Joni Con
I'M STILL ALIVE AND HEALTHY TOO! . . . SOME ODDS AND ENDS FROM THE NOT TOO DISTANT PAST. #1.
OH, TANNEBAUM! OH, TANNEBAUM! ( OR ALTERNATIVELY THE 99 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS!) . . . Don't let the above title fool you. Despite living near the epicenter of the coronavirus pandemic for most of April until the past week, Joni has been seemingly safe and unaffected. While it is possible that I am an asymptomatic carrier, until testing becomes widespread, there is no way for me to be absolutely sure of my actual status.
In any event, I haven't posted any new photos of myself in nearly four weeks and my comments on the photos of others have at times been irregular. There are some reasons for that, but none relate to my health. . . In previous posts, I mentioned that Christmas 2019 was somewhat sad for me because for the first time in my life, I didn't wake up on Christmas morning in my own home because two of my kids who live down South had jointly agreed that they didn't want to take the road trip back to New Jersey because they wanted their own toddlers to wake up on Christmas morning in their own homes and open their presents from Santa from under their own Christmas trees. I understood and totally concurred. So it was necessary for my wife and I to travel South to see my kids and grandkids on Christmas Day. Unfortunately, there was no room in the inn, so to speak, as my son's home was already booked to capacity, so we had to stay in a nearby hotel. Hotels are a lousy place for waking up on Christmas morning.
Knowing that Christmas 2019 was going to be very different from all my previous Christmases, I had a difficult time getting motivated to put up the usual Christmas decorations and my wife even seriously suggested that we skip putting up our Christmas tree entirely since we wouldn't be home. Well, I wouldn't have any of that! So up went the same artificial tree that has decorated our home for the 19th consecutive year. I did so knowing that number 19 would be last year for that tree, which has been dying a slow death for several years now as more and more of the original pre-lit 600 bulbs have shorted or burned out, which required me to add additional lights in recent years to maintain its festive appearance. Indeed, time had taken its toll on its fake branches and pine needles as well. As a matter of record the old tree went up for the last time on December 23, 2019. . . and it stayed up into early January . . . and despite my wife's protestations, it stayed up all the way through January. . . and all the way through February too!
My lack of motivation to set up and decorate the tree before Christmas was nothing compared to my post Yuletide reluctance about taking it down. I have often procrastinated about things, but I was taking it to a whole new level with this Christmas tree. I was always able to find something else to do, regardless of how frivolous or unnecessary it might be relative to the urgency of taking the tree down and removing it to the curb. In truth, taking down the tree entailed a lot more than simply removing the decorations and hauling it to the curb. I had to decide the fate of a lot of our tree decorations. Specifically, which ones we would keep and pack for the trip South with us to our new home in South Carolina, where it is anticipated our future trees will be much smaller, and which ones we would give to each of our three kids, and sadly, which ones would join the tree at curbside. And believe me, that was a difficult job! I had to wade through a lot of sentiment. Predictably, I wound up holding onto more of the decorations than I probably should have, but each of my kids will eventually receive a shoebox full of tree decorations which I felt had some relevance to them, or at least more relevant to them than me. Besides, I can bestow additional decorations upon them in future years as circumstances dictate. . . . Yes! Just another example of procrastination on my part. Why do something this year that I can do next year, or the year after that?
Then in early March, the realities of the coronavirus reared its ugly head and things just haven't been the same since. Suddenly, that old artificial tree took on a completely different meaning. It represented not only so many good memories of Christmases past, but the previously unappreciated normalcy of life. Those memories go a long way toward sustaining me during these otherwise bleak times. So taking down the tree lost a lot of its urgency, . . . for me at least, but not necessarily for my wife, who just isn't as sentimental about these things as as I am. Finally, she sarcastically wondered if the tree was still going to be standing on Easter and I admitted that the very thought had actually crossed my mind. At that point, my wife rolled out her nuclear option - No more sex until the tree was gone! The choice was simple, she said. "Who do you love more, the tree or me?. . . . And I don't want to see that Joni Bitch around here either!" Well, clearly my wife wasn't fighting fair! To offer me this type of ultimatum in the middle of a pandemic quarantine was cruel and unusual. What was particularly nasty about her threat was that I had also successfully given up masturbation for Lent, as I have tried to do for many years now, and she knew that. . . . I was stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. . . Joni too!
