jessica_nicole0815
Finding balance...⚖️
For most of my life the gym was my sanctuary, my escape, my addiction, my strength, my weakness...my prison.
As a young child I would find refuge in a book. Whenever I began to notice being different and feeling confused about my gender, I would turn to a book, always reading. As I grew into a teenager and understood my dilemma of being transgender, I was determined to fight it. I purchased a weight set and bench without my parents knowing. When it arrived, my Dad asked “Where are you going to put it?” We lived in a small house and space was a luxury. He then said jokingly, “What are you going to do? Take out your bed?”. Thankful for his suggestion, I said, “That’s exactly what I am going to do.” The fight was on.
Within a year, I was a new person. Suddenly, the nerdy guy who liked to read was now the muscular dude. I was accepted by all everywhere but, secretly, I was fighting a losing battle and thus the love/hate relationship began. I would work so hard to win the public’s opinion and loathe what I would see in the mirror. I was in constant battle with myself. When pondering transitioning, I hated what I saw in the mirror, what I had done. All those muscles were my battle scars. Years of fighting against who I was. I’m glad that the war is over and I have finally won.
With that said, the gym is a part of my life, it always will be. I enjoy going now and look forward to starting each morning there...it’s my cup of coffee, so to speak. Now I strive to find the balance that will produce a healthy, fit and feminine appearance.
Finding balance...⚖️
For most of my life the gym was my sanctuary, my escape, my addiction, my strength, my weakness...my prison.
As a young child I would find refuge in a book. Whenever I began to notice being different and feeling confused about my gender, I would turn to a book, always reading. As I grew into a teenager and understood my dilemma of being transgender, I was determined to fight it. I purchased a weight set and bench without my parents knowing. When it arrived, my Dad asked “Where are you going to put it?” We lived in a small house and space was a luxury. He then said jokingly, “What are you going to do? Take out your bed?”. Thankful for his suggestion, I said, “That’s exactly what I am going to do.” The fight was on.
Within a year, I was a new person. Suddenly, the nerdy guy who liked to read was now the muscular dude. I was accepted by all everywhere but, secretly, I was fighting a losing battle and thus the love/hate relationship began. I would work so hard to win the public’s opinion and loathe what I would see in the mirror. I was in constant battle with myself. When pondering transitioning, I hated what I saw in the mirror, what I had done. All those muscles were my battle scars. Years of fighting against who I was. I’m glad that the war is over and I have finally won.
With that said, the gym is a part of my life, it always will be. I enjoy going now and look forward to starting each morning there...it’s my cup of coffee, so to speak. Now I strive to find the balance that will produce a healthy, fit and feminine appearance.