Moleman9000
Moleman's Epic Rap Battles #43-A: Luke Skywalker Vs. Sonic the Hedgehog
VIDEO: www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxdXIo5Zu_4
••• SCRIPT/LYRICS: •••
MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES… SEASON 4!
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG…
…VS…
…LUKE SKYWALKER!!!!!
BEGIN!
Sonic the Hedgehog:
Think you can match the fastest thing alive tonight? God, you're pathetic:
You'll fall hard like Bespin; Rebels, better ready your medics!
You know I have to do it to it when I'm letting loose a verse,
And it's no special edition, but still the blue one's shooting first!
This prodigy was busting labor camps amid robo-slaughter,
While you were shooting at small animals and farming for water;
You didn't give so much as a Chuck about your uncle's death by fire!
Sonic says: you're all washed up; go climb inside a tumble dryer!
Your swift saber strikes and speeder bikes could never come near to me,
And your teddy bears can't top these furry topplers of tyranny!
Man, my victory is certain, never mind a point of view:
Call this Ruusan, for the mind-blowing bombs I'm gonna drop on you!
Luke Skywalker:
Search your feelings, and you'll know this much to be true, you little punk:
Even Threepio sees your boasts as a Great Heeping load of bunk!
I built a force up from twelve pupils; now, I do the same with bars:
A great disturbance to your ego, to be sensed from wide and far!
There'll be no Light in Mobius' future once you face me here,
For you'll get lost up in the depths of space far longer than one year!
Prepare to be torn a new Knothole by the beating I'll be serving;
Knocking you around like Spinball, best believe I'll leave you hurting!
Spare this Grand Master your cat-mouse games and love-triangle drama;
Far-surpassing my own name, I've walked through shadow-realms and lava!
No mind-tricks, my personality makes lovers out of haters;
It's disarming, but don't take the Wampa's word: just look to Vader!
Sonic the Hedgehog:
I'll go Fleetway Super-me on you with disses so relentless,
You'll be ended as abruptly as your would-be first apprentice!
You're nowhere close to my coolness level, let alone way past it;
Just think where you'd be if R5-D4 hadn't blown a gasket!
You dis-armed your daddy twice before redeeming him with love,
But how about that idiotic business after, with his glove?
How can you play this once-and-future-future-king of former-Earth,
When you were dumb enough to pledge yourself to your arch-foe's rebirth?
Luke Skywalker:
Oh, don't bring up the Dark Empire debacle, Mr. Mecha Madness;
I should put you on some sort of treason-trial for your brashness!
Holocron calls you a speedster; I'd call that exaggeration:
You go slow like your attempt at a recursive adaptation!
You're all out of your fifth element; brace for a killer blow,
Because I've heard Chewbacca, may he rest in peace, spit iller flows!
Just do what you do best, and run: consider that a Jedi Order,
Lest I shake up your whole world's foundation worse still than the Xorda!
Sonic the Hedgehog:
All your trash-talk's like my birth name; I've a good mind to reject it,
Though it won't take Wookieepedia to put this in perspective:
As with your nephew from darkness, from my rhymes, you won't recover!
It'll take less time to finish you than you got with your mother!
Luke Skywalker:
I make no apologies here, nor would any clone of me:
You have no place among these stars; I ought to call the Zone Police!
Just ask my deadbeat great-grandson about my Legacy; pay homage!
I've heard you love chili dogs, and so: go eat a messy sausage.
Sally Acorn:
Of this Overlander Joker and his tricks, I've seen enough,
And so I'm back again as promised, stepping in to queen it up!
I needn't rip off your wack weaponry to put a fight up here;
Been centerpiece de la Résistance since my adolescent years:
Out SWATting 'bots, performing sabotage and going undercover,
I succeeded Stripe with flying colors, even while discolored!
No mere cutesy critter found alongside piggies, chicks and blue jays,
I'm a one-woman Wolf Pack, no disrespect meant there to Lupe!
Know you're fucking with a princess, and no, I ain't talking incest:
What's your Force against the Source of All that is, by which I've been blessed?
Think you hold the lion's power-share? You're headed for a fall:
With Acorns' Sword in hand, I'll bring your movement to a closing crawl!
Princess Leia:
My brother's beef is with your boy-toy! Me, though? I'm someone who loathes you:
Try to best me with ol' Obi's help, and still you've not a hope to!
