God

Chapter three

1919-

“Hey randy!!! Randy randy….”

“What?” said with anger

“They got a----- a…”

“Spit it out junior…”

“They got a new shipment!”

“A new shipment?”

“Yes that's what i said! The best of the best, primo opium, i do promise brother.”

“Holy shit….. Well what are you waiting for show me it….”

I pulled out the brown bag, the bag does not give off the impression that one would think of when thinking of luxury, truthfully the contents within this bag are far more valuable to me than any form of love. My brother he seems--- out of tune. As if he is a broken recorder, not repetitive but for plain and monotone, one that would cause most fright in elderly ears, but to me this was the normal sound of my brothers withdrawals, its been way too long since i have felt the sweet release, the delicate feeling in my bones that make them feel as if they're brittle. The shakiness is unbearable for me and randy. How dare the public judge us for addictions, it's not a addiction for me as much as it is for randy. I hide my shakes from the public through horrid lies and lines that are made of deceit, on the outside my skin had not changed, the drugs were supposed to change my color. Turning me palier than the polar capes of antarctica, but in turn they made my skin full of complexion, nor did the drugs affect my mood. I swear to myself everyday that i am doing better because of it… maybe i am…

“Randy i don't know, your not looking to good…. You look sick have you seen a doctor about your constant fevers?”

“Oh now you're turning into the rest of society aren't you? There's nothing wrong me…..”

“I'm not saying there is… randy it's just maybe we shouldn't take this----”

“Piss off johnny, you don't know the pains, the cravens, the lust for it. Constant fevers and headaches cause my brain to spin and i want this pain to just dwindle away.. How many viles do you have?”

“Two…”

“Two?! Fucking two? That's it---”

“Listen randy we don't have much money---”

“What happened to the money you got from ma?”

“I had to spend it on rent…”

“Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me….” he then slammed his weak hands against a table, no reaction came from the table, no jump and or scratch

“Randy we can both take one----”

“No fuck off i need both…. One for tomorrow and one for right fucking now….”

“Randy come on my i need to kill this pain to…”

“You don't get it, your skin, your appearance,nothing has changed with you brother. Your….. you're still normal, women look at you and they see a complexion that matches one of the Everyman, they see me…”

“Brother….”

“No don't brother me…. you know I'm right, I'm nothing but some opium addict….”

“You're far more than that brother….”

“We can…. can quit…” he began laughing

“Quit? Brother I'm thirty going on thirty one… what's the point of trying at this point? What do I have?”

“Georgia brother you have Georgia…”

He then proceeded to smash down on the table a paper of some sorts, I can't read it from afar, I don't want to bother to pick up.. it appears my brother doesn't seem to know as if what the note read it either. As I further examine it, it doesn't appear to be a note of any sort. In face it seems to be a formal document.. who the fuck would send my brother such a formal note?

“What's this?” I said while giggling

“It's divorce papers….”

“Wait what? Georgia---”

“Yeah she wants to get rid of me….”

“For what reason?”

“Your holding it brother…”

“Well fuck….”

“When did you get them?”

“About oh, a week or so ago I would say? I don't quite remember….”

“She just can't do this? Your reputations it will shatter…. the last person to get such an action done was----”

“Yes brother we all know… even then the husband was a abusive piece of no good trash…”

“You know that's not you right brother? You're nothing like marshal down the street!”

“Oh brother, I am though….. I live for my addiction… I don't deserve her---”

“Now you shut your bastard mouth up now… alright first things first we're going to go get this fucking wreck of a situation under our belts alright?” He Shaked his head signally his agreement with my statement…

“We're going to get off this shit alright?”

Again with the same agreement my brother shook his head

“Good I'm going to get a glass of water for the both of us? Sounds good brother? Maybe will take away these dreaded sweats I have been going through…”

“Sounds delightful brother….”

I placed the bag on the table and preceded to the kitchen to grab some water

These sweats are horrid, I can't describe the pools and pools of sweat I go through each and everyday. This addiction it has me underneath it's waist side… no more… me and randy were strong…. we can beat this dreaded hunger for more, I don't know how much though I can do to repair the broken wounds that was Randy's martial position… I can't recall the last time randy and Georgia actually had a smile cross their paths, the moment they began fighting was the moment my brother sought after my stash of opium… I kept it quite hidden from the family for so long, but randy saw past my devious lies, I couldn't bare to see my mothers reaction to my addiction, she didn't understand the troubles that crossed my mind. It was about a year ago when I began taking by the regular, around the time my dearest father passed away. After the funeral that day I sought help through the means of addiction, and I had heard upon the streets that a drug called opium was making it ways throughout the streets and the dealers were claiming that it killed grief, pain and or any form of anxiety. A miracle drug of sorts they called it, I was not to fond of people who were taking it then…..

but nonetheless I'm here, no more, shall I fall to the will of this devil…

I looked back at my brother while walking back the drinks….

The bag had moved….

*Crash*

“Brother!!!!!! No no no no no…”

I began running to my brother who was foaming at the mouth.

