Secret Society- Lift Off

===The Hall of Doom elevator====

*Gar enters- Prometheus is already in it*

 

Gar- 'suse me

 

Prometheus- Gar Lynns? I thought you quit?

 

Gar- I did, I'm just picking up a few things

 

Prometheus- Ah. Alright. Do you mind tucking in your wings?

 

Gar- I do actually. Piss off.

 

Prometheus- Ay! Watch it, or I'll-

 

*Ding- Enter Gentleman Ghost and Cluemaster. Gar and Prometheus stop fighting*

 

Craddock- Gentlemen.

 

Gar- Craddock. You smell of shame and ectoplasm.

 

Craddock- Well my friend, I had a merry venture through the Kandaq marketplace. It was there I discovered a local brothel and decided that- Well, "when in Rome"

 

Prometheus- Oh. Oh wow.

 

Craddock- Yes well. The living and the dead aren't supposed to commune in such a way. The results were most uncivilised.

 

*Ding- Gar starts to leave- Enter Cobb, Kuttler and Rigger*

 

Gar- Thank fuck- This is my stop.

 

Rigger- -just saying, you two aren't just nerds, you're like... supernerds.

 

Cobb- Listen, Rigger, I'm not going to help you hack some poor kid's phone. Since Arkham *shudder*... Well, lets say I've seen enough dicks to last a lifetime

 

Rigger- It's not much I'm asking, just make 'it' smaller. That'll put her off...

 

Kuttler- It seems, that what you want is Photoshop.

 

Rigger- Urgh, whatever...

 

Gar- Hi Joe. Noah. ... Phil.

Cobb- Morrison. Lynns-

 

*Gar punches Cobb in the face*

 

Gar- That's for the brain bombs. Knob head.

 

Kuttler- What was that about?

 

Cobb- It doesn't matter.

 

Prometheus- Say, Joe- did you know Craddock here was at a Kandaq whorehouse last night?

 

Rigger- My man!

 

Craddock- That's one way to phrase it, Morrison. How awfully uncouth of you.

 

Rigger- ... My gentleman!

 

*Ding- Enter Bane and Boomer, exit Prometheus*

 

Rigger- Fuck, it's Bane

 

Bane- Yes, it is. Excuse me.

 

Artie- I don't think this lift'll-

 

*Bane ignores his warnings and steps into the lift*

 

Artie- Oh, no. Just gonna squeeze right in then.

 

Craddock- Watch where you're going you troglodyte! You're standing right through me. ... Ju- just be careful next time.

 

Digger- Oy, any of you keeping up with the world cup?

 

Rigger- Nah, soccer ain't really my thing

 

Kuttler- Football.

 

Rigger- Eh?

 

Kuttler- Don't tell me you're one of those guys that calls it soccer. It's football.

 

Rigger- Well, what do you call football then? Our football that is

 

Digger- Heh. Rugby for pussies.

 

Artie- Rugby's *for* pussies.

 

McCulloch- *From the mirror* Dinnae disrespect rugby!

 

*Artie jumps back in fright*

 

McCulloch- Aye. Ah wis in the mirror but I couldnae hauld my tongue any longah.

 

Cobb- Anyway. Have the rest of you seen the new recruits?

 

Bane- Yes

 

Digger- New recruits?

 

Artie- Oh yeah- Punch, Jewlee, Icicle, Sportsmaster, Mala- M'afak- Jeff. Some others too.

 

Rigger- Yeesh. Sportsmaster. Sounds like you're on your way out Digger

 

Digger- What the bloody hell are you on about, mate?

 

Rigger- Look- you throw boomerangs. Sportsmaster throws discuses, javelins, footballs, soccer balls- Shut up Kuttler, AND boomerangs! Talk about redundancy.

 

Digger- Oy, they could neva replace me- just you wait.

 

Cobb- You haven't told him yet?

 

Bane- I was waiting for the best time. This... this is the best time.

 

Digger- What are you- Oh, you bastards

 

*Ding- Enter Slipknot*

 

Slipknot- What'sss up friendssss?

 

Cobb- This is where I get off

 

Bane- Yes.

 

Noah- Me too.

 

Rigger- Been fun.

 

McCulloch- -See ya next week

 

Craddock- Au revoir.

 

Slipknot- What'ssss going on?

 

Artie- ... We detest you.

 

Digger- Everybody does.

 

*Slipknot opens his packed lunch- An ostrich egg that he tries to eat with no success. He takes a photo of it and posts it on Instagram. His phone beeps*

 

Slipknot- Oh, "Copperhead is following me too" That makesss... one follower.

 

*Ding- Enter Gar and Volcana laden with boxes*

 

Gar- Oh shit. Slipknot. Is there another elevator?

 

Volcana- There was. Grundy fell down it. ... He's fine ... Shit, we're gonna have to talk to him.

Gar- Damnit. Hey buddy.

 

Slipknot- Hello Mr Lynnsssssss

 

Gar- Good talk. Thanks for helping me get my stuff babe. I'll text you once I've dropped it off.

 

Volcana- Actually Gar... it's time we talked

 

Gar- Oh no.

 

Volcana- We're very different people

 

Gar- No we're not! We both like fire, we love sex, we have hot as hell bodies

 

Volcana- I'm sorry but-

 

Gar- No. You are not doing this to me. You are not breaking up with me. In the Hall of Doom. In an elevator. In front of Slipknot!

 

Volcana- I kinda am. Look you'll still have Snow Flame...

 

Gar- I don't want Snow Flame! He cries! He shits! He snorts cocaine!

 

Volcana-... Bye Gar.

 

*Volcana exits. Slipknot awkwardly pats Gar to comfort him*

 

Slipknot- It'ssss Ok. It'ssss Ok. Sssshe wassssn't worth it.

Done