I'VE SEEN FIRE AND I'VE SEEN RAIN

“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralysed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings.”

 

- Rumi, The Essential Rumi

 

Soundtrack : www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSqT_PeiV0U

Fire and Rain by James Taylor

 

IF I'D KNOWN BACK THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW

 

If I'd known back then what I know now,

I would never have let you go

It had been far too long since the time before,

that day when you came back once more

and I was happy and so were you ;

no need to question anything

you stayed a while and we caught up,

on family and mundane things

the trappings of the lives we had;

swapped memories of school day pains

and then the time came 'round again

for you to leave and say goodbye

and only now I question why and ask myself if you had known

as I listen for the postman's knock

or the ringing of the telephone

We stood at our ancestral door

with the peeling paint and penknife scores

we loved to pick when we were kids

and mark our heights in felt pen wars

red for you and green for me, an endless childhood reverie

and it's still scarred from all the scrapes of boots and satchels,

ice-skates, penknives; childhood battles

and I clung on tight and wished you well

and you said don't worry all is well;

you'd never leave so long again

as you ran out in the pouring rain.

 

If I'd known back then what I know now,

I would never have let you go.

I would have clung on tight and begged you stay,

where you'd be sheltered from harm's way

I watched you until you were just a speck

and the light was dim and playing tricks,

like it sometimes still does in certain light

and I think I see you in the distant night,

coming round the country lane,

where we used to play hide and seek

and I wish those days were here again;

I wish for a moment to hear you speak

 

If' I'd known back then what I know now,

I would never have let you go

This is the longest game we ever played,

this endless waiting in the shade

and I still can't find you, you hid so well

and the fiery path that blazed a trail

has long gone cold and the clues I had, are misty in my mind

like memories of childhood days

and long, hot Summers and the squeals we made

when unexpected showers fell

from darkened skies down in the dell

and we ran like gazelles to that old barn

and waited for the sun to shine

The barn burned down on a stormy night

and the heavy rain just let it happen

until there was nothing left from our childhood days

except scattered memories charred and blackened.

 

If I'd known back then what I know now,

I would never have let you go

and I'm still waiting for the day to come,

when another you comes marching home.

Will I recognise the grown up you;

you were just half boy, half man back then

and I'm still waiting for the rain to pass

and I'm still waiting for the sun to shine

and I'm still clinging to that old house

even though it lays so empty now,

except for echoes of our last goodbye

still speak to me when I stop by …

 

- AP – Copyright remains with the author

 

For my youngest brother who went missing and never returned home … It's his birthday on the 23rd May. I always keep hope in my heart ...

 

This is an original digital artwork by me.

'copyright image please do not reproduce without permission'

Done