Like the ghost of dear old dad, forgiving you's out of the question,
For so heinous are your raps, your very name's beyond redemption!
The Rebellion doesn't want your child soldiers; what the Hell?
I got to storm the O.G. Death-machine; a tale I lived to tell!
I'm a fat bastard-ending master, whether it's via choking,
Or by bisection, Darth Maul-style, sans survival; no joking!
You'll plummet when I cut you loose for good, and wholly on purpose:
Your Doc's a Quack for saving you; not even Dulcy's as worthless!
I've kept more modesty than your getup allows you while enslaved;
No Snow White schtick will save: my blaster-shot will put you in the grave!
Sally Acorn:
I'll need no reset button coming back from those pot-shots of yours, bitch:
Mine will subjugate your mind; just think your husband's means of courtship,
Or the world-Roboticizer I gave up my will to do in!
Like Infinities, I'll send you off the rails and into ruin!
Princess Leia:
Those foul words won't faze this Chosen-backup Jedi Knight, you wench:
Your Secret Servicer Pepé Le Pew agrees about their stench!
Han needn't intervene: I'll Solo Sally; knock her off her feet,
So as King Nigel'd say, she's in for a most smashing of defeats!
Sonic the Hedgehog:
You may fire when ready, Sal.
Sally Acorn: You needn't give me your permission;
Elias can keep the throne: to rock chump's worlds is my life's mission!
Crossing me's a worse idea than a sentient crying mountain;
You'll end up in deeper Sorrow still: on that, you can be counting!
Luke Skywalker:
I made Sarlaac-food of Boba Fett, and though his fate didn't last,
The point remains: you couldn't win back your freedom fighting Jodo Kast!
Princess Leia: Your daddy's adamance against your romance never should have ceased,
Because not only is SonAmy better: so is SonElise!
Sally Acorn:
Oh, that is it; EndGame starts here!
Sonic the Hedgehog: You've crossed the line now, brotherfucker…
Sally Acorn: I spared Eggman at his nadir, but your cracking will be utter!
Princess Leia:
Come and get me; I'm the New Republic Grover Cleveland, sucker:
No gal in this galaxy can compare!
Luke Skywalker: No… there is another…
TO BE CONTINUED...
Moleman's Epic Rap Battles #43-A: Luke Skywalker Vs. Sonic the Hedgehog
VIDEO: www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxdXIo5Zu_4
••• SCRIPT/LYRICS: •••
MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES… SEASON 4!
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG…
…VS…
…LUKE SKYWALKER!!!!!
BEGIN!
Sonic the Hedgehog:
Think you can match the fastest thing alive tonight? God, you're pathetic:
You'll fall hard like Bespin; Rebels, better ready your medics!
You know I have to do it to it when I'm letting loose a verse,
And it's no special edition, but still the blue one's shooting first!
This prodigy was busting labor camps amid robo-slaughter,
While you were shooting at small animals and farming for water;
You didn't give so much as a Chuck about your uncle's death by fire!
Sonic says: you're all washed up; go climb inside a tumble dryer!
Your swift saber strikes and speeder bikes could never come near to me,
And your teddy bears can't top these furry topplers of tyranny!
Man, my victory is certain, never mind a point of view:
Call this Ruusan, for the mind-blowing bombs I'm gonna drop on you!
Luke Skywalker:
Search your feelings, and you'll know this much to be true, you little punk:
Even Threepio sees your boasts as a Great Heeping load of bunk!
I built a force up from twelve pupils; now, I do the same with bars:
A great disturbance to your ego, to be sensed from wide and far!
There'll be no Light in Mobius' future once you face me here,
For you'll get lost up in the depths of space far longer than one year!
Prepare to be torn a new Knothole by the beating I'll be serving;
Knocking you around like Spinball, best believe I'll leave you hurting!
Spare this Grand Master your cat-mouse games and love-triangle drama;
Far-surpassing my own name, I've walked through shadow-realms and lava!
No mind-tricks, my personality makes lovers out of haters;
It's disarming, but don't take the Wampa's word: just look to Vader!
Sonic the Hedgehog:
I'll go Fleetway Super-me on you with disses so relentless,
You'll be ended as abruptly as your would-be first apprentice!
You're nowhere close to my coolness level, let alone way past it;
Just think where you'd be if R5-D4 hadn't blown a gasket!
You dis-armed your daddy twice before redeeming him with love,
But how about that idiotic business after, with his glove?