“What have you done??? Brother! Look at me…”

“Somebody help!! My brother he's dying…..” no one could hear my pleads…

“Why? Brother no, this isn't how it's supposed to go…. Somebody fucking help me!!!!”

Both vials were emptied…. he took both of them, he is overdosing…

I bursted to the door and yelled out

“Someone help….. Miss’s???”there was a women just down the hall.. she may of not heard me…

“Miss my brother he's dying, please?! Help me! Call 9-1-1 we need help please!!!”

She turned her head to me, and then began walking away….

“No…. No…. No no no please miss!!!! Fuck!!!” I ran back to my brother!

“Brother you're not going on me now….. come on you bastard…”

I began to pound on his chest over and over again…. each pound was a prayer of sorts that the toxicity would dissipate, my brother…. his eyes are rolling to the back of his head, his skin looked as pale as the first day a baby is born. The foam from his mouth poured to the floor like a destructive waterfall… I can save him….

“Brother please….????”

My heart, its leaping out of my chest as if a leapfrog had taken way of it. Randy's veins were badly damaged, why haven't I noticed before now? The blue had all but vanished, they were now more of a pale baby blue, one that shows great doses of toxin within the blood. His arm had a welt, it was as black as the night and as deep has a cavern… with each word I speak, I see my brothers eyes drift further and further into oblivion….

“Randy please? You can't leave me like this….”

I pounded again

“Randy come on you son of a bitch!!”

I pounded again

“Fuck!!!!”

Tears ran down my eyes, my chest felt as if it was caving in, my brother…. his life disappearing with each breath he takes, i see his eyes move frantically to not at all…

I pounded once more

No change….

“Why randy? Why now? Fuck!!!!”

I yelled over and over again curse words and different types of remorseful whys and no’s

The door opened and neighbors flooded in to see what the ruckus was about, they most likely assumed that we were stoned out of our gourd once again but what they see now… is what is truly a foot…

“Someone phone emergency services!!!”

My brother still was clinging on to some sort of life, I can see it in eyes, it was as if he knew that he had made some sort of crucial mistake, that he was trying to repair as fast as possible.

 

4 days later-

“Randy Morrows…. he was a husband, a brother, and most of all a amazing soul. My brother fought every second of his life, he was at a constant war against himself. Sadly my brother only found peace in….. he only found his true peace in death. Randy as a young boy was very sad as well, he always found that life was a constant reminder of how much closer to death he truly was. But back when we were just wee kids, my brother had positives to distract him. Randy may have been a sad soul his whole life, but that's only caused by his extreme devotion to his love and care for humanity, my brother saw a light in others that I could never see. He turned the oblique objects in life into ones that a more transparent meaning behind them. He always saw deeper than I could see. I have been told what my brother did was selfish, it was nothing of the sort…. my brother was a strong man, who just couldn't take any more weight placed upon his shoulders.. drugs were my brothers out lit to lift this weight of his shoulders, even if it was a brief moment of relief. My brother would of taken it. He has always been that way, I remember when I was younger, my brother got a cast molded upon his arm, as it was to heal his broken bones of the sort. Two weeks into the six week process my brother tore off the molded cast, as he found that his arm felt far more comfort being laid against smooth surface rather than the bumpy one of the cast. Of course this was a quick relief he felt, the cast dampened his arm of course making a grotesque kind of sweat on his arm, causing a constant itch. He hated this itch with a burning passion, he would write hate filled letters about his cast, but his writing hand of course was the one in the cast, so his writing look as if a chicken has wrote it. When my brother took the cast off he found that the pain on the outside of the cast was far worse than that of the dreaded itch. Sadly my brother had no solution for this world, how to cure his pain. How to cure his immense sadness…. so he decided to take his own life, he found that…. no life was better than one that kept a constant cloud of sadness over his head, and a little part of me is in understandment with Randy's decision…. but damnit a part of me sees my brothers body lying in that horrid bed, and I can all I think is how I could've stopped him.. it didn't need to end this way, we could of got you help Randy…. We could of helped….”

I began to break down in tears, my brothers body laid dormant in front of me, lifeless, his face the same as I always knew, but yet so different. That's not my brother laying in there, that's some foreign being who overtook my brother. It's my fault, my brother would still be alive if I hadn't done that pissful Drug in the first place, why did I turn my back? Why did I leave that bag to lay on the table? Why? Is all I can keep asking of myself… why?

 

2 Months Later

I began to head towards my brothers old house, in which his---- bitch of spouse resides in… my foul language wouldn't serve to help the situation I assume, each step towards this dreaded place spelled sadness for me, it's only been to two months since Randy…. since Randy passed I don't know as if I'm ready to bare the pain that comes when I knock upon her wooden door. The building that once belonged to my brother seemed to be a vacant lot. The word resident had lost all meaning upon this building, I always did love this house. A wooden castle of sorts, me and my brother may have never been rich by the wealth aspect, but we were rich with the love we received, this house once belonged to my mother, but when I moved she felt as if she and Randy should have moved with me. Plans changed and Randy was left behind, mother stayed with me for quite a while but the found her nesting spot within the town. My brother on the other hand found his shelter in the home that I once called my own, he took it over and gave it a new sense of life. My family and I moved quite often but this house had the most significant meaning to my heart, it was the first home I felt at home in. But when it was sold and or left to be destroyed I don't remember the house lost all…. lost all of its homeliness, and now I look upon this house with my weary eyes and wonder… why does it still feel so empty? I believe my brother Randy was the source, it wasn't the land the structure was built upon or the wood within in it, that made it home, nor was it the neighboring people around us. It was Randy… Randy was the key source to my home life feeling like home. And now that he has left this earth, the homeliness is now forever lost, with a breath of the wind my feeling of comfort has disappeared. I approached the house and paused. The dreaded day was here, I had to speak to my brothers wife, or ex wife. I don't quite know how this process works.