Well, as you can see, I no longer had any choice. I was able to negotiate a "compromise solution", of sorts. I promised that I would take the tree down ''by April". She in turn said fine. She agreed to continue to cook my meals and wash my clothes, and would be available for sexual activity when the tree was gone. As far as my Lenten abstinence from masturbation, she was indifferent. "That" she said, "was in your own hands". Once I had committed to an April 1st deadline, I naturally contemplated if I could somehow incorporate the tree's take down into some kind of April Fool's Joke, but I quickly nixed that idea because I didn't see any humor in such a thing because I had become very fond of the tree and all that it represented. I then did some quick arithmetic and realized that March 31 was exactly 100 days since December 23, when the tree first went up. I liked that idea. 100 Days was a nice round number. and it would take me right up to the brink of my April 1st deadline, and allow me to claim some defiant measure of victory in my dispute with my wife. It might have even been worthy of an entry into the Guinness Book of Records, not that I would seek such notoriety. I would much prefer a Guinness Beer because "It's good for you!", as they say. So it was decided that I would take down the tree on March 31. . . . but then I checked the calendar and realized that garbage collections of large items, like old Christmas trees in my town would be on the early morning of March 31. So I decided to take it down on March 30 and finally remove it from my wife's sight once and for all, one day short of the century mark, rather than have my wife continue to bitch for several more days about having the tree hanging around on the side of the house. Besides there was that little thing about withholding sex that needed to be resolved. I didn't want to provide her with an opportunity to seize upon the tree's continuing presence and use it as a technicality to justify her continuing to boycott sex with me (or Joni!).
As for the actual photo, I am posting it to prove I am still alive and it allows me to tell my tale of the "99 Days of Christmas".
Frankly. I miss the tree, especially during this awful pandemic and home quarantines and the like. The photo was actually taken in late January before the tree became an inspiration for me and the coronavirus was nothing more than a Chinese problem. It seems so long ago! Beyond that, I liked the slinky look I was sporting at the time as I was in the process of trying to shed some of the excess weight I gained during the Holidays, although I regret that my face is a little blurred. Forgive me.
I'M STILL ALIVE AND HEALTHY TOO! . . . SOME ODDS AND ENDS FROM THE NOT TOO DISTANT PAST. #1.
OH, TANNEBAUM! OH, TANNEBAUM! ( OR ALTERNATIVELY THE 99 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS!) . . . Don't let the above title fool you. Despite living near the epicenter of the coronavirus pandemic for most of April until the past week, Joni has been seemingly safe and unaffected. While it is possible that I am an asymptomatic carrier, until testing becomes widespread, there is no way for me to be absolutely sure of my actual status.
In any event, I haven't posted any new photos of myself in nearly four weeks and my comments on the photos of others have at times been irregular. There are some reasons for that, but none relate to my health. . . In previous posts, I mentioned that Christmas 2019 was somewhat sad for me because for the first time in my life, I didn't wake up on Christmas morning in my own home because two of my kids who live down South had jointly agreed that they didn't want to take the road trip back to New Jersey because they wanted their own toddlers to wake up on Christmas morning in their own homes and open their presents from Santa from under their own Christmas trees. I understood and totally concurred. So it was necessary for my wife and I to travel South to see my kids and grandkids on Christmas Day. Unfortunately, there was no room in the inn, so to speak, as my son's home was already booked to capacity, so we had to stay in a nearby hotel. Hotels are a lousy place for waking up on Christmas morning.
Knowing that Christmas 2019 was going to be very different from all my previous Christmases, I had a difficult time getting motivated to put up the usual Christmas decorations and my wife even seriously suggested that we skip putting up our Christmas tree entirely since we wouldn't be home. Well, I wouldn't have any of that! So up went the same artificial tree that has decorated our home for the 19th consecutive year. I did so knowing that number 19 would be last year for that tree, which has been dying a slow death for several years now as more and more of the original pre-lit 600 bulbs have shorted or burned out, which required me to add additional lights in recent years to maintain its festive appearance. Indeed, time had taken its toll on its fake branches and pine needles as well. As a matter of record the old tree went up for the last time on December 23, 2019. . . and it stayed up into early January . . . and despite my wife's protestations, it stayed up all the way through January. . . and all the way through February too!
