I like doing artistic things, but I'm not particularly good at anything, mostly because I don't focus on any one thing — jack of all trades, master of none, blah, blah, blah.

Photography is one of those things I like doing but am not particularly good at. Music, art, writing and origami are some others.

I have cosmically bad luck. And I don't mean normal, run-of-the-mill bad luck. If something has a one-in-a-million chance of going wrong, I am that one. If it's possible that something will go wrong for me, it will. But I'm not a pessimist about it; I'm always newly surprised when tragedy and malady befall me.

I have a fluffy guy named Mochi. He weighs 15.5 lbs and is about 3 feet long, but he's terrified of the world.

And as you may be able to tell by how I hyphenate everything, I'm a journalist. Yes, I'm a part of the liberal media and I perpetuate lies.

I joke.

I wear size 14 shoes and my favorite color is red. If I were a tree, I would be a banana tree because bananas are delicious.

When I was 6, I wanted to be a peanut farmer. I later realized that peanut farming would require me to spend my day digging stuff out of the ground. When I was 10, I wanted to be a dentist. I later realized that dentistry would require me to put my hands in someone else's mouth. When I was 18, I wanted to be a high school music teacher. I later realized that I hate teenagers.