TO THE LIGHTHOUSE ...
In celebration of Virginia Woolf's 136th birthday.
To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf is a novel about childhood emotions and adult relationships. It is about loss, subjectivity, the nature of art and the problem of perception …
“She was like a crinkled poppy; with the desire to drink dry dust.”
― Virginia Woolf, The Waves
“I make no apologies for who I am. I thought to put all sadness on another account; to squirrel it away; to cry in silence, but today I am decidedly against it. I am me and I must be able to express myself because to keep those feelings of such magnitude inside me is untenable. So many people suffer in silence, but why should they … Always I come back to the words of my Wisest Friend … “understanding is the first step towards love.” To understand me is to love me, you understand …
Soon I will be leaving for my little island where I can sleep like a baby; where there is only peace and where I can be at one with nature; where I feel no pain or anguish; where time stands still and where my mind is stilled; a place where I can just be … “ - AP
Soundtrack : www.youtube.com/watch?v=597lnTSyTyI
THE WAVES – TUESDAY – MAX RICHTER
Virginia's words read by Gillian Anderson
Virginia my love; my soul mate
I have an affinity with you
deeper than the ocean
the depths of emotions
that took your life
deprived the world
of such a beautiful heart and soul
a brilliant mind; a tenderness
a gift for words; a capacity for love
that surpasses all mortal understanding
and yet, am I not mortal then
I often wondered …
sometimes I feel a yearning
a strange compulsion grips me
I find myself on the beach
the sea stretched endlessly before me
absent-mindedly I fill my pockets
the heaviest pebbles; the densest stones
as if my heavy heart
is not enough to weigh me down
still I need the comforting weight
the weight that took you from this world
yes, I feel that too, almost every day
but in these dark days that overwhelm me
when I cannot sleep unless I purge myself of my emotions
the floods that dampen my pillow
ironic how water always plays it's part
the sharp scalding salty tears
like the waves, the waves, the waves
the current; the rip-tide is strong today
it pulls me like a magnet
draws the steel sword driven through me
a metallic taste so bitter on my tongue
I am other-wordly
my unseeing gaze disturbs the birds
the mournful cries of the gulls overhead
soft wings sweep the tears from my cheeks
this life I have is not for the mild; the meek
I find myself on the mud flats
sinking slowly; more slowly than my pulse that quickens
how strange and precious is our time here
we let it trickle through our fingers
like the sand in an egg timer
one minute; two minutes; three …
hard-boiled; no, not me; not ever
no matter what fate decides for me
my heart will still be gentle
it hurts to feel this much
everything seems too big; too loud; too much
like the images in the rear view mirror
smoke and mirrors; dust to dust
ashes to ashes; needs … needs must
to overcome my present state
I cannot and maybe that is how it should be
who knows where our end will lie
are we, after all, not born to die
I hear a shout; barely audible on the wind
seems more like a whisper
carried away so swiftly
horses hooves; ah yes, I remember
as a small child falling asleep to this sound
only now I know it was just an illusion
the sound of my own beating heart
resounding within my ears
the rythmn of my life; of all life
have you ever put your ear to the ground
and heard the earth beat
have you ever fallen to your knees
in resolute defeat
this world was never meant for me
the subtle little cruelties;
the violent vivid passions that engulf me
some sleepwalk through their lives
they do not notice or understand such things
“Do not abandon me!”, I cry
I am only 8 years old and I have already twice died
now that child is still within me
TRAPPED; no-one can hear me scream
there is no escaping me; my inner child
the one who allows me to see the beauty of the world
is also the one who makes me want to run
to end it all here on my beach
where as a child I ran
and then I drowned; yes really drowned
pronounced dead at the scene; my family told
but by some strange fate it was not my time
I was brought back to this life
but I was different from the child before
I was so much more; too much more …
is this my purpose then; the place where I should be
to tell you all my stories; divulge the innermost of me
I wonder; how I wonder …
am I up to the task; the skies are dark and distant thunder
drags me down; drags me under
the waves, the waves, the waves
salty tears on my eyelashes
salty waves and thunder crashes
all around me so surreal
this is it then; the meaning of my life
to end it here, my dear Virginia
to end it here with you …
your words; your thoughts; your feelings
so closely resemble mine
and yet I wonder even now
am I still to live or am I yet to die …
I sigh
my heart aches
my head hurts
the ground shakes
earth to earth
I cry …
- AP - Copyright © remains with and is the intellectual property of the author
Copyright © protected image please do not reproduce without permission
My artwork is a compilation of 3 of my photographs
TO THE LIGHTHOUSE ...