My lack of motivation to set up and decorate the tree before Christmas was nothing compared to my post Yuletide reluctance about taking it down. I have often procrastinated about things, but I was taking it to a whole new level with this Christmas tree. I was always able to find something else to do, regardless of how frivolous or unnecessary it might be relative to the urgency of taking the tree down and removing it to the curb. In truth, taking down the tree entailed a lot more than simply removing the decorations and hauling it to the curb. I had to decide the fate of a lot of our tree decorations. Specifically, which ones we would keep and pack for the trip South with us to our new home in South Carolina, where it is anticipated our future trees will be much smaller, and which ones we would give to each of our three kids, and sadly, which ones would join the tree at curbside. And believe me, that was a difficult job! I had to wade through a lot of sentiment. Predictably, I wound up holding onto more of the decorations than I probably should have, but each of my kids will eventually receive a shoebox full of tree decorations which I felt had some relevance to them, or at least more relevant to them than me. Besides, I can bestow additional decorations upon them in future years as circumstances dictate. . . . Yes! Just another example of procrastination on my part. Why do something this year that I can do next year, or the year after that?
Then in early March, the realities of the coronavirus reared its ugly head and things just haven't been the same since. Suddenly, that old artificial tree took on a completely different meaning. It represented not only so many good memories of Christmases past, but the previously unappreciated normalcy of life. Those memories go a long way toward sustaining me during these otherwise bleak times. So taking down the tree lost a lot of its urgency, . . . for me at least, but not necessarily for my wife, who just isn't as sentimental about these things as as I am. Finally, she sarcastically wondered if the tree was still going to be standing on Easter and I admitted that the very thought had actually crossed my mind. At that point, my wife rolled out her nuclear option - No more sex until the tree was gone! The choice was simple, she said. "Who do you love more, the tree or me?. . . . And I don't want to see that Joni Bitch around here either!" Well, clearly my wife wasn't fighting fair! To offer me this type of ultimatum in the middle of a pandemic quarantine was cruel and unusual. What was particularly nasty about her threat was that I had also successfully given up masturbation for Lent, as I have tried to do for many years now, and she knew that. . . . I was stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. . . Joni too!
Well, as you can see, I no longer had any choice. I was able to negotiate a "compromise solution", of sorts. I promised that I would take the tree down ''by April". She in turn said fine. She agreed to continue to cook my meals and wash my clothes, and would be available for sexual activity when the tree was gone. As far as my Lenten abstinence from masturbation, she was indifferent. "That" she said, "was in your own hands". Once I had committed to an April 1st deadline, I naturally contemplated if I could somehow incorporate the tree's take down into some kind of April Fool's Joke, but I quickly nixed that idea because I didn't see any humor in such a thing because I had become very fond of the tree and all that it represented. I then did some quick arithmetic and realized that March 31 was exactly 100 days since December 23, when the tree first went up. I liked that idea. 100 Days was a nice round number. and it would take me right up to the brink of my April 1st deadline, and allow me to claim some defiant measure of victory in my dispute with my wife. It might have even been worthy of an entry into the Guinness Book of Records, not that I would seek such notoriety. I would much prefer a Guinness Beer because "It's good for you!", as they say. So it was decided that I would take down the tree on March 31. . . . but then I checked the calendar and realized that garbage collections of large items, like old Christmas trees in my town would be on the early morning of March 31. So I decided to take it down on March 30 and finally remove it from my wife's sight once and for all, one day short of the century mark, rather than have my wife continue to bitch for several more days about having the tree hanging around on the side of the house. Besides there was that little thing about withholding sex that needed to be resolved. I didn't want to provide her with an opportunity to seize upon the tree's continuing presence and use it as a technicality to justify her continuing to boycott sex with me (or Joni!).
As for the actual photo, I am posting it to prove I am still alive and it allows me to tell my tale of the "99 Days of Christmas".
Frankly. I miss the tree, especially during this awful pandemic and home quarantines and the like. The photo was actually taken in late January before the tree became an inspiration for me and the coronavirus was nothing more than a Chinese problem. It seems so long ago! Beyond that, I liked the slinky look I was sporting at the time as I was in the process of trying to shed some of the excess weight I gained during the Holidays, although I regret that my face is a little blurred. Forgive me.