DON'T BE TEMPTED BY THE SHINY APPLE

“Darkness comes. In the middle of it, the future looks blank. The temptation to quit is huge. Don't. You are in good company... You will argue with yourself that there is no way forward. But with God, nothing is impossible. He has more ropes and ladders and tunnels out of pits than you can conceive. Wait. Pray without ceasing. Hope.”

 

- John Piper

 

Soundtrack : www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoNtYC_XDC8

ALL THAT YOU HAVE IS YOUR SOUL – TRACY CHAPMAN

 

I take myself away now for a little while because I am feeling sad again and my heart is elsewhere.

Take care of yourselves and each other. I will return when I am smiling more and the shadows have lifted. Thank you all for your wonderful support and kindness. I love you all <3

 

THE ARTIST (AGAIN)

 

I am emptied; devoid of all emotions

motionless; sunk into the softest mattress

cushioned from the world

reclusive and alone

no distractions; I listen to the outward sounds

to quieten my mind and inner voices

I listen to the ticking of the mantel clock

and to the spaces inbetween where heaven is

I listen to the sound of the ocean lapping on the shore

it comforts me and lulls me into a dream-like state

my eyelids feel heavy, but I can't close them both

one of them is bruised and swollen;

the colour and texture of ripened grapes

sweet juice oozing and beading on the surface of the skin

a soft sheen glistening; a loud bang makes me jump

before I settle with a sigh back into the verge of unconsciousness

he's gone; the door slamming was a relief

I listen to the sound of the birds; twilight is approaching

they seem to get excited around this time

like they are saying goodnight to each other

the dawn chorus is the one everyone talks about

but more beautiful than that is the chorus of the golden hour

those precious moments before the sun slides down the globe

and into another land where it begins to rise up to greet the day

I wondered was there a quantum slipstream

of space-time continuum

when the sun was alone in the darkness

was there a pathway between where night meets day

I wondered what that place would be like

what extraordinary powers existed

that could block out the sun

albeit for some brief moments in time

or what if time did not exist in this imaginary place

perhaps this is the place where all things mislaid go

all those odd socks; keys and other little mundane things

which bring a little comfort to our everyday lives

I blocked out even these small thoughts

thinking only made me more aware

of the pounding in my skull

my brain felt that it was too big to be contained within

pulsating at the temple on the right side of my head

I could feel the blood pumping to protect me

it felt warm and comforted; a natural defence mechanism

how marvellous the body is at repairing itself

and thank goodness for that; mine was overtaxed

every few weeks or so had narrowed now to every few days

the shouting; the moods; the artistic temperament of the Artist

I didn't yet call myself this; I didn't feel like being labelled

and I didn't recognise anything in me

that would make anyone think I was one

He, on the other hand, The Artist; He was the real deal

tortured and tormented some days

and charming, charismatic on others

I never knew what his moods would be; he was unpredictable

at first this had been exciting; I loved his passion for life

for his art; all this spilled over onto me

and at first it had been exciting; oh yes, I said that already

I am repeating myself; my thoughts need checking

and bringing into line;

I tried to block out all thoughts once more

the headache continued to thump rhythmically

at least my pulse was now steady

and consistent as it pounded away

I listened to the night settling around outside

and watched as the darkness crept into the room

slowly enveloping me in it's claustrophobic cloak

I wasn't afraid; how could I be afraid of the dark

when it was the day that brought most terrors

the birdsong was tailing off now as they roosted

In the darkness I could hear the tide turn

I know; you may think it's too subtle to be heard

but let me assure you it is possible

and I heard it now; the turning of the tide

for the Adriatic and for me

the end of the road; how clichéd I had become

my mind once so desirous of knowledge

that no amount of reading could quench my thirst

now I had become empty-headed

the only thoughts when he was here

were his thoughts; his words;

entering my brain with a loud tangible thud

not much difference between them

and the blows he had landed before he left

I wanted to yawn but I felt my jaw was broken

I could feel the blood that once was warm within me

congealing now; cold upon my cheek

my nose was numb; broken again

tears rolled down my cheeks, but I couldn't feel them

until they fell from my chin

the window was open

and a gentle breeze flowed in from the sea

I followed him here to Venice; to The Lido

I thought it would be exciting and it was

but now the excitement was no longer pleasurable

I heard the door opening downstairs in the hall

I groaned; the sound of an animal but it was me

I heard his footfalls on the stairs

he called my name, but it wasn't him

and at last I was saved ...

 

- AP – Copyright remains with and is the intellectual property of the author

 

Copyright © protected image please do not reproduce without permission'

 

My artwork is a compilation of 4 of my photographs

Done