EASTER '23 (a.k.a. The Low Class, No-Class, Hillbilly, Trailer Trash, Pandemic Easter Menu: The Final Chapter)

When I started this particular menu back in 2020, it wasn’t because of the pandemic since I decided to do it shortly after 2019’s Easter as a break of-sorts after finally getting my more traditional Easter menu where I want it. The covid-19 coronavirus pandemic, however, was the reason I continued it as I decided it was going to continue as long as the pandemic continued. The pandemic will officially be declared over on May 11th of 2023. Now, there are other issues going on in the world that could be a justifiable reason for continuing a menu such as this but I’m not going to commit to that just yet.

 

So, this is likely the last time I do this particular menu in this form, with this name:

 

THE LOW CLASS, NO-CLASS, HILLBILLY, TRAILER TRASH, PANDEMIC EASTER MENU

Spicy Dill Pickled Eggs

Chips & Dips

Mystery JELLO Dessert

Baloney & Cheese Sandwiches

Sloppy Joe-Tater Tot Casserole

Fish Sticks

Franks & Beans

Mac & Cheese with Cheetos

 

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SPICY DILL PICKLED EGGS

It's that time of year folks, time to make some dill pickled eggs. Maybe a bit ironic, I started doing these and the rest of my 'low class, no-class, hillbilly, trailer trash pandemic Easter menu' as the pandemic began (which is how the word 'pandemic' made it into the title, it's important to note this was planned one year BEFORE the pandemic) and NOW eggs are a bit of an issue. Paying over $8.00 for eggs is nothing new at this time of year and wanting to fill this jar. However, that was for four dozen white-shell eggs; this year for roughly the same price I only got three dozen brown-shell eggs. It is true, brown eggs do usually cost more, that wasn't the issue - the issue was that there were no cartons of two dozen, which I usually get, and the cartons of one dozen were over $3.00 each. Strangely enough, three dozen white eggs would have cost more than three dozen brown eggs. Strange times, indeed.

 

Even though this will likely be the last time I do this incarnation of the low class, no-class, hillbilly, trailer trash pandemic Easter menu' due to the pandemic officially ending on May 11th of this year, the odds are high that pickled eggs will continue to be part of my Easter holiday food plans. If one does not have small children who like dying their eggs, this is the way to go to give eggs their just due and rightful place on the Easter menu while remaining in step with the order of the season and the day.

 

Special Tool: 48 ounce, clamplock mason jar

 

If you want to store the eggs for the long term you would want to use a vacuum sealed pickling jar, but I would strongly recommend checking the specifications for storing pickled eggs for the long term.

 

32-36 Eggs

 

* Boil eggs to medium or hard boiled

 

I'm not going to tell you how to boil three dozen eggs... just make sure they aren't soft boiled.

 

* Peel eggs and allow to cool

 

10 g. fresh Dill Weed

1 halved Chili Pepper

10 g. Black Peppercorns

 

They had no red chili peppers so I had to use the green one, no big difference, red just looks better. What is a difference is that I cut some of these peppers this time so the capsacin is more absorbed by the pickling solution.

 

* Place dill, peppercorns and chili pepper in bottom of jar

* Add 2/3rds (20-24) of eggs to jar

 

50 g. Dill Pickling Mix

790 ml. cold water

450 ml. White Vinegar

10 g. Kosher Salt

 

* Combine water, vinegar, pickling mix, and salt and stir until pickling mix dissolves

* Pour pickling solution into jar, enough to cover eggs, set rest aside

 

10 g. fresh Dill Weed

2 Chili Peppers

 

* Place dill into jar atop eggs

* Cut slits into one of the chili peppers, place both into jar atop aggs

* Add remaining eggs to jar

 

5 g. fresh Dill Weed

remaining Pickling Solution

 

* Add dill over the eggs

* Pour in remaining pickling solution

* Close and seal with clamp

* Give it a good shake and put it in the refrigerator for at least a week.

 

Bring these to your Easter festivities and there'll still be enough leftover to have for breakfast for a week or two. Make some toast and have a couple of these and you're good to go.

 

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CHIPS & DIP

Did two dips again this year, went extra easy with them this time... which, for this menu, is what I should have done in the first place. I still could have gone even easier and just bought the dips pre-made.

 

FRENCH ONION DIP

360 g. Sour Cream

30 ml. Half & Half

1 packet Onion Soup Mix

 

* Mix soup mix into half & half and allow to absorb and soften

* Mix in sour cream until consistent

* Cover & refrigerate til ready for use

 

RANCH DIP

360 g. Sour Cream

30 ml. Half & Half

10 g. Ranch Seasoning

 

* Mix seasoning into half & half until dissolved

* Mix in sour cream until consistent

* Cover & refrigerate til ready for use

 

Potato Chips

 

* Stick your chip in the dip.

 

Chips and dips... hard to keep off the menu in future years but potato salad beckons.

