Drury Walker- No Man Like Catman

===Van Cleer Manor===

 

Blake- Hey, kiddies!

 

Kitten- Uncle Blake. ... How'd you get past the electric fence?

 

Blake- Calendar Man makes an excellent shield.

 

Axel- 'Not sure if that's impressive or horrifying.

 

Kitten- Both.

 

Blake- Look, children. Where's your ma?

 

Axel/Kitten- Out.

 

Blake- Don't lie to me. I can smell her scent.

 

Axel- Good god you've upped the creep factor.

 

Blake- Zodiac'll do that to you.

 

Kitten- But... He's dead.

 

Blake- Uh no. I think I'd know if he was dead!

 

Axel- Yeah, dad told us the whole story. Big penis cannon. Death by Fire Crotch. I heard Calendar Man fucked his corpse..

 

Blake- Well, your father's never been entirely honest... (kinda why he's in Blackgate)

 

Axel- No. You can't make that shit up.

 

Blake- Agree to disagree.

 

Axel- I'll agree that you're wrong

 

Kitten- Didn't you hide his body?- I was pretty sure it was found in that play park.

 

Blake- Where. Is. Your. Mother?!

 

Kitten- In the bathroom.

 

Blake- Ooh.

 

*Kitten and Axel exchange a look*

 

Axel- She's in the shooting range you fucking creep.

 

Blake- Ta.

 

...

 

Kitten- Was that wrong of us to tell him?

 

Axel- On the upside Mom might kill 'im.

 

Kitten- Hmm.

 

====The Shooting Range====

 

*Bang* *Bang* *Bang*

 

Blake- Hey Miranda.

 

*Bang! Bang! Bang!*

 

Miranda- Blake.

 

Blake- Thank god, you've run out of bullets.

 

...

 

Blake- Oh no, you're reloading...

 

Miranda- We've been over this

 

*Bang! Bang! Bang!*

 

Blake- You haven't heard me out proper.

 

*Bang! Bang! Bang!*

 

Miranda- I think I heard all I needed to when you blurted out that hairball innuendo.

 

Blake- That was immature. But that was soooo long ago. I've changed!

 

*Bang! Bang!*

 

Miranda- That. Was. Tuesday.

 

Blake- And I've changed!

 

Miranda- Really? Even if you've suddenly grown a pair-

 

Blake- I have a perfectly fine pair already thank you.

 

Miranda- Who'd you steal them from? I'm not giving up on Drury just to screw a furry.

 

Blake- I'm not a- How come Drury gets a free pass?

 

Miranda- He's fuzzy. Not furry.

 

Blake- That's not- Don't tell me you haven't thought of it. Of me.

 

Miranda- I'd sooner snog Dekker.

 

...

 

Miranda- Fuck off.

 

Blake- Oh my. You have! You have thought of it! How couldn't you, eh?

 

*To the tune of "Everybody Wants to Be a Cat"*

 

Blake- 'Cause-

 

Everybody wants to screw this cat,

 

because this cat's the only cat

who knows where it's at.

 

Everybody's pickin' up on that feline beat,

'cause everything else is obsolete.

 

Now a Moth, please don't mourn,

can make you wish you weren't born,

ever' single day;

 

and with a Moth in the act,

he can set fuckin' back

to the caveman days.

 

I've heard some horny bugs who tried to sing,

 

but this cat's the only cat

who knows how to swing.

 

Who wants to dig

Professor Pyg,

or shit like that?

 

When everybody wants to screw this cat.

 

A Moth, please don't mourn,

makes you wish you weren't born,

ever' single day;

 

and with a Moth in the act,

he's gonna set sweet music back

to the cave man days.

 

Everybody wants to screw this cat,

because this cat's the only cat

who knows where it's at;

 

when havin' sex you always has a Welcome mat,

 

'cause everybody digs a bangin' cat.

 

Everybody digs a a bangin'-

 

*Bang!*

 

Blake- Aargh! You fucking shot me?!

 

Miranda- Oh yeah. Sorry.

*Bang*

 

Blake- You- you- did it again!

 

Miranda- Whoops

 

Blake- That's just- Since when do you even *have* a fucking shooting range?!

 

Miranda- Oh. Built it an hour ago.

Blake- N-aaargh!

 

Miranda- Aw, kitten.

 

*pow*

 

Miranda- "No one screams like Catman,

or demeans like Catman,

In a bawling match nobody bawls like Catman,

He's especially good at exasperating, everyone he's ever met"

Done