Sunshine, read the story behind this photo

Her name was Sunshine. She was lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. All her life she has struggled with the same idea - I'd like to be like that girl in the magazine…I guess that if I’m like her I will be happy-

Although Sunshine was a pretty normal size girl, every time she checked her reflexion in the mirror, she disliked her body and perceived herself larger than she really was.

 

She used to cry and pray- Please God, help me to lose weight , I’ll do whatever you ask me! I’m ashamed of myself! I don’t want to be like I am. I’d be so happy if my wish came true!-

That day after having repeated the same prayer Sunshine fell asleep. When she opened her eyes she was in another place. She was climbing a ladder that seemed to have no end. Everything around was blurry and white as clouds and a light emerged from the top of the ladder. She heard a soft warm voice coming from above that said -I have heard your petition. Do you want to be happy, right? You want to feel accepted and loved.

-Yes, indeed - She whispered, while still climbing, surprised and curious to discover who was behind that voice.

Do you think you will be happy if you look like that girl in the magazine? The voice asked

-Yes indeed I do- she replied

So the voice said those words that would transform her life forever - I will make you like her then but in order for you to make a clear decision of what you want to become, you need to pass through another trial.

 

Her eyes opened wide, she stopped going up of the ladder and quickly answered Oh! Whatever!

The voice continued -You need to face that which you fear the most since you are a little little girl.

What is it? Sunshine afraid articulated.

- I'll make you look like the one you don't want to be. Afterwards, you could be like a model if you wish.

Although it was a very unexpected response, Sunshine pondered it was worthy anyway.

 

So when Sunshine woke up in the morning she thought - what a weird dream! -She sat on her bed and saw her reflection on the large mirror hung on the red wall. She couldn't believe it! It was true she looked 50 pounds heavier!

She thought she was still dreaming -I want to wake up right now, she wished-

But everything was real. She was afraid that she might stay that way forever but she remembered that it was only momentary.

She went to the kitchen and saw Rick, her boyfriend who was there to take her to work. He was cooking breakfast for her. She felt ashamed when she saw him but he said: darling, even when you wake up you look amazing! She then realized that for him she has always been in that shape.

-Wow! He still loves me even though how I look! He must be the one- She thought.

They happily ate their delicious meal and laughed most of the time. Suddenly she noticed how relaxed she was - thanks for this wonderful moment Rick!-

But a second thought came and she said - oh no! I Ate too much! - Immediately feeling as if her body grew a little larger.

-Don't worry baby, you are great just as you are! - Rick stated while staring at her with eyes of love

She made a fake smile remembering in that instant that she had to go to work.

She didn't know what to wear! She quickly chose the first dress she tried on.It appeared that no clothes fit her. When she got to her office, everything seemed as it used to be but people were more smiley and jokey than usual.

 

She asked to her best friend Loli -why is everybody so friendly?

she replied:- Oh well! Miss personality! As if you never joke around, you are the soul of this office girl! -

 

The fact of her being so overweight seemed to have created an appealing friendly personality, which she was already before but not at that high level.

 

Although sometimes they teased her about her weight and how much she ate, she felt accepted and loved but still she was sad inside.- I don't like myself -she thought.

 

That evening, when she got home she had a mix of emotions. Her actual appearance didn't please her at all, she felt self conscious, cried and shouted - I hate this body, I don't want it any more! Why would you want me to be this way now? Why would you want me to suffer this way?- She fell asleep while crying.

 

Next day she woke up and rapidly remembered the day before, she looked at her hands, they seemed normal, skinnier maybe? She sat right away and looked her reflection on the mirror! She laughed and laughed! She couldn't believe how slim she was. She faced herself side ways in front of the mirror pushing the skin of her stomach, totally amazed.

- Wow! I'm so good looking! I think I can be a winner and totally happy now-

She went to the kitchen looking for her boyfriend. He wasn't there as he usually was.

She received a phone call - Hi honey, I'm at the gym, I won't have time to pick you up today-

- Who is this?- She replied

- C'mon Sunshine, it is me, Mike-

Oh no! Se thought - Where is Rick?-

Mike was the best looking guy when she went to college. He only went out with beautiful girls and was very selfish to her opinion.

Although not having Rick in this “skinny” life worried her much, it didn’t take her out of the excitement of being this new woman! She wanted so badly to use those clothes that only slim people could use!! And she was wearing them today! Besides, she had a business cocktail in the evening and she decided to wear that red dress she had always dreamt to use. She felt she just looked good in everything she chose. Her breakfast was an orange and a cup of milk. Although she was hungry, she was afraid to gain weight. Now that she was in this great shape, she wouldn't ruin it.

 

She got to work and people were slightly friendly to her. She looked at her best friend Loli but she didn't seem to care about Sunshine's presence.

She was getting into her office when Rose, a coworker she never really talked with, came and said - Hey girl! You look good, are you still dieting?-

Rose started to speak about diets, exercise and the "bad shape" of everybody in the office. Sunshine wasn't feeling comfortable with the conversation and softly stopped it and started to work.

Some minutes after she went to the bathroom only to see herself in the mirror. I look so good, she thought. But wait, I could have a skinnier waist and I could exercise more so I could have a much better six pack.

She went back disappointed, still she wasn't satisfied of her appearance! -What is it with me?- she said to herself. Besides although her peers were nice at her, it wasn't the same.