 

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MYSTERY JELLO DESSERT (STRAWBERRY JELLO & PRETZEL DESSERT)

JELLO inspired desserts come in many shapes, colors, and sizes. One thing is certain, a JELLO dessert of some kind is what belongs on my 'Low Class, No-Class, Hillbilly, Trailer Trash, Pandemic Easter Menu.' There are well established recipes for this particular dessert, you can find them on some boxes of JELLO, maybe the container of whipped topping, or on the JELLO website. I did none of those and just made it up from 3-4 of my other dessert recipes. Last year I made the mistake of using whipped cream cheese for the cream cheese base and, needless to say, things got interesting with it. This year I'm going back to regular cream cheese. Also, I'm going to include my recipe since it turned out as expected this time. The mystery JELLO dessert is... Strawberry JELLO & Pretzel Dessert... or is it?

 

CRUST

160 g. crushed Pretzels (about two cups)

113 g. Unsalted Butter (one stick)

 

* Melt butter

* Combine pretzels and butter in 8" x 8" or 9" x 9" pan or baking dish, evenly press into bottom

* Bake @ 350 degrees 10-12 minutes

* Refrigerate until cool and firm

 

FILLING

225 g. Cream Cheese (softened)

50 g. Sugar

140 g. Whipped Topping

 

* Beat cream cheese and sugar til smooth

* Evenly mix in whipped topping

* Spread evenly over top of crust and refrigerate til firm

 

JELLO TOPPING

Usually for pies or things like this, the amount of water used is reduced. I wasn't using a recipe so I reduced it by a full cup, a half cup less of boiling and cold, and used the quick set method on the box.

 

170 g. Strawberry JELLO Mix

360 ml. Boiling Water

240 ml. Cold Water

120 g. Ice

 

By reducing the water you get a much firmer JELLO that is easier to slice cleanly.

 

* In a mixing bowl, pour boiling water into JELLO Mix and stir to dissolve

* Add water and ice and stir until ice is melted, refrigerate about 45 minutes or until it begins setting

 

The reason for refrigerating it beforehand is so you're not pouring a liquid straight over the cream cheese filling and crust. It is JELLO, it will still set, but it may not turn out exactly how you want if you pour a liquid straight into the pan... I know it does not turn out how you want it if using whipped cream cheese. If you allow it to set for too long before adding, that's fine, whipped topping is going over the top anyways and will cover up an uneven JELLO surface.

 

* Pour over cream cheese and allow to fully set

 

150 g. Whipped Topping

Crushed Pretzels

 

The crushed pretzels are more of a marker here so people know what they are getting their self into with this whipped topping covered dessert in a container with no see-through sides and crushed pretzels on top. A savvy home cook will see the pretzels atop the whipped topping and know it's likely one of a couple things. I left the edges showing so it'd be fairly easy for someone to guess what it is.

 

* Top with whipped topping and crushed pretzels

* Cover until ready to serve.

 

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BALONEY & CHEESE SANDWICHES

Sadly, this will probably be the last time I include baloney & cheese sandwiches in my Easter menu unless another pandemic or something worse occurs. It will likely be back to ham as the main course after this year.... though I might keep it as sandwich form with my 'stone cold truth mustard dressing' like I did in 2021 with this menu. I guess I'll have to find another day of the year to eat baloney.

 

450 g. Baloney

450 g. Yellow American Cheese

1 loaf pre-sliced Bread

Mayo

Yellow Mustard

 

I'm going to leave the quality of your baloney and cheese entirely up to you.

 

* Make a sandwich

 

All the fancy and edgy ways of doing things... but this hits the spot.

 

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SLOPPY JOE-TATER TOT CASSEROLE

Once again, I had to get a five pound bag of tater tots when making this because all the smaller bags were sold out. That's fine, I'm not complaining about that, I like tater tots but don't look at me as some goddamned gluttonous sinner for taking the five pound bag of tater tots because there were no smaller bags available.

 

I did do one thing different, using processed cheese food instead of shredded cheddar. I should have done it all along because it makes sense in a casserole such as this on a menu such as this, but I didn't. Processed cheese food or not, other than the pickled eggs, this is probably the most likely menu item from the 'low class, no-class, hillbilly, trailer trash, pandemic Easter menu' to stick around the Easter menu after the pandemic... though it will probably go back to shredded cheddar for future Easter menus, I just had to try it once with the processed cheese product.

 

450 g. 80/20 Ground Beef

 

85/15 is what I use for this sloppy joe sandwiches normally, and for most things, but it is sloppy joes and I almost did get the 85/15 but then I thought - look at the rest of the menu, 80/20 totally makes most sense here.

 

* Brown and drain access grease

 

35 g. diced White Onion

70 g. diced Green Pepper

3 g. Dried Onion

1/2 tsp. Ranch Seasoning

10 ml. Worcestershire Sauce

 

* Add onions, peppers, dried onion, seasoning, and Worcestershire to meat

* Cover and reduce to low-medium until onions and peppers are tender

(about 10 minutes)

 

140 g. Ketchup

140 g. Chili Sauce

10 g. Honey Mustard

 

This casserole aside, my Sloppy Joes meat recipe is legit.