*knock knock*

The door opened quickly, it was her….

“Johnny!” She remarked

“Hello Georgia.”

“Why the blank face Johnny?”

I did not feel as if a response was needed.

“Listen I know things have been rough…”

“Rough? Oh you don't know the start Georgia, and don't pretend like his death had an impact upon you…”

“What are you claiming Johnny?”

“Are you saying I never loved your brother?”

“I don't know what I'm saying.”

“I believe you do, but you're undergoing grief so I will let your brief lapse in respect go past…”

“How kind of you.”

“Do you want to come in?”

“No I rather not.”

“Well then what is it you need then?”

“I'm here to drop of…..”

I handed her an envelope that had quite a bit of money within it.

“Oh!”

“I can't possibly---”

“Oh don't play this game Georgia…. you're the one who made him do this damned will so just take the fucking money.”

“Johnny how dare you…. you act as if you're the only one grieving..”

“Georgia I did not come here to discuss with you how your grieving, personally I could give less of a shit about your presence on this earth. So please take the money and let me piss off…”

“Fine Johnny…”

“Good, I'll be off then, I hope we don't have to meet each other again for such legalities.”

I began walking down the steps when I heard a faint whisper come from her mouth….

“What did you say?”

“Who me?” She said sarcastically

“No you're fucking neighbor, yes you, now what In the hell did you say?”

“Nothing of any sorts just a fond whisper! 'Tis all.”

“Georgia….. what in the fuck did you say?”

“Nothing! Now how many times shall I repeat myself before you do piss off?”

I began walking again when she uttered.

“You blame me….. but I'm not the one to blame Johnny…”

“What?”

“You know actually what I speak of”

“I wouldn't tell your mother of your twos little pity parties, and Drug parades… but I will not let you step upon my lawn and say that I am to blame for my husbands death.”

“I never claim it to be…”

“Who are you claiming it is to be Georgia?”

“Yours….”

I began to walk away once again, she saying words of hate and misery but my mind has blocked out her chatter of sorts…

 

5 years later-

“Is everything alright Hun?”

“Why yes of course dear I'm sorry…. you know this day has always been rough upon me…”

“Oh yes honey I have forgotten I am beyond sorry.”

“Do not say sorry, there's no need, just wondering where he is at the moment? Do you think that all this eve angelique nonsense is of true nature?”

“I don't know darling..”

“Me neither..”

“Why do we choose to believe?”

“Why are we here? All these question people be asking, there far to basic for my taste. I don't know if i'm going to…. I don't know if i'm going to go tonight.”

“What? You have never missed---”

“It's only been five or so years, my track record of appearances aren't to impressive.”

“Darling you're being too hard upon yourself, but i do need to press that you must go. Randy would---”

“I don't know what randy would of wanted” i snapped

“Sorry hun----”

“No i am, it's just--- it's just---” my eyes began to tear up

“Oh no need for words hun…”

“It's my fault…

“There was no knowing of this happening to him, he was in a dark place that no one could pull him out of.”

“It wasn't like that…”

“Then how was it then?”

“Listen i get it, i do appreciate the support, it's kind of you, but there's no convincing that this wasn't of my fault, i'm just sorry you have to listen with your weary ears upon my sadness.”

“Oh don't even say that.”

“What?”

“No pity party will be thrown here, bring your chin up and think about the positives…”

“The positives?!”

“You know what? You're right i'm sorry….”

“You remind me of him you know? You have the same ideals, the same tones. Maybe that is why i connected so harshly upon you. I know we haven't been together for a millennium but i trust you far more than i would ever trust these street women. I guess your striking personality and-----”

“And what else? I mean your already flaunting me as if im gold! And most of the time i would tell you shush up but, you can keep going.”

I chuckled

“You remind me of him…..”

“Of a man?!”

“Sort of.” she playfully hit me on back a couple of times

“What? It's your biceps! They do show a manly esce structure…” i said while smirking

“Well they may seem so massive compared to yours, i have met school girls with more muscle.”

“Oh thats low!” i chuckled once more

“But funny.”

“I guess.”

“Oh what you can say i look as if i'm a man? But i can't say that you look like those plastic molded models that they place in stores?”

“Wow”

“What”

“I'm to happy to be offended, that was far to good….”

“Alright come along now, we don't want to be late…”

“Fine, fine…. I'll meet you at the door.”

 

End Of Chapter Three.

 

 

 

Done