AN EMPTY CHAIR WAITS FOR YOU
“On this day I met a girl called Alice, the day after your birthday, my brother. The light was everywhere … in her hair … in her smile … the countenance of her being. I bathed in that light … kept her talking just so that I could feel warm for as long as possible … she held out her hand and I placed mine in hers … seldom have I felt such a beautiful aura such as surrounded this girl. It came as no surprise to me that she was a carer for those suffering from Alzheimer's. She was an angel. She made a deep impression on me … moved me … I have a photographic memory and often I feel it is not so much of a blessing, but here was a girl that reminded me of the struggle of others who are not so fortunate … whose memories are taken from them and those who love them look on helplessly and mourn their loss long before they are gone. How lucky I am, my darling brother. I have my memories although I no longer have you. I may never see you grow old. I will never watch you suffer. To me you will be forever young. – excerpt from my journal to my missing brother 24.5.17. - AP
“Your absence has gone through me
like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with it's colour.”
W. S. Merwin – 'Separation'
“An empty chair waits for you
the colour of my heart
and life blood I would give to you
so we may never part.” - AP
Soundtrack : www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4UoJ47SzjA
FOREVER YOUNG – JOAN BAEZ
I feel your absence more keenly in the depths of Winter
as the frost gives way to snow and the sea mist rolls in gently
filling up the garden with it's never ending mysteries
clouding my mind and judgement in a trice
In Summer the garden smells sweetly of rose petals
cherry blossoms lay fallen on the lawns
lilac turns to brown and leaves skeletal impressions
impresses upon me the transience of youth
of memories soft and fleeting; flowing
flowering of adulthood as childhood falls behind
and yet deep within a part of me that never grew
that may never grow; stunted as a flower
whose seed fell upon the stony ground; so hard
and yet it bloomed a little once before it shrivelled and fell
in upon itself; where darkness held it in it's cold and icy grasp
how I long for your return so that it can be released into the light
I fight against the strangeness of my being
the oddities that make me unique and soulful in my outlook
and in other people's sight
my eyes have seen so much
before they could grow accustomed to the light
the darkness taking hold and crushing my soul
like a pressed flower within a heavy tome
a tomb that so encompassed me and held me tight
how I dream that one day you will reappear
just a glimpse would be enough to release me from this fear
I sometimes see your face within a madding crowd
the double crown you had upon a head and shoulders grown so tall
you stood above it all; once short and plump in boyhood
you shot up like a rocket and the leanness took your strength
and suddenly you were no more; you disappeared
like Alice's Cheshire cat until all that was left was just an impression
a smile in photos; goofy and awkward-looking with gangly limbs
how I wonder what you are like now as a man my darling brother
and often I wonder if you exist at all
I pray that you are well and happy somewhere in this world
laughing and enjoying life as you never did before
but all I have are pictures in my head and precious memories
conjecture is illusion; how I wish things could turn out to be and true
it's all I have … it has to do …
one day I hope I'll find my way back to you
or somewhere in the middle we will meet
look shyly toward each other; look down at the same feet
that took you on a path to who knows where
and mine that stuck and sank into the ground in mortal fear
for if I leave the old house where once we grew and knew
you may never find me and we'll grow old apart
a brother and a sister; forever young
and precious in each other's hearts.
- AP - Copyright © remains with and is the intellectual property of the author
Copyright © protected image please do not reproduce without permission
AN EMPTY CHAIR WAITS FOR YOU
“On this day I met a girl called Alice, the day after your birthday, my brother. The light was everywhere … in her hair … in her smile … the countenance of her being. I bathed in that light … kept her talking just so that I could feel warm for as long as possible … she held out her hand and I placed mine in hers … seldom have I felt such a beautiful aura such as surrounded this girl. It came as no surprise to me that she was a carer for those suffering from Alzheimer's. She was an angel. She made a deep impression on me … moved me … I have a photographic memory and often I feel it is not so much of a blessing, but here was a girl that reminded me of the struggle of others who are not so fortunate … whose memories are taken from them and those who love them look on helplessly and mourn their loss long before they are gone. How lucky I am, my darling brother. I have my memories although I no longer have you. I may never see you grow old. I will never watch you suffer. To me you will be forever young. – excerpt from my journal to my missing brother 24.5.17. - AP
“Your absence has gone through me
like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with it's colour.”
W. S. Merwin – 'Separation'
“An empty chair waits for you
the colour of my heart
and life blood I would give to you
so we may never part.” - AP
Soundtrack : www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4UoJ47SzjA
FOREVER YOUNG – JOAN BAEZ
I feel your absence more keenly in the depths of Winter
as the frost gives way to snow and the sea mist rolls in gently
filling up the garden with it's never ending mysteries
clouding my mind and judgement in a trice
In Summer the garden smells sweetly of rose petals
cherry blossoms lay fallen on the lawns
lilac turns to brown and leaves skeletal impressions
impresses upon me the transience of youth
of memories soft and fleeting; flowing
flowering of adulthood as childhood falls behind
and yet deep within a part of me that never grew
that may never grow; stunted as a flower
whose seed fell upon the stony ground; so hard
and yet it bloomed a little once before it shrivelled and fell
in upon itself; where darkness held it in it's cold and icy grasp
how I long for your return so that it can be released into the light
I fight against the strangeness of my being
the oddities that make me unique and soulful in my outlook
and in other people's sight
my eyes have seen so much
before they could grow accustomed to the light
the darkness taking hold and crushing my soul
like a pressed flower within a heavy tome
a tomb that so encompassed me and held me tight
how I dream that one day you will reappear
just a glimpse would be enough to release me from this fear
I sometimes see your face within a madding crowd
the double crown you had upon a head and shoulders grown so tall
you stood above it all; once short and plump in boyhood
you shot up like a rocket and the leanness took your strength
and suddenly you were no more; you disappeared
like Alice's Cheshire cat until all that was left was just an impression
a smile in photos; goofy and awkward-looking with gangly limbs
how I wonder what you are like now as a man my darling brother
and often I wonder if you exist at all
I pray that you are well and happy somewhere in this world
laughing and enjoying life as you never did before
but all I have are pictures in my head and precious memories
conjecture is illusion; how I wish things could turn out to be and true
it's all I have … it has to do …
one day I hope I'll find my way back to you
or somewhere in the middle we will meet
look shyly toward each other; look down at the same feet
that took you on a path to who knows where
and mine that stuck and sank into the ground in mortal fear
for if I leave the old house where once we grew and knew
you may never find me and we'll grow old apart
a brother and a sister; forever young
and precious in each other's hearts.
- AP - Copyright © remains with and is the intellectual property of the author
Copyright © protected image please do not reproduce without permission