 

* Mix in ketchup, chili sauce, and honey mustard

* Spread evenly into bottom of a 8" x 8" or 9' x 9” baking dish and allow to cool

 

240 g. Sour Cream

270-360 g. sliced Processed Cheese Food (about 9 slices, enough to cover surface)

 

One problem you may run into if slicing your own slices off a block of processed cheese food, is that you aren't able to slice it because it sticks to the knife. Knowing how to slice this is one of the greatest cooking tricks there is, one I learned many years ago. The trick is... dental floss or fishing line. Obviously you want the unflavored floss and definitely don't use the fishing line that's been sitting in the old tackle box in the garage, and you also want to be sure the processed cheese food is well refrigerated and firm enough to slice. That is how you slice processed cheese food.

 

* Evenly spread sour cream atop meat

* Lay processed cheese food evenly top sour cream

 

Tater Tots (frozen)

 

* Line frozen tater tots across top so no spaces remain and top is completely covered in tots

* Bake uncovered @ 450 degrees for 25-30 minutes.

 

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FISH STICKS and HOMEMADE TARTAR SAUCE

Easter should have seafood in some form, I've come to that conclusion, and what seafood goes with the rest of this menu... who doesn't like fish sticks?

 

Now that the pandemic is over, parts of this Easter menu will cross with what it was beforehand while others will not. This is likely the last time fish sticks will appear on my Easter menu but never say never.

 

Frozen Fish Sticks

 

* Bake per instructions, about 450 degrees for 18-20 minutes

 

180 g. Olive Oil Mayo

15 g. Capers(chopped)

30 g. Sweet Relish

5 ml. Lemon Juice

5 g. Lemongrass Paste

1/2 tsp. Dry Mustard

 

* Combine ingredients until smooth and consistent.

 

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FRANKS & BEANS

While franks & beans aren't likely to remain on my Easter menu going forward, homemade baked beans are always a possibility, and likely for next years menu and menus to come.

 

45 oz. can Baked Beans

4 Hot Dogs (sliced)

 

I increased the amount of baked beans this year by one can. It was kinda shallow in the pan last year so I figured I'd add one more. Surprisingly, four hot dogs was still plenty for three cans of baked beans. They were bun length hot dogs but if using deli franks then four would be more than enough, three may even be sufficient.

 

I also added an extra touch this year:

 

1 strip Thick Cut Bacon (cut into 6-8 pieces)

 

* Mix beans and hot dogs in 8" x 8" or 9" x 9" baking dish and cover

* Add bacon on top

* Bake at 450 degrees for 20-25 minutes

* Stir bacon throughout before serving.

 

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MAC & CHEESE with CHEETOS

Had to change the name of this since Cheetos came out with their own brand of Cheetos Mac & Cheese.

 

Boxed mac & cheese with Cheetos is not going to continue being part of this menu after this year. Pasta in some form will likely be a part of future menus, in some form, maybe as a pasta salad.

 

2 340 g. boxes of Shells & Cheese

 

Went back to two boxes instead of one because I really wanted the pan full this time, for the last incarnation of 'The Low Class, No-Class, Hillbilly, Trailer Trash, Pandemic Easter Menu.'

 

* Prepare per instructions

 

120 g. Cheetos

270-360 g. sliced Processed Cheese Food (6-9 slices)

 

Again, adding some extra processed cheese food to one of the dishes for the first time.

 

* Hand crush into bits & pieces

* Evenly layer 60 grams of Cheetos on bottom of 8" x 8" or 8" or 9" x 9" pan

* Add prepared shells & cheese into pan atop Cheetos and mix throughout

* Top with processed cheese food

* Top with remaining 60 grams of Cheetos

* Place in warm oven, uncovered for 10-15 minutes

* Cover til ready to serve.

 

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This may be the last time I do 'The Low Class, No-Class, Hillbilly, Trailer Trash, Pandemic Easter Menu' but there is a chance... there is a way... it is possible that it could continue under a different name, and that name would be - The Curse. 'The Curse' because children of all ages, and many adults too, would rather have this than whatever fancy ham dinner someone cooks up, and THEY WILL NEVER hear the end of 'The Low Class, No-Class, Hillbilly, Trailer Trash, Pandemic Easter Menu' and will be powerless to do anything except give it 'The Curse.'

 

I like this menu, it is vastly underrated. Okay, the fish sticks are weird for anyone over the age of 10 but the homemade tartar sauce makes it work, for the most part this just hits all the spots which is why it probably won’t disappear completely. The Sloppy Joe-Tater Tot Casserole is going to be hard to kick to the curb, even for a Colcannon & Swiss Cottage Pie. What will likely happen is a cross-blend with what my Easter menu was before 2020:

 

Apricot-Russian Dressing Glazed Ham

Colcannon & Swiss Cottage Pie

Shrimp-Antipasto & Pesto Stuffed Shells

Apricot-Brown Butter Potato Salad

Mediterranean Corn Salad

Deviled Egg Penne Salad

Pita Bread

German Chocolate Cake Trifle with Coconut Cream and Mandarin Oranges

 

And if there is no crossover, 'The Low Class, No-Class, Hillbilly, Trailer Trash, Pandemic Easter Menu' will simply be renamed as 'The Curse' and continue indefinitely.

 

Done