In celebration of Virginia Woolf's 136th birthday.
To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf is a novel about childhood emotions and adult relationships. It is about loss, subjectivity, the nature of art and the problem of perception …
“She was like a crinkled poppy; with the desire to drink dry dust.”
― Virginia Woolf, The Waves
“I make no apologies for who I am. I thought to put all sadness on another account; to squirrel it away; to cry in silence, but today I am decidedly against it. I am me and I must be able to express myself because to keep those feelings of such magnitude inside me is untenable. So many people suffer in silence, but why should they … Always I come back to the words of my Wisest Friend … “understanding is the first step towards love.” To understand me is to love me, you understand …
Soon I will be leaving for my little island where I can sleep like a baby; where there is only peace and where I can be at one with nature; where I feel no pain or anguish; where time stands still and where my mind is stilled; a place where I can just be … “ - AP
Soundtrack : www.youtube.com/watch?v=597lnTSyTyI
THE WAVES – TUESDAY – MAX RICHTER
Virginia's words read by Gillian Anderson
Virginia my love; my soul mate
I have an affinity with you
deeper than the ocean
the depths of emotions
that took your life
deprived the world
of such a beautiful heart and soul
a brilliant mind; a tenderness
a gift for words; a capacity for love
that surpasses all mortal understanding
and yet, am I not mortal then
I often wondered …
sometimes I feel a yearning
a strange compulsion grips me
I find myself on the beach
the sea stretched endlessly before me
absent-mindedly I fill my pockets
the heaviest pebbles; the densest stones
as if my heavy heart
is not enough to weigh me down
still I need the comforting weight
the weight that took you from this world
yes, I feel that too, almost every day
but in these dark days that overwhelm me
when I cannot sleep unless I purge myself of my emotions
the floods that dampen my pillow
ironic how water always plays it's part
the sharp scalding salty tears
like the waves, the waves, the waves
the current; the rip-tide is strong today
it pulls me like a magnet
draws the steel sword driven through me
a metallic taste so bitter on my tongue
I am other-wordly
my unseeing gaze disturbs the birds
the mournful cries of the gulls overhead
soft wings sweep the tears from my cheeks
this life I have is not for the mild; the meek
I find myself on the mud flats
sinking slowly; more slowly than my pulse that quickens
how strange and precious is our time here
we let it trickle through our fingers
like the sand in an egg timer
one minute; two minutes; three …
hard-boiled; no, not me; not ever
no matter what fate decides for me
my heart will still be gentle
it hurts to feel this much
everything seems too big; too loud; too much
like the images in the rear view mirror
smoke and mirrors; dust to dust
ashes to ashes; needs … needs must
to overcome my present state
I cannot and maybe that is how it should be
who knows where our end will lie
are we, after all, not born to die
I hear a shout; barely audible on the wind
seems more like a whisper
carried away so swiftly
horses hooves; ah yes, I remember
as a small child falling asleep to this sound
only now I know it was just an illusion
the sound of my own beating heart
resounding within my ears
the rythmn of my life; of all life
have you ever put your ear to the ground
and heard the earth beat
have you ever fallen to your knees
in resolute defeat
this world was never meant for me
the subtle little cruelties;
the violent vivid passions that engulf me
some sleepwalk through their lives
they do not notice or understand such things
“Do not abandon me!”, I cry
I am only 8 years old and I have already twice died
now that child is still within me
TRAPPED; no-one can hear me scream
there is no escaping me; my inner child
the one who allows me to see the beauty of the world
is also the one who makes me want to run
to end it all here on my beach
where as a child I ran
and then I drowned; yes really drowned
pronounced dead at the scene; my family told
but by some strange fate it was not my time
I was brought back to this life
but I was different from the child before
I was so much more; too much more …
is this my purpose then; the place where I should be
to tell you all my stories; divulge the innermost of me
I wonder; how I wonder …
am I up to the task; the skies are dark and distant thunder
drags me down; drags me under
the waves, the waves, the waves
salty tears on my eyelashes
salty waves and thunder crashes
all around me so surreal
this is it then; the meaning of my life
to end it here, my dear Virginia
to end it here with you …
your words; your thoughts; your feelings
so closely resemble mine
and yet I wonder even now
am I still to live or am I yet to die …
I sigh
my heart aches
my head hurts
the ground shakes
earth to earth
I cry …
- AP - Copyright © remains with and is the intellectual property of the author
Copyright © protected image please do not reproduce without permission
My artwork is a compilation of 3 of my photographs