How can you play this once-and-future-future-king of former-Earth,
When you were dumb enough to pledge yourself to your arch-foe's rebirth?
Luke Skywalker:
Oh, don't bring up the Dark Empire debacle, Mr. Mecha Madness;
I should put you on some sort of treason-trial for your brashness!
Holocron calls you a speedster; I'd call that exaggeration:
You go slow like your attempt at a recursive adaptation!
You're all out of your fifth element; brace for a killer blow,
Because I've heard Chewbacca, may he rest in peace, spit iller flows!
Just do what you do best, and run: consider that a Jedi Order,
Lest I shake up your whole world's foundation worse still than the Xorda!
Sonic the Hedgehog:
All your trash-talk's like my birth name; I've a good mind to reject it,
Though it won't take Wookieepedia to put this in perspective:
As with your nephew from darkness, from my rhymes, you won't recover!
It'll take less time to finish you than you got with your mother!
Luke Skywalker:
I make no apologies here, nor would any clone of me:
You have no place among these stars; I ought to call the Zone Police!
Just ask my deadbeat great-grandson about my Legacy; pay homage!
I've heard you love chili dogs, and so: go eat a messy sausage.
Sally Acorn:
Of this Overlander Joker and his tricks, I've seen enough,
And so I'm back again as promised, stepping in to queen it up!
I needn't rip off your wack weaponry to put a fight up here;
Been centerpiece de la Résistance since my adolescent years:
Out SWATting 'bots, performing sabotage and going undercover,
I succeeded Stripe with flying colors, even while discolored!
No mere cutesy critter found alongside piggies, chicks and blue jays,
I'm a one-woman Wolf Pack, no disrespect meant there to Lupe!
Know you're fucking with a princess, and no, I ain't talking incest:
What's your Force against the Source of All that is, by which I've been blessed?
Think you hold the lion's power-share? You're headed for a fall:
With Acorns' Sword in hand, I'll bring your movement to a closing crawl!
Princess Leia:
My brother's beef is with your boy-toy! Me, though? I'm someone who loathes you:
Try to best me with ol' Obi's help, and still you've not a hope to!
Like the ghost of dear old dad, forgiving you's out of the question,
For so heinous are your raps, your very name's beyond redemption!
The Rebellion doesn't want your child soldiers; what the Hell?
I got to storm the O.G. Death-machine; a tale I lived to tell!
I'm a fat bastard-ending master, whether it's via choking,
Or by bisection, Darth Maul-style, sans survival; no joking!
You'll plummet when I cut you loose for good, and wholly on purpose:
Your Doc's a Quack for saving you; not even Dulcy's as worthless!
I've kept more modesty than your getup allows you while enslaved;
No Snow White schtick will save: my blaster-shot will put you in the grave!
Sally Acorn:
I'll need no reset button coming back from those pot-shots of yours, bitch:
Mine will subjugate your mind; just think your husband's means of courtship,
Or the world-Roboticizer I gave up my will to do in!
Like Infinities, I'll send you off the rails and into ruin!
Princess Leia:
Those foul words won't faze this Chosen-backup Jedi Knight, you wench:
Your Secret Servicer Pepé Le Pew agrees about their stench!
Han needn't intervene: I'll Solo Sally; knock her off her feet,
So as King Nigel'd say, she's in for a most smashing of defeats!
Sonic the Hedgehog:
You may fire when ready, Sal.
Sally Acorn: You needn't give me your permission;
Elias can keep the throne: to rock chump's worlds is my life's mission!
Crossing me's a worse idea than a sentient crying mountain;
You'll end up in deeper Sorrow still: on that, you can be counting!
Luke Skywalker:
I made Sarlaac-food of Boba Fett, and though his fate didn't last,
The point remains: you couldn't win back your freedom fighting Jodo Kast!
Princess Leia: Your daddy's adamance against your romance never should have ceased,
Because not only is SonAmy better: so is SonElise!
Sally Acorn:
Oh, that is it; EndGame starts here!
Sonic the Hedgehog: You've crossed the line now, brotherfucker…
Sally Acorn: I spared Eggman at his nadir, but your cracking will be utter!
Princess Leia:
Come and get me; I'm the New Republic Grover Cleveland, sucker:
No gal in this galaxy can compare!
Luke Skywalker: No… there is another…
TO BE CONTINUED...