk... Chuck finishes his eggnog, and nudges Blake's unconscious body.
"Shouldn't have done all that cinnamon, Tom"
Chuck, who wisely refused to partake in the Misfits' new cinnamon snorting tradition (created by Dekker, naturally) glances at Len, now brushing the last of the powder off of the table.
"Merry Christmas, Len."
Fiasko grunts something that sounds vaquely like "You too," before taking out his shotgun, and prodding Blake with its barrel. If asked, he would have claimed it was unloaded. "Wake up, hairball."
Blake- Watizit?
Len- Closing time. There's only so much sentimentality I can take for one day.
Blake- It's Christmas Eve, Len-
Len- And that's why I didn't just shoot you. Get up already. You too, Bug.
Rigger raises his thumb up out from under the counter, and straightens his Santa hat. Blake continues to plead, none of it lands.
Len- You think I want to close up? I have to, before Santa Klaus bursts in, demanding we serve him milk and cookies. Again. Lost some good regulars last time he pulled that.
-------Christmas Eve, 2016-------
====Kringle's Cards and Gifts====
Alison- - And lastly, on Supervillain Slip-Ups, Mitchell Mayo- alias the Condiment King "mustard" been *pretty* embarrassed when, during his attempted robbery of a Big Belly Burger, he slipped on his own cranberry sauce, and landed flat on his face. The embarrassment didn't end there- one annoyed patron proceeded to kick him several times for disrupting their lunch. He must've "relished" that, eh Jack? Back to you.
Ryder- Thanks Alison, and now, we take you to Dean Synder for the weather. Dean?
Dean- Snowstorms are popping up all across Gotham. But these are no ordinary beasts, could it be that the Weather Wizard has expanded his reach as far as Gotham?
"Julian, stop staring at the TV, and pass me that stack of New Year's cards, will you?"
Day frowned. Once upon a time, he would be outside on Christmas, getting up to all kinds of mischief himself. Alas, not today. He pulled his bobble hat tightly over his forehead, and handed his boss the boxes. Not so much as a thank you. Typical. He returned to the till, where he played with a wind-up Nutcracker, amused with the device, when the doorbell chimed.
"Julian!"
Julian- I've got it covered, Mr Ramirez. How... How can I help?
The Joker placed his reindeer antlers onto the desk.
"I'm glad you asked! See, I was on your website, and saw you had a card in stock that read "Sleigh bells Ring," sleigh being spelt S-L-A-Y, love that kinda humour, and I would just *love* to get one sent out to a friend of mine!"
Julian gulped, and prayed that they hadn't sold out.
"Lovely place! I tell you, the things you miss when you're not out and about..."
Fortunately, Day was able to find a box under the desk, and handed him the card. In return, the Joker placed a green and white halibut onto the table, picked up his antlers, and walked out the front door whistling Carol of the Bells. Julian's boss, Mr Ramirez looked at him, and then the counter in disbelief.
...
"Did that louse pay you in fish?"
-------Christmas Eve 2018---------
====The Hall of Justice====
Recognised. Wonder Woman 001. Flash 004. Green Lantern 005.
"Poison Christmas Trees! Poison Christmas Trees! Who does that!"
Ivy- There are plenty of synthetic Christmas trees, but no, humans are only content when they are unceremoniously snuffing out plant life.
Barry- But... I mean, it's cruel, it's diabolical, it's-
Diana- Flash. Focus on the positives. We saved lives tonight.
Barry- It's just... On Christmas Eve? With kids all gathered around the tree, wondering what that big present underneath could be?
Ivy- I wasn't intending to kill them. Only to... irritate them. Make them think twice about chopping down such a unique life form.
Diana- Let us just be thankful we were able to stop anyone from getting hurt.
Hal murmurs something in Flash's ear
Hal- I'm just thankful there's still a few a hours left before midnight... You know what Carol would do if I were late? God, it must be nice to have superspeed..
Barry- It's not as handy as you'd think. Doesn't matter how fast you are, if Abra Kadabra is standing in your way, you're gonna be a couple minutes late, no matter what.
They enter into the monitor room.
Hal- Oh, Bats, it's another one of your villains!
Batman turns around, to greet the new arrivals.
Batman- Ivy. I thought you'd reformed.
Ivy- Unlike you Batman, I keep my word. No killing.
Batman- Hnm. I'm sure you can explain that to Doctor Arkham tonight. I'll make sure she's taken back to Arkham. Securely, this time. Good work, everyone.
...
Hal- Wow, it *really* must be Christmas.