It seemed that Sunshine had hidden behind her beautiful body and her personality was not as noticeable as the day before.

That evening she went home again with a mix of sensations. She put on her red dress but she wasn't happy as she thought she would be. She then realized that going to the cocktail wouldn’t be that satisfactory. She was very disappointed and hopeless. Why? It was supposed to be great! It was supposed to be as it should! I don't care about this body anymore! I want to be myself - she shouted crying over her bed.

 

Suddenly Sunshine was again on that ladder without end with the shiny blurry white around. She wanted to get to the top. She had to talk with that mysterious voice she heard before. The voice said: Sunshine come! And in a matter of a second she was in the most weird place she’s ever been. There was no floor. She was floating in an empty place with many different colours moving around, making waves. Without a place where to hold her feet, her movements were random and she wasn’t able to control them. She felt utterly confused and anxiously shouted -where am I? where are you? -

-You are in the infinite place, a place where everything is possible, don’t be afraid- the voice stated.

The voice sounded as blissful winds running through all her body that made her weak but strong because she had to stop resisting.

She took a deep breath conscious of that flowing air going through her. She then started to have a better control of her body. This mysterious, soft and powerful voice made Sunshine enter in profound peace that overcame the sensation of being in that strange place of not knowing.

Sunshine you won’t see me this time but you can feel that I am here, everything is perfect.

Tears of joy ran down her cheeks, a striking realization came to her mind, everything was perfect! She didn’t need to be afraid.

She was floating and saw that her tears faded away and disappeared into those colours she had never seen before. She felt an easiness on her body. Everything flowed naturally and she just left her self be guided by the shiny wind that was moving around her.

 

From far she saw two silhouettes approaching. The closer they were the more Sunshine realized that those two people were herself in the 2 different shapes she experienced the days before. She was amazed but not scared.

The skinny Sunshine said -Do you want them to think you are beautiful so you are loved, accepted and popular?-

-Well I suppose I do- Sunshine shyly replied

Skinny Sunshine continued- I never really felt it. Even though people tell me I am beautiful, I don’t believe it. I think Im still not enough. I laugh at those that have a larger body but deep inside of me I just want to be normal. I want to enjoy the food I eat, I don’t want to be expected to look always “perfect”. I want people to love me because what I am and not because how I look like. I am tired of being someone else's expectations. I am tired of being a preconceived idea in someone else's head. I want out of this crystal world of lies. I wish to stop pretending what I am not. If you thought that there was a secret knowledge that thinness would bring you or some magic that would make you more succesful, really loved and accepted, you are not looking in the right direction. I have what many women want but I don't have the end result of what they actually want. I don't really feel loved, accepted and happy. Not even me approve myself.

 

Sunshine stayed quiet, no words came out of her mouth while she stared at her thin reflection talking to her. She completely absorbed those spoken words and understood them since in fact, she herself was the one speaking.

 

Then she looked at big Sunshine. She smiled and said- well, I think we are not too much different among us! I felt the same that you "thin woman". But I felt so rejected by people thinking that I'm not enough! that I eat too much therefore I lack of discipline. Why do they care so much about it? I’ve heard that some people think that I look gross and it was so so sad to me! I don’t even know why I care so much about what they think! I just do care! and it hurts! I am so ashamed of my figure! I don’t want to be this way! but I can’t manage to eat less! I’ve tried uncountable times but I haven’t been able to make it! It makes me feel even worst and as a loser! But for some reason, I have come out with this great funny personality that hides my weight! So I actually know I am loved and somewhat accepted in that exquisite level as you “ dear skinny" want to feel…. So if I'm loved why do I still feel rejected? Is it mainly myself who is rejecting me?

 

Sunshine said- since I was a little girl I was told that I shouldn’t be fat, “that’s wrong"! I decided. Besides, being like these women on Tv or magazines! They look so successful and happy! I thought that if I was like them… tears ran down her cheeks again.

-This idea has been sold to my mind that being thin was the only way. I didn’t even ask why, I just believed it. My brain has been filled out with someone else’s ideas that were never mine and I fall in this trap, what a shame!!!! -she furiously accentuated.

 

-I have now experienced to be the one I feared the most, the one I wished the most and being myself a pretty average size girl. In these 3 occasions I’ve felt miserable! I now see my weight has never been the source of my happiness, I see that all this time, the main one rejecting me was myself. I now see that my frustration was all in my head! -She said it having an aha moment that brought her to joy in tears!

-I am free! I am free!! I am not slave anymore of someone else's opinion about how I should look. I am free to be myself and to raise up my head and to think I am worthy.

 

The voice said: Sunshine, you are beautiful just as you are, and it is not a coincidence that you look the way you do. The color of your eyes and hair, the sound of your voice, the way you smile, how much you weight. They didn't come from unaware genetics.They all make part of your story so you can shine your light during your life in that special way you do. If you could only feel grateful of how you are right now, it would be everything you are looking for! You would be happy.

 

Sunshine smiled living with great intensity that right moment, in peace, in total bliss. A moment that changed her life forever. After that, she could love and accept herself. She stayed in her normal usual weight, she didn’t care if her abdomen was not flat nor if her waist was small. She was free indeed. She helped many women around the world to break free from the chains of that "old thought", that is what it became just an "old thought". Finally she could shine her light in that special way she used to do. Written by Katiana (seen